December 25th

Christmas

This night was probably one of the best I’ve ever had with you, Kook. It wasn’t extremely elaborate, we didn’t do anything except spend the night at your house watching Christmas movies, but it was the best night I had had in a long time. 

It was also pure torture, I swear. I know we made plans to just wear pajamas and not worry about appearances, and we both stuck to that, but you were absolutely ADORABLE. Who knew a simple pair of flannel pants and a white shirt would have me weak in the knees. And oh lord, don’t even get me started on your hair. When you opened the door and your hair was all mussed up and you had that cute little pout on your lips because I woke you up I wanted to just kiss you right then and there.

What can I say, we both know I have a weakness for cute things. 

The rest of the night was more nerve-racking than anything. I was more nervous that night than I was when I met your family for the first time. We were just sitting on the couch watching movies but my hands were sweating bullets, I’m surprised the blanket wasn't completely soaked with the my hands clutching it as tight as they were. 

I swear that night you were teasing me, testing my limits. Your hand kept brushing my thigh, along my arm, I thought I was loosing my mind. You couldn’t have possibly be sending me signals, you were my best friend for crying out loud.

Oh how wrong I was.

When you leaned your head against my shoulder, your whole body becoming flush with my side, I had my doubts. Serious doubts. And then you looked up at me through your lashes, content look on your face, flashing such a beautiful smile, I thought there could be no way that you weren’t feeling what I was feeling.

But, in the end, I was a coward, and didn’t have the balls to do anything (something Yoongi and Hoseok made fun of me the next day for, and still do to this day).

I think we both were a little disappointed when neither one of us made a move. You more so than anything.  Your mood shifted after that, and I thought I had done something wrong. 

You fell asleep not long after that, still snuggled close to me. I didn’t take your downturn in mood to heart, though, because if you had been truly mad or disappointed, you wouldn’t have made an effort to stay so close to me, to act like nothing had happened.

I fell asleep not long after that. And when I woke up in the morning, with you laying on my chest, both of us sprawled out across the length of the couch, I knew that that was something I wanted to experience more often, whether there was some hidden meaning or not.

Love you always,

Namjoon