When We Were Young
Artist: Adele
 

 
Overtime I was skeptical of love after her, I was wounded. Pretty bad that I cried by myself in crowded places. Seeing them happy whilst I rot of unworthiness on the side, asking myself where did I go wrong? Before setting her foot outside the pedestal of the home we created, she looked me in the eyes asking me if I could still love her, after everything.
 
It is somehow a question I haven’t got the chance to answer because I couldn’t. Was she worth the time? Why ask me to stay if she will leave me in the end too? Was I that worthless for people to treat me like crap after they’ve exhausted everything I have to offer?
 
Unfairness in this world never felt like a knife before, I saw it, the impending pain of her leaving me. Although it was just there, the knife will never be used at me because she loves me and I love her, but now as I thought of it, it stabs. And it hurts.
 
I gathered the necessary things that I need. My cap, facemask, maybe cheap perfume? Most importantly I need my camera. Buying this last time has made a lot of contributions in this new path I am taking, I ought to include photography in my new set of hobbies since the entertainment industry is full of unimportant clout chasing schemes. I am so sick of it. 
 
For the record, Taeyeon recommended me this one, it is hella expensive, and considering Taeyeon’s taste it is never a surprise. Quality first right? I am not good in that area however the inclination of wanting to learn always produce the best results.
 
 I counted all the things laid on my bed with a small smile on my face, it is complete. Time for some little walk outside the streets of Paris.
 
The first picture I captured is a smile of a child, beautiful with her missing front teeth, holding her little brother’s baby bottle. I put down my camera zooming at my shot, admiring the capture of moments like these and it is moving.
 
For some reason, a tear run down from my eyes as I remember Jessica saying she wanted a kid before it was just a little banter between two souls getting excited on a new year. With unfulfilled wishes and challenges to endure, and in a tight hug under the light of fireworks, I laughed at her, saying, “As you wish, Princess.” I never imagined, a year after she hugged me back, with kisses on my cheeks, and a soft melodic “I love you”, I would be staring up, watching the sky erupt with colors from the fireworks. Alone.
 
“Happy New Year Yuri.”
 
 
I felt someone scratching my ear and some muffled screaming at the back of my subconscious. I opened my eyes, slowly. I wouldn’t fancy a burglar coming to my hotel room and waking me up to inform me I am beyond toasted. And I guffawed, “Kim Hyoyeon, really?”
 
 
Toasted bread and tea. Croissants and coffee. Typical breakfast. I laughed at her explanation, saying she was jealous of the pictures I sent over the group chat that she eventually took the liberty to book her ticket when her schedule opens a weekend holiday. I wouldn’t mind my best friend coming here but for some reason, I was expecting something that she wants.
 
“Spill.”
 
 
She feigned ignorance, munching on the single bread left on her plate, “Nothing.”
 
 
“I know you.”
 
 
“Perhaps, it is better for you to not look into things so much, your microscopic paranoia is getting a loose party on your head.”
 
 
“Wow.”
 
 
“Yes wow. I am here for a break now take me out, you had at least a week here while I suffer a weekend getaway only. I can only be with you for 24 hours only though. I need to check their best clubs here. In case you forgot, I am not here for healing.” She wriggled her eyebrows, looking at me with lewd expressions. I for one, Hyoyeon looking at me like that means she will probably be drunk and make out with some guy and call it a night.
 
“I’ll give you the itinerary then. We could visit museums today.”
 
 
“Really?” she groaned.
 
 
I hailed the taxi for the sole purpose that I get to capture more pictures on the way home from the airport. As a friend, a very good friend it is a prerequisite for me to send Hyoyeon off. I left a few pennies in my pocket to throw at a fountain today since I am feeling a tad more romantic. With my cap, minus the face mask, since no one seems to recognize me here, I strutted out of the taxi and tried snapping a few shots. 
 
These were good. Not on the level that I wanted but it is a start nonetheless.
 
I went around the shops and boutiques around the corner when my eyes branched on a vintage camera shop wherein they still develop pictures on films. I have always adored those kinds of shots, so raw and unedited. I went inside, lavish and rustic interior awed me. There were several pictures on the wall that got my attention, they are black and white, almost deteriorating because of age. The paper itself is rough and fragile. Two old people kissing under the rain, blurred people in the background, happiness. It is a sight I dreamt of, with the person that will love me in return. 
 
With a heavy heart, I exited the shop. 
 
And then it hit me.
 
 
In an expedited manner, I went back running towards the shop together with the box of films I have stored for safekeeping. Luckily, I was able to catch the doorknob handle before they officially closed or else I would be defeated with anxiety if ever I fail to catch up to them. I will leave tomorrow. That is.
 
 
“Hello.” Says the old lady behind the register.
 
I grinned, I do hope she understands my crappy English somehow. “I want to develop these. Film.” I handed her the box and she smiled. Well, that is a success.
 
Moments later, she handed me the box with a warm smile. I paid and left the shop with a broad grin and an exhilarated heart.
 
It is now or never, the past isn’t such a bad thing. In fact, this box house the best things I had in life. Those moments where I would choose to drench in the rain with her rather than get an umbrella and she would hug me for comfort, at least in the rain I get to watch her laugh and be herself. I always loved the person behind the mask.
 
My heart was crippled on the first picture that I held, it was a picture of me sleeping after a hectic overseas schedule. I knocked on her door asking for a hug, asking for her presence because it is all that I needed that time. I never knew. I never knew that she cared, for such little things like me sleeping on her lap or like this second picture of me eating ramyun with bed hair while I watch the news. 
I put them down, hoping I could muster to watch the pictures that I took. 
 
 
She was beautiful.
 
Whether it may her cute little nose or her cat eyes that used to look at me only. Nothing ever compares to those sleepovers, those words she would only say on a dark starry night with wine and me taking care of her. Of how she appreciates me in every way possible, I even believed those things she said like a fool.
 
There was nothing like that anymore. Maybe for her, but for me, it wasn’t the case anymore. I was very angry at Jessica. I hated her. It is such a strong word but I did and as much as I have detested her, I would crawl back at her shadow because my heart needed a home.
 
 
I hated Jessica for disappearing like that. I detested her for taking me for granted, disposing of me like I was a rug and broug