"What?" and Brian doesn't want to repeat it, but he does.

"Let's break up."

"No, what you said before that." and Brian finally looks at Jae, for the first time since he walked into his familiar room, and when he does, it hurts. Jae just stares at him, waiting, until Brian eventually repeats, slower than when he initially said it, 

"Jae..." he wants to convey the sincerity, he needs Jae to know that he truly means this. 

"I love you-"

"Bull." and Brian's eyes go sad, even Jae sees it.

"W-What?"

"Bull," Jae repeats, continuing,

"You love me?" he asks as if offended Brian even had the audacity to say that, his eyes angry yet lined with tears, and Brian doesn't even get to answer before Jae asks,

"And you wanna break up with me?" and his tone is now confused, and Brian wants to apologize but he can't.

He can't say anything, can't do anything as Jae tries to process things. Jae's looking around the room, Brian can see he's trying to figure out where things went wrong, and he wants to tell him nowhere. He knows Jae's searching for a moment where maybe he messed up, or Brian's feelings faded, and he wants to tell him that's not it. Brian's heart hurts when Jae looks at him, defeated, and says a soft, broken,

"Why?" Brian rehearsed this.

"It's better if we stopped dating,"

Jae narrows his eyes and shakes his head slightly, questioning if he heard that correctly,

"Better? For who? Me?" he asks with a sad smile that makes Brian want to abandon this plan, 

"You?" and Brian quickly shakes his head, denying,

"No." 

"Then who? What benefits from us breaking up?"

"It's just better that way."

"I don't understand how," and Brian looks away, his eyes landing on the teddy bear from the school fair,

"Please believe me when I say that I do love you..." he looks at Jae for some indicator,

"But we should stop dating here." he pleads, sincerely. Hopes his eyes can convince Jae, to stop asking questions and just let things go, but he knows his boyfriend better than that, so he's not surprised when Jae sets his jaw and replies,

"No." 

Brian wants to crack a smile, he's known Jae isn't one to simply follow orders. Just like when he stood up to that creeper on Valentine's Day, when he talked back to Kisung, when he allows himself to be transparent and shameless. Admirable, Brian admits, but a trait that makes this so much harder.

"No?" 

"Yes, no to both of your statements." Brian surpresses a smile. 

"No, I don't believe that you love me. If you did, why are you breaking up with me? And no, we shouldn't just stop dating here, right now. Not without an explanation and a valid reason because I know you, and you wouldn't just do this."

"But I am." is the response Jae doesn't expect but he's not backing down anytime soon,

"Like Hell I'll just let you,"

"I'm asking you to,"

"And my answer is no! Break up rejected, dating continues." Brian really loves him.

"Jae, please-"

"Then why? I'll hear you out, just tell me why." Jae's starting to get angry,

"Is it Kisung? I thought we put that behind us."

"I can't tell you why." Jae flails his arms in frustration,

"So I'm just supposed to let you do this?"

"Yes! Please!"

"You really expected me to just let you end us, after the things we've been through? After we agreed we would try and take this relationship seriously?!"

"Obviously I knew you wouldn't, but I just wish you would!" 

Their voices are slowly getting louder, Jae getting frustrated and Brian wishing Jae was simply a pushover.

"Then tell me why!"

"I can't bring myself to,"

"Why not?!"

"Because I'm sorry we started dating in the first place!" Oh, no... That's not how it was supposed to be worded. Brian completely scraps the script he rehearsed in his head, all the things he was prepared to say now rendered useless because he didn't think before speaking. 

"What?" and Brian knows that broke Jae. It seems like he's been repeating himself a lot during this conversation, and each time he says anything isn't any easier than the first.

"I-I don't mean it like that." and Jae squints,

"What other way could you mean that, Brian?" It's been a while since he's heard that instead of Bri or Bri Bri. 

"I'm sorry that I dragged you into this,"

"Into what?"

"This situation! Why I'm breaking up with you!"

"Jesus Brian, I'm trying to hear you out, but you're not talking and it's really frustrating me, and hurting me," Jae admits,

"So then just tell me to leave!"

"No! Because I wanna fight for us! Am I the only one?" he asks, 

"No, but I need to do this!" Jae groans in irritation, 

"Why?!"

"Because I'm moving away!" he breaks. Not as good of a reason as Jae thought - not that there would be any reason for Jae to just say okay and let things end. But he knows Brian wouldn't just end things if he was just moving to another neighbourhood.

"Where?" Brian doesn't answer, and Jae's patience is really thinning.

"To another city?" he shakes his head,

"Province?" he repeats the action, and it's a few moments of silence before Jae states,

"Country." and Brian doesn't deny it with a shake of his head.

"Which one? Japan?" Jae hopes somewhere close,

"China?" Somewhere that won't be too hard to visit, somewhere not too far from him. Please. Brian exhales,

"Canada," he answers and Jae's eyes widen slightly.

"Canada." he repeats. Not close at all, across the world actually, with an opposite time zone, a 14-hour flight away and that's with no stopovers. 

"Yeah," Brian starts,

"I'm going to university in Toronto." 

It's quiet in Jae's room, the small distance between them feeling greater than ever, like they're on opposite sides of a canyon and Brian feels like plunging down into the nothing. Dramatic, maybe, but his love with Jae is the only kind he knows. 

"How long have you known?" Ah, .

"A while,"

"How long?" A few, reluctant, seconds pass before Brian answers,

"Since I started high school." and Jae furrows his brows in confusion, prompting an explanation.

"My parents decided to move but they said they'd wait until I finished high school. We fought a lot because of this, especially this year, and trust me, I've tried to convince them to change their minds, or at least just let me stay but..." Jae doesn't respond, he's just staring at Brian.

"It's not like our relationship was ever good to begin with," Jae squints as if saying, really? and Brian quickly realizes and clarifies,

"Between me and my parents." 

And it clicks - why Brian never accepted any confessions or dated anyone throughout high school. Why he would never participate in the conversation of university applications, or try to change the subject when they would talk about acceptances. His vague and dejected comments about his parents, that one time when Jae was at Sungjin's house and Brian just walked out, just the trivial things that all together make sense.

"Are you for sure going?" and Brian nods,

"University of Toronto. I already have my acceptance and courses." he confesses, and Jae just nods. 

"Jae, I'm sorry-"

"So, did you just decide for us that we couldn't handle a long distance relationship?" Jae cuts him off, tears of sadness or frustration, Brian can't tell, threatening to fall.

"Huh?" 

"You didn't even talk to me about it and decided it would be better to just end things between us. It's not just you in this relationship, Bri,"

"I didn't wanna hurt you by talking about it," Jae scoffs,

"Didn't wanna hurt me? What the Hell did you think breaking up with me would do?" The lesser of two evils, Brian thinks.

"At least then you would already dislike me when I left,"

"Oh my God," Jae groans, frustrated and Brian's just standing there like a deer in headlights, a mess of trying to make things better but trying to end everything. 

"Do the guys know?"

"Sungjin and Wonpil do." and Jae nods again.

"Jae, I'm sorry I acted on my feelings for you. I was able to keep it up for 3 years and I could've graduated quietly but then you..." he trails off, looking at Jae with fond eyes,

"You happened. Confessing to me by accident, me teaming up with you to get you with Sungjin. I don't know why I couldn't control myself with you, and I tried, I swear I tried... I didn't hesitate just because you liked Sungjin, I told myself I couldn't have you because I would be leaving you." Jae listens because finally, Brian's talking.

"But then we kept spending time together, and then there was that New Years thing and you liked me too, and I just wanted to be happy." he rambles, defeated and tired,

"I wanted to be happy with you."

"And we are, so why do you want to just end this?"

"Do you know how selfish it'd be to ask you to endure a long distance relationship?" Brian asks, 

"After I've already done the selfish thing and asked you to be my boyfriend? Even I don't have the audacity to ask you about this-"

"But you should have!" Jae argues,

"You should have told me! Asked me! Anything before just deciding we weren't gonna try-"

"Try to maintain a relationship across the world?"

"People do it,"

"We're 18!" Brian points out,

"This is both of our first relationships, we're about to move on to university and we haven't even been dating a year. Isn't it too much to ask for? Getting too serious too soon, too young? The people who do this and make this work usually aren't in those circumstances,"

"So you just concluded that for both of us. That we couldn't do it, couldn't make it work." Jae says, and Brian knows that's probably the part that angers Jae the most. He keeps repeating it, and he's not necessarily completely wrong. 

"Yeah, I did." he confesses regretfully, finally, and Jae bites his lower lip as he starts to tear up again.

"Because I didn't wanna restrict you, hold you back while I'm across the freakin' world. I decided it for us because I know you and you would've chose to go through the pain of the distance than this and Jae, this hurts like Hell for me too but I wanted this to be a one-and-done type thing. Nothing compared to the daily pain of the kilometres that're gonna be between us."

"One-and-done... Our relationship, just like that..." Jae laughs, but it's not a pleasant sound like it usually is,

"And you say you love me..."

"I do." and that's practically the only words Brian's said with confidence this whole conversation.

Both of their gazes leave each other, settling on other things in the room that has traces of Brian around it. It's quiet for a bit, neither knowing what to do or say, until Jae breaks it with,

"Maybe we should stop." Brian wanted this. He asked for this, hoped for this, for Jae to let it happen. So he hates that he looks at Jae with eyes slightly widened in surprise. He really broke him, huh? 

"We should just..." Jae nods, still contemplating his own words,

"Stop." and Brian nods too, clenching his jaw so that tears don't pool or fall.

"Because there's no point in us fighting, you deciding this was better than trying to make it work means we already lost." Brian bites his tongue, not having the courage to look at Jae anymore.

"Please go." and he steps aside and Brian wants to take everything back, tell him again that he really loves him, but he nods and walks out in silence. Brian goes down the stairs, just in time to meet Jae's parents who were returning from their little trip, and he instinctively goes to help with their bags.

"Oh, Brian!" his mom says, excited as she pulls him in for a hug,

"Are you staying for dinner?" Mr. Park asks, and Jae answers for Brian, standing in the middle of the staircase,

"No, he was just about to leave." Brian looks up at him, the welcoming smile fading as he meets Jae's eyes.

"Are you sure? Stay for a bit, we just got back-"

"Mom, Brian has to go." he interjects and she can hear something in his tone, so she doesn't push further.

"Oh... Okay. Maybe next time," and Jae looks away before going back upstairs to his room, and Brian shows them a polite smile, wondering if there'll be a next time.

After a quiet dinner, Jae just goes back up into his room. Jae's sitting in his bed, not doing much other than breathing and staring when he hears a knock at his door. 

"Yeah?," and cracks a small smile when his mom pokes her head through the doorframe,

"Can I come in?" and Jae gives permission with a nod. She sits on Jae's bed, looking at him with cautious eyes and Jae already knows that she knows.

"Do we have like telepathy or something?"

"Hm?" she asks with a confused expression,

"How do you always know what's going on with me?"

"Well, you, like your dad, wear your heart on your sleeve... So does Brian, apparently." and Jae laughs lightly, he can feel all the emotions stirring back up.

"What happened?" she tries, softly and almost comforting in some odd way.

"Brian's stupid," Jae says, letting tears fall for the first time today. 

"He's stupid, and annoying, a-and he's selfish and he's an idiot, ugh," and his mom just listens. He looks at his mom with teary eyes, defeated with a sad smile as he says,

"He said he loved me today," and his mom wants to smile before he adds,

"and now we're in this completely unnecessary stage of stupid heartbreak because he's dumb and thinks this is the answer to something we didn't even try to solve... He's moving away, Mom," he says, and she just pulls him into a hug as he continues,

"Far. Like across the world far... and maybe he's right. Maybe this is better." 

After a long talk with his mom about relationships, breakups not being the end of the world, and Brian, Jae's exhausted. He showers and is settling into bed when his eyes catch the plane model Brian got him for Christmas. He hates it. Not because his "ex-boyfriend" got it for him, but because as much as he loves planes, that's the thing that'll be taking Brian away after they get their diplomas and throw their caps. Jae wonders what kind of aircraft model Brian will ride on his flight that'll take him so far away from his side.

The next day at school is interesting. They walk up the slope like normal, talking to the other guys and Brian's almost impressed by how wide Jae can smile but he's doing the same thing. They didn't announce their break-up to the group mainly because that would mean affirming it, and because they didn't make a big deal about starting to date, so why make a big deal once it's over? 

"Did you guys really?" Sungjin asks as him and Brian are walking home,

"What was I gonna do? Ask him to deal with the distance?"

"Not necessarily, but you knew what you were doing when you asked him to be your boyfriend..." he points out,

"I know. That's why I wasn't gonna tell him the reason, I just wanted to end things,"

"Jae? Let you just end things?" Wonpil comments with a laugh,

"I know, I know, I'm an idiot. But we're too young, too new at dating and life to make things work across the globe." Sungjin looks at him,

"Remember when we were kids and we hated hearing that? You're too young for that, you wouldn't know. Oh, this is adult business, you're just a kid... Like, yeah we're young, but if you wanted to, maybe you guys could at least try?" and Brian nods in thought.

"But yeah you're an idiot,"

"Hey,"

"But for him." Sungjin elaborates and Brian eyes him, confused,

"It may have been dumb, but what else were you gonna do to minimize how much you hurt him? I probably would've done the same thing, maybe Jae would too if the roles were reversed. He just can't see that 'cause both of you are dumbly in love with each other that it shuts down your logic," Brian and Wonpil stare at him in amazement.

"I'm so lucky," Wonpil whispers and Brian rolls his eyes,

"Great, a love lecture from my best friend after breaking up with Jae, exactly what I needed."

"My sessions are usually charged by the hour, so you're welcome,"

"That was like a 1 minute speech," Brian points out, shaking his head in disapproval,

"And taking my usual fee of $45 per hour and dividing it by-" he gets cut off when Brian shoves him and they laugh.

"Granted, maybe your approach wasn't the best. You just dropped like 3 things on the poor guy, said 'I love you', then 'let's break up', and then 'by the way, I'm moving'" he points out.

"I was confident I thought things through, though,"

"Yeah, maybe. But with a mindset of 'how do I minimize the hurt I cause Jae'. You should've used the mindset 'how can we make it through this together. Not just as Brian and as Jae, but as Brian and Jae.' You get me?" 

"Where the Hell is this all coming from?"

"He reads a lot of romance mangas," Wonpil exposes and Brian snorts,

"Actually, part of his speech just now was directly quoted from this one manga- Ow!" and Sungjin just has an unamused expression as he says,

"That's what you get. I told you that in confidence."

"I technically admitted to reading them with you, so don't hit me!" Wonpil says as he smacks Sungjin back, and Brian just smiles as they walk home.

"When're you gonna tell Dowoon and Junhyeok?"

"That we broke up or I'm leaving?"

"Both," Sungjin replies,

"Soon... I just wanna figure things out with Jae first,"

"Aren't you just broken up? That's that?" Wonpil asks with an expectant smile. It should be that simple, right? He initiated this, so he should just let things be. Make them suffer like this until he flies away.

"Maybe... I don't know." and they leave it at that.

Soon isn't soon at all.

Graduation is 2 weeks away and seeing Brian everyday at school isn't any more comfortable or pleasant. Brian's been wracking his brain and his heart to just make a decision, gather the courage to do something, say something. The group has picked up on the dynamics between them, so no one really mentions it - Jae's thankful for that because a small part of him was wondering if it would still be okay to be friends with them. Brian was their bridge, afterall. It's after school, the day they picked up their gowns and caps, when Jae's mom answers the door with a surprised,

"Oh!" Brian has a nervous smile,

"Hi Mrs. Park," and she gives him a comforting smile back.

"Hi Brian, long time no see," and he just nods.

"Is Jae home?" 

"Yes, right upstairs."

"Could I.. uh," he knows it's not his place to do this. Not anymore, not for the past 2 weeks.

"Could I steal him for a bit?" and Jae's mom looks at him with both sorry and unsure eyes,

"Oh, sweetie..." she says,

"Please. I just wanna talk... Could you please tell him I'll wait in the car outside for 30 minutes, and if he doesn't come out, I got the message and I'll leave him alone." his mom doesn't react just yet, just looking at Brian's sorry eyes,

"Please." he repeats. She nods slowly, and Brian says,

"Thank you, Mrs. Park, thank you." and she gives him a small smile before telling him she'll go tell Jae, and she closes the door.

"Yeah?" Jae says when he hears the knocks on his door. His mom pops her head in and says,

"Brian's downstairs..." Jae blinks at her before turning back around to his homework. She tells him the situation and leaves him alone with the decision to make. He's trying to focus on this History assignment, but his concentration is thrown completely off.

Dammit! I was doing so well! he thinks, slamming his pen down.

All of a sudden he wants to talk? What, he think he can just waltz to my house thinking everything will be okay? Sweep me away like he used to? Who the Hell does he think he is?!

Jae stares at the words of the textbook, all of them losing their meaning. He buries his head into his arms and sighs. 

He's Brian.

In the car, Brian's checking his phone every minute, swearing they're dragging on with weights hindering their passing, and counts 19 when he sees Jae emerge and make his way to the passenger seat. He opens the door and reluctantly yet angrily sits down, making the point that he's still upset.

"Hey," Brian starts, looking at Jae with a thankful smile, but Jae keeps his eyes down and doesn't greet.

"You came out a lot earlier than expected," and Jae looks at him,

"Earlier?" and Brian nods,

"I thought you'd wait until the last minute to come out. You know, make me wait for 29 minutes," and Jae scoffs, suppressing a smile.

"My mom told me you'd be waiting for 20." he informs and Brian wants to run back in and hug Mrs. Park.

"and I could've not come out at all." he points out and Brian puts on a small smile,

"No, I knew you would. So did your mom, that's why she shortened the time, to make you talk to me sooner."

"Oh, make me talk? Funny, last time we conversed, pretty sure I was the one dragging all the words out of you." shuts Brian up and he's reminded of why he's there. 

"Put your seatbelt on," he informs, starting the car,

"What? No. You said you just wanted to talk."

"Not in your driveway, put it on."

Jae doesn't respond, pouting like a toddler and Brian scoffs, he missed this petty yet cute Jae. He leans over and puts it on Jae himself, Jae tensing at the closeness.

Loser, he was your boyfriend 2 weeks ago, you guys have done more than graze sweater sleeves, Jae thinks ignoring his heart that sped up just a bit. Once he hears a click, Brian looks at Jae, staring until Jae says,

"W-What?" Ugh, lame. Brian smiles, fond and apologetic,

"I love you." and proceeds to back out of the driveway as he leaves Jae flustered and scrambling for words.

Jae can already tell where they're going by the route, and he's not too sure if he's up for watching planes tonight - because in 2 weeks time, Brian will be on one. Regardless, Brian parks and Jae stays still for a while before getting out of the truck and going to the back. He gets on himself this time, not needing Brian's hand that was extended for him. 

"You know what?" he says, situating himself in the blankets and pillows, the set up so familiar and comforting. He thought he was very, very slowly moving on from Brian, but who was he kidding? When Brian said he loved him, he wanted to say it right back. Hell, he wants to say it right now. Because regardless of how upset and hurt he is, he still came out to talk to Brian. He didn't get out of the car, he didn't stop Brian from putting on his seatbelt, or driving. He even got into the back of the truck himself, and is holding his favourite pillow - one Brian promised he'd bring everytime they went plane watching - looking at the boy he loves. Maybe he's naive and young, but that's why he wants to cherish this love even more. The love Brian taught him, showed him, gave him. He doesn't like that that's in past tense, so he hopes they can revive the love Brian continues to teach him, show him, give him. 

Brian didn't expect Jae to initiate the conversation, so he lets out a surprised,

"Hm?"

"You're so annoying." he says,

"Uh," Brian almost panics, concluding this night probably won't go in his favour.

"You're the person I care for the most, someone I wanna be with, and put effort into. Literally the only person that can make me this happy. You've really changed my life and I love you," he says, in passing, payback for Brian using those 3 words to preface his break-up. Before Brian can even comment, Jae just naturally continues,

"But you're also the only person who can make me this irritated and angry! You're an idiot for pulling that 2 weeks ago,"

Brian nods in agreement, scratching his nape as he looks down at the pillows,

"But I still friggin' like you, so I guess that makes me an idiot too." 

They stare at each other before Brian cautiously says,

"Did... Did you say you love me?"

"You don't get to ask questions or for repetition." and he surrenders with a nod immediately.

"Can we talk things out?" he asks. Jae looks at the approaching summer sky just a bit longer before looking to his side with a small smile,

"Let's talk." he replies as a plane flies in overhead. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

hi hello, my name is Zen! you guys probably already know that by now :) this was the second last chapter, guys! the next update, it'll be over the next chapter accompanied with an author's note! Just wanted to say thank you guys so much for 50 subscribers and 50+ comments! I really love comments, so thank you. Was that the reason you expected Bri to end things? I thought it was fitting, considering I introduced this story with Jae as someone who loves airplanes so the thing he initially loved so much could take Bri away! I already have the last chapter written, so that should be out next week. OH GUYS I covered 'days gone by', please check it out! :D Click the photo below! 

social medias: twitter&instagram: @zenkrcovers | kakao: zenaya

I'm pretty friendly, if you wanna be pals ^_^ I'll update next week, so until the end - peace. <3