This is way overdue but I am here, hope that you are too? Please comment me your thoughts. Means a lot. Really. AND TAEYEON'S COVER IS A MORE SUITABLE BGM FOR THIS ONE RIGHT? :)

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                                           When We Were Young ii

Artist: Adele

Yuri’s face slapped me with rejection right after she noticed who is the one occupying her seat. I am in no position to even be disappointed or hurt by the mere product of her emotions, in such useless cases however my tears fell. 

Her reluctance in asking me what’s wrong as per she saw me wiping those damn forms of weakness is evident. I was never going to cry in front of her after all the things I’ve done but I did it. I am devastatingly sorry for all of it that it is so hard to hide them anymore.

It’s like telling the world you are fine, but you come back home and you found out you’re not.

Screaming inside, I was brave enough to muster a small smile when Yuri came in front of me. Her words halting in , I believe it is supposed to be an “Excuse me.”

She faced me. Stupidly shifting my stance on my seat, I fiddled with the frills of my blouse. 8 was about to say something when she cleared , “This seat is mine. I’m not done eating.”

“I was hoping we could eat together. Like old times?” I didn’t know why I did that. Or where did the courage to even say that came from? 

Deep down I was hoping that Yuri is still slow in terms of grasping the context. Because,  I sounded like a stalker of some sort. Only a stalker would know the table of her victim during lunch.

I’m not. I’m an ex-girlfriend who is too clingy to move on. Pft. 

“Like old times?” She scoffed. My eyes almost got watery remembering the sudden intrusion of memories. Although the feeling of rejection came boiling on to the surface after which I realized she is mocking the beautiful past I had pictured.

She settled in front of me, sitting with her chin on her palms. I straightened up. Unable to look directly into her eyes. I’m afraid I might crumble.

“Like the past? Wherein you left me with your pathetic excuse? Sure.”

I don’t have any words to counter that, in every way in, in every way out, Yuri is right. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be this harsh. It is just that, why do you keep appearing in my life when I am a step close to moving on? Closing my doors in the possibilities of every what-ifs I memorized.” She looked down. Her voice as hush as I remembered it. I wanted to hold her hand but I am not able to coz I am unworthy.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all I said.

“You know, I get it. I was never enough. I guess I will never be to any person but I want you to be happy. It’s nice seeing you here Sica. You’re beautiful.” 

I was stunned. How can she say something like that? How can she judge herself? Take all the blame when it is supposed to be my fault? She left with her plate and a serene smile that never met her eyes. 

I was angry. I never said a word until the awkwardness is too suffocating to bear. She was still sitting in front Of me. Burning me with eyes that know will definitely burn.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No need.” She hastily gathered her purse and her phone in the table. She was walking out of my view, I wanted to go after her but the only thing I was able to do is to sit on the chair like some kind of lunatic.

Finally, I found my voice...

“Wait.” My voice, almost like a whisper but Yuri heard it and her heels to look at me with brows raised.

My heart quickens, my hands become clammy. In an instant, I had no words coming out of my mouth. Yuri smiles, her eyes are different as if she expected this one to say the least. As if she was telling herself, “I told you so.” 

“Vacation. And I’m going home this afternoon.”

She knows me too well. She then left the dining area. With me standing there, idle. Never moving.

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The television is on, with an untouched bowl of popcorn in my lap and my phone connected to the internet just in case a notification pops. I wanted to know if Yuri is spotted in the airport or if she is already in Korea knowing that she may find ways to expedite her travel. Knowing how much she despises me, to get away from me. It’s understandable.

I told Tyler that I am unavailable for now. That I would never be available if it involves, “Hey Jess, I found this pizza parlor downtown. I was hoping we could grab a bite.” No sir. No. The laughter I made after I rejected him is hollow because wow, his audacity. 

The investor. It is why I came here not for some kind of dull date over a baked pepperoni topped food. I sighed. Fortunately enough he agreed for a reschedule of the meeting. I get to meet him tomorrow so at least I have something to be ready for.

I turned off the TV after the introduction of a very famous movie came into the screen. I was never going to survive that anyway, knowing that it was Yuri’s favorite movie. Was. Meaning I don’t know the current anymore. Those few realizations are comparable to a spontaneous slap. 

She was never out of my mind. There were times where in her memories are not shouting at me but they were hushed and subtle however they were there. Always. Never leaving. Somehow it is safe to say that everything that I was, everything that I will ever be is all thanks to Yuri’s presence in the mix of my overall humanity. 

Yuri was that one girl who would put more ketchup in my burger, fully knowing the implications of a ketchup-lacking food on my mood.

Or those times wherein she tried to keep away the eye contact from a teller in Disneyland just because she doesn’t want me to get jealous. 

Small things but big effects, however, those aren’t even present in Tyler. Which I didn’t expect him to harbor anyways. It is so not me to love anyone aside from Yuri, to the fact that I am skeptical if loving another would even be called love if I know exactly Love is where Yuri was.

Oh well. Sometimes, the one that got away is just in the same hotel as you. It was never cliche. At least, for me.

I realized I have been immersed in self-pity that I finally decided to make my day brighter by enjoying alone.

I ought to freshen up my day with some strolling by the park or some fresh air in an open car drive. So I hopped into the bathroom, dampening myself with hot water as I got ready for my me time.

Later that afternoon I was standing in front of the hotel entrance waiting for the hotel car to bring me to a restaurant I plan on visiting. Tyler would eventually gather his paws to go after me like a stray dog if ever I mentioned this to him but I’m mentally ready not to. 

The dashing Benz stopped in front of me and the man donning a tuxedo alighted, offering me the luxurious opened door of the sedan. 

I buckled my seatbelt and heaved a deep breath. Okay. This day is going to be the best, I hope. I put on my shades and almost gasped at the normality of this sightseeing tour. I’m always on fashion weeks every time I’m in Paris and every street is filled with cameras and uncomfortable shouting of the press. 

Right now it was like a scene from a movie. Serene and pure. 

“Traffic’s a little bit of a bummer today, some accident took place at the intersection towards the main road. My apologies madame.” The driver apologized. I mind really, nothing to be angry about when I am in no rush. 

“Where do you want to go first? that fountain by your left side madame is quite famous for lovers, you should visit with your partner next time.”His gentle eyes on the rearview mirror flashed through me. 

Those sceneries held my heart in a sudden stop as Yuri’s image played in slow motion, smiles and all those crazy assumptions she had while planning the trip for ourselves. When we were together and a little bit young to think about life and it’s impossibilities. 

Right before I left her to wonder if she was ever enough. I lone tear fell from my eyes. I was stupid and hell-bent inconsiderate. 

I want to say sorry. For the millionth time. For the last time. If I want