The lights. The chants. The mass of people. It’s beyond spectacular and stunning.

The four of them stand hand-in-hand bowing at the finale of their encore concert, the stage smoke caught at the back of their throats, watching pieces of confetti drift slowly to the floor around them. Byul’s hand grips tightly onto Yongsun’s, her pulse bounding and the sounds from the crowd reverberant in her ears.

She could never quite describe this feeling. A feeling like she’s no longer standing on stage but floating above, sounds and colours never staying still, surrounded by a surreal number of people cheering. For them.

They clamber down the stairs towards the back stage, the adrenaline of the performance still radiating like electricity. In fact, Byul could barely feel her legs, needing the railing to guide her. It was emotional. Even she couldn’t hold her tears in on stage, an immensity of feelings overflowing in her, all the moments of exhaustion prior worthy in retrospect.

She tugs on Yongsun’s sleeve as they stalk down the corridors, still clad in their stage outfits, pride emanating off of them.

Byul needed to feel her hand, needed something to ground her in the exhilaration of it all, and Yongsun knows, grips her hand briefly and squeezes it, fingers interlocking for just a second. The corridor is narrow backstage, crammed with black storage units and boxes lining the walls. Byul watches her hair sway as she walks and couldn’t help but get swept up by how beautiful she looks. Especially now, when their feelings are magnified, overwhelmed by the performances. And a little part of her hurts because she could never pull her by the collar of her jacket and kiss her like she wanted to here.

So she settles and drapes her arms over her shoulders from behind instead, whispers I love you barely audible by her ears. She sees Yongsun turn and smile contently, mouthing me too as they continue to walk to their dressing room. It’s enough in the moment.

In the corner of her eye she spots the staff with the camera, several feet back down the corridor, filming for the behind-the-scenes shots. Sometimes it feels a little suffocating being watched all the time, the need to hide a little of themselves compulsive. Occasionally she slips up. She knows she should try harder, but it’s hard to when Yongsun sometimes lets a bit of herself go and does things like hooking their pinky fingers together when no one is looking.

They just couldn’t up. Hyejin scaring the out of them in the dressing room was enough to keep them on their toes. Most of the time it’s fine, they’re busy enough that their minds couldn’t stay focused on one thing for too long anyways.

But then there are moments she’s actually scared she can’t hide enough of it.

Moments like now, when the summer air hits them with a cloud of humidity as they eventually exit out the back door. They finished wrapping up the concert. Manager unnie is still arranging the rides for them to leave with Yongsun when Yongsun stops the conversation midway and turns around. She slows down and catches Byul’s pace, who was trailing behind them as she scrolled through her phone.

She catches Byul’s eyes and nonchalantly slips her hand into Byul’s, pulling her closer gently.

“Come over?” She whispers by her ear. “To my place?”

Yongsun’s eyes are searching, but calm and maybe even a little playful, as if she just asked Byul if she wanted a burger or a sandwich. Byul has to struggle to keep her reaction in check, scared she’ll let everyone read what’s in her mind. Especially with their manager unnie staring at the two of them, her conversation on hold.

Yongsun is never like this in front of cameras, and her heart races a little when she sees this side of her. She’s almost mad that she was being so careless about all this. Byul thinks maybe she was still impulsive from the high off the concert.

She nods and Yongsun beams in response, resuming her conversation and catching up with their manager again in a few quick strides. Byul breathes a little more unsteady than before. There’s really never a dull moment with her.

When she shows up at Yongsun’s door stripped from the performance make-up in an oversized hoodie, she can’t help but smile at the fact it feels like she’s coming home. Yongsun drags her in by her arm and pushes her against the closing door with both hands on her shoulders, her lips following close behind as they fill a need that’s been lingering since they walked off the stage. The kisses between them have been growing to become second nature as they fit in each other’s spaces. But they’re both exhausted, adrenaline long gone from their system. And when they end up in the bedroom, there’s only sloppy intermittent kisses and they’re content with falling asleep in a tangle of limbs.

//

Byul slams her fridge shut as she pulls out a couple beers and a bottle of soju. She weaves the bottles between her fingers as she saunters out into her living room, the bottle opener held between her teeth. They had a lull after the insanity of the concerts, rare occasions where the four of them actually disperses to do their own things, reminding them they had a life before the industry consumed them. Byul elbows the light switch as she walks by the couch, lighting the room up, conveniently timed as she hears a knock on her door.

She sets the bottles down and swings the door open to Wheein pulling the hood of her jacket down. 

“Unnie!” Wheein smiles and wraps her arms around her.

“You just get back?” Her voice is muffled by Wheein’s large jacket.

Wheein nods, slipping her arms out of the jacket as she walks past Byul.

“Did you get makgeolli?” Wheein asks as she glances at the snacks and drinks scattered on the coffee table.

Byul walks up to her and smacks her lightly on the back of her head.

“That’s the first thing you ask me?” Byul scoffs ludicrously. “No how was your break unnie? You and your damn alcohol.” She mutters.

Wheein plants herself down and grins.

“How was your break unnie?!” She retorts with an animated imitation.

“Why do I put up with you?” Byul sighs exaggeratedly and moves to crack open the drinks. “I didn’t have time to run to the store today, this is whatever’s left in the fridge.”

She hands the open bottle to Wheein and mutters with feigned politeness, “here you go, Wheein-ssi”.

“Did you go home?” Wheein asks with a sincerity now.

“Yeah, spent a couple days there, my sister has finally overtaken my room.” She laughs.

They spend the next little while catching up, the break away from spending everyday with each other bringing back an excitement that fuels their friendship. At some point Wheein blurts out, “how are you and unnie?”.

Wheein looks expectantly at her.

“We’re... good.” Byul’s words come out slow, clearly meaning a lot more than the two words could carry and stares down at her lap with a smile so genuine that even s