Author's Note: I'm going on a writer's binge. Enoy!

Lee Kwang Soo walks towards me as I walked towards my unit. I was in such a good mood. It's wondrous of how a an can tae that away from you in a matter of seconds. It's astonishing, really. And I could feel the hostility rushing to my cheeks. The cheek that he had kissed, the butterflies that I got went and dissipated into the air like smoke. 

"Where were you?" He asked me. "I waited since 3 o' clock?"

I glared at the watch on my wrist. It was almost six. It's amazing of how fast time flies by when you don't feel like dying all the ing time. 

"I ran errands."

"You had someone over yesterday." He says, leaning on the door - as usual not letting me in.

"And how would you know that?"

He eye rolls me. "Mr. Kim." He answers honestly.

"So, is that any of your business, who is over and who is not?'

His eyes shift. "No."

"Well there you have it." I said chuckling. I was pushing him off, I needed to rest. I need my nap. He wouldn't budge, as always. And I noticed how close I was getting, and I know singlehandedly a bad idea it was, getting to close to him. He looks around, then wraps his arms around me on a tight grip. 

He speaks in hush tones, just by my ear "You don't know how much I missed you, noona." I hate it every time he calls me that. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I miss it. "And you've got me under this spell, this grip. I won't let you go until you let me in." He says it. In perspective it might have sounded cute, romantic and all. But not when you really think about it. 

"I'm scream, Lee Kwang Soo!" I said, hitting him on the back. 

"Then scream. Let them hear you, let them see us. They're your neighbors, not mine."

I told him to let me go, and I'll open the door. As soon as I did, he followed me in closely, taking the paper bag from my hands to his. Lee Kwang Soo was a bigger reader than I am, could you believe? He sets himself on the sofa, then lets me change clothes. I was watching him from the bedroom. His large hands, thumbing the books one by one, seeing which one he liked. Seeing him there, makes me feel like the things going on with Lee Dong Wook was just a dream. Just a big, long dream. A nice one, at that, instead of the nightmares that I usually get. He looks so normal. So ordinary, like the days when we were dating. So normal, so calm. It made me kind of forget of the things that has happened before. But I can't forget. I can't bury those memories, no matter how many times he tells me that he's a changed person. This is what we all forget at times, people don't change. Especially not Lee Kwang Soo. 

I changed from my out clothes to home clothes. The usual pants and shorts, as I let my hair breathe a little on my shoulders. When I came back, he told me I looked nice. I simply shot him a look. It was hard, wasn't it, before. To get used to the life without him. And now he sticks out like a sore thumb in my everyday life. He was not my 'everyday' anymore. 

I was tired. I woke up pretty early. I usually spend the whole entire day, sleeping on my off days. I set myself on the couch and closed my eyes. He pulls me up, puts my head on his lap. And I just let him, too tired to defy. He reads the book, his hand resting on my head and sometimes he plays with my hair. Look at us. 

Look what you took away when you decided I was not good enough for you. 

Look what we could have been if you just, felt satisfied with only me. 

Look at what could be us, if only you didn't take it away from us. 

Soon, so easily, I drifted to sleep. 

When I woke up, Kwang Soo was sleeping too. The whole room dark, only the bright lights of Seoul lighting it up dimly. He had the book resting on his chest, you could see it rising and falling every time he breathed. I had my own saliva running down on my cheek, I kind of laughed. How deeply did I sleep? I went outside and rested against the balcony railing. How forgiving should I be? How much more understanding should I be? Didn't I do that enough before when we were dating?

I just didn't understand it. Why does he keep on coming back?

I could hear footsteps behind me. He crept behind me, like a ghost, yawning and scratching his back. He stood next to me. 

"It's cold." He says, rubbing both of his palms.

I simply just sighed. Acknowladging him, but not really caring. 

"Is it better if I get straight to the point?" He asks me. I shot him a look, then I nod. 

"It would be easier. Yes."

"I just.. I don't know. I feel like the things I put you through.. I don't really think it was fair." He says, sighing. "But I have to say, honest to God, I did love you very much."

Love. The word resonated to me, like it was pulsating. "Why would it matter? Why the would it matter?" I said. "How could you, coming back now, change the way I felt before? What do you want? Satisfaction of being forgiven? The ease of forgiveness? To make things right? Whatever you do, is not going to change the fact that I spend too much time thinking about you. Too much time, asking myself what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know!" My voice went high pitched. "I did nothing wrong. The only person that was wrong, in our situation was you." I said, my eyes meeting his. I was no longer afraid to look at him in the eye. My heart did not waiver, not like before. I didn't melt as I did before, every time I saw him. "What's the point, of being so in love, however being in the mercy of everything you do or say. Is that fair?"

"Can you just, stop for a moment?" 

I had my arms crossed around my chest. Is he actually telling me to shut the up?

"I know. I know you got hurt a lot. I really know that. But give me a chance to make things right with me and you. Can you please just once, after our break up, can you please not be angry at me for once?"

I want to be angry. I want to be stiff as a ing rock. I want to be solid, and unchanging. 

I don't want to be me, to be pushed around as if I should be aware that I'm not meant to be loved by him.