I became obsessed with the idea of love at a very young age. Perhaps it was the bedtime stories my grandmother used to read for me, particularly those fairytales with the knight-in-shining armor saving the-damsel in distress or a simple girl falling for prince charming plot; perhaps it was those foreign romantic movies my halmeoni used to watch every night; or perhaps it’s the way my father kisses my mother whenever he comes home. Whatever it is that planted the idea at my young mind, I’m not sure.

But I knew that’s what I wanted in life.

I was probably just 6 or 7 when I realized that love wasn’t as simple as it appeared to be.

I remember that day distinctly; we were in Banpo Hangang Park, having a family picnic. It was a bright Sunday, I know, because my dad was there (he didn’t have work on Sundays) together with my mom, my halmeoni and my 3 year old sister, Seoyoon. My dad was fixing the tent; My halmeoni was feeding Seoyoon while my mother and I went to get ice cream.

It was then when I spotted a sweet couple wearing a prince and a princess outfit. Now that I think about it, I guess they were cosplayers.

What bothered me is that the prince had a long hair tied in a ponytail.

“Are boys allowed to have long hair?”

My mother handed me my ice cream, “What’s that sweetie?” She asked.

Then I pointed to the direction of the couple.

“Oh. She’s not a boy sweetie. They’re both girls.”

“Eh? Why is she a prince? Isn’t she supposed to be a princess?”

I think my mother is not expecting to be revealing the principles of uality to her kid at that moment. But of course, I was too naïve to notice that back then.

“She is a princess.”

“I don’t understand.”

My mother held my hand as we walked away from the ice cream stand. “You’ll understand when you get older.”

Of course my stubborn wouldn’t let this go just yet. “Then, they can’t fall in love?”

“What? Aigoo. Where do you even learn these things, Nayeonie~?” She laughed at my question.

“They can’t fall inlove?”

“Well, why not? Of course they can fall in love.”

“But they’re both girls.”

My mother stopped me from my tracks and bent down to my level, “Sweetie, sometimes, princesses fall in love with princesses. Then, they live happily ever after.”

“Eh?”

“There are girls who like girls and boys who like boys. It doesn’t have to be a boy and a girl all the time.”

My mother smiled so warmly at me back then that I couldn’t help but smile back. “So do I like a prince or a princess?”

“This kid. You’re the only who can say that of course. But not now okay? When you grow older you’ll understand.”

“Okay.”

“Satisfied, Nayeonie~?”

“I don't know. It’s difficult.”

“Love is complicated my dear. And that’s what makes it beautiful.”

I didn’t understand what my mother meant at that time. But the idea glued itself inside my head for a very long time. Since then, I’ve always wondered about my feelings. Whether I wanted a prince or a princess.

And then I met Kyungwan.

Kyungwan is our neighbor’s son; a flimsy but good-looking boy the same age as me with a hairstyle which reminded me of a coconut. I first met him when my family invited his family(when they just moved in next door) for dinner. Our families got along well so it was natural for us to become playmates.

His parents would always drop him in our house every weekends. He’d always show up with his stupid bag of Legos and we’d play all day until his parents pick him up. Kyungwan was my first friend.

And probably my first love.

One day, we were in a playground in my neighborhood. I remembered crying my under the monkey bars because some kids made fun of my bunny teeth, saying I can’t play with them since ‘bunnies can’t climb’ and that I should just ‘hop and eat some carrots’.

God, kids can be awful.

Anyway, I was bawling loudly and Kyungwan probably heard it all because he was shouting the next second, “You can all climb and eat bananas. You look like monkeys anyway!”

The bullies didn’t like this and started coming on to us.

He grabbed my hand and we ran away as fast as we could until we found a hiding spot inside one of those big concrete pipes.

Kyungwan did his best to comfort me, patting my head and all since I was still crying. “Ah, uljimaaa~. Uljima.” However, when you say this to a 5 year old, the kid would just do the opposite and cry louder. Which is exactly what I did.

Panic probably rushed through him because he does an unimaginable thing the next second.

He kissed me. on the cheek.

Kyungwan kissed me on the cheek.

And that is more than enough to stop me from crying.

“Mom says kisses are the best way to stop crying.” He said, proudly.

That’s when it hit me. I knew what I was looking for right then and there.

I was looking for a prince.