“Everything alright?” Taeyong asked, quietly.

Johnny raised an eyebrow, looking into the distance.

They were backstage waiting for their Regular stage as another group performed.

Taeyong placed a comforting hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “You look…preoccupied.”

Johnny didn’t respond and Taeyong had to repeat. Johnny finally looked at him and said sheepishly, “Sorry. I guess I am. Don’t worry I’ll pay attention onstage.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “You know I’m not worried about that.”

“There’s really nothing to worry,” the taller one said.

“Everyone noticed Ten and your awkward breakfast conversation or lack thereof, or the even worse doorstep tension you two had.”

“Sometimes I want to scream so bad.”

“At Ten?”

“No, god, no. Of course not.” Johnny huffed. “I meant scream as in Troy Bolton singing and screaming across his school in High School Musical 3.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have allowed Jaehyun to marathon High School Musical with you once again. Seriously, that series can mess people’s minds.”

Johnny laughed. “I grew up on that series. And Camp Rock. And Zack and Cody. Disney, basically.”

“Sooo,” Taeyong started again, “do you want to talk about what you want to scream about? Or we can go scream later together, all over the terrace. I’ll even bring Chenle along. We can have a whole banshee session.”

“He brought up the letter last night,” Johnny said.

Taeyong looked stunned. “He did? Just like that? At dinner, in front of the others?”

Johnny nodded. “Well, he didn’t say it explicitly. He mentioned how I’d given him Crime and Punishment for his birthday. He laughed about it, Tae. Like he doesn’t even care that I spilt my heart out in the middle of one of those pages.” He took a deep breath. “He was so nonchalant about it. Dude, what were you thinking? That’s what he said. Like it was some stupid joke to him. I know it was but I wish I wasn’t reminded of it every now and then.”

“Johnny.” Taeyong didn’t know what to say. He was shocked at how good Johnny was at hiding when he was hurting. He had thought maybe over time the sting would lessen for his friend but it looked like nothing had changed. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Maybe there was some misunderstanding. Did he really say that?”

Johnny shrugged. “He saw I was reading Fathers and Sons and he was talking about Russian literature and I suppose that reminded him of what I did for his birthday. I wish I could turn back time and just…”

Taeyong listened as Johnny narrated the whole thing but he couldn’t help but think how his friend had suffered, how angry he had been and how much Johnny had pleaded him to not say anything to anyone.

-

26th February, 2018.

“, I’m nervous suddenly,” Johnny giggled.

“Why are you nervous? Seriously, you two are practically dating already. I’m kind of jealous of your happening love life,” Taeyong muttered. “I wish Jaehyun would give me even a quarter of attention of what Ten gives you.”

Johnny laughed. “I know I am supposed to show you pity but I can’t help being super excited about actually asking Ten out so wait for two days and then I promise I’ll hold your hand and devise a sweet plan for Jaehyun to confess to you since you’re a coward.”

Taeyong punched his shoulder. “Why am I even your roommate?”

“Because you love me and I’m tidy and I’m the bestest best friend you could hope for?”

“Ew, I don’t know how Ten likes your narcissistic .”

“Taeyong, at least I have an .”

“Low blow,” Taeyong said, pretending to be upset. He plucked the letter Johnny was holding, out of his hand. “To, the love of my life—god, that is cheesy—”

“Give it back to me,” Johnny squealed but Taeyong was running around their room and reading out aloud.

“This isn’t really your birthday gift, you know? Well, it is. Kind of. It’s part of your birthday gift. This is my copy of Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “I can’t believe you gave me an old book for my birthday, John!” but this is a special copy! Seriously, don’t laugh. I was reading this book when you dislocated your arm and I remember I felt like I would die seeing you get hurt like that. And that I wanted to kiss you so bad when the doctor set it right. I was like woah, I really like this Thai guy. No, that I knew since quite a while. I was like woah, I love Ten. I’d do anything for Ten. Whenever I read this book again or whenever I look at it, I remember that moment once again.

Oh no, this is not how this letter was supposed to start. Ugh, it was supposed to be more poetic. Just ignore what you read and think that it starts from here, okay?

Ten, I think you’re a wonderful person. You make me so hap—”

Taeyong had been laughing and reading the letter but his voice slowed down until he was reading it quietly. The sudden change made Johnny stop and look at his friend for some sort of expression to gauge what he was thinking. Taeyong didn’t look up until he had finished reading—it was a long letter—but when he did finish it, his eyes were shining.

“You really love him.”

Johnny looked taken aback and then he smiled proudly. “Yes, I do.”

“You’re growing up so well,” Taeyong said, dabbing at his eyes. “I feel like a proud Mom.”

“That’s Doyoung’s job,” Johnny said, laughing. He took the letter from Taeyong, looked over it once and folded it and was about to slip it between the pages of the novel. “I’m going to give this to Ten tonight itself, at midnight.”

“Right the midnight birthday dinner. And then you’ll do the whole romantic terrace dinner thing tomorrow night.” Taeyong’s scrunched his nose as he remembered his friend’s li