My heart and ears listened as Josh began strumming the guitar to the mystery song dedicated to me. To make it even more intimidating, his “fangirls” jealousy peered and eyed me, whispering (more like talking), “that can’t be his girlfriend!” My heart skipped a beat just hearing that word.

    “Wise men say only fools rush in…” 

Oh no he didn’t. The song I loved but now hated. The song that made me contemplate the thought that I wasn’t capable of being loved. My trigger. 

    “But I can’t help falling in love with you,” he sang soulfully into the crowd. Every lyric mesmerized the crowd not only because of his voice, but the way he sang that felt so personal to each individual. I loved and hated it.

I know he just choose it because it was my ringtone throughout highschool and he knew how much of an Elvis dork I was. The gullible part of me played it in hopes that I was loved by someone, but I knew I wasn’t. An irrelevant person unworthy of others attention and love.

Josh continues singing, staring at the ground bashfully because of the mushy nature of the lyrics.

The voice in my head winces as I enter a thought spiral. 

“Why are you even here? You are an embarrassment to him! He probably feels pity for you since you couldn’t even get a proper writing job. I assume he even knows about your condition since you were a mess in highschool constantly in the nurse's office. Those girls are right, how could you even be acknowledged as the friend of someone so much better looking than you.” 

My hands sweat and my body grows anxiously itchy. I probably look so uncomfortable.

I contemplate what seems more embarrassing: Josh seeing me this way or running away.

Before my spiral can even subside, he finishes the song and the crowd roars with applause and cheers. I get up from my seat and start taking a step at a time.

“Rosie what’s wrong? Was it bad?” Josh said grabbing my shoulder before I could exit the cafe. 

“It… was amazing… you are so talented and you can achieve your dream,” I say staring at the ground, knowing that there was probably tears welling in my eyes from anxiety. “To be honest I’m not feeling well and I think I’ve got to take a taxi back to my apartment,” I said letting a tear escape my eyes. 

“You had a long first day, I’m proud of you,” he said giving me a pat on the back. “Let’s go back together, we live a few blocks away from each other anyway.” 

The entire taxi ride was silent, but not the awkward kind. I felt at peace letting myself finally become vulnerable in front of someone. He asked no questions and when it came time for me to unleash the tears that welled up inside of me, he gave me his sweater to bury my face into. If it were just anyone I would have just held in my emotions. But something about this night with this person just let me feel vulnerable and let all those bottled up emotions out. 

Before we knew it, we arrived in front of my barely standing apartment complex. It’s what I needed to settle for in order to survive financially in this city. Being the gentleman that he never fails to be, he paid for the taxi ride and offered to walk me up to my apartment, being that it was so late and my building’s lack of security. We walked up all 7 flights of stairs in the complex to get to the front door of my wonky studio. Physical exercise and shyness do not go together, so my heart felt like beating out of my chest. 

“Thank you so much for…,” I took a deep breath to gain my composure, “everything honestly.” 

He gave me a genuine smile, and did something totally unexpected: ruffling my hair. 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself Rosé. You’ve got me and a whole new family at a cafe. If you need anything, please call me.”

I then did something even more unexpected, I put my hand on top of his hand as he ruffled my hair, saying, “Thank you for being a real friend.” 

On cue, Max starts barking ferociously at the sound of my voice, bringing Josh and I back into reality. Both of us immediately turned pink and backed away from each other.

“Duty calls,” I say fumbling my keys into the lock. “Have a good night and get home safe!” I say milliseconds before closing the door behind me. 

I immediately scoop up Max in my arms and jump into my couch, processing everything that happened today.

“Max am I insane !” I cringe to my dog as I held him Simba style toward me. Today was a nightmare and a dream.

Joshua’s POV

Before I headed down the first flight of endless stairs, I heard a shriek.

“Max am I insane!”

I laughed to myself, heading down the stairs. Little did she know that I was ready to say those exact words to myself when I got home.