Young men yelling is what you're hearing for almost the whole day. It's almost midnight now but they're still playing.

You shut your eyes tightly, forehead furrowing, and you roll over to the other side of your bed. Hearing another loud laughter, you dishevel your hair and groan as you sit up.

You sigh as you stand up to take your insulated jacket that's resting on the backrest of the chair, near your bed. You drape it around your forearm and proceed to go down the stairs.

“Oh, nice drift.”

“Other side. 120!”

“Man, you're out in the open. Prone stance.”

You take a glance at them before finally sliding your arms in your jacket. You put a beanie and gloves on. They don't even notice you standing by the door and even when you turn the knob.

You're quite surprised to see who's standing outside. His arm is outstretched as if he was about to reach out for the doorknob.

He's also wearing a beanie. A very familiar one. There's no doubt. It's that beanie.

“Here,” you handed him a black knitted yarn. “It's like a congratulatory gift. You're gonna be a university student soon.”

You're both standing by the seaside promenade. It's quite a hidden place--Sungjin's secret place. He brought you there when you were twelve when he saw you running with puffy eyes and red nose.

He was about to call your name then when you just ran passed him. He followed you, grabbed your wrist, making you face him, and asked what happened. You just continued to sob and he dragged you, leading you to that place.

You let out all your frustrations and pain there regarding the reason why you cried--your family, your parents.

Since then, it has become your secret place, too.

“It's a beanie. I made it for you.”

“You sure like to craft things on your own, huh?” he takes it from you.

You shrugged. “It's not that fancy, I know. But I can't really afford to buy you gifts. So I just make them instead. Like that one,” you point at his bracelet--the only wrist accessory he's wearing.

He just nodded and you pouted. You took the beanie from his hand and unfolded it. “Let me put this on you,” you motioned him to bend so that you could reach his head.

Instead of bending his body forward, though, like bowing a little, he bent his knees. Sure, you can reach his head, but you thought it was unusual so you couldn't help but giggle.

“What?” he glared.

You bit your lower lip to restrain yourself from letting out another laugh. You put the beanie on his head and planted a peck on his lips before he could straighten back up.

His face became gloomy that you could almost see a black aura coming out from him. You suddenly felt nervous and your throat went dry. He looked so mad yet you didn't want to say sorry. You did not regret it, so why would you?

You fidgeted the hem of your shirt and your hands felt like they were starting to sweat. You were getting yourself ready for his outburst but he just took the beanie off his head and brushed his hair up before letting out a heavy breath.

You flipped your eyes close and tight when he budged, feeling afraid of his anger. But he just paced towards the very old cemented bench behind you.

You slowly opened your eyes and looked at him. You couldn't tell what he's thinking. He tapped the space beside him, motioning you to sit.

“How old are you now again?” he heaved another sigh. “Sixteen?” You nodded silently.

You kept on contemplating whether to apologize for stealing a kiss or to tell him you're not regretting it. You were both silent for almost two minutes when he uttered again.

“When did you start liking me?”

You looked up and breathed in. “I don't know,” you sighed. “I've known you my whole life and I just woke up one day seeing you as a guy and not as an older brother that me and Dowoon have had always looked up to,” you gripped your thigh. “Maybe when I was twelve? When you first brought me here and stayed by my side ‘til late at night because I was crying when I found out Mom has another man; we both got an earful then because kids weren't supposed to stay outside late. Or when I was nine? When some guys were always making fun of me and you stood up for me. Or when I was six? When kids would always make me play the least important role and you'd always be my knight in shining--garbage bag,” you chuckled but you contained it right away after seeing his expression was still serious.

He whispered your name and you suddenly felt another weight was put on your chest.

“Maybe you don't really like me,” your jaw clenched with what he said. “Maybe, yeah, you look up to me so much that you mistake it as liking me. Or maybe because I was always the one you see, the one who's always there.” He ruffled his hair. “You're still too young. When you grow up, be in high school and vocational school or university, you'd meet a lot of other guys. I'm moving to Seoul next week. You won't see me and you will start noticing other guys. And maybe by then, you'd realize you didn't even like me in the first place. You didn't like me the way you thought you did--you do now.”

You were biting your lower lip as he was telling you all those things. Your fists were also clenched. You were hurt by his sudden announcement about moving to Seoul. The thought of not seeing him was painful but the other things he said were far more painful. You felt so aggrieved.

“You're underestimating what I feel for you, Sungjin. I may just be a kid in your eyes but what I feel for you is real.” Your eyes were starting to get watery but you held every tear back. “I may always seem bubbly and playful, but when I say I like you, I'm serious. Everything I do isn't just for fun. When I held your hand last year, I wasn't just teasing you, I really wanted to hold it--I always do. Even now. When I kissed you, I wasn't just being a teenager exploring things. I did it because I like you too damn much!”

Blinking that memory away, you take a gulp as you try to tell yourself to stop feeling hurt from what happened three years ago. You straighten up.

“It's late,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Why are you here?”

“i just want to check on you. And yes, it's late. So why are you heading outside?”

“I'm not.”

He raises a brow and tilts his head. He scans you from head to feet and you look at yourself, too. You're clothes are literally saying you're going outside.

You avert your gaze and clear your throat. “Anyway, the boys are okay. You should go home.”

“I said, to check on you, not them,” you look at him and he holds your gaze. “I know they're okay--more than that. But I'm worried about you. If they're really causing disturbance, I can just tell them to move at our house.”

You glance at them over your shoulders and see your twin brother laughing.

“It's okay,” you look back at Sungjin. “When was the last time you've seen Dowoon smile and laugh like that?” You tilt your body to let him see his friends and your brother laughing together.

“When you guys were six.”

“Exactly,” you nod. “And that's thirteen years ago.”

He sighs. “But you can't sleep.”

“I can manage.”

“You… wanna go for a walk instead?”

You shift your eyes and shrug. In the end, you find yourself walking beside him. And minutes later, you're standing at the promenade--the secret place.

You want to let out a bittersweet laugh. You were just thinking about this place half an hour ago, and now you're here again.

“Can I ask you something?”

You raise a brow and land him a look.

“Why were you so straight forward about how you feel for me?” He glances at you but you are caught off guard by his sudden query that you just stare at him blankly. “Why did you keep on making moves ? It was almost like you were courting me.”

You roll your eyes and fix them at the dark sea. Your gaze traces the reflection of the moon.

“F.Y.I. mister, I really was courting you,” you correct him. “Why? Because you wouldn't make a move on me, so why not, I do it instead? Besides, you treat me and my brother as your siblings, so courting you was like wanting to make you see me as a different person--like a girl you can potentially like--and not just as a kid or a sister.”

“ Was? ” He moistens his lips. “Was.” He repeats as he nods. “So you're not courting me anymore? You…” he trails off, hesitation creeps in, “don't feel the same way anymore?”

You shoot him a glance. You raise a brow as you try to decipher him. Why is he asking? Why is he bringing up the past? You keep a smug to yourself as you think you won't let him have the answer easily.

You shrug and try your best to look like you're uninterested.

“Figure it out yourself.”

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