Yongsun stares at the door, wondering if she'd ever be ready to confront this. She was just really tired. Tired of being confused and tired of thinking and crying. When the door finally opens, Byul just leans against the wall staring at her through the doorway. She hates that they're always meeting like this now.

“Hey.” Yongsun’s voice is raspy after hours of silence and tears.

Neither of them had the words to say what they are thinking, needing the silence to collect their thoughts.

“Hey.” Moonbyul says, turning her back and going to sit at the couch, an unspoken gesture to sit with her.

“I don’t know what to say.” Yongsun mutters.

Byul sits there, arms crossed, hands gripping her sides in a feeble attempt for comfort. “Me neither.”

Yongsun sneaks a glance sideways. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I keep walking away. How does this all make sense to you?”

“It doesn't. None of this makes sense.” She turns towards Yongsun, pauses and takes a deep breath. “Just tell me what you’re thinking.”

Yongsun looks up at Byul again, her eyes flitting back and forth from staring at the seam of the couch. Words began to form at her lips, her expression desperate for something, but instead she squeezes her eyes shut in frustration. Everything was so much harder looking at her. Everything feels like so much more and she can’t physically get the words out.

Byul watches her and doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even move, holding a look so close to despair on her features. She had always wanted to give Yongsun time, but even she had her limits.

“It’s because we’re ed up”, Yongsun eventually utters. She says it with such vehement distaste that Byul hurts for the both of them.

“Don’t say that.”

Yongsun turns to look at her, tears beginning to build again. She grabs Moonbyul on the arm instinctively. “Byul-ah, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Moonbyul sighs, her face weary and struggling to maintain an indifferent expression. “Don’t say that either.”

“Then tell me what we’re supposed to do. How are we supposed to live this life?” Her tone raises, anger merging with her words. “Why can’t everything just be fine?”

“What? Again? You know why. Yongsun this is bull. Say what you mean.”

“Byul… I—”, Yongsun panics. Byul flares.

“You want us to play like we use to? You want me to hold you like I use to? Or you just want to pretend? When? Only when we’re on stage, like the last few weeks? Did you really think that was working? Because you could barely stand to be in the same room.” She rants, her last words harsh.

“Well nothing can happen! People can’t know. CEO can’t know, manager unnie can’t know and there’s no way in hell this can go public. We’ve worked too ing hard to lose this.”

Yongsun’s words come out in a hiss, frustrations lacing her words with bitterness. Byul gets it. She really does, because the same thoughts have been circulating on a loop since she realized what these feelings meant. She just needed to know what this meant to Yongsun, she couldn’t keep going in circles about this.

“So you’re saying there’s something to know then?” Byul says with an edge. What does this mean to you?

Yongsun gives her a look of anguish. Byul refuses to give her anything else, starring, waiting for an answer.

“Byul-ah...What do you want me to say? I’m afraid. I’m terrified that people will know. How are you not? I—” She pauses. Her voice exasperated, like she has finally run out of energy keeping it in. “I... I’m in love with you.”

It comes out wrangled and barely audible, her eyes widening in response, registering what it really meant for her to say those words. It wasn’t like all the other times she’s said it, this time there’s no pretenses as friends or as a joke. It’s just raw and exposed. And now she knows what it must’ve been like for Byul to say all those words earlier, how she had repeatedly walked all over those feelings time and time again. The time pacing and thinking by the river left her exhausted, and she just didn’t have it in her anymore to keep the truth from coming out, didn’t have it in her to keep hurting someone she loved.

Byul grabs her on the arm and looks deep into her eyes.

“First, we’re not ed up.”

She says it with a valiant determination, as if trying to push the very belief out of Yongsun.

“Second... I love you too.”

She watches Yongsun take an unsteady breath and whatever’s left to break open in Yongsun does.

Yongsun leans forward and pulls Moonbyul into tight embrace, her breath breaking out into one loud sob. She clings desperately onto her back, feeling a placated calm rush through her as she begins to feel Byul’s heart beat against her. She holds her harder than she’s ever done, full of fear and love and everything in between. She feels Byul murmur words into her hair on one side and she loses the remaining control she’s been trying to hold on to, resting her weight against Byul’s body, listening to her gentle words.

“You know, I tried to make everything like it was before too. If you truly wanted to be just friends, if this isn't what you really want--” Moonbyul stops mid-sentence to pull away just a little, holding Yongsun by her shoulders to look her in the eye again. “I’ll do it.”

Byul’s fighting every emotion in her body, desperately trying to mask the tremble in her voice as she says “friends”. She doesn’t know if she can do it. She knows Yongsun feels something, she saw that much in her eyes back at the apartment and again right now, but she also knows how hard it is for Yongsun to open up to feelings and she knows the torrent of judgments that would come if anyone ever found out. Maybe “friends” is all she can hold onto at this point. Part of her regrets having pushed Yongsun to talk this out, but she also knew things weren’t going to work the way it was going before. The hard part now is that once everything is out in the open, like Pandora’s box, they couldn’t just stick what came out back where it came from.

“I don’t want— I can’t—.” Yongsun shakily exhales again. “. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t just have pieces of you like before. What you said at my place earlier, I--” Her words get swallowed in her emotions.

"When it's just us. Let's be us. No more pretending." Byul searches for confirmation her in the eyes. "And you don't get to walk out again. Just talk to me."

Yongsun nods and whispers “I promise”, a certainty settling between them. She leans against Byul again, both of them glad that, for once, they didn't feel like everything they were feeling was going to tear them apart from the inside.

Hearing those words consoles Byul. It makes her feel like they’re on the same page, struggling with what they want and what their reality looks like. She no longer feels like she getting so far ahead of Yongsun that she’s starting to lose her. She plays gently with Yongsun's fingers, trying to see some sort of path for them that doesn't jeopardize their entire career.

"We just-- we can't slip up. We have to keep it together." Byul looks questionably at Yongsun, almost asking if she thinks this is all possible, if they can pull apart the personal and professional part of their lives so distinctly and keep it all under wraps at the same time.

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