They rush from a meeting at the company to a fitting in preparation for their new MV. It’s always refreshing when they get to try these wildly different themes for each of their comebacks, makes Byul feel like she gets to show a different side of herself all the time.

Byul tugs on the handle of the side door to their van, and they all begin to pile inside from the sidewalk. A couple pedestrians had spotted them from a distance, eagerly pulling their phones out to document. She couldn't help but feel like she’s living a different life now, how everything is so drastically distinctive to when she was just a trainee, or during the first year of their debut. She waves to the people taking pictures across the street before stepping in after Hyejin.

The blinds are drawn inside the van, the seats illuminated with a mix of real and artificial lighting. She sees Yongsun at the back next to Wheein, both rearranging their space to take a quick nap before their next destination.

Yongsun coughs then slips on a neck pillow, resting her head on the window and closes her eyes. Byul wonders if she was looking paler than usual. Has she been sleeping enough?

At their fitting session Byul realizes that Yongsun definitely wasn’t fine. Wheein catches her swaying as they were standing and getting their outfits measured and tinkered with to fit. Staff flittered around them, switching out accessories and debating colour matches, asking them which ones they preferred.

Halfway through someone brought their food, a late lunch if you could still call it that. They sit on the couch slightly crouched over the coffee table eating. Byul watches Yongsun pick at her food for a bit then lie back on the couch to rest. Hyejin hawks at her to eat more but their unnie shakes her head and mutters, “Don’t really have an appetite right now”.

Byul gets up to grab her a cup of juice, at the very least she should get something down.

“Here. Just take a little, we still have the choreography session after this.” Byul says gently, forgetting everything else between them and takes Yongsun’s hand to place the cup in it.

Yongsun looks up and nods, her eyes holding Byul’s for a second. Thanks.
 Later that day Yongsun leaves early, just as their choreography instructor finishes, parting with a quick wave.

Hyejin looks anxiously at her and pulls Byul outside. She tugs on Byul’s arm and whispers by her ear. “Okay. You need to talk to her.”

“We did.”

“You did? Are... you okay?”

Byul nods.

“You sure? Just talk to me.” Hyejin’s voice is gentle. “Did you tell her everything?”

Byul nods again. "Well. Actually I didn't say anything."

"Okay...?"

"We just... I don't know. Things always just happen between us, and I--" Byul stops talking.

Hyejin sighs, sympathetic. “What are you guys going to do?”

“I don’t know. Whatever we're doing now I guess." Byul laughs bitterly at the situation. "She... She said she didn’t want it.”

Hyejin wraps one of her arms around Byul’s shoulders. “Oh unnie... but this right now isn’t what she wants either.”

“Oh. Really? Because she asked for this."

"Does it look like what she wants?"

Byul sighs. "No... but--"


“She’s got a lot on her shoulders.”

"I know..."

"We don't always say what we mean Byul." Hyejin gives her a pat on the head, and Byul wonders where she she gets this wisdom from.

"You think she wants this then?"

"I-- I... don't know. I just know things are almost always more complicated than what words can put together."

"I think I know where she’s coming from.” Byul takes a deep breath, leaning on Hyejin’s weight.

Hyejin squeezes her shoulder. The silence echoing between them. “I know it’s not easy but…take care of her yeah?”

“I will. I just-- I don’t know how.”

“Just be you. You know how.”

Byul chuckles weakly. “When did you get so wise?”

Hyejin scoffs. “Since always. Just know I’m here kay?”

Byul murmurs a yeah and pulls Hyejin into a hug.

//

The streetlights flicker on simultaneously down the street, and cars start and stop continuously in the evening traffic. It was getting just past seven and the sun was setting. Byul strolls down the sidewalk, her take-out swinging with her steps. She bought the food for Yongsun. She was going to be there for her, if she needed it, if she wanted it. It hurt a lot more to see Yongsun like this, defeated, trying to hold the world on her shoulders.

The elevator dings on each floor. Byul leans against the wall reading some of the notices taped for its residents. What should she say? Sorry? Ignore the stuff that’s happened between them? No one teaches you what to do when you fall in love with someone you’re not supposed to.

Love?

. She guesses that’s what this was. It makes sense at least. Somehow it makes it less confusing for her, because to her, love was simple, and maybe a part of her knew all along. It’s not easy putting feelings to words. It’s things no one teaches you and yet somehow you’re supposed to figure it all out magically.

She rings the doorbell. It takes such an obscenely long time for Yongsun to get to the door that Byul was almost sure that she wasn't home, but that didn’t make sense, so she stood there trying to figure out where she would go. She was still stood there thinking, when the door whips open and Yongsun stands there, in a long white Adidas shirt, her eyes blinking, trying to wash away the fatigue.

“Hey.” Yongsun’s voice is small, a hint of relief, or maybe that was just the exhaustion talking.

“I brought you food...” Byul says, lifting the take-out bags up.

Yongsun smiles, it’s a real smile, genuine. “Thanks.” She turns and walks in, an invitation for Byul to follow. Yongsun sits on the couch as Byul drops the bags on the coffee table, kneeling on the floor to take the food out. They didn’t know what to say. So this silence drops around them, not entirely uncomfortable but stays waiting for either of them to say something.

Byul breaks it. “You’re working too much.” She says without looking at Yongsun, still laying out side dishes from the bags onto the table.

“It’s okay. I’m just tired today.”


“It’s not just today.” Byul whips her head around to look up at Yongsun on the couch.

“It’s what I do. I’m okay. I’ll take a break today.” Yongsun smiles gently, repeating her reassurance without meaning, but glad Byul cared enough to say it.

Byul sighs. “It’s not okay.” She wants to say more but she chokes on her words. She hands Yongsun a bowl of rice and pulls the coffee table, now spread with dishes, closer to the couch.

“Here. Eat. Don’t make me feed you.”
Yongsun chuckles a little and Byul returns a smile. “Okay.”

Yongsun eats in silence and Byul turns on the TV for some background noise. Eventually Byul starts picking at the food too and sits on the floor with her back resting against the couch by Yongsun’s knees.

“I’m sorry.” Byul mutters, staring at the floor in front of the couch.


“What? For what?”


“For the other night, when you came over. I... I didn’t – it wasn’t fair for me to say that.”

“Byul-ah..."

"No, let me sa