themedicalscholar: Hey I'm back again. After a full year, lol. 

There are so much people in this world, seamlessly unapologetic, and kind of cruel. Those who you once love, you feel, will never actually leave you. Those sores, and cuts that honestly feels like it's going to heal if you just don't touch it - however it still is going to, if you think about it seriously. He fell out of love, and when he decides he hasn't, he pulls me back in again, like thread. People see there is the red string of fate, strung and woven by the people you love, how cruel is it, for him to play me along with my threads, when he was the one whom decided to snip it. 

I wasn't in the best condition when he left me. But he chose to do so after all. I was shedding off a bit with work, trying my best to spend more time with him. I had done all I can, to make sure that he was entertained by my presence. You give a lot, just to be loved. Just so he can look at me, just so he can want me. And I also have the tendency to want to be needed. I wanted to be the person he lays with, then the one he dreams of. I wanted to be the centre of his universe, it didn't matter how it limited me. That's how we are when we are in love. It doesn't matter to me. 

However it didn't matter to him. It didn't take any part of him away. What mattered was that I lost. Whomever loves more, is the one who loses. 

And I felt sick to my stomach, that he had strung me along. Even now that we're not together, he's still doing the same thing. I see him in my living room, pretending like he has a right over me. He has played me a fool, is as I see it. Someone that has shown me no mercy when he decides he has enough of me, comes back on his knees. 

So I'll be stiff. I'll put resin all over my heart if I have to. 

"I really want you to leave." I said. My eyes catch the empty spaces on the wall, where our photos used to hung. It aches me every time I see it. "Before I call someone to get you removed, it is in your best interest for you to leave." 

"Noona, please.." 

I looked at him, and gave him a smirk. "I invested two good years of my life, just so that I can cultivate myself into being the person You want me to be. No words of love can ever give me back the time I wasted on you. I don't want your wasted breath. I don't want your lovely words. If you had the audacity to leave, then you should keep your words. I don't want any more of it." 

He looks at me, bewildered by the things I've said. 

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. I was anticipating what had come out of his words, but all he did was reach for me, then he wraps his arms around me tightly. He has started to cry, an ugly sob at that. "My heart, noona, it feels like broken glass. And I don't know what to do about it. All I can do is to beg for you to forgive me." He says. 

"I forgive you." Soft words, I spill out, must have sounded like knives. He's hurting and I know it. I know because I know him like the back of my hand, I know him because he was once mine. "But you were the one that broke my heart, it wasn't the other way around. If you had the shrivel of decency, to keep all of me intact for now, then please leave." I smooth my hands on his back, then I looked at him. I repeat the same words: "Please leave." 

He did. And I cried. I cried hard till my shoulders lock and I am on my knees, then balled in front of the door of my home. I wanted to scream and ask him to please love me back, please overlook what has happened in the past. 

Please love me. I really want you to love me. 

But I didn't. It is easier to project strength, then to actually be strong.