KANG HANA

Today I have to let go of my first love.

My love of 7 years whom I shared my important every firsts.

Kim Joonmyeon was my best friend, my confidante, my protector, and my everything. I have loved him with all my heart for the past years and even now. Even when he decided to stay in London for good. Even when he has chosen to leave me.

The first time I heard of his decision to leave it was over a dinner feast with his family. They owned the family restaurant where we always ate with his parents and so it was memorable, but once I heard the words come out of his father, I knew I wouldn’t look at the place the same way. I had looked at Joonmyeon with hurt in my eyes when I found out about it in surprise, but he had silently pleaded not to broach the topic in front of his family. So, I had complied and after dinner coolly listened to him explain why he couldn’t tell me about it. He said he knew I’d be hurt and so he didn’t know how to open the topic to me. He was right about it and I was thankful that he was considerate, but I felt even more hurt hearing it from someone else. Yet, I let it slide.

I told him that as long as we were still together in heart and mind distance wouldn’t matter, but then things in our relationship started to shift after that. We fought a lot more than we did before until one night he had decided to say the most heart-breaking words.

“Should we break up?”

It felt like his words were ripping my heart out from my chest, but somehow I knew it was coming. I knew we would be breaking up.

“Should we?” I asked with tears in my eyes.

He stayed silent for a while, not trying to comfort me. Just standing there staring at me, waiting for an answer until he couldn’t wait anymore.

“I guess, it’s going to be the best decision for us. I’m leaving anyway. I want to stop fighting with you, so that once