heartache would stay with you  

 

Joohyun thought it would be easy like adding two and two because--how many times would she meet with Wendy after all? How many times would she be alone with Wendy? Not being alone with her meant less chance on getting to know her, less chance on falling in love, less chance on clicking with her so well that would make Wendy realize that they were soulmates. Maybe she was a little bit smug with her ideas.

 

Because right now, she was sweating in her jumper, picking at the skin close to her nails and nothing to say to Wendy; who just patiently sat in front of her, hands around a steaming cup of coffee.

 

She was careless, you see because when Sooyoung asked whether she wanted to grab a coffee, she eagerly said yes. She was longing to finally leave the house, get some Vitamin D and drink a cup of well-deserved cup of hot cocoa. To break her out of the trance of working from home. But then Sooyoung said, “Wendy is tagging along, I hope you don't mind.” And while she did mind it, she couldn't backpedal and say no.

 

“Being on time is not really Sooyoung's forte, is it?” Wendy asked with that small smile that seemed permanent on her face.

 

“Yeah, she's always late. I swear to God, she'll be late even from her own funeral too,” Joohyun grumped because if Sooyoung wasn't about to appear here in the next five minutes she will be the one who kills her. Wendy let out an amused huff of a laugh. Joohyun pulled out her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and checked Sooyoung's schedule. “I think she might be consulting with her thesis supervisor right now. It'll take a while for her to get here then. Her supervisor will talk off her ears because she's been neglecting her thesis.”

 

“You've her schedule?” Wendy asked and peered at the screen for a moment.

 

“Oh yeah, two years ago it became a habit of us to make this monster of a schedule of the three of us--” to see who can stay with Seulgi in her last moment and then to watch over Sooyoung after her death. “And it stuck. It's kinda nice, I can kick their asses if they're skipping class.”

 

“So are you like, the mom friend of the group?” Wendy asked just to spark up a conversation. Joohyun noticed that without Sooyoung beside her, she chirped less and was more concerned about what she said.

 

“Yeah, I'm the single parent of two evil kids who cause me many, many sleepless nights and no joy at all,” Joohyun pointed at the bags under her eyes and drank some of the hot cocoa. Unaware, she glanced at her wrist for a fleeting moment. She was sweating like a pig but she wasn’t about to take off her hoodie. “But aren't you in the same boat? I peg you to be a mom friend, too.”

 

“Oh no, I don't have friends,” she said with such a straight face that Joohyun almost believed her. “Okay, I have Sejeong but she's more like a racoon I own. Like we don't even talk that much because she doesn't have a phone. We have to exchange emails.”

 

Joohyun laughed and tried not to find Wendy incredibly charming with her small smiles—but she had dimples!—and said, “Jesus, this feels like a mom friends’ support group first meeting.”

 

“Though being a single parent,” Wendy nodded. The silence between them was no longer that awkward than it was before. Joohyun stirred her cocoa and her eyes flew over Wendy's hands on the table, fingers calloused on only one hand.

 

“Are you a musician?” Joohyun heard herself ask. Wendy perked up at the question.

 

“Yes. How did you know?”

 

“You're playing the guitar, aren't you? That's why only one of your hands is calloused,” she said and without thinking, she reached out to run a finger on Wendy's rough hand. Wendy let her and laughed.

 

“You're really observant! Is this because you're a writer?”

 

“I'm hardly a writer, I'm just a loser who hates herself enough to consider writing her profession,” Joohyun groaned. She pitched her tight because she was way too salty now; maybe the effect of being shut away from the world for a week or just her nerves making her act up. Wait, no it was fine, Wendy wouldn't find a sore loser like her charming, right? Way to go, then. Deconstruct that fine first impression. “But let's not talk about me because I'm boring. Is there a place to hear you play?”

 

“What makes you think I'm not boring too?” Wendy asked the playful glint back in her eyes from the other day. “Writing is a really cool job, you should be proud!

 

“And nowadays, I play at a club close to the university. It's a small place but really atmospheric. You should drop by sometimes,” Wendy said, her voice telling enough for Joohyun to notice how she loved doing that job. Joohyun wondered whether she sang too. A dreamy expression took over Wendy's soft features. “I met Sooyoung for the first time there.”

 

“Really?” Joohyun didn’t know anything about how the two had met. This relationship came as a surprise for her. Wendy bashfully smiled.

 

“Yeah, she came for the first time and asked for my number. No one has ever asked for my number.”

 

I would've asked for your number, too, Joohyun found herself thinking. She pinched herself harder.

 

This soulmate thing really messed up her brain. Wendy, on the other hand, looked in ease. Joohyun had to give her credit, she was quite right about this all ‘falling for people just because the universe says so’ thing. Joohyun was aware of their connection so she became this hot mess. Wendy was blissfully unaware and perfectly okay being in close proximity with her.

 

“I—” Joohyun started but then there was an arm around her shoulders, stopping her before she could blurt out something that she would regret later.

 

“Oh, my two favourite girls! Nice to see you all bundled up and busy chatting.” Sooyoung cried with delight, managing to hug both of them over the table. She looked up, the panic was written on her face clearly. “The third is on the way as I forgot to invite her and let me tell you, she's mad.”

 

“Oh ,” Joohyun said unconsciously.

 

 

***

 

After Yeri had barged into the café, her eyes on fire and in a thin line, and went to strangle both Sooyoung and Joohyun in the same time—she had two hands for a reason, after all—things had settled down enough so Wendy could charm Yeri into liking her. Very much. They’d clicked in the very first moment in a way that neither Sooyoung nor Joohyun could with her, talking about music and lyrics and closing out the whole word.

 

Joohyun watched as Wendy’s face lightened up brightly, so brightly that it messed up her heart beat, as Yeri trusted one earbud to Wendy to listen to a piece she’d composed. Joohyun knew that Yeri was a good composer and even a better lyricist as her pieces had a kind of lyrics that just eased the mind. She was curious when the sacred notebook, that neither Sooyoung nor Joohyun could peek into, would come out of Yeri’s backpack. Joohyun now understood why Sooyoung referred to Wendy as safe before anything.

 

Wendy felt safe like home.

 

“I don’t understand anything,” Sooyoung smiled and shook her head. There was relief on her face as she watched how all of her closest friends accepted Wendy in a whim. She pulled together her eyebrows and sighed dramatically. “I think we’ve lost them.”

 

Joohyun hummed, entertained as she watched a friendship forming between the two. She watched as Yeri's face blossomed into a smile when Wendy drummed the rhythm of the song that was playing through the earbud. It was nice to see as Wendy opened up for Yeri, the natural social butterfly, so easily and got accepted for it and vice versa. People came to like Yeri rather quickly, there was something in her that pulled people to like her and stay by her side.

 

Joohyun looked over Sooyoung who watched the scene with a fond expression. But there was a flick in her eyes whenever her eyes accidentally slid down on Wendy’s arms and Joohyun knew the reason. Suddenly the whole room was hot, and cold sweat started forming on her nape. She hoped the others wouldn’t notice.

 

“Can I ask a question?” Sooyoung asked, her head cocked to the side. She talked in a low voice that the other two’s chitter-chatter wouldn’t be disturbed. There was something distant in her voice. Her eyes stayed on Wendy’s arms.

 

“Go ahead,” Joohyun said. She willed herself not to glance at her own wrist. The feeling of looming doom was taking over her.

 

“You’d tell me if you found your soulmate, right?” Sooyoung mused.

 

“Yeah.” Joohyun felt closing. It was hard to talk. “Yeah, of course.”

 

Sooyoung considered the answer for a second, then knowingly nodded.

 

Lying to Sooyoung was harder than she’d thought.

 

 

***

 

 

Joohyun tasted the bitter taste of coffee on her tongue and her stomach churned uncomfortably. She hated coffee but deadlines were in her neck and she really needed to get this part out of her system. Sleep was not a priority right now—big amount of caffeine intake was. Her hands furiously moved on the keyboard, typing away letters and words that would get deleted later on, as she was extremely picky what she signs her name on. She took another sip from the coffee and fought it down.

 

“Why do you drink it if you don’t like it?” Sooyoung asked from Joohyun’s bed. Everyone loved hogging her bed. She was reading one of Joohyun’s manuscripts, making small notes on the margins, correcting the typos. Joohyun trusted Sooyoung on first readings before sending it to her agency because she’d a good eye for ungrammatical sentences and screaming plot holes.

 

“Sleep is for the weak,” Joohyun said, deleting a good chunk of text. She hated writing articles, especially of trivial matters that she didn’t care about. They usually turned out to be way too sarcastic. But these articles funded her lifestyle until she finally finished her debut novel—if she ever stopped frigging rewriting everything—and until that moment, she had no choice, whatsoever.

 

Sooyoung let out an amused hum, “You’d spelt ‘first’ wrong.”

 

“Nice to know. A good motivating boost.” Joohyun held up her mug. The sleeve of her T-shirt slid down, revealing her mark. She quickly pulled it back but she realized too late that the mug was still considerably full with scorching hot coffee. The beverage landed on her chest and a good amount on her laptop. She was on her feet in no time. “!”

 

She was swearing too much nowadays.

 

(Life big time nowadays, too.)

 

She was standing there, eyes glued on the keyboard as the coffee seeped into it, her chest and arms burning but it was manageable considered to the pain that came with the thought that she forgot to save the article on her cloud.

 

“Okay, calm down. No need for tears,” Sooyoung patted her shoulders. She was wiping down the laptop with some tissues she’d found on the bedside table. Joohyun hadn’t realized she was crying until Sooyoung had pointed it out. She quickly wiped down the tears like they were never there. She watched as Sooyoung tried to save the laptop but bitter, black coffee was dripping from the keyboard. “Hm. I think we can save it—tomorrow, bring it to the tech shop to Chanyeol. He’ll know what to do.”

 

“I don’t have time. I have to present the article tomorrow morning. It’s not even half-done,” Joohyun powered through the sentences but her voice became broken for the last bit. She felt like a cry baby but she was providing articles left and right for the last few weeks.

 

Sooyoung considered for a second, observing Joohyun gulping back tears, her gaze flickering back at the ruined laptop.

 

“You know what? You won’t finish this tonight. I’ll call your editor and tell you’re sick and beg for a deadline extension. You need to, I don’t know, live your life a little,” Sooyoung said. She pointed a finger at Joohyun. “You never leave the house nowadays. I thought okay, busy week but then the week turned into a month and now it seems like a never-ending vicious circle. Stop being a hermit, forget work for a second and come with me tonight. Wendy’s playing at the bar and I’ve got a feeling that Yeri might be too.”

 

“She will?” Joohyun looked at Sooyoung with wide eyes. Yeri loved music but never had the confidence to actually pursue it—but maybe Wendy persuaded her to try herself out.

 

“Yes. She said it during lunch you didn’t care to come.” Sooyoung sounded bitter and Joohyun wondered how much she’d missed out. They made a habit of having lunch together at least three times a week, eating home-cooked meals and spilling their souls during the time. Joohyun didn’t remember the last time she went, even if it was in their kitchen. Her job was all-consuming right now and she wanted to be spotless. And the sacrifice was her friends.

 

Also, Wendy was starting to be a member of the bunch and began to come to the lunches. Joohyun wanted to minimize the time spent with her.

 

“Sorry.” That was all she could say.

 

“It’s okay. You can make it up by coming to the bar. Relax a bit, listen to Yeri’s songs, maybe stay for Wendy’s. You don’t have to drink, I can get you some hot chocolate. You don’t even have to dress up,” Sooyoung said, intently boring holes into Joohyun’s eyes. She wanted her to come. Joohyun thought, asking for extension sounded so tempting; spending a night with her friends was even more so. Getting out of this hell, forgetting her job and articles for a little time—she wanted that.

 

She took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

 

“I’d use some relaxing,” Joohyun finally said. She closed her eyes and leaned against her chair. She flashed her eyes open. “But promise me I can come home when I feel tired.”

 

“Promise!”

 

***

 

Joohyun felt underdressed the moment she walked into the bar. She had changed out of her sweater that was dripping with coffee into something more elegant—but she wanted comfort and she wasn’t planning on impressing anyone, so she opted only for a nice-looking shirt.

 

The bar was a pretty place with red velvet curtains and soft armchairs and barstool scattered on the hardboard floor, around small tables. It was warm and calm, the tension in Joohyun’s muscles was slowly easing as she was carried away by the soft music playing in the speakers. Piano music always helped to ease her mind but she couldn’t write while listening to music, thus she never really listened to it during her work. She closed her eyes for a moment, just adapting to the atmosphere of the place.

 

There weren’t many people there and most of them looked like business people who wanted a free night or college students who chose fancy places over the good ol’ pubs. People talked in low hums that blended into the piano—and Joohyun felt so peaceful. That was a first in so long. Sooyoung dragged her through a bunch of people until she flopped down in one of the armchairs closest to the stage. Joohyun lowered herself down next to her, eyes wandering around the odd place.

 

“How did you end up here, in the first place?” Joohyun asked, her hands running on the soft plush of the armchair. She couldn’t imagine her choosing this place randomly; that didn’t seem to be that place people just find out of the blue, it had to be through someone who had already come here.

 

“I happened to stumble in,” Sooyoung answered, meaning staying cryptid.

 

“That’s not a real answer, y’know.”

 

Sooyoung winked. She checked her wristwatch—carefully arranged to hide her soul mark, little things like this helped her ease the pain that came with losing Seulgi—and sighed with content.

 

“We still have time. I’ll bring you some hot chocolate,” she said and patted Joohyun’s shoulders. She watched her leave; Sooyoung was beautiful. Joohyun had to bite her lips to hide her smile. Sooyoung was always beautiful per se, but nowadays she was glowing. Under her eyes were no longer dark shadows, no crease on her forehead that seemed permanent, nor was she making herself look smaller than she was like someone who wanted to disappear. She looked content, her eyes shone with a light that Joohyun thought was lost forever. She pulled her shoulders back and held her head high like before, showing the world that yes, she was here and she was a force to reckon with.

 

And it all happened thanks to Wendy.

 

Joohyun didn’t want to feel like a self-absorbed but she sort of felt disappointed. She was there for Sooyoung alongside with Yeri; they were holding her up, making her feel alive again. They were there but they weren’t enough for Sooyoung. She needed someone else.

 

Wendy.

 

She needed Wendy.

 

Sometimes Joohyun thought, as she stared at the soft material where the small, tender dandelion laid on her wrist, what could’ve happened if she had met Wendy sooner. But she quickly dismissed the idea because this was right. Sooyoung needed Wendy. Joohyun didn’t. Yes, she was extremely fond of Wendy, even if they’d just met for a few times but she could live. She had her friends and maybe Wendy would turn into one—platonic soulmates didn’t sound that bad.

 

“Joohyun?” a voice asked behind her. Joohyun winced, caught off guard. She turned back and Yeri fell into her arms. “Oh my gosh, you came! I thought you wouldn’t, you were so busy!”

 

The warmth was spreading through her as she hugged Yeri back and laughed. This was happiness in the purest form, Yeri holding her in a bone-cracking hug and nuzzling her nose into the crook of her neck. She felt the slight tremble in her body, her grip tight around Joohyun’s shirt.

 

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” Yeri repeated. Joohyun felt her stomach drop. She really neglected her friends these days. She caressed Yeri’s long hair.

 

“I’m sorry I don’t spend nearly enough time with you guys nowadays,” Joohyun croaked out. “But I’m here now.”

 

“It's okay. The only thing that matters is that you are here now.” Yeri pulled Joohyun impossibly close until she could feel the other's heart beating like a small bird's. She took a trembling breath. This was a weird behaviour from the always happy, confident Yeri; seeing her so self-conscious with the things she loved to do. Joohyun understood. Bearing out your soul, showing the world what you’d made, something so precious to your soul—it was scary. It was not like when Yeri and Seulgi fooled around, strumming lazily on the guitar, singing tunes and words randomly, making up songs on the go. Yeri loved composing with passion, she loved singing and doing music but she was never brave enough to show it to the world. She chose biology over pursuing music at the university to play safe.

 

But it was her time to shine now.

 

“I’m sure you’ll do great. Don’t be nervous.” Joohyun wanted to say more but words stuck in and couldn’t get them out. She