I manage to pick what's left of me from the floor, and sat upright. The first thing I felt was that I was thirsty. All of the crying and sorrow has led with my heart feeling empty, and my throat thirsty. I went to the bathroom, dipped my hands into the pool of cold water, and splashed my face. I look at my face in the bathroom mirror - this is what I amount to now. This is all that's left of me. I went to the water dispenser, and had myself a glass of water. I sat there on the counter for a long time, trying to vaugely remember what went wrong with him and I. And I try to say to myself that it wasn't my fault. I had a hard time of his departure. But that's the thing about healing - the wounds still feel fresh if you try to remember it, so it is best to let it be. Maybe one day, when I look back, it won't hurt as badly. 

I decided to go back to my script and rehearse my lines. I look at my schedule and took a sigh of relief. Running Man's not filming until another week. Running Man was one thing: when the public found about Kwang Soo and I dating, as always people were happy for us. Questions on SNS always amount to when will the wedding happen, and every time we were close in an episode, the world rocked a bit with emotion. The production seemed to love pairing us together - and the audience went wild for it. For a while people were hinting, and then they got what we wanted. We were a couple on screen, and then off. The other cast was teasing, and the public was in awe. 

However when the public found out, they were devastated. Tabloids would print of how he was a womanizer, or maybe his drinking got in the way of our courtship. At first he begged me to release a statement for his behalf. That the truth was worse than infidelity - he had grew tired of me. I refuse to speak up, and for the first couple of months we had separated, he had despised me. I wonder what happened, for him to try and backtrack his feelings. I wonder what happened, to make him realize that I was whom he wanted. 

This are the things people never tell you about relationships, or maybe about woman. When we are separated with the person you love, the only thing you want from your so-called previous beloved, was to be begged for you to return. We want you to be on your knees, we want you to cry and shrivel when we say no. We want you as fragile as possible. 

Isn't this what I wanted? For him to realize what he actually want? For him to realize my worth? 

He should've realized it before. Maybe a few months after we broke up. But it's been almost a year now. Why is he crawling back to me now? I would've said yes and things would have returned to the place it was, where we left things. I would've brought him the pieces that he broke to his hands, and asked him to mend it - to fix it. But it's been almost a year, I have carried the pieces in my hands all alone, and I have strut forward. So why are you here, now? 

I looked at my script, and found out that nothing I read had absorbed. It was about 10 in the evening, it's when I called Lee Dong Wook. I asked him if he wanted to come by and rehearse with me. He said yes. He rung my front door, and I let him in. He was dressed casually, he brought over chicken and some beer. We sat in my living room, and he acted as if we're acquainted since we were children. He doesn't even call me Song Ji Hyo-ssi anymore. 

We laughed and rehearsed. He had become much relaxed now around me. It seems that the Ice King persona he brings are just for strangers. However around me the walls that he had built fall apart - and he's there, so calm and easy going. I couldn't believe I had cried before, just an hour ago, when I'm laughing so much now. 

"I'm sorry to ask but you looked like you were sick before. Is everything okay?" He asked me after a while. 

"Yeah, everything's okay. Do I look unwell?" I asked. 

He shook his head softly. "No, but when you opened the door I thought it was someone else. But look at you now, with your cheeks all red. You look like you again." He says. When he said that, I found myself caught. 

"I didn't think you'd notice." The air turned quiet around us. "I cried a while ago. I do feel much better now." 

"Is something wrong?" He asks. "If there is, you can share if you'd like." 

As soon as he asks me if there is something wrong, my eyes well up. And he went into full panic. "Oh I'm sorry - I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to pry." He touched both of my shoulders. Then he held me, so worried that I might fall apart. And I just let him. The warmth of his body wrapped around me made me feel worse than I already was. The next thing I know I was clinging onto him and I was crying. His body felt different than Kwang Soo's, but it felt just right. And I cried with all my might on his shoulders.

He runs his warm hands on my back, and tell me to let it all out. He told me it's okay, both to pent or let it all out. "Either way is good, I'm here for you." 

And somehow that was everything.