I blinked hard.

“Kyungwan! Do you not remember? I always drop by your house and we’d play lego all day long? The girl with the coconut hairstyle?” She continued to explain, making a coconut shaped gesture over her head.

“But… Kyungwan is a boy.”

Jeongyeon stifled a laugh. “What? I’m a girl.”

Oh. Maybe she’s a trans? I can’t believe this. I’ve been so immersed in my feelings for the past 20 years that I didn’t even once consider how she feels. But she looks so natural though.

“Did you get—? there—” I struggled asking, gesturing down to her crotch. “Like change—down there?”

“Hu—what?” Her eyes widened in defense. Okay, so I guess not. “No! I’ve always been a girl!”

“I still don’t understand. Kyungwan is a boy’s name.”

“I know. That’s why I had it legally changed to Jeongyeon. You know, I’d never thought that—”

My mind completely blanked out.

It felt like being hit with a giant wave, like that incident when I was younger. We went overseas for a beach trip. While playing with my sister, I saw this big beautiful wave coming and my stupid thought it would be fun to run towards it when I knew for a fact that I couldn’t swim. I ended up being knocked over; sea water filled my nose and it stung like hell. I almost drowned.

That is exactly what I felt at this moment, except that it’s a much bigger wave.

A tsunami. Yes. It hit me like a tsunami.

I couldn’t breathe properly and my mouth feels dry.

“Nayeon? Are you okay?” I was brought back to reality by Jeongyeon’s voice and realized she was waving her hands infront of my face.

I managed to nod gently.

“Are you sure? You got that weird expression on your face.”

“I’m fine.”

“Anyway, As I was saying, I was really heartbroken as a kid when we moved out. I thought we’d never see each other again.” She said, “I mean we lost contact. And it was really hard. So imagine my surprise when I see your name earlier.”

I’m still stunned.

“You really haven’t changed a lot. You still got the bunny teeth.” She chuckled.

I stared at her in disbelief. Is this really Kyungwan? I tried focusing my attention to her face. I admit, they kind of resemble each other; the hazelnut brown, cat-like eyes; well-defined nose; thin lips; small heart shaped face. The more I look at her, the more I see Kyungwan.

No, this is not happening.

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

--__---__--

“—Ow!” I yelped in pain when an unknown hard object knocked over my head. Turns out it was my mother’s knuckles. “Ah waeee?!” I groaned in frustration.
 

I was so deep in my thoughts I forgot that I’m in my parent’s house. I went here straight after that horrible reunion with Kyungwan. I’m not even sure how I managed to get through that because honestly, my mind was blank the whole time.

“I told you to stop playing with your food! Good heavens.” She yelled at me angrily and continued to mutter a few curses under her breath. I realized I’d been circling my chopsticks around my bowl of rice for quite a while. Oops. My mother really hates it when people play with food.
 

“Oh. Sorry.” I put my chopsticks down and smiled sheepishly at my glaring mother who just turned her back on me. Ah really. “You used to be so kind when I was little.”
 

“You never listen.”
 

I made a face behind her. My mom never disciplined me the hard way when I was a kid. She would always explain things to me in a gentle way. She’d scold me but after a while, she’d comfort my crying . She’d never hit me as a child, so I don’t understand why she suddenly began to use force on me when I turned into a fully grown woman.
 

Geez, I wish I was a kid again. I thought, making me realize why I was back here in the first place. “Omma.”

“Hm?”

I was careful with my words, “Do you remember that boy who used to play with me all the time?”

“Who?”

“That boy next door?” I repeated, “The one whose parents were always away so they would always drop him off and we’d play his bag of legos in my room?”
 

My mother still seemed clueless.
 

“You know? that frail looking kid with a coconut hair?” at this point, I almost gave up.
 

“Yoo Kyungwan?”
 

“YES!” I exclaimed. Finally. “Yes! Kyungwan!”
 

“Kyungwan is a girl, though.”
 

What.
 

“You knew she was a girl?!”

Am I the only one who thought she was a boy? I secretly hoped that Jeongyeon was only playing a prank on me, that she is just Jeongyeon and Kyungwan is somewhere out there laughing at my stupid gullible . But apparently, this is the reality.

or maybe my mom’s on it too?

 

“What do you mean ‘I knew she was a girl’? What? You thought she was a boy?” She asked me back as if it was the most ridiculous question she’s ever heard. If her eyes could talk, it would be yelling ‘Babo!’ at me
 

Nevermind. My mom can’t act even if her life depended on it.
This is as real as it gets.

 

“Her name is Kyungwan for ’s sake!”

 

“Hey! Language!” She slapped the back of my head so hard that I probably lost some of my neurons. “Why are you bringing her up anyway? It’s been 2 decades.”

I ended up telling my mom the embarassing incident that happened earlier; How Jeongyeon was my job preceptor and how I almost lost it when she told me she was Kyungwan. It kind of irked me that she was more interested in Kyungwan—Jeongyeon than my new job. She was asking how she’d been, how she looked, how her parents were and that I should’ve invited her to dinner at least.

“You should’ve invited her here!” She exclaimed.
 

“Am I not enough? Why don’t you go ask her to be your daughter then?” I couldn’t help but talk back in annoyance.

and I earned myself another smack in the head.

Yeah, I should just go home.
 

--__---__--

I heard a loud english dialogue coming from the TV as soon as I opened our apartment door. Instinctively, I looked at my watch since Mina usually comes in at midnight. It’s half an hour past 10. Maybe she got home early? Part of me wanted to see her so that I can cry my heart out until I fall asleep. Mina knew how much obsessed I am with Kyungwan. Only she and Jihyo knows. She’d understand.

I went straight to the living room only to be welcomed by the sight of two uninvited japanese guests (aka Mina’s bestfriends) sprawled on the couch.
 

“Hello, people who do not live here!” I said, mimicking a character from a tv series I’ve watched before.

Both turned their attention on me, “Hi.” They said in unison before Sana added, “Mina gave us keys in case of emergencies.” She reasoned as Momo took a mouthful of chicken.
 

“And what is the emergency?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Sana was sitting with legs crossed on one corner of the couch while Momo was lying sideways on the carpet with one feet propped up. There was a bucket of what seems to be chicken wings on either side of them with a few can of beers on the coffee table.

“Our netflix expired.”

“What?”

“Subscription. Netflix. Expired.” Momo answered nonchalantly as she continued to chew on her food.

Seriously, it’s impossible to talk to these two when there’s food involved.

I threw my bag on the couch and got myself a can of beer from the table.
“Hey, that’s for Mina!” Momo started to complain but then I shot her with an ‘Yes-And-You’re-in-My-Apartment’ look. “—but Mina’s not yet here so of course you can drink that, Nayeonie.”


“What are you watching anyway? Is that Audrey Hepburn?” I slumped into the couch, next to Sana.

 

“Roman Holiday.” Sana answered, taking a gulp of beer. “and yup, that’s her.”
 

“Hey, what if she’s really Korean and her name is ‘Oh Doo Ri’?” Momo snickered. I sighed. Trust Momo to think of weird questions like these. I rolled my eyes. At first glance, Momo looks intimidating. To be honest, I was a bit scared of her when Mina first introduced us. She has a pretty face, slim and fit. I remember she was wearing this pink cropped top and her abs was screaming for attention that I stared at it for 10 seconds straight.

But then, she turns out to be this weird innocent fluff ball who loves food and exercise more than anything else.