Lucky ii

artist: Jason Mraz

comments are deeply appreciated. thank you. really for everything.

~~

The slow dancing of the night stars appears to have moved after several million and millions of years.  How marvelous it is, together for the longest time, yet for some reasons they’re never together.

An innate familiarity.

Possessed by those who are privileged to cope up some trials together, perhaps those ones who took some leap, holding each other’s hands. Until the end when such time they could smile.  

As much as I  would’ve wanted to be compared to those stars above, I noted that it is less of a hassle for my loving heart if it is tied together with the love of my life.

We ’re together. For now, it really is the best thing that matters.

Large chunks of disgusting sneezes and a runny nose enveloped my tired body when I got out of the car.  The breeze is harsh and December is a lot colder than the previous months.

Winter never felt this cold, as I remember. The lonely highway of the cross street intersection seemed to dwindle into a relative conclusion of a dead end.   I expected some sort of life in it with a flicker of some taxi lights and maybe some lovers in the path. Kissing their lungs out and perhaps, kneeling on one knee.

It is all too rather fictional for me, a grown-up woman believing, in reality, to even try and conjure such cringe-worthy things.  I laugh at the thought.

My phone buzzed.  Fishing it out of my pocket as I struggle with the weight of the plastic bags that I had, my smile grew even fonder. “Sica.  It’s me. Ice Cream?”

  
Her laugh made it even more special.  Mint is the only flavor left in an open shop that appeared to have run down of business. Although the reaction to my thoughtfulness gained it some plus points.  They are all the same brand, aren’t they? So it does not matter whether the establishment is indeed hoarding it on their fridge because no one would ever visit the store in an unnerving and ungodly time of 3 AM.

“Have you been well?” Jessica asked me through the mask of indifference. It is not my plan to be this persuasive but this is the only time that I got.

“I’m sorry for being here at 3 AM.” I sulked. Reading my watch and it is almost 4. The store is rather silent with the guard and the cashier both lodging their sleepiness over the company of open eyes dream session.

“You know it’s fine. Since when did you learn to inform me about your visits anyway?” She finally smiled. Amidst her sleepy eyes, I saw a twinkle in it. And I blushed. Darker and more in prominent hue compared to yesterday when she slept on my shoulders.

“You know how much I want to get to know you better.”

She nodded. And I smiled. Just a little more, just a little bit more I’ll burst.

“This little moment of acting classes are slowly creeping me out Yul.” Jessica bursts into fits of laughter. Her eyes b with tears.

“Oh my God! Sica! The flow is great!”

“Yuri. My hotel room is not like my house wherein you could sneak. There’s a phone for you to call me if you need company?”

I didn’t have time to actually call her. Fun fact, little miss sunshine had visited me a week after my second semester ends. I have several classes left on the weekends that’s why my schedule of return has been postponed.

Having Jessica here is better for my roommates are rather preoccupied with ogling her as Taeyeon does during summer. If it’s sheer ogling or just rampant jealousy if I’m being a little bit conceited.

“Acting classes...I thought your taking arts?”

“It’s part of my extracurriculars. I need the points for me to continue the scholarship.” I shrugged. And Jessica eyes me with proudness.

Holding my cheeks into hers, I succumbed into her touch.

“You don’t need scholarships.”

“I insist.”

“Come home soon.”

“I will.”

————

I was glad the last class of my dreadful semester ends with my professor applauding me for getting an A. Rather than staying in for a good old draft beer in the pub together with my friends to celebrate, I kept it all to myself and ran towards Jessica’s hotel after I park my car of course.

Ramming the stairs towards the second floor, breathing in a lungful or air until I realized elevators exist in this timeline. Perhaps I’m getting dumber as each day passes but Nah, I could appear cool in less than a minute of wiping my drenched face. No biggie.

“Hi.” Jessica chuckles as she pulls me in for a longing kiss. Almost eating my face, absentmindedly I pushed her away. Earning a loud, POP from her lips.

“Really?” She raises a brow.

“I ran up to the second floor. I’m quite dumb and I’m sure there are dried sweat on my face.” I reasoned out.

As if sanitation has been a prerequisite in our own way of getting along together. Even as best friends, I remember Jessica is not fond of that. Maybe if it is only me?

“I don’t care. You sweat when are doing .” She took a distance away from me. And I noticed that she is wearing her very short shorts. My breath hitched. As well as my body after that monologue ofratedness.

We had . Yes. Euphoric. But only thrice? One from the night I was deployed to college. Second when she arrived at my dorm’s doorstep. And the last one is a quickie in the school’s abandoned comfort room.

Maybe a fourth will not make her pregnant..it’s an obvious reason. Duh. And today is a day for celebration. I get to go home and spend my remaining weeks of summer before classes resume.

“Really?” I say as she gets the idea. Stripping all too fast I choked.

——————

I was watching her drink the last of her vodka by the sides. She rarely drinks in the past. And now as we’ve been tangled in Taeyeon’s late night escaped for laid trips, I have no choice but to observe a new side to Jessica.

“Last year of college for you Kwon. How’s life?” Says the ever-dramatic midget.

“I wouldn’t answer to a drunk.” I smiled up to Taeyeon. Earning a shrug from her.

Her lack of enthusiasm pricked my curiosity. I began to look at Jessica’s direction hoping to get something but it seems like I am looking now at a lifeless version of her when pretty much, I know she’s drunk.

“Okay!” Taeyeon finally stands up. Dusting her shorts hastily as she cradles Tiffany in her arms.

“Time to get laid.” She winked. For one second there, I thanked her.

“Thank you.”

“Sort that out. It’s been quite a while.”

—————

A year left. That is all the road left for me to pave. As much as I hate juggling all sorts of projects and deadlines together with my desire to be the best girlfriend, it rendered me to be a better person because after all...I thought I am doing a good job.

Until now.

Coldness stripped me as she never took an inkling of acknowledgment when I arrived at her doorstep a few days before.

We’ve argued in the morning...Like any other couples would do. It’s normal..right?

And when she agreed to this, I thought that I would finally get the warmth. Was there anything that I had done for her to be this far from my grasp? I tried everything. But I guess it isn’t enough.

“Sica, tell me what’s wrong?” I don’t know but I am quite afraid in asking her this. I switched seats and suddenly I found myself in front of her.

Her long hair is hiding the face I longed to see and I was meticulous enough to comb it away from her face. And then I saw her crying...I don’t know what to do. What I did. What we became.

“There’s nothing wrong Yuri. I’m..just afraid.”

“Of what?” I say. Hugging her knees as I rest my chin on her caps.

“I’m afraid that we are not going to work.”

“We’ve worked? Sica...it’s been 3 years since. What is there to be afraid of? I love you and you love me..right?”

“And I’m slowly slipping..slowly until the thought consumes me. Would I ever be enough? For you? Could I hold on much longer until I do something wrong to destroy this relationship? I’m trying hard to be perfect and I’m failing,”

Those thoughts..why would she think of the future even more than the present. How can she be inferior to her expectations? When after all, I didn’t ask for anything.

“I love you. And you don’t have to perfect.”

“Until when?” Her eyes met mine.

“What is this Sica...I don’t  understand.”

She leaned her forehead into mine. Her lips hovering just a few centimeters, I want to close that gap but I feel like she wants to tell me something.

“. The vodka is getting into my head okay? I’m sorry. Take me home?”

————

“There is something she is hiding from me. I just know it.” Another empty can of beer came flying out of my grasp. Landing on the soft surface of the sand.

Taeyeon looked at me, brows meeting at the center of her face. “She’s the usual Yul. Nothing out of the ordinary. Even had the same routine with her darling sister.”

“I beg to differ. She’s distracted. Even after my graduation. I’m here now. What is that thing she kept hiding.”

“What if she isn’t hiding anything? Like at all. You’re just being paranoid. Thought you are her best friend?” Taeyeon smiled. Maybe I’m right? Maybe I am getting paranoid.

“Now clean that up and help me get the camping equipment from Tiffany’s house. Sooyoung will be there at dawn tomorrow. You better get some sleep too.”

—————

Our daily camping trip with friends is undeniably chaotic like the past years but now that we are complete, I had a fewknock-off banters with Sooyoung and Taeyeon on how to reach the campsite safe and sound.

In the end, we agreed upon Tiffany driving because that is really the best idea to shut Taeyeon’s loud and proud . And Sooyoung’s ego. I cranked my neck to my side, agai