Hey, so... I changed the status to rated M because from now on there will be or cuss words in almost every chapters. Turns out I can't form a sentence without "" in it lol. Jokes aside, it won't be vulgar or anything. Also, this is my least favorite chapter but i promise next ones are better.

 /1st goodbye/

Golden afternoon light is falling upon Seungri who’s sitting crossed-legged on the floor of our shared bedroom, too busy cutting colorful paper with a pair of scissors. He’s working hard on Daesung’s birthday card just a day before the party of his closest friend. There’s paper cut into even lines and glitter spread all over the wooden floor but I know Seungri will clean up after himself like the good maknae he is. In my opinion we were pretty old for such childish gifts but our youngest decided he wants to make a card to go with the smartphone the four of us got for Daesung. As I was getting dressed to go out I took a glimpse at the sparkly piece of paper in Seungri’s hands. The boy was currently coloring the blue parts of Doraemon ( holding a birthday cake) while his cute tongue was sticking out of the corner of his mouth. I decided not to bother him, since he was really into his work, and tried to finish dressing up as quickly as I could.

“Jiyong hyung?” I turn around to see him staring up at me with those damned doe eyes, “Are we… boyfriends?”

His voice was shy, so small I could barely hear what he just asked me. There was something so heartwarming in the way he’s looking up at me, fluttering eyelashes, red cheeks – as if his tiny heart was about to break. The maknae never seemed so small and innocent as he did in that very moment, standing under the warm sunlight in a sea of colorful paper. He barely said the word “boyfriends”, unsure if it’s a good or a bad thing.

“Depends.” I replied and he scrunched his nose, “Do you want us to be boyfriends?”

Seungri looked down at his work, continuing to fill in Doraemon’s huge body as if he didn’t really care about the topic. He was trying to look uninterested. How cute. It took him some time before he scrunched up his nose again.

“I guess.” Seungri replied without taking his eyes off of the precious birthday card

Makne is mine.

***

I throw myself onto the specious bed and close my eyes. Tough luck because Seungri’s pale face is tattooed behind my eyelids. He looked lost, broken, chewed up and spat out. Is life treating my joyful boy so badly? There’s no trace left from the ball of sunshine who cheered us all up in our darkest times. I never imagined, even in my wildest nightmares, that my life might reach this point – running into Seungri along with his very own family in a café and not knowing what to say to him. We all have dreams and, truth be told, I was hoping that Seungri and me might have our little “happy ending”. It’s an ending, true, but a happy one only on his side. Tears run down my cheek as I reach into my drawer. The picture is scruffy, torn at one of the edges but it holds everything I’ve ever owned. If this damn house burns down this will be the first thing I’ll save. Seungri is smiling at me ever so brightly, messy dark hair and puppy eyes full of energy. This same spark is now completely gone, erased by his tiresome family life. In the picture he’s just a boy with a dream, living his best life. He doesn’t know what’s about to come, how badly we’re going each other up in the next few years, to the point of losing touch with each other. Next to him is standing a familiar boy with caramel hair and girly features. Oh, Kwon Jiyong, you know nothing about life yet, do you? Ironically this picture was taken the same sunny day the ending started.

***

“Yaaah!” Seungri whined cutely, trying to take the camera from my hands “Let me see!”

“Seungri, have some respect!” I pulled the camera back as we were basically playing tug war with my new expensive gadget

We were both sitting cross-legged on my small bed, fighting over the camera while the other boys were gone. Youngbae was at the gym, Daesung was out with high school friends while Seunghyun was having his daily “alone time” at the park, smoking cigs and having a cup of bitter coffee all by himself. This was a rare occasion but such moments were our absolute favorites because Seungri and I could finally make out without worrying that someone might walk in on us. We’ve been doing this for almost a year – stealing tiny kisses while no one is watching, touching each other secretly, teasing. The thrill of hiding our romance made everything even better. Sometimes I would cross the line but the other band members would shrug it off with a “Jiyong being Jiyong”, thinking I just love teasing the maknae. Well, I did, but not in the friendly manner they thought I did. Everything was so simple…

“I wanna take a picture, hyung!” Seungri puffed out his cheeks, thinking he can win me over with cuteness

“You’ll break it, pabo!” I exclaimed, assured in maknae’s ability to up every type of technology, “We can take a picture together.”

Seungri stopped tugging on the camera and his pout turned into a huge grin. There’s nothing the maknae loves more than having his pictures taken. He could never miss out on such great opportunity to be photographed. Running his chubby fingers through his hair, Ri moved closer to me. I couldn’t hold back my chuckle – such a pabo.

“Don’t laugh at me, hyuuuung!” he whined in typical Seungri manner “Just take a picture already!”

“Finefinefine…”

I turned the camera around and pressed the small button. A “click” and Seungri was already tugging on my arm again, eager to see the final result. I showed him the picture on the small display and earned another pissed off whine.

“It’s so ugly. What’s this? I’m not this ugly in real life. What did you do?”

“Who told you you’re not this ugly in reality?” I tease “You’re just as ugly.”

Seungri let out a loud gasp and I lose no time, starting to tickle him mercilessly. Being upset and grumpy was nothing new to the maknae so I knew I had to distract him. While other maknaes were humble, even shy, ours loved making scenes. He was basically our spoiled child who always got their way. It took Seungri almost tree years to turn from persona non grata  to everyone’s favorite panda.

As I tickled him he squeaked and squirmed, rolling around in my bed in a desperate attempt to escape my claws. I pressed my lips against his and Seungri immediately calmed down underneath me. His slender arms found their place around my neck as he deepened the kiss, letting me take in more of his sweet taste which I’ve been craving for such a long time. It doesn’t take much to set two teenager  bodies on fire, especially when they haven’t given each other proper “attention” in weeks. Seungri’s breath hitched as my lips traveled down his neck, back arching under my touch.

“A-am I ugly?” he asked and I had to stop my trail of kisses in order to look up at him

“Are you kidding?” a soft chuckle left my lips, “You’re the most handsome little panda I know. I’ll actually print out this picture. It’s so cute.”

He smiled softly and I could swear I’m melting as fast as the light blush wasingspreads across his face. Seungri’s lips met mine in another breathtaking kiss while my cold fingers slid underneath his shirt, tracing the soft skin. But just as I was about to take his clothes off we heard the front door closing.

“Seunghyun baby? Mommy’s here.” A familiar voice came from the hallway, “Riri, where are you?”

I have never seen Seungri’s face this pale, losing all it’s color in a matter of seconds. His mouth was wide open, not knowing what he’s supposed to do. Since I was fairly used to hiding boyfriends and myself from parents I came into my senses first, sitting up, straightening Seungri’s shirt and acting as if nothing had happened.

“We’re here.” I call out

Just a few seconds later the woman appeared in our room with a huge smile on her round face, carrying a heavy bag in each hand. This was the second time I got to meet Seungri’s mom but she came off as a cheerful and nice person, always full of energy just like her son. She wobbled to her baby son and hugged him tightly before giving each one of his cheeks a juicy mom-ish kiss. Seungri, on his side, looked paralyzed. She greeted me warmly, giving me a hug that was just as tight and suffocating as the one her son just survived.

“Momma Lee, so glad to see you.” I smiled brightly like the parent charmer I am, “Are you going to stay with us?”

“Oh, no no no, sweetie. I’m here just for the day.” She stoked my cheek in a motherly way and I have to admit I loved it since I missed my own mother quite a bit, “I had to come to Seoul for some medical stuff. You know… my knees. They keep hurting so much in the morning. But I’ll be heading to Gwangju with the bus in a few hours. So I decided I should stop by and see how my baby is doing. I brought you boys some food.”

She had the manners of all small town ladies – talking a lot and very quickly. But, oh, she was so lovable. Momma Lee was my favorite BigBang mom (besides my own, duh) because she was always so cheerful and brought us food. I’ve never really had a conversation with Daesung’s mom although she seemed friendly. She was a bit too shy, just like her son. I’ve seen Seunghyun’s mother once and she seemed quite strict, even cold, although she raised a momma’s boy. I grew up with Youngbae so of course I knew his parents but they were more of the “Hi -- Bye” type of people. They could hold a conversation with me but they just didn’t find it necessary, trusting Bae’s decisions.

“There’s kimchi… and hotteok for Daesung because I know he loves it. Oh, and I found really nice tomatoes at the market so I got you two kilos. And I got Seunghyunie some of my famous cherry juice. He’s lost so much weight, you know? Aishhh…that’s not good. He’s a growing boy! Look at how tall he is. He needs food and they’re keeping him hungry. His organism needs--”

I stopped listening to her rant and focused on Seungri’s confused face instead. He seemed completely out of it. Maybe he got too scared. We were so close to getting caught by his mother so I understood where he’s coming from. This was the first time he was experiencing such thing…

“Thank you, momma Lee.” I grinned brightly up at her before grabbing her heavy bags and carrying them to the small living room, “Should I make you a coffee? “

“I would love one, Jiyongie. Thank you, darling. Such a sweet boy.”

She plopped down on the couch and let out a loud groan. Seungri followed closely behind her, looking like a zombie or worse… What was going on with this boy? His mother’s eyes inspected him closely as she finally caught up with his suspicious behavior.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy to see mommy?” she asked

“Uh… Seungri, could you come help me with the coffee? I still don’t know how to use the coffee machine.” I improvised

Seungri followed me as I rushed into the kitchen. Of course I knew how to use the coffee machine but I had to talk to him about what’s going on. The maknae was acting more than suspicious and his mom was about to find out why. I was sure he was just shocked, in a need of a deep breath and a little water. Nothing happened so there was no reason for Ri to freak out.

“Baby, what’s going on?” I place my hand on his shoulder comfortingly only to get it pushed away immediately

“Don’t touch me!” he screamed, eyes burning with anger, “Don’t you dare touch me, you freak.”

My mouth suddenly went dry and I was unable to make a sound. What was going on with my lovely maknae? He’s never this rude. It took me some time to come back to my senses and keep trying to calm the boy down.

“Ri, relax. She didn’t catch us doing anything wrong. No need to freak out like this.” I reached out to touch his cute chubby cheeks but he stepped back

Ouch. The look in his eyes was getting worse, filling up with disgust and hatred. And I still couldn’t understand what's going on…

“Nothing wrong!? , you’re disgusting.” Each word of his was a dagger to my heart, “Get the out of here. Leave us alone. I don’t want you here, you monster.”

My “mature ” decided Seungri is being just a confused, scared teen. Maybe he was afraid his mother might be onto something. I didn’t reply in any way as I quickly left the apartment. I was sure we would talk later on. Seungri would apologize for his erratic behavior and everything will be fine, right? I met up with Youngbae after his workout and we had a quick coffee, without me mentioning anything about the scene Seungri made back in the dorm. I told him about mama Lee passing by and how I wanted to give them some privacy. I didn’t really think into the situation since I knew Seungri is just young and foolish. When we came back to the dorm Daesung and Seunghyun were already home as the younger one was preparing dinner while the other one was watching TV. Seungri was sitting next to him, pretending he’s interested in the late news emission.

“Can we talk in our room?” I asked but didn’t get an answer

Seungr