Han Geng got up when he heard the knock on his apartment door, opening it curiously. He wasn't expecting anyone, so who could be visiting him?

A young man stood on his doorstep. Something about him was familiar, in his face, and the way he looked at him. He was tall and slender with shaggy brown hair hanging around his face. His eyes were a rich brown but the color couldn't hide the sadness in them.

"Hyung?"

Then he remembered. The day he'd left Korea a group of his dongsaengs had appeared. They had all looked so young, their faces round with youth, their eyes bright with excitement though that day they were more solemn, sad to see such a beloved hyung leaving.

"Jinki?" He could see it now, see the young man he'd once been; the young man with the eager, happy smile, who'd looked after his groupmates so protectively. "What... Why are you here?"

Jinki bit his lip before answering. "I had to see you, hyung." He answered softly. "Have you heard about...?" He swallowed, unable to continue.

Geng sighed, stepping back. "You mean Jonghyun? Yeah, I heard. Come inside."

Jinki nodded, stepping inside the apartment. "None of us knew, hyung... I didn't know. I feel like I failed him."

"Is that why you're here?"

The other man blinked, looking over at him. "What? Oh, no, I didn't leave, if that's what you're asking. I just needed some time. We all do. Minho and Taemin went to Japan, I'm not sure where Kibum went to. We couldn't stay, not after we buried him..."

"So, you decided to come here?"

"Well.. I was going to go to Thailand but then I remembered that I hadn't been to China in a while. And when I got here, Heechul hyung texted me your address. He told me I should visit and tell you."

Geng got a bottle of tea from his fridge, offering it to Jinki. "I'm sorry that it happened. Jonghyun was talented... I saw him on TV once, performing one of his songs."

The brunette took the offered bottle with a weak smile. "Yeah, he really was talented." He opened the tea, taking a sip before continuing. "He didn't think he was though. His suicide note was given to us by a friend of his. She told us he'd given it to her a few days before he died. All I can think is what if she hadn't waited? Why couldn't she have shown it to someone before it happened? He could've gotten the help he needed."

He took a seat at the table, motioning for Jinki to sit with him. "It would've been nice if she had. Has she told the circumstances in which he gave her the note? Maybe he sealed the note and asked her not to open it for a few days. If she wanted to be a good friend to him, she would have respected his wishes."

The younger man hesitated before sitting down in the chair beside the blond. "Well... yeah. But-"

Geng shook his head, cutting him off. "No buts. All this wondering what if won't bring Jonghyun back. You know that."

"I know." Jinki sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I miss him, hyung... Things are so different now. Kibum looks lost, Minho looks angry and Taemin... He's always been a skinny guy but now... He looks like he's going to blow away in the next storm. I don't know what to do, hyung. I feel so helpless but I'm the leader. I should know what to do, what to tell them."

He wasn't sure why he did it, he just knew that Jinki looked so lost. He wanted him to stop looking like that; it seemed natural to reach over and tilt the other mans' chin up and kiss him softly.

For a minute, the younger man was frozen in his seat, unmoving as Geng kissed him. Then, as if a switch had been flipped, he was leaning forward in the chair to kiss him back. It wasn't comfortable, both of them were leaning at awkward angles, the arms of their chairs digging into their sides. But it was enough. Something that both men could hold on to and remember in days to come.