themedicalscholar: 

hey i'm back! So there's a bit that I want to clarify. Its been a while since I broke my laptop and thats somewhat why I haven't been posting as often. I'm writing all this from my phone (lol) so i hope you guys at least give me credit for that. 

i sincerely hope you guys give me the same support and love as you did with DTDT, I think i've lost my old supporters since I haven't been here for a while. But i'm back now regardless with a laptop or only thru my phone. 

please upvote, subscribe, bookmark or whatever that you can. But I love comments the most! I find it very inspirational when you guys give me your two cents. I revolved DTDT around your comments, and what a journey that was. Enjoy! 

Thats the thing with falling in love. You can't really pick and choose of which side of him you fall in love with. Lee Kwang Soo in the bathroom brushing his teeth while peeking at the news from the mirror. Lee Kwang Soo telling me that he loves me. Lee Kwang Soo stocking up his mom's cooking in my fridge since I am too lazy to cook. 

But you certainly can't pick and choose what hurts you too. 

Lee Kwang Soo leaving me hung and dry on my birthday when I cancelled plans just to be with him. Lee Kwang Soo and his snide remarks about how casually unimportant I am to him. And Lee Kwang, Soo's back, as he leaves the door close behind him. 

Love, however it is depicted in films or even literature, somehow just forgets to mention of how cruel love in real life can be. 

I went to work cycling today. I just had a lot on my mind, I always do. Everything starts at 11 in the morning but I was out of the house by seven. The roads are still clear, not as congested. I stopped by a bagel shop, got some coffee and sat down at a nearby park. I sat down, crossed my legs and went over my script over and over. What makes Lee Dong Wook work is his dedication. I feel oddly competitive seeing him so devoted. I rehearse my lines in my head, sometimes muttering some to myself. Its not about how well you memorize it, its how you much emotion you can clarify and convey to the audience. I remember my times in college, rehearsing in drama club. I could hear the voice of my professor and how devilishly gorgeous he was despite being almost 25 years older than I was. It isn't that he is the reason I became an actor however he placed that spark into me. When I landed my first major role in film, he sent me a large bouquet of flowers, telling me how proud he is for me. Spent hours after the shoot drying the purple lilac flowers and placing it into silicone moulds, drowning in it resin I found from the art supply store. It still is beautiful, after years along in my career. 

I ate half of the bagel and placed it in my coat pocket since I'd be too full if I finished all of it. I came by the set at about 9:30. I've seen that he's already there. They're still setting up the production set, I'll be hauled into hair and makeup in an hour. There was a pot of coffee waiting for us in the pitched tent, the autumn air cool and breezy made it feel so cozy as I tucked into a cup of ol joe. 

My manager texted me: "where the hell are you? I'm parked up front?" 

I immediately called him, telling him I'm already here. 

"What? Did you cycle again?" 

Even over the phone he can hear me shrug and I can feel him touching his temples. 

"I'll be there in half an hour." 

"I'm sorry." 

He hung up. 

"Can I join you?" A voice greeted me as soon as I hung up the phone. He looked great, as always. He didn't seem nervous at all. I've been acting for years but I still get jitters on the first day of shooting. I shrugged, giving him a 'be my guest' vibe. "I don't think we've been properly introduced before."

We exchanged greetings and we finally sat down with each other. 

"You're the first person I worked with that actually looks serious." He says.

"I beg you pardon?" 

"Most of the actresses I work with, come here with last night's hangover, totally unprepared."

I smirked. "How would you think that I'm prepared?" 

"Because you're nervous." He says, leaning in a bit too close I must say. "The more nervous an actor is, the more prepared they are. Its because they tried their hardest, and they want to prove that they did." 

"So you must be unprepared, you don't seem nervous at all." I doubt. 

He leans in closer, his voice almost like a whisper. "Only on the outside, Song Ji Hyo-ssi. We're all actors, aren't we?"

Hair and make up is calling. And I can't seem to hear them. All I can hear is how fast my heart is racing and I could hear it from my temples. The way he looked at me made my heart shift, and it flickers, and almost at once, my mind registers the same common feeling. 

Attraction. 

When I went back, Lee Kwang Soo was standing in front of my door. He was alone. 

"What do you want, Kwang Soo-ya?" 

"To explain." 

"You don't need to explain anything. Not to me. I got your words clear and simple." 

"You're not answering my calls, my messages left read but unanswered. Can't you hear me out? For once?" 

"Unfortunately, I don't want to hear you out." I wanted to open my front door but he wouldn't budge. He insists on talking. I don't want to talk. I got hurt and he got what he wanted. So what the does he want with me now? 

"Noona.." 

"Lee Kwang Soo!" I yelped at the front door. The dam bursts and I'm crying. "What do you want with me now? I had a long day, I'm dead tired and I haven't had proper sleep in three days. This is the thing that men just won't understand, I don't owe you anything! I don't need your explanations, I don't need your excuses and your retribution. I am so ing tired so won't you just... Leave me alone. Is it so hard for you to just make peace with the ty things you've done to me?" 

"Forgive me." He says, and thats all he says. 

"Maybe one day, Kwang Soo-ya. But today, is just not the day. Its very hard to be forgiving these days. Especially when it comes to you."