CHAPTER 1: Trust

Im Nayoung was in her room, sitting at her desk as she tried to focus her attention to a SAT Practices book in front of her. But it wasn’t easy when she kept hearing yells out there. Her parents were having arguments, again. It wasn’t happened for the first time, Nayoung thought she would get used to it, but she never get used to it, she won’t. She didn’t know what the real reason for her parents to have a fight. But in her own assumption, it was because her dad is too busy with his work and it makes her mom feel lonely. If her dad could give more time to spend with family, or if her mom could be more understanding and support her dad, then the problem was solved. As simple as like that, she thought. But reality was the otherwise, her mom won’t ever voluntarily gave up in argument, and her dad would use violence to shut it down.

Just like this time.

She heard a hard slap, and maybe it was landed in her mom’s cheek, Nayoung could picture it in her head. She suddenly took her iPod, tugged the earbuds, and played Fur Elise in maximum volume. She closed her eyes, tried to erase that picture in her head, and going deaf. She wished she could escape from this house at this moment. She always thought about escaping, but she knew that she was too coward to do that. She was afraid of having no one in this life, and that was how she always go back to this house even if it felt like a hell. Because she knew, they would go back even after a while, even only for having another arguments. She believed escaping has the same meaning as give up, and she won’t give up – yet.

She ever once barged in when they were exchanging yells. Nayoung yelled too, louder than them. And it succeed to make them silence, only for a couple of seconds before her dad dragged her to her room and told her to stay there silently.

“How could I stay silent when you both keep yelling to each other like that, Dad?”

Her Dad clenched his fist and took a deep breathe before leaning forward to Nayoung. “Nayoung, do you think you can solve this problem with you barging in like that?”

Nayoung frowned.

“You can’t.” Her dad’s voice was firm. “This is adult’s problem, and you’re not capable for solving that.”

Nayoung closed her eyes, tried to shake off what she just heard, “Then what should I do, Dad?” She asked with her most desperate tone.

“Focus on your own stuff!” He shouted and it scared her. Her face was full of tears, and she started to sob. Somehow it weaken her dad’s tense. He rubbed his face and then held both of Nayoung’s shoulder. “Nayoung, listen.. Don’t mind us.. Just focus on your study, be success, do whatever you can do to be on top..” He looked down, and then looked up to give her firm gaze, “We’re gonna figure this out..”

There were two points taken from her dad’s words. One, her dad was not giving up the marriage. And two, she probably could solve this with her own way. She could give them the gift of being the best daughter and she hoped that somehow it could make them to be together again.

And that was why Nayoung worked so hard for her school rank or joining many competitions. She wanted to give them what it called as parent’s happiness. So far, Nayoung’s strategy didn’t give good results. She thought it maybe because it not that matter for her parents, but she still have one, might be the last chance. Every parents wants their children to go to the best university, they say it’s the start of the bright future. So Nayoung thought, yes, she could have that bright future, SNU would save her.

She heard glass shatered. Even from the maximum volume of Fur Elise, she still heard it. She took off her earbuds and ran to the door. She was afraid that her dad could harm her mom to death. But when she reached the door knob, she was hesitated.

Am I ready to see it?

She shook her head, but opened the door. She walked slowly to the trails of the second floor, and saw what happened downstairs. Then she saw how mess the dining room was, glasses were shatered, and there she was, her mom was on the floor crying by herself.

Nayoung’s feet got wobbly, it felt like her energy was out to see that view. She gave up and finally sat on the floor, her back leaned at the trails. And her eyes were stared at the view of the back of her mom who was crying. Nayoung cried too, silently.

.

.

.

few months later

Nayoung looked at her own reflection on the mirror. Messy shoulder length brown hair, dark brown long-sleeved sweater, and blue jeans. She stared at it like taking the picture and saved it in her head.

She moved to pack the books to her backpack. She brought all the heavy books she had, her shoulders would scream painfuly if they have voice. She went downstairs and skipped breakfast, she had no appetite this morning. As usual, Sangjin ahjussi drove her to her school, or this time, to her campus.

Nayoung has been accepted in Seoul National University, the most prestigious university in South Korea, in Business & Administration major, as her father wish. As soon as she entered the campus, she joined the busy morning of freshman life. They all went to their own class, but Nayoung went to another place. She had another agenda.

She went to the emergency stairs and up to the rooftop. As she reached there, she directly walked to the edge of the building, took out her books, and piled it next to the wall. She climbed it and stood up.

Her heart was beating so fast as she stood there.

Is this the right choice?

She asked herself that question so many times before, to the point she shouldn’t ask it again this time.

She started to remember what had happened in her life. Everything went flash back and she started to cry.

I want this to be over..

I can’t live like this anymore..

No one would miss me if I gone anyway..

I don’t have anyone here, so why should I try so hard to survive?

This time, I will end it..

-00-

Crowd.

People was gathered, not only at the rooftop, but also at the ground. There were also several polices at the rooftop who tried to communicate with Nayoung, but she brought a knife, she won’t do communication.

She stood there on the edge of the building, the wind tossed her hair as also shook her feet. She looked down, wondering how far she would fall, was it enough to make it over. She was stop crying. No more tears start from now, she tried to convince herself.

If I do this, then the game is over. You want it to be over, won’t you Nayoung?

But the truth, she was still hanging there, fighting with her own natural survival instinct, like every part of her body screaming a hope.

But will it really be over? Will it really solve anything?

And at the same time, she heard footstep came closer. She turned her body and pointed out her knife like she did to the police officer.

“Wooow, chill....” A guy came in relax.

“Don’t come closer!” Nayoung shouted, but her shout was weak, like was dry for an overnight cry.

“What will you do if I come closer?” That guy asked while walking closer to Nayoung.

“I.. I could stab you... Or I could just jump...” Nayoung’s voice was shaking.

That guy has managed to stand closer to Nayoung. He leaned his back on the wall, still in relax. Listening to Nayoung’s answer, the corner of his lip made a curve, he looked at Hana and said, “Then, go ahead..”

Nayoung was taken aback with his answer.

“Let me ask you, what are you doing here actually?” That guy asked in a friendly tone.

Nayoung pulled down her pointing arm and let it hung next to her body, still with knife on her grab. She looked down. “To die..”

That guy took a deep breath and said, “Everyone will eventually die. Why can’t you just wait until death pick you up?”

Nayoung looked at him, he looked at her.

“It must be hard isn’t it to bring those heavy books?” He rolled his eyes to the books Nayoung brought.

“Shut. Up.” This time Nayoung’s voice was firm.

That guy rolled his back and made his chest leaned on the wall. He looked far to the sky and said, “You know.. Everyone has their own problem.. Ev-ve-ry-one.”

Nayoung stayed still, she didn’t give any respond.

“If every one has their own problem, but why is it only you who standing here wanting to die?” He asked still with friendly tone.

“You know nothing about my life!” Nayoung said it firmly, nearly shout.

“Then tell me..”

Nayoung widened her eyes, she never expected that there was someone who wanted to hear her story. “Like you care?”

“I care...” That guy replied directly. “Just look around.. There are many people who came here to check on you.. Don’t you think they also care?”

“They just want to see me die!”

That guy heaved a sigh. “Alright.” He took out something from his jeans, and it was a cell phone. “This..” He showed Nayoung his cell phone. “Think of it as your problem, the reason for you to want to leave this world. This is you.” He pressed his lip and then threw that cell phone.

Nayoung was surprised by his action. She looked down to the ground where the phone was landed.

“You were dead.” That guy’s voice made Nayoung to look at him.

“What if we just end this?” He said it softly. “Your oldself was dead. And people got what they want to see.”

Nayoung looked away, she looked down again, her feet got more shakky and she felt colder.

"I know you've worked hard this entire time.. " That guy reached out a hand. “So what if right now you get a new life, with me?”

She stared at that hand. She was questioning what it mean. Is it mean a hope? Is it mean a second chance? She was hesitated. She didn’t trust this world enough.

“I can be the eyes for you to see a better world, ears to listen all of your problem, shoulder to cry on, back to lean on.. You’re not alone.. You won’t be alone.. You’ll have me, in your new better life..”

Nayoung listened to his words earnestly. Then she looked up and saw his eyes. His brown warm eyes that soothed her broken heart, telling her that this time will be different, that this time will be better.

She still stared at his eyes when he said, “I promise..”

That was when she threw the knife to the floor and took his hand.

I trust you.

[the picture of Nayoung taking Jonghyun’s hand]

#np: Ordinariness by Baek Ji Young

A/N: Please leave comments.. Thank you ^^