“You’ll get along really well,” Sooyoung said, a smile plastered on her face as she pulled Joohyun with her. The clammy grip on her wrist was a tell-tale sign of how nervous was Sooyoung, but Joohyun didn’t say anything. She lets herself get dragged along. “She’s really nervous, y’know. She’s been worrying over this meeting for—what? —the last three days. I’ve shown your picture to her but I think she’s got just even more intimidated. Maybe my choice of picture wasn’t a good one. Do people tell you that you’re scary?”

“All the time,” Joohyun mumbled through a smile. She didn’t think Sooyoung was paying too much attention to her or even waiting an answer from her but she glanced back sharply at her. A quick once-over and a bright smile, and its stuck Joohyun—Sooyoung had really changed.

“Hm… But you’re as soft as a bunny,” Sooyoung stopped for a moment on the sidewalk to pet Joohyun’s hair. There must have been something in Joohyun’s eyes that made her quickly retreat her hand. “I can’t imagine why anyone would think you’re scary.”

“You tend to forget that I’m older than you. Show me some respect,” Joohyun said, half-joking, half-serious. She was too old to be treated like a baby—and that was what Sooyoung did all the time.

“Sorry. I’m just… I’m just really—”  she trailed off, watching and waiting cars to pass before they could cross the road. It was weird. Sooyoung was not the type who doesn’t know what to say or who’s afraid to speak her mind. But now she looked smaller, more vulnerable—like what she was about to say would disappear if she said it aloud. So, Joohyun patted her hand lightly, hoping the message was transmitted through the touch.

Don’t be afraid.

“Happy. Giddy. In love.” And afraid, Joohyun thought but she wasn’t about to share her noticing with the other. Sooyoung nodded, her grip opened and slid down to hold Joohyun’s hand. “I get the impression.”

“I just feel so content with her,” Sooyoung said, her voice turning from giddy to serious. She tightened the grip on Joohyun’s hand. “It feels—so safe loving her. She feels safe—and I know that I shouldn’t put too much trust into someone at the beginning of a relationship but she really feels like a safe place. Like she wouldn’t hurt me. She feels like a good person to trust me on with moving on from her.”

There was a mutual understanding between them that they don’t talk about Seulgi. It was off-topic. Afraid, that the mere mention of her would make Sooyoung’s healing period longer and would send her back to square one, they didn’t talk about her. Even if she was their friends too. Even if it felt like losing a family member, tearing them apart with sorrow and bitterness. Even if it had made everything easier, reminiscing about the happy past, filled with nostalgia and laughter that would heal wounds sooner—but for Sooyoung, it wasn’t the solution.

Seulgi went away with a smile on her face. Sooyoung couldn’t smile for a year after.

Losing a soulmate is tough. Losing a soulmate when you barely had time with her is heart-breaking. Time was precious for them, yet merciless. Each moment was beautiful and dreadful at the same time—the lingering feeling of doom was in their head. But no preparation could make her ready for the end—it was quick and everything felt unreal. Joohyun still winced at the thought of the numb and silent Sooyoung just sitting in her room and watching the birds chirp in her window. Not crying, not demanding answers why they had such a short time together. She was in denial for a long time; when she woke up in the middle of the night calling for Seulgi, or just pointing things out to no one until she noticed Seulgi was no longer by her side.

(Sometimes, Joohyun thought a bit ashamed, that she was glad she hasn’t met her own soulmate yet. Not knowing who her soulmate was a better kind of loneliness than losing them. And Sooyoung’s example just made Joohyun steadier with her beliefs.)

“It also feels wrong. It feels like I’m cheating on her,” Sooyoung said with a hitch in her voice. It’d been a while since she last talked about Seulgi and Joohyun felt like they were walking on thin ice. Like in every moment, the ice would break and they would splash into the ice cold water, numb and suffocating. Sooyoung would break down and all those times and effort they put into placing her pieces back together with Yeri, all their time and effort would mean nothing.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said with scorn in her voice. Joohyun’s eyes widened as Sooyoung, letting go off her hand, cupped her cheeks and pushed them together—making her look like a stupid fish.

“Like what?” Joohyun managed to say through the push.

“Like I could break down in any moment,” Sooyoung said, pushing her cheeks together even more. She didn’t seem shaken but Sooyoung was especially good at hiding her emotions. “I visited her yesterday. I’m okay.”

Joohyun shook herself out the push, surprise washing over her.

“You did what?” Joohyun asked. It was utterly unimaginable. Sooyoung, often pretending she was okay for the sake of them, crying only when she thought no one couldn’t hear it; who could never visit Seulgi’s grave after the burial—she went alone to see Seulgi.

“You seem worried,” Sooyoung laughed, her smile bright and true, and made Joohyun gulp down a lump in . It’d been so long since she’d a chance seeing her being so happy. Sooyoung patted the Joohyun’s cheeks lightly, playfulness in her eyes. “I visited her grave. I brought lilies, white ones. She liked those the best.”

Unconsciously, her eyes flickered down on her wrist, where white lilies bloomed—the sign of her soulmate.

“Why?” Joohyun could only squeeze out this word but there were endless questions behind it. Why now? Why not with us? Why didn’t you tell us? What made you change your mind?

“It was high time I did,” she said, pushing a stray lock behind her ears. There was a soft smile lingering on her lips as she talked, and Joohyun thought that she was not aware of it. “And I thought I can’t bear the thought of dating someone else without, you know, consulting with her. It’s stupid, I know, but I wanted to talk to her about it. And while it still feels like cheating, and I still feel hollow from time to time, I think I’m ready to finally start again. Hey, don’t cry!”

“I’m not crying,” Joohyun rasped and quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeves. After so many nights spent with hugging Sooyoung closely, hearing and seeing her cry her heart’s content out, holding her head up before she could drown, Sooyoung was finally moving on.

“You’re such a sap! But it’s okay, I guess. Thanks for caring about me,” Sooyoung bumped her shoulder to Joohyun’s in the sign of solidarity. There was an increasing fondness growing in Joohyun’s heart for the younger, and she felt like, for the first time in years, finally, she could breathe easily. The hardships seemed to be behind them as Sooyoung said the words ‘I’m okay’.

“Hey, Sooyoung!” Joohyun called when she found her voice again. Sooyoung peeked back at her. “I’m proud of you.”

“Well, it was damn time you are!” Sooyoung exclaimed and winked at her.

“So tell me about this girl I’m about to meet. I don’t really know a lot about her, you just sorta dragged me out to meet her,” Joohyun scolded her lightly. Yesterday, while getting trashed in the bar, celebrating that Sooyoung and Yeri had finished her midterms, she started to tell them about a girl she had started seeing, when Yeri’s eyes flashed at her dangerously and the question hung in the room like a dead weight ‘Does she have a soulmate?’ and Sooyoung quickly averted the topic by calling another round. “You know, Yeri’s gonna be jealous of me for meeting your new boo first.”

They slowed down, Sooyoung was no longer walking ahead of Joohyun. Her eyes quickly flashed over her wristwatch and contently sighed. Looked like they would arrive early. When she looked back at Joohyun again, her eyes were filled with zest.

“Oh, yes, she’s going to be in a rage. But I can’t help it, I feel like she’d just try to scare Wendy away before she’d get to know her, just to protect me. You’re less a mother tiger type of friend and I’ve ulterior motives. I want you to like Wendy and tell Yeri how lovely she is, and how, thank you very much, I can decide what’s good for me,” Sooyoung said and draped a long arm around Joohyun’s shoulders.

“She loves you, that’s why she’s worried.”

“I’m aware but I’m an adult. And Wendy—she’s really safe. Also, we’ve talked about soulmates before—see, I’m cautious and a responsible adult—and I told her about… about her,” Sooyoung’s voice thinned to the end of the sentence, like while moving forward, saying Seulgi’s name out loud was still as scary as ever. “She understands that I’m wary about soulmates. She also doesn’t really believe this all ‘falling into love because the universe said so’ thingy but I’m sceptical about that. I just hope when her soulmate appears, she’ll take me into consideration.”

“Why doesn’t she believe in soulmates?” Joohyun’s interest was piqued.

“Similar reason as yours,” Sooyoung said, pulling Joohyun even closer to her, into a warm half-hug. Her voice turned bitter, “Not knowing what you could have is better than losing everything.”

***

Wendy was a small, fragile-looking woman with a bright smile and brighter eyes looking up at Sooyoung. Joohyun didn’t know how to imagine Wendy based on the small information fed to her during the walk there. Soft, yes indeed. Even by the way she looked at people, Joohyun could see the softness in her. Safe, well she’d see it later. Somehow, Wendy reminded her to Seulgi—all soft edges and roundness to their face; friendliness oozing of them; looking at Sooyoung with endless love.

Joohyun let out a breath of relief. She d