Jimin looked up with teary eyes.

“Go away,” his voice sounded horse from not being used for a while.

Yoongi swallowed loudly. This won’t be easy.

“Jiminie, don’t cry, please, please don’t cry. I hate seeing you like this,” pleaded Yoongi getting closer to the boy.

Jimin was drying his tears, trying to collect himself.

When Yoongi was close enough, he stretched his hand to grip Jimin’s shoulder in comforting manner, but the boy flinched. Yoongi’s heart broke at the scene. Sure, he didn’t know Jimin for a long time, but even when they weren’t close, Jimin never treated him so cold. He must have hurt him a lot.

“J-just don’t touch me,” weakly ordered Jimin getting up from his spot.

He wanted to get away from Yoongi as soon as possible. He didn’t want him to see how affected he was by all of it. It was all stupid and his fault for being insecure. And now his friend and the guy he came to love were both suffering because of him. Part of him blamed Yoongi, but deep down he knew that Yoongi was just trying to help, and that all of this mess was his fault.

“Jiminie, please…” said Yoongi weakly in a pathetic attempt of not letting Jimin go away.

He grabbed Jimin’s shoulder and turned him around so that Jimin was facing him now.

“Listen, I know I ed up and I know you must hate me know, but just… just let me apologize to you. I need you to hear what I have to say and if you never want to see me again, I-I’ll stay away from you, forever,” the mere thought of letting go of Jimin killed him, but if that what the boy wanted, he’d give it to him.

“You should apologize to Jungkook instead,” said Jimin coldly.

“I did earlier.”

Jimin was avoiding eye contact, but upon hearing Yoongi’s reply, he couldn’t help but look him in the eye. Yoongi looked wrecked. He never saw him like this, not even the night they first spoke. Yoongi had guilt and sadness written all over his face and Jimin would be lying if he said that that simple look didn’t already make him forgive him.

“You did?,” Jimin was beyond surprised. He knew that Yoongi was too prideful and too emotionally constipated to ever apologize to someone.  Did he really do it?

“Yeah, he promised that he wouldn’t leave the company and keep working with you. He told me that he wanted to leave the company just because he idolized me and cared a lot about my opinion. Can you believe that kid?” added Yoongi with a soft smile.

Upon seeing no reaction from Jimin, Yoongi spoke seriously again;

“Can I just apologize? That’s all I want. I promise it won’t take long.”

Jimin didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded, letting Yoongi speak.

Yoongi took Jimin’s hands in his, took a deep breath trying to collect his thoughts, and spoke with a soft voice;

“I’m sorry, Jimin. I shouldn’t have meddled in your business. It is your life and your career and it was out of place for me to make such a mess. You trusted me enough to tell me your worries and insecurities. At that time I didn’t realize that you didn’t need my help, that you wanted to just vent to someone. I’m sorry for breaking your trust. I know it makes no difference now, but I never intended to hurt you, I just wanted to help, guess I ed it all up.”

Jimin was just staring at him carefully guarding any emotion from appearing on his face.

A long silence stretched between them as they were thinking what to say next. Yoongi was staring at him, trying to memorize his face. His eyes, nose lips…  Jimin was a piece of art. Even if he had the chance of being his boyfriend for a short amount of time(was he even considered a boyfriend? They didn’t even go to a proper date), he was forever grateful for the privilege of enjoying the short time when Jimin was his and his only.

Finally, Jimin broke the silence.

“I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me or Jungkook, and I know that you did it to protect me, but…”

Yoongi held his breath waiting for that dreaded “but” part to begin.

“You really hurt me. I can forgive you but I’m not sure it won’t happen again. This whole situation is ridiculous. We barely know each other, why are we even seeing each other? We have talked what like 4 times? 5?,” asked Jimin.

“W-what are you saying?” asked Yoongi cautiously.

“I’m saying that our whatever-we-had might have been a mistake all along.”

Yoongi could swear he felt his heart being torn into pieces. He would be okay if Jimin break up with him (well, he wouldn’t really, but he would get over it sometime, maybe), but calling their relationship a mistake…

“Don’t say that Jimin,” said Yoongi seriously, “Don’t you dare to call it a mistake! Break up with me, get a restraining order, make me leave the company, you choose, but don’t call this a mistake.”

Yoongi was glad his voice was doing a good job of hiding how broken he was inside.

“Yoongi, but what if it was? We talked a few times when we were vulnerable and needed someone to lean on. What if we just thought that we liked each other because we were lonely and desperately needed someone? What if we convinced ourselves this was actually love? We don’t know anything about each other. I don’t know what is your favorite dish, what you like to do in your spare time, hell I don’t even know  if you are a cat or a dog person. Don’t you think these are things people who are in a relationship know about each other?” asked Jimin sounding a bit worked up.

Ever since he realized he felt a certain connection to the black haired producer, he had these thoughts, but he kept pushing these thoughts down hoping that maybe this was one of those rare occasions when love didn’t take much time or effort. Guess, this might not have been love all along.

“Why does it matter? We have time to get to know each other. So what if we know these things, after we have kissed. Does it really make such a big difference?” inquired Yoongi.

“It does when you are letting someone the power to break your heart,” replied Jimin slowly, “Talking about work, getting coffee together and sometimes kissing doesn’t really sound like a normal relationship.”

“How would I know? I have never been in one,” bitterly added Yoongi.

At his words Jimin’s eyes widened.

“You mean you never…”

Yoongi sighed. He hated talking about this. From all the things in his life that made him miserable (his family, his hungry and homeless days) his love life was the icing on the cake. He hated telling people that he never dated because it just felt so humiliating. Everyone assumed that a well-known rapper/producer had chains and chains of lovers and affairs, but it was all just bluff. Yoongi  was very picky with who could get close to him or touch him. There was only one person he wanted to give his heart to, but that person didn’t seem to need it.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a pathetic mess who had been in love with his best friend since I was 15 and when he started seeing Taehyung, I still couldn’t bring myself to get over him. I had never been interested in anyone before you. So when I realized that you liked me back I was over the moon, because I could finally know what it felt like to be loved by someone back,” Yoongi’s voice quivered at the end.

Jimin was in shock.

“B-but you never told me that before…”

“Why would I tell you? So you’d think I’m a weirdo and be creeped out by me?” asked Yoongi furrowing his eyebrows.

“I wouldn’t be creeped out,” seriously replied Jimin.

 “But you wouldn’t think it’s normal either.”

“No, I’d think that you are sweet and sensitive.”

Jimin was smiling softly at him and it was doing all kinds of things to Yoongi, mostly making him want to kiss it off Jimin’s face.

“This didn’t go the way I thought it would,” said Yoongi trying to change the subject.

He felt uncomfortable under Jimin’s gaze. It felt like Jimin was staring right through him, seeing all his thoughts and feelings. He never felt more vulnerable.

“Same here. Was I really your first?” asked Jimin sounding genuinely interested.

“Well, yeah. You were my first kiss,” Yoongi felt embarrassment crawling on his neck and ears in form of a blush.

Jimin smiled widely for the first time that night.

“W-what’s the smile for?”

“You are a lot softer and cuter than I thought you’d be.”

Yoongi’s blush deepened even more, if it was physically possible.

Suddenly Jimin’s smile disappeared.

“See? This is why I’m saying we aren’t a real couple. I should have known your relationship history or the lack of it before.”

“You think I insist what we have-had was real because I’m desperate to be in a relationship?” asked Yoongi a bit curtly.

Jimin didn’t say anything afraid of hurting Yoongi’s feelings but his silence was an answer enough.

Yoongi smirked bitterly and dropped Jimin’s hands.

“Huh, I must seem really desperate to you. You seem to have an already-formed idea of the way you think I think, but if you care even a little, I’ll tell you why I think it was real. It was real because my feelings were real. I never felt more comfortable than when I was with you. I never talked to someone so freely, never trusted someone so easily than I did with you. It scared me a lot but excited me even more. I drunk cups of coffee and didn’t sleep for nights because I knew that only at night I could see you, could be with you. Maybe you, as someone who has been in a relationship and isn’t as desperate and pathetic as me, knows it isn’t love, but for me it was the kind of love I longed for for a long time.”

With these words Yoongi turned around and headed towards the door. He was hurt and upset. He came to simply apologize to Jimin, and maybe if Jimin was kind and gracious enough, get him back, instead he found out that Jimin wasn’t sure about their feelings. It hurt much more than Yoongi could imagine. Was he cursed to be in love with people who never loved him the same way? Was he that unlovable?

Before he could turn the knob and head home to cry, two hands wrapped themselves around his waist.

 

“Yoongi, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you too I swear. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just scared because we were going too fast. I was scared that our relationship would burn like a flame and hurt both of us in the end, but I swear I do love you and I don’t want to lose you. The thing is I used to be in a relationship that started too fast. We were head over heels for each other but it went on like that for a month only. After the first flames passed, we started to argue about most basic things and realized that we weren’t meant to be. It hurt me a lot because I did love him. And I was really scared it would happen again with you, although with you it would have been much much worse, because I never loved someone the way I love you. I never felt more cherished and loved than I did the day you kiss me in your studio. You were so gentle and so careful I felt like the most precious thing in the entire world. I was, no I am scared of losing it. I’m scared of losing you.”

Jimin’s voice was muffled all through his speech as he had buried his head in Yoongi’s shoulder, but Yoongi heard him clear enough.

“You are scared of losing me so you are pushing me away?” asked Yoongi calmly.

“It’s better to get my heart broken now, than later when I’d get to have all of you.”
“You already have all of me.”

Yoongi turned around cupping Jimin’s cheeks.

“If you are ready to give us a chance and even if you aren’t, you still have all of me.”

Jimin looked like he was ready to burst into tears, so Yoongi helped him stop his tears the only way he could- by kissed him with all the love and affection he had. Jimin replied to the kiss eagerly.