“I was enough for her not long ago.

I was her number one, she told me so.

And she still means the world to me,

Just so you know.”

— I Loved Her First, Heartland

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He had carefully planned his life: finish university, get a decent job, save enough money to marry his girlfriend before finally building his own family with her. He had it all figured out so when she told him she was pregnant with their child, he totally went blank. Frozen. Freaked out. He left her alone in the backyard, crying her eyes out. He needed time to think.

All he could think of was his dreams going up in smoke, already out in the window. For god’s sake, he was only nineteen! How can he tell his parents that he got his seventeen-year-old girlfriend pregnant? He was too young to become a father—he didn’t even know if he wanted to be one. Maybe later, but definitely not now. He was too young for this! He was still a kid himself, how can he raise one?

His girlfriend. He knew she would keep the baby. But was he ready to be a parent? Was he ready to take responsibility? Was he ready to give up all his dreams and plans for a small bump unborn? Yes, he planned to have kids with her, but that was when everything was already in order. Not this early. He couldn’t let her leave him. He wouldn’t let that happen. If it meant keeping the baby just to keep her by his side, albeit he wanted it gone, he would do it.

The first time he saw her, she was wet with water and blood. She was flailing her arms and legs, and she was screaming her lungs out. She was a very small baby, but very beautiful. He didn’t know he was crying when the doctor handed him his very own daughter. His. She’s beautiful. She’s so beautiful. That was all he could think of as he tried to pacify the crying bundle of joy that fit in his arms perfectly. The mistake he thought he made became his world. And in that moment, as he ran his finger on her cheek, he vowed to be a good father to her. He loved her.

It slowly killed him as he watched her grow up right before his eyes. His little girl was growing fast, and he wished that time would stop. He wished she would always be a child and not grow up. She didn’t need to grow up—he’d do anything for her. Appa will do everything for her. Looking at her smiling up at him, dragging her teddy bear, made his eyes well with tears. She was a miracle. His and his wife’s miracle.

When someone asked for her hand in marriage, he thought he died then and there. He knew it was only a matter of time, but giving her away was still not an easy feat. He had to gather his courage and wits to smile at the man who was sitting in front of him and his wife—the same man who would never live up to his standards. If he could oppose, he would. His daughter was his and no one else’s. But one look from her daughter’s face and her young man’s, who was he to stand in their way? He agreed, and the thank you daddy, I love you followed by a hug from her made his heart constrict.

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