Heads turn as I enter the small café, decorated in a stylish minimalistic manner. Somewhere along the way, maybe when I first got a taste of stardom, I forced myself into believing that this is completely normal. The pretty waitresses are already all over me, as always, trying to seat me at the best table they can offer. I soon find myself sitting beside a huge window, taking in the view of the blooming back yard of the expensive cafe. I scan the menu briefly without minding the prices. This has always been a dream of mine – walking into a restaurant or a coffee shop and ordering without even thinking about the check. The other customers are already whispering about my persona, giving me curious looks. As if she read my thoughts, the waitress appears just when I decided to order a cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. Without wasting any time I pull out my phone and call my manager. This is exactly why I entered the expensive café – I need to sit down and talk to my hyung about the delay of two paintings for my next exhibition. He takes care of those things as it has slowly turned into a hobby of his. Art has it’s way of getting into our lives whether we want it or not.

Just as I end my call and take a second sip of my coffee, a man approaches the table awkwardly. He stands beside me, like a shy fan, and I am willing to give him an autograph as soon as possible so he can let me eat my dessert in peace.

“Jiyong?”

A familiar voice, soft and sweet, takes me by surprise. I immediately look up, meeting a pair of eyes I know so well. Suddenly the whole world disappears and I’m left all alone with the stunning man. The voices of the people disappear, they faces turn into a blur and all I can focus on is him. A little bit older, a little bit chubbier and a lot more masculine, Lee Seungri shines brighter than ever despite the tired look on his face. His hair is dark and short although we all know he likes it best when it’s platinum. He’s mature, I can see it in the way he clenches his fists, his chapped lips and nervously traces my face with his eyes. Seungri ages like fine wine, that’s for sure. He’s wearing a simple white t-shirt, showing off his muscular arms, and black ripped jeans.

“S-Seungri?” I stutter “What are you doing here… I mean… in Korea?”

It’s been six years since I last saw Seungri and I missed him every darn day. He went to Japan and I’ve never heard of him again, unlike the other ex members of our well known band. My heart aches as I look at him standing before me. He has changed too much. I wish I was there to see him grow, like I’ve always had. Sometimes the people we want to meet the least always end up running into us. I remember all those nights I prayed I would stumble into my maknae and nothing happened but now that I don’t want to see him… he’s right in front of me.

“I’m back now. I’m back for good.” He explains and I can’t help but give him a gummy smile “They offered me to host a dating show here.”

He’s back? Suddenly my throat is absolutely dry and I have no idea what to say. I feel like screaming, dancing, singing. I want the whole world to know my maknae is back…. but, wait, he’s not really my maknae anymore. And I’m immediately reminded of that as a small boy, not older than 5 years old, approaches the table like he owns the place. His devilish eyes are constantly traveling across the restaurant, jumping from table to table. The child’s hair is cut too short for my liking and I’m disapproving of the obnoxious color scheme of it’s clothes as well. There’s something too mature, too arrogant in the way the boy carries himself.

“Is this the man from the picture?” the boy approaches Seungri and gives his wrist a bite, earning a yelp from his father

“Kunwoo, I told you not to do that.” The panda grabs hold of his tiny hand in a rough manner “Yes, this is Jiyong hyung.”

From the picture? So he keeps pictures of me… or the band? My curiosity is fully awake but I don’t know how to approach this subject delicately. I decide the most polite thing to do is introduce myself to Kunwoo but just as I’m about to speak he pulls away from his father's grip and climbs on the chair next to mine. Before I know it he’s munching on my precious blueberry muffin.

“Kunwoo, no!” Seungri tries to pulls him off the table but the only thing he gets from the boy is an animal-like scream “This is so inappropriate. Stop it right now!”

I can see Seungri is getting pissed off, the child is completely out of control while I’m just standing there, unable to make a sound.

“No, it’s fine…” I finally make out just when Kunwoo spills my cup of coffee all over the table and my clothes

I remember when he was born… I’m ashamed to say it but I wasn’t happy for my bandmate. Seungri sent pictures to Daesung and he was quick to show the baby to Youngbae and Seunghyun. When they asked me if I want to see Kunwoo I said ‘no’ with absolutely no hesitation. In the modern age it’s hard to stay uninformed and soon I was presented with a picture of this devil child on my Instagram feed. Youngbae scolded me when I called the thing ugly. Well, yes, it was way worse than I expected, mainly because it looked nothing like his breathtaking father. No panda eyes, no fluffy black hair, no milky skin. The baby didn’t remind me of Seungri so I didn’t like it. It was as simple as that. Looking at Seungri and Kunwoo now I see that I was right – my panda is not meant to be a father.

“Oh my gosh, Jiyong, I’m so sorry…” he finally grabs the child roughly by the back of it’s collar before Kunwoo runs away

My name on Seungri’s lips sound bittersweet. I love the sound of it yet I know it lacks that soft note it had before. Seungri grabs a tissue and starts cleaning up the coffee from my lap. His touch is electrifying, making me pull away a little bit. No, not here, not now. I’ve been missing him for such a long time and a single touch can ruin my facade.

“I’m so sorry.” He keeps repeating the same thing over and over again, “He’s such a weird kid. How can I make it up to you, hyung?”

The word “hyung” buzzes through my head in the most delightful way. God, you have no idea how much I missed you, my little Seungri. I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me but they are all highly inappropriate.

“No, it’s fine…” I say modestly

“Why don’t you come over? I’ll get you a pair of clean pants. We can’t have you walking around like this.”

Seungri is right. I look ridiculous and people will surely take pictures, wasting no time to post them online. Also the thought of visiting his place sounds… delicious. But at the same time it’s too cliché. Am I dreaming? I know where this is going.

“Are we going home ? ” a tall woman, with huge s and long black hair appeared next to Seungri

Basically, she is a grown up female version of Kunwoo – the same puffy yet grumpy lips, small eyes with gorgeous long lashes, elongated face and porcelain skin. Expensive white dress is hugging her amazing curves and I can’t help but wonder if such short and revealing clothing is appropriate for a mother.

“Ah, Jiyong hyung, this is---“

“Hayeong.” I cut him off

I’ve spent too much time pondering upon her face on BigBang fansites. I hate everything about her in spite of pure jealousy. Yeah, I admit it. Hayeong is pretty, it’s true but… how do I say it? Too pretty? She’s basically plastic, lacking that typically human “defects” we all have which make us different, original. Hayeong looks like every other model and maybe that’s why Seungri chose her. She’s one of those people who are absolutely hollow on the inside yet somehow they're loved.

The fans didn’t really have an opinion about her but that’s the case with idols that don’t have obsessive fans – some disliked her, some liked her, nothing special. Just to compare the situations, Seunghyun hyung’s ex-girlfriend got torn apart on all social medias and she had fans sleeping in front of her house in order to harm her when she’s walking out. The poor girl was an Italian Erasmus student, not that used to the Korean idol lifestyle. Hell, she even found it weird that fans could be so devoted. She just wasn’t ready which lead to their breakup. The girl was good, kind, smart but she dated someone who has too many fangirls. Meanwhile people didn’t bother that much to get to know Haeyong. I feel bad that Seungri isn’t getting attention but I’m also glad they didn’t harass this couple as well. He doesn’t deserve such behavior.

“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot of things about you.” Her hand felt too cold in mine as she shook it

“Really?” I ask out of curiosity

“Not really. I was trying to be polite.” Hayeong flips her raven hair and looks at her husband, “Let’s go.”

Kunwoo melts in his mother’s arms, having nothing to do with the naughty kid from before. He is obviously “mama’s boy”. Poor Seungri. I’ve never seen him as a father figure… wait, actually, I have. I’ve always imagined him as the fun and reckless dad who comes back from work late with sweets for the kids, they play together, read books, watch movies and all sorts of fun things. When the fun ends he goes to bed, leaving all the important things like feeding, changing diapers, bathing etc to me. Yeah… I could only dream.

The lady and the small boy head out of the restaurant hand in hand, leaving an ashamed husband behind. Seungri gulps heavily, obviously trying to think of a polite way to get out of this horrible situation.

“I… I guess we might run into each other soon.” He doesn’t promise, he “guesses” in a typical ‘Seungri manner’, “Goodbye.”

As I wat