“Nam Jooyeon..”

The name of a girl next to me was called and soon it was followed by applause. She smiled so bright when she waved her hands to her family. Both of her parents, her younger brother, and her grandma was there, clapping their hands. It can be seen from their faces that they were so proud of the girl.

I’m proud of you, my daughter..

You have worked so hard, Jooyeon ah.. Chukkae..

Noona, you are Jjaang!

Jooyeon ah, grandma will make you your favorite soup after this..

I studied their faces one by one and read the possible words they said in my mind.

“And the winner of the 55th South Korea National Mathematics Olympiad, Im Nayoung from Junjeon High School...”

As my name was called, I got applause from hundreds of people in this hall. I saw few of their faces, they all smiled. But no one gave me a proud smile like Jooyeon’s family gave to her.

Family? I directly looked down.

-00-

Sangjin ahjussi drove me home as usual, I arrived at home as usual, and it was still quiet as usual.

What am I expecting?

I didn’t know where Dad and Mom were, I didn’t even ask. I just continued my daily routines, changed my clothes, ate dinner, and took a bath. I tried to act normal, like it was normal to live like this. But when I lied on my bed and closed my eyes, I heard the clock ticking, and slowly my heart started to feel burning making me hard to breathe.

I got up and walked outside, to the park where I always went. I sat on the swings as I inhaled as much as oxygen for me to breathe. That house was suffocating me in its way, and coming here was always making me feel better, or more relax.

Slowly the picture of how proud Jooyeon’s family for her was replaying in my head, this time was slower and more details. Her dad wore a sweater instead of a suit, her mom was not prettier than my mom, her younger brother looked like a hyperactive kid, and her grandma... held a cane on her right hand.

My eyes were going watery.

Why couldn’t Mom and Dad come? The ceremony was only in few hours.. It wasn’t even a day..

It was even okay if they just show up and leave..

Jooyeon’s grandma even came, how could you not coming, Mom, Dad?

Tears were falling to my cheeks. I wiped it directly. I hate to cry. I wanted to be strong. But in the end I have to admit that I cried badly. This park has been the witness for all the tears that I’ve shed.

“God, I want a family… A complete happy family like Jooyeon’s. I will study harder, I will get to SNU, I will make Dad proud, I want to put smile back on Mom’s face, I want them to be together and tell me that I’ve worked hard..”

I was sobbing hardly.

“I will pray everyday, I will do anything.. I promise, God. But please give me… that proud smile to me., their warm gaze, their existence...”