The night passed by, the day passed by, the seasons passed by and he was not by her side. They left each other without closing yesterday’s chapter. With their memories turning bitter, their distance never ceased.

They got themselves a one-way ticket to the city of heartbreak.

They witnessed the beauty and the arrogance of love being in a relationship.

Their love gave them sweetness and smiles. And as the same love distanced and divorced, they realized the sacrosanct of love in their loneliness.

They wandered adorning various masks in their life while they still carried out the search for the non-existing love between them, but their relationship existed only in their memories as their past.

Taehyung’s fame shot up and his voice crossed seas. Waves might desert those seas, but she never deserted his heart.

Sohyun’s role and recognition was widespread in the air of South Korea and abroad. Sounds might desert the air, but never did he from her memories.

There were many people around them who inquired worriedly, ‘Are you ok?’, but there were none to whom they confessed, ‘I’m not ok’.

Yeri and Jimin stayed by their side through all odds. They are the only people who dared to bring up their past and tried to knock them out of it.

The distance between Kwak and Sohyun grew until they were casted in a historical drama.

Taehyung was surrounded by many rumoured relationships, which he gotten used to.

When the leaves fall, the trees won’t perish. Likewise, they suffered a heartbreak, but Sohyun’s projects lined up and Taehyung’s songs hit the charts.

On the day of press conference of her Sageuk drama, just a few hours before the commencement, Yeri saw Sohyun in their agency’s dressing room, and found her struggling to clasp the necklace around her neck. So, she approached Sohyun to help her out. Seeing Yeri’s reflection in the mirror, Sohyun handed over the ends of the chain to her. But when she saw the necklace, she froze for a second before clasping it.

“It’s been two years, Sohyun-ah…”, Yeri told her softly and carefully with her eyes glued on to her necklace.

“It’s just an amulet, a lucky charm… No memories attached and no person remembered…”, Sohyun said while packing her bag, without meeting her eyes.

“The couple bracelet that comes with that necklace…”, Yeri hesitantly continued, “It might’ve lost its trace on earth…”

Sohyun plastered a smile, saying, “Do I have to act and throw things away being conscious of him?” Putting the handbag strap over her shoulder, she walked towards the door. Before she exited the room, she stopped to say her wishes for Yeri who would be guesting in a variety show to promote their new album.

The press conference soon started, and the media was amazed by the comfort zone among the actors. Kwak Dongyeon had an easy-going personality which made actors feel at peace and thus, his acquaintance with Sohyun helped her to establish a good rapport with others. Smiles and laughter filled the room and the press conference kicked off with a good vibe.

During the interview, after posing the usual questions about their role and feel, one of the reporters asked Kim Sohyun, “Two years ago, you acted with Yoo Seungho-sshi in a sageuk drama, and you also admitted that he is your ideal type. How do you feel acting with Kwak Dongyeon now?”

Sohyun calmly answered, “Yea (yes), while acting with Yoo Seungho-sshi, I felt protected and guided… With Kwak Dongyeon-sshi, I feel familiarity and comfort since we knew each other before my debut… So, please look forward to the drama and our chemistry…”

“Kwak Dongyeon-sshi, do you want to add anything to that?”, the reporter asked.

“As for the chemistry… I want to mention that Sohyun-sshi is my ideal type!”, he said holding a nervous laughter to which the reporter exclaimed, “Ooh!” and Sohyun plastered a smile on her face to his bluff and bowed thanking him. He continued, “And I’m determined to make myself as her ideal type!” To those words the entire hall went chorus with “Ooooohhh!” The rapid camera flashes at his mention were blinding and she knew those flashes are the signs that his words would make it to the top searches.

She didn’t confront Kwak Dongyeon about his words because she was aware of the fact that whatever being said in front of camera should not be taken seriously. That night, they became the most searched celebrity who were rumoured to be dating, next to the BTS’ award in the Billboard. The photo of Taehyung holding the award with s, induced a proud smile in her lips. That smile soon turned sad at the realization of the fact that he hadn’t just left her town that night but also her very roots. The truth caused mayhem within. For several days after his leave, her path was filled with tears and grey skies filled her atmosphere. Every tear that fell, was her search’s prayer. And time allowed her to grow accustomed to the heart ache and like a cramp her pain grew on her visiting her here and there. She always searched for a morning but tomorrow always seemed to burn her. Heartache don’t visit her often like the sunset but like a new moon day, tears registered its visit. He is all over the globe, but in her life, there was neither his voice nor his silence.

Yeri knocked on her door on reading the news.

“Consider it as a promotion work…”, Sohyun said nonchalantly.       

“Did you ask him about the reason?”

Sohyun shook her head and averted her gaze from her. “I don’t want to take it seriously and make a fool out of myself by enquiring him on that ….”

“What if he is serious?”

“I’m not ready to confront him…”

Sohyun averts her gaze whenever she is not comfortable with the topic and receiving that hint, Yeri ended her interrogation. “Don’t mind him and do your best”, she comforted her and outstretched her arm for a hug. When Sohyun received her arms in a hug, Yeri softly uttered, “Don’t bore it alone and don’t cry alone”

Sohyun broke the hug saying, “I’m sleepy… Can we talk tomorrow?”

Yeri nodded but the question which had been echoing in her mind since the news, escaped via question, “Sohyun-ah…”, she spoke carefully.

Sohyun knew, that careful and deep tone of hers always brought Taehyung with her sentences. So, she braced herself for the question.

“If he says sorry… would you forgive him?”

As Sohyun snuggled under the duvet without any answer, Yeri understood her silence, switched the lights off and closed the door with a good night.

Few minutes after Yeri’s good night, Sohyun sat up and the table lamp.

She surfed the net to find that the news has turned into a dating scandal with some behind the scenes photos of Dongyeon and her, smiling at each other to justify the rumours.

His words about the dating scandal with Kwak happened. The consciousness of the necklace around her neck, stung her eyes with tears. Her head felt heavy and dried up choking it with her very own sounds. When she heard the footsteps of her housemate Yeri, she quickly turned off the table lamp, hid her tears under the blankets and covered with her hand to not let her inconsolable wailings to travel beyond the doors. Her wailings didn’t carry her scream or her pain but the choked breath and tears. When the night carried everyone asleep, her pillow witnessed the tears which remained as her expression of the untold love.

Long before, she hid herself out of embarrassment and now she does it too, the difference is the Taehyung’s presence and the emotions. Like the rock which hits the bottom in the waters, she drowned herself in the sadness while smiling on the outside. Whom should she share her pain with? Who can erase the blue colour in the sky? How should she explain her pain? Who got the perfect vocabulary for it? Who can understand those words? If the words itself pose as a complication, then how will her complicated emotions can be understood? It’s been two years since the burden of tears became her eternal companion.

Upon traveling through the endless sky, Taehyung and members arrived back in Seoul. His busy schedule never stopped him from checking the news about Sohyun. He waited for the articles refuting the scandal, but it never came. Whenever Jimin caught him looking up on Sohyun in the internet, he claimed that he was checking out on top searches and that his feelings for her were long gone. Then, he will rant about how he was, but always conclude with, ‘We were meant to be but not together’.

That night, the members decided to go for a drink since they had nothing scheduled for the next day. Their agency staff were against their idea of going out especially for a drink. Since members insisted, they recommended a celebrity owned restaurant and made a special reservation for the night.

No matter whose restaurant it is, they decided to have the night for them.  From kimichi to fried chicken and from steak to dried anchovies, everything was at their disposal. The first round of drink with just a glass of wine went smooth with cheering for their band and army. The second round in beer went with sharing their lives before and after, inside and outside BTS. And soon, it inclined towards future, family, and then about girls who matched their ideal types, the girls they had a crush on and the girls they were shipped with. Taehyung took that chance to boast about his looks and his visual compatibility with the girls he was shipped with. The third round in soju ended up brining in their love, sweetness and tears in Taehyung and J-Hope. While others went for another round in mix, Taehyung withdrew.

With their muddled mind and clear heart, their stories started pouring out. Taehyung who was the most drunk of all blurted out, “I want to be in a relationship… can someone set me up?”, he ended with a hiccup. While everyone looked at him narrowing their brows, his gaze went on Jungkook who in his half-drunk state asked, “Am I your type?” As everyone’s eyes went on Taehyung, he immediately shook his said saying, “Ani (No)”. He put a spoon in the soju bottle and stood up while grabbing it like a mike, “Listen well… My ideal type is… someone who is pretty… who is on her right mind unlike me…” Members nodded agreeing with his reasons. “And also, someone who can control my temper with just a shrunken smile, who likes Rachel McAdams, talks a little but on point, mature, makes me crazy over her and…”, he put in a suspense note making everyone lean on the table including the shop owner who was on the lookout in the corner table. “And?”, everyone chorused. “And someone like Kim. So. Hyun!”

Everyone cheered at his disclosure except Jimin who was sober. Jimin knew that Taehyung was trying to move on, and he felt at peace when Taehyung mentioned about his want for a girlfriend. But, when he quoted his ideal type, Jimin’s got a little dubious, and at the mention of her name his heart ached in his stead.

“You know… I’m trapped in this torturous cell of memories… with her, Kim Sohyun!”, Taehyung confessed. It was a big shock to members who didn’t know about his relationship with Sohyun, except Jimin. They just knew he was dating someone during their trainee days and earlier days of BTS, but not specifically know the person he was dating. Taehyung sat down putting down the mike on the table. His downcast eyes were in agony fighting back the tears. “I don’t know if I’ll come out of this cell… I don’t even know if I want to escape this cell… freedom from this painful joy is a faraway dream… We were like light and darkness. But what is light without darkness?”

He leaned on Jungkook’s shoulder and closed his eyes shedding his tears. Others became totally sober at his story and silence prevailed witnessing his heart wrenching. With his eyes remain shut, Taehyung spoke softly like he was conversing with Sohyun, “Will I ever see you again, Sohyun-ah? I close my eyes and I see your face… your smile… your ears… your lips… those big eyes… your poise, your anger… I see it all. But its your voice that eludes me. I can’t hear you calling me ‘Tae’… or cry out with joy… or hear you sing… I need to see you at least once more… I don’t know if there will be another chance to see you again… to seek forgiveness… But not a day passes when I don’t hope for it. You’re somewhere beyond these walls and I’m trapped inside…” He opened his eyes slowly and saw s whose were surprised to find this side of him.

Taehyung smirked on looking at their expressions, but, when he realized the reason behind those reactions, he drowned in his memories of her again. “I can’t hear her calling me ‘Tae’… I want to see her… What would I say if I find her? Would she want to see me at all? Would she believe me if I said I’m a changed man? I must see her again, even from afar… What do I do?”, he asked them as he covered his eyes to hide his tears. Regaining his composure after few seconds, he sat up straight saying, “Why do I feel sober even after three glas-”, Taehyung fell flat before he could finish his sentence.

His story baffled everyone, and it certainly made everyone sober. Jimin felt disturbed the whole night as Taehyung’s words kept resounding in his ears. He lost his sleep on the realization that Taehyung hid his painful side behind those witty words, playful acts and wide smiles.

The next morning began with hangover. Holding his head tightly like it might fall anytime soon, Taehyung sat with soup in front of him. “This will help you with the headache”, Jimin said as he handed over a medicine to him. Smiling at his thoughtfulness, Taehyung received it.

“This will help you with your heartache…”, Jungkook showed a photo of a female celebrity to him.

Before his eyes could fall on the photo, his brows furrowed, “Heartache?”, Taehyung puzzled, suffering alcoholic amnesia.

Jimin flustered at Taehyung’s sharp ears and nudged Jungkook to stop him from being careless with words and from disclosing the happenings of previous night. But his nudge never escaped Taehyung’s eyes.

He raised his brow asking, “What? Did I miss something?”

Their silence made Taehyung anxious. His words stumbled to ask anything further fearing the truth, but seeing the members gather around him made him uneasy about their answer.

“You did miss something…”, Jimin broke the silence, “You miss her…”, he spoke seriously.

Taehyung feigned a laughter, which the members refused to buy. He realized where they are coming at and took the smile off his face. He bit his lips, took a deep breath and looked at everyone asking, “So?”

Jungkook showed a photo of a celebrity in his phone, “Meet her… There was even a fandom ship for you two!”

Taehyung rose on his feet, “Thank you for your concern but no thanks… For this, I’ll leave it to time…”, he said while walking away.

“Why don’t you meet her?”, Namjoon’s stern voice stopped Taehyung.

“Why should I meet her?”

“She likes you… romantically or not, I’m not sure… Her friends asked us to arrange a meet up for you two…”, Namjoon explained.

“I’m not interested…”, Taehyung said indifferently.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“What’s wrong with me? Why are you all acting like this? No one stole the smile from my lips or the dreams from my eyes!”

“If only could you remember what we heard from you…”, Namjoon responded.

Silence accompanied them for the next few seconds. Taehyung doesn’t remember even a pinch of the genre he talked last night and all that he found was it was about Sohyun. After giving it a much thought, Taehyung said, “I’ll go… Not for me but for you all…”

“If you lose something of yours, you’ll get something you’ll adore…”, Jimin spelled their intention.

Taehyung walked up and hugged him in silence. When other members joined in for a group hug, he softly muttered, “Thanks”

Sohyun got herself in a hectic schedule and her days and nights were spent in the shoot. Whereas Taehyung’s schedule juggled between training and concerts.

The day Sohyun’s drama aired, Taehyung got himself well groomed to meet his date. While the drama team booked themselves a terrace to watch the airing of first episode together, the members helped him to book a table in a restaurant.

The moment Taehyung stepped into the restaurant, he was taken aback by entirely different visual from the night he was with s. After checking his reservation at the reception, he was escorted by the waiter to his table. As he walked through the hallway, each table felt like a room with the dividers raised like a wall. He walked in a daze through the romantic atmosphere with dull lights, dark leather seats, glasses reflecting rainbows, the white table cloth and the sizzling warmth in the cubicle provided by the candle on their table. As he took his seat waiting for his date, a familiar voice called him. He turned around to find the restaurant owner with the menu.

“Waiting tables again?”, Taehyung asked smiling.

“All celebrity tables will be waited by me”, he answered in all his composure.

“So, I can put the blame on you, if this word escapes?”, Taehyung teased.

“Have you ever heard a word pronounced by my restaurant?”, he answered smiling. “Do you wanna order something before your friend arrives?”

“It’s a date… so, I have to wait!”, Taehyung said.

“Forgive me, we don’t record the purpose or names of the celebrities visiting…”, the owner replied, and he gave a sly smile saying, “So, a date?”

“What’s with that smile?”

“I accidently heard your drunken speech that day and it hit close to home that I couldn’t forget it. Anyway, I’m happy for you”, he spoke and the TV. “This might please your date”, he said while tuning into a channel and took his leave.

Not clearly understanding how an evening news could please her, he decided to watch it to kill the boredom. When the news ended, the opening song of a new drama, took his breath away. While a third person would wonder about the reasons ‘Is it the song or the historical set up or its theme or the cinematography?’, only he knew, it was Sohyun that made him go blank. Before the song could end, he turned off the TV to keep him composed. His eyes wandered the air in search of something to divert his attention to until he heard the heels against the marble floor approaching him. He turned his head to see a beautiful lady walking towards him smiling but the owner who realized that his date wasn’t Sohyun smiled pouring his guiltiness.

Taehyung stood up from his seat and threw a smile for a welcome and another one at him forgiving him. After exchanging the introductions, they ordered their food and found similar taste preferences which left a favourable impression on each other.

While they waited for their order in painful silence, Taehyung spoke, “Isn’t it awkward?”

She smiled beautifully saying, “To be honest, I’m too nervous to speak. Never thought we would be meeting like this…”

Taehyung never lost his composure and nodded smiling.

Again, silence engulfed them and this time she broke the silence, “Actually I know… heard a lot about you… But do you know me aside from being an idol?”

“Of course!”, he replied promptly which brought smile to her lips. He continued, “Last year-”

She cut in exclaiming, “You remember me from a year ago?!”

He nodded saying, “Of course, our staff introduced you to us in the backstage… I still remember that vividly… that smile of yours was the talk of the day!”

His words amused her. “I wish to talk a lot with you… Spend some time with me… whenever you can… will you?”, she asked softly and politely.

Taehyung sat dumbfounded not knowing how to react to that ambiguous request and just nodded.

Their dinner went smooth and their talk went natural since they shared many similar interests. Sincere laughs and smiles filled the space.

When the desert was served, she came back from the restroom after retouching her makeup. When she took her seat, his mouth tried to spell something but swallowed it with the dessert. Making up his mind, he said, “Your…”, he pointed her lips and his words struck, “the lip liner…”

Taking out a pocket mirror from her handbag, she looked at her smeared lip liner and fell into embarrassment. “Sorry…”, she said shyly and turned around to fix it.

While she was fixing her makeup, he averted his eyes somewhere to make her comfortable while fixing and had his dessert.

After she is done with it, she thanked him with a sincere smile.      

“No… sorry for pointing that out…”, he said not taking his eyes from the dessert.

She shook her head saying, “It’s alright…” and with curious eyes she asked, “How did you learn to differentiate a lipstick and a lip liner?”

Her question perplexed him at the recollection of Sohyun and her lessons about cosmetics. He just plastered smile in response without using any spoken language.

He finished his dessert and waited for her. But she took her time to finish hers because of her interest to spend some more time with him. Her eyes wandered in hesitancy and finally mustered her courage to say, “I hate to dilly-dally, and I also feel like if I miss this opportunity, I won’t get another… so, can I say something?”, she asked.

The word sure never escaped his lips, and he just nodded.

She spoke as her fingers fiddled with the nails, “I don’t know when it happened… all along I thought it was just a ‘like’… But I’m in love with you Kim Taehyung”, she said ever so softly in her sweet voice. “Please don’t judge me for confessing after just one date. I rea-”

“Before you say anything else I have to you tell you something…”, he cut in her sentence and nervously rubbed the nape of his neck before he continued, “I loved a girl… we were in a relationship for two years and it’s been almost two years since she left”, he sighed loudly with a smirk on spouting the truth. “I haven’t met her since… I don’t know where she is in Seoul, but she is staying here…”, he said pointing his heart, “…without any rent and not going away from me. Our breakup was sheer madness…. So foolish… I just couldn’t figure out why! She walked away from me; she had drifted far away from me, but I am unable to let go of her…”

He looked at her who was quietly listening to him. “You’re very talented! You’re very pretty… graceful and have good conduct. And I clearly see that you’re a very good girl. We are in the same field, both sides are favouring us and even our preferences match!”, he meant every word. “I can easily get into a relationship with you, but it won’t be wholehearted. I can’t be crazy about you! You will realize it yourself. I have to come out of her… till then I want to refrain from any romantic relationship”, he breathed out after pouring his thoughts.

The only thing she uttered after his honest confession was, “I don’t know what to say!”

Rather than silence, they spent their remaining moments in deep thought and left the restaurant with a thanking smile and goodbye.

For Sohyun, the night just began. She found herself among the drama team watching the first episode together. The shoot which extended for almost six months smashed all the awkwardness among the team and everyone found themselves in a comfort zone. The entire team were on the terrace with their eyes glued to the screen while few took up a new job of a commentator only for that day. Everyone enjoyed the episode while reminiscing the things that happened during the shoot and even director added spice to the stories by sharing his honest feelings while filming the scenes.

Seeing Sohyun laughing heartily, Kwak Dongyeon smiled unconsciously and glued his eyes to her smile rather than the screen. Director who noticed his subconscious stare, nudged him with his elbow thus signalling him to approach her. He helped him to find a vacant seat beside Sohyun by calling over the staff who was seated there. Thanking the director with a head bow and wide smile, he walked to her side and sat beside her. Noticing someone taking the seat beside her, she looked beside to find him. Giving him a curt smile and head bow, she focussed her attention back to the screen.

“Are you enjoying the drama?”, he asked and took a sip of wine from the glass.

“Huh?” She titled her head to look at him with her eye brows draw together at the bewilderment of his question.

“I mean, you aren’t into the episode, then can we talk?”

At the nod of her head, he placed the glass down on the table and positioned himself facing her. “Why didn’t you ask me about my statements in the press conference?”

“About what?”, she feigned ignorance while stalling some time to think of the answer.

“About my ideal type and making myself your ideal type…”

“Why do you want to be asked?”

“So that, I can express how much I really mean it or rather want it!”

Chapter pic credits: Instagram we.purple.them (I don't own th pic or the edit)

Author’s thoughts:

Hello! Hope your days are going well :) Truth to be told… not all days are rainbows, right?

Couldn’t forget the Shyshy couple (Sohyun X Seungho), so the reference! And, for the Taehyung’s date, I didn’t mention a name (in case you noticed!) Usually I google some names and use it for the characters, but for the date I wanted a name which is not of any celebrity’s and my knowledge in K-Pop is limited (too limited) So, the name isn’t mentioned *Sorry for the ambiguity*

In fact, I googled the alcohol tolerance level of BTS and surprisingly found it too! I didn’t know there were such details on them!!!!! Anyways thank you army for giving me such info for the story.

Found some videos for the Taeso shippers by Kim Taeso (Youtube) or kth95_ksh99!! *she has some sharp eyes for analysis on them. Especially his eyes on her even during his performance*

Trivia: Oxford declared the word of the year 2018 as ‘TOXIC’. It doesn’t just denote the toxic pollutants in the atmosphere that is warming our earth, but also the social toxicity like toxic masculinity, toxic (work) environments, toxic relationships, etc.