warning : this story is going to have a late update later since the school is already starting for me, but I'll try to update as fast as I can! thanks for the understanding!

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Hyukjae was in his bed when Donghae woke up on the next morning.

Still couldn't apprehend the situation, Donghae blinks several times as he rubs his eyes, trying to recollect his soul that still hasn't fully filling him yet. Hyukjae is beside him, arm propping his head as he looks up to Donghae with the gummy smile, considerate enough to not say anything to the confused Donghae at the moment.

But why is he here again?

"Uhhh... Morning?" Donghae tilts his head in confusion. He knew Hyukjae knew his apartment's password, but he knew enough that it was the first time that the older man came to his house at this time and without any notice unlike usual. "What are you doing here?"

Hyukjae's smile still lingers, "Waiting for you to wake up?"

"But why?" Donghae is very sure that they don't have any date today although it's Saturday, and it's still almost six in the morning to boot, so why?

Sighing, Hyukjae gets up to sit in front of Donghae, but the smile the latter really loves still plasters on his face as he says, "I just really miss you."

"We video called two days ago?"

"But we haven't met, like, a week!"

Blinking, Donghae asks, "Aren't we gonna meet tomorrow?" they’re planning to go have a stroll in Seoul tomorrow, by walking around and finding hidden gems among tall buildings and the skyscrapers before having lunch date and spend the rest of the day by watching movies as usual, so Hyukjae suddenly came to his apartment is really surprising him. "Not that I'm complaining but at least you should've called..."

Hyukjae softly turns his smile to a sly smirk, "Are you afraid you got caught in the middle of ?" he got his forehead flick in return. "Hey!"

Grunting, Donghae get off bed before he rubs his eyes, cleaning the rest of his face as he scoffs, "What's with you?" Hyukjae cackles in return. "But seriously why?"

"Well, I just finished my work at a half past five am and your place seems the closest so I went straight here?" Hyukjae beams as he slowly takes his cap off. "I'm gonna crash here."

Donghae's eyes squints in disbelief, "Huh??"

"I'm gonna sleep first before I'm going home." Hyukjae doesn’t look bothered by Donghae's confused face as he slowly takes off his jacket, leaving only with white undershirt and his short pants. "Wanna join?"

He sure is still sleepy since he only slept at two pm (he had lots of thought after he met Heechul last night), but... "I..." Donghae scratches his hair, does realize the expectant that glints on Hyukjae's eyes. He hates himself of getting weak of Hyukjae’s pleading eyes, really. “Sure?”

“Great, then!” Hyukjae makes himself comfortable as if in his own home as he kicked off his socks on the floor and cover himself with the blanket. “Good night, Donghae.” And as soon as he closes his eyes, it only takes a few seconds for Hyukjae to drifted to the dreamland, showing how tired he is.

He wasn’t lying then.

Sighing, Donghae finally surrenders as soon he follows Hyukjae by covering himself in blanket, get ready to sleep too as he closes his eyes, with the tiredness kicks back in him.

He’ll just going to ask Hyukjae the details later.

It was another five hours later when he got woken up by enticing smells that kicks in his olfactory nerves, by eyes still half closed.

Is Hyukjae cooking breakfast right now?

Donghae lets out a long yawn as he stretches his body before rubs his eyes, tries to makes himself more awake before he gets off the bed and grab his glasses as he walks to the kitchen, only to be greeted by Hyukjae in apron while he back-facing him, one hand grabbing a spatula while the other handling the frypan.

It’s quite a rare sight to Donghae, actually. Moreover, after they dating.

Donghae quietly approach the older man as he carefully observes what the latter cooks for them by peeking from behind. It’s rather a simple breakfast; sunny-side eggs with bacons and toasts that Hyukjae already put on the plate, by two each rather sloppily placed on top.

The older man isn’t really good at cooking, actually, but decent enough to be able making such simple breakfast or simple foods.

(Donghae is just grateful enough to the older man for making effort in cooking for them.)

“Do you wanna have some coffee?”

And of course, his voice startles Hyukjae by him almost throwing the bacons—that already cooked—away.

“God, you startled me!” Hyukjae hisses, reflexively almost hit Donghae by the spatula out of shock, but the latter has a fast reflex by immediately pulling himself back. “Can’t you at least do it in a normal way?!”

Donghae cackles as he says “Sorry, sorry.” but both of them already knew that he doesn’t mean it even in tiniest bits. “But do you?”

Huffing, Hyukjae manages to elbowing Donghae’s stomach as he rolls his eyes, “Yes, please.” Before turn his back to him again, back in frying the eggs which already halfway cooked. “The usual.”

So Donghae makes the coffee with Hyukjae’s preference while rubs the parts of his stomach where the older man elbowed him—his elbow is really sharp; it kinds of hurts. It doesn’t take long before he joins Hyukjae who already putting the breakfast on the table, giving the older man the coffee that made by his liking—the ratio of the coffee and the milk is 1:2.

They spent the late breakfast by eating while throwing some questions to keep up with each other’s lives that they missed out. Hyukjae has been making a new choreography for another new boy group, making him stay up late for five to six in seven days a week for almost a month, while Donghae is still the same old, same old; getting projects from investors from overseas with a tight deadline, a project, another project, and Siwon’s little disturbance in his workplace.

“What’s the new boy group concept about?” Donghae asks while he cleans the dishes, back-facing Hyukjae who’s enjoying his afternoon coffee. “Is it the same as usual?”

“Nope, they’re kinda different.” Hyukjae takes another sip of his coffee before he put his mug down, turn his body to Donghae who already finished and sitting beside him, still listening to him. “The company asked me to add a little bit provocative choreography that involves thighs.”

The companies that had been working together with Hyukjae sometimes made little requests that may vary from the normal one to the questionable one, but as professional as the older man is, he will still try to fulfill their requests.

Although he does reject some of them if the request already crossed lines, for example putting explicit contents in minor boy groups.

“… why?” No matter how much Hyukjae often tells him, it’s still hard for Donghae to adjust himself in the freedom of the entertainment world. “Are they still minors?”

“No, no,” Hyukjae reflexively waves his hand. “The youngest is already twenty so I see no problem.” Donghae still needs more explanations of this. “I think the company asked me to involve moves that could point out their thighs is because they want to show that men can pull this kind of dance, too! kind of feeling? You know, marketing?”

“…I see?”

“And since their debut concept is in shorts and lots of harness, so yeah, it’s gonna be a y concept.” Hyukjae chuckles afterward, looks like he suddenly remembers something. “They really worked hard on their work out, you know, especially when it comes on leg day.”

Donghae hums, eyes focusing on Hyukjae who didn’t notice his gaze anymore. “Did they?”

“Yeah, and I can tell that it was leg day when their limbs won’t listen to them, too tired to move anymore.” A small smile forms in Hyukjae’s face, endearment obviously shows on his face. “It’s cute.” He lets out a small laugh before realizing that the space between him and Donghae is narrowed too much by he can feels the younger man’s breath on his skin. “Uh… what are you doing?”

Donghae responding by leaning even closer that he leaves a small peck on Hyukjae’s cheek before grins as he pulls back, “You’re cuter.” Hyukjae seems taken aback, “Are you going home after this or you’re going to the studio again?

“I…” Hyukjae seems like he’s still taken aback by rubs the place Donghae kissed before, “I, uh, since there’s no schedule today—” Hyukjae stops, abruptly looking up to Donghae—that has no clue why the older man become like this—as he groans, “Goddammit, Donghaek, what’s with the sudden attack?!”

“What attack?” Donghae tilts his head in confusion, only to understand a little bit late by the way Hyukjae’s cheeks suddenly reddened. “Ohhhh.” But soon he frowns, “What, we’ve been doing more than that, why are you became so shy over such a little kiss on the cheek?”

“You—!”

Shrugging, Donghae rolls his eyes as he says, “What, isn’t it?” A grunt can be heard from Hyukjae, but he doesn’t utter any denial because it’s true. Donghae grins, however, as he asks, “Was it because we haven’t kiss for a while?”

Hyukjae groans, “That too, but—” he stops, however, seems like noticing Donghae’s grins that even goes wider than before. “You’re kinda annoying today, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Donghae still grinning, though, doesn’t take Hyukjae’s words seriously. “But unfortunately, this annoying man ended up dating you, so bear with it.”

“Why do I agree to date you again?”

“I don’t know, aren’t you the one who agreeing that?” Donghae shrugs, playful grin plasters on his face. Teasing Hyukjae is always fun for him. “So what were you saying, again?”

Hyukjae huffs, “God, I really, really, hate you sometimes.” The younger man only cackles in returns. “I don’t have any schedule today so I think I’ll just go home.”

Donghae stops, “Right now?”

“Yeah,” the older man gets off his chair, back-facing Donghae as he goes to the sink to wash the mugs they used. “Unless you want me to stay.”

Wow.

Okay.

Although it sounds normal as it is, Donghae can’t help but getting suspicious that there is hidden meaning behind Hyukjae’s words—the latter often ended up doing surprising things to him, which he doesn’t mind, but still.

The way Hyukjae says it is kind of intriguing in Donghae’s ears.

Donghae bites his inner cheeks, contemplating on how to sounds unnerving although he’s the one who nervous now. “So what will you do if you’re staying?”

“Well,” Hyukjae stops, leaving the mugs on the dryer before he turns his back and leaning to the counter, eyes lands on Donghae as he says, “It can be anything.”

“Such as?”

Hyukjae’s eyes tell Donghae something he wouldn’t rather know, while he smiles rather smug. “I don’t know, anything?”

“Anything?” Donghae asks, emphasizing.

“Yeah, anything.”

Alright. Hyukjae is the one who started it. Donghae get off his chair as he replies “Alright.” before he approaches Hyukjae, starts slings his arms around the latter’s waist to pulls him closer before he asks, “So you’re okay if I lift you to the bedroom now?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind.” Soon Hyukjae let himself to be lifted by Donghae as he put his arms around the latter’s neck to make himself not falling down, leans closer to the latter’s face by enticing eyes while he his own plump lips, “Do you have any idea, though?”

“Oh, of course there’s plenty,” Donghae’s smile still stays even after lifting Hyukjae as they start to walk to the living room, “But I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

Hyukjae throws him a sly smirk, one hand reaches Donghae’s glasses only to take it off and lift his jaw before he exclaims, “Surprise me, then.” and pulls Donghae for a kiss, which the latter complies by pleasure.

It takes a good effort for Donghae for finally reaches his bedroom while his lips being devoured by Hyukjae rather hungrily, only to be broken when both of them fall to the bed by the older man on top of him. Hyukjae seems doesn’t mind by him lightly chuckles, their legs tangled while his fingers tracing Donghae’s facial strong feature before he asks, “So, this is your idea?”

“Not really, but this isn’t too bad.” His chuckle infecting Donghae by the latter doing the same after that, but while gently combing Hyukjae’s soft brown hair, showing his lovable forehead, while the other arm is hugging Hyukjae’s waist. “Or do you have any better idea?” Hyukjae softly laughs but he shakes his head. “Alright then.”

“Hey, I was thinking,” Hyukjae stops his fingers on the space between Donghae’s eyebrows, lightly pushing the skin upwards as he suddenly asks, “When did you start to realize your feelings, though? To me, I mean.”

Ah, so the time has come, huh. “Do you really want to know, though?” which Hyukjae replies with an immediate nod. “Well, actually it’s… been two years.”

It makes Hyukjae’s eyes dilate in surprise as he exclaims, “That long?” Donghae hesitantly nods. “Then it’s around our military discharge isn’t it?”

“A month before that, actually, when I realized spending the rest of my life with Hyukjae doesn’t sounds like a bad idea at all.” Donghae lets out a small chuckle when Hyukjae still looks adorably surprised, patting his head before he says, “For a little crush probably way long before that, though.”

“I… see.” He doesn’t look as shocked as before, which soon he asks again, “But you can spend the rest of your life with me as a friend too, don’t you think?”

“I know, I’ve thought about that numerous times actually,” He really knows that. He had spent numerous nights of contemplating his feelings for Hyukjae, whether the feeling he has only because he is confused or he really is in love with the older man—but in the end his mind always screams yes you love him, idiot, just admit it already and yes, he did admit it. “But I know this feeling I have isn’t for a friend if I have this thought of wanting you to be the one I see in the morning every day.”

Hyukjae looks taken aback, seems he doesn’t expect Donghae’s response but soon his corner lips tug a little smile, leaning their face closer before he comments, “You sure know how make someone’s heart flattered huh.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.” Hyukjae scoffs but his face looks happy otherwise. “Then what about you?”

“Well, for me,” Donghae intently paying attention, since although they already almost went all the way, sometimes he does wonder how come Hyukjae could easily accepted his messy confession. “I’m comfortable with you, so I don’t see why can’t I accept your confession? But soon I realized that hey, I love you? Be mine? kind of feeling?”

“I see,” So Hyukjae was still confused when they dated in the beginning huh. “I’ll work hard so you’ll stay, then.”

Laughing, Hyukjae still replies, gentler this time. “You don’t have to, though.”

Donghae shakes his head, “Nope, it’s still not enough.”

“Alright, Buddy, do your best then.” But soon Hyukjae asks, “Are we going to spend the rest of the day like this?”

“Well, do you have any other idea?”

“Are you open for a make out right now?”

“Very.”

It doesn’t take long before Donghae pushes Hyukjae to the bed, reversing their position by him on top of the older man and pulls him for a kiss, deeper and heated this time.

Actually, after he met Heechul last Friday and been through lots of thought until late night, Donghae is able to get some lights in the problem he has at the moment.

He does want to marry Hyukjae; he’s sincere about it.

By sharing days and nights together, seeing Hyukjae’s smile every day, make a family and adopt a kid or two—or if Hyukjae doesn’t want kids, being old and spend the rest of his life with the older man doesn’t sounds bad either.

But he is still afraid to ask him, actually, since he is still afraid how Hyukjae will react to him.

For what Donghae is sure of, the chance of being rejected is rather big, since they only have been dating only for almost four months in total—and he really know that Hyukjae is a person who isn’t used to have such big changes in his life—which may end up having some side effects such as breaking up, or even, Hyukjae cutting Donghae off his life completely, and he doesn’t want that.

Another option is Hyukjae perhaps going to say I don’t know, Donghae, can you give me some time to think this through? like on the first time Donghae proposed him but in the end, he doesn’t do anything and still keep dating him without giving him any answer, leaving him hanging.

The last option is Hyukjae will accept him, but this option has the least percentage for happening since, well, although Donghae seen Hyukjae became more expressive in the relationship, that doesn’t mean he is ready for a marriage either.

He has been trying to be careful for such months long, thinking on how he would try to talk it out with Hyukjae, but often him chickening out when the time comes and ended up not doing it, and makes him more distressed than he thought he is.

It’s stuffing him out—it’s so feeding him up; him being a coward, a coward, and a big coward in general.

He is still afraid if he’s the only one who is excited about it.

(He is still haven’t prepared himself for the worst.)

Which makes him ask Siwon some enlightenments when he handed the documents Siwon asked him, rather out of the blue.

“So what do you think about me purposing Hyukjae again?”

And makes Siwon almost throws the documents flying in his room.

His words seem make Siwon taken aback with the older man suddenly exclaims, “I thought you already did?”

Frowning, Donghae pulls his head back, rather baffled as he says, “Who said that?”

“Uhhhhh me?”

“Beep. Wrong answer.”

“So, you haven’t?”

“Ding-dong, that’s right.”

“Stop it.”

“Alright, alright.” Donghae soon sighs, however, as he asks, “Is it a stupid question, then?”

“Well, yes, it is?” Siwon follows his sighs as he lightly slaps the documents Donghae handed him earlier on his work table. “Asking my advice for the most obvious thing is actually more than being stupid, actually.” He soon adds, “Moreover, in work hours.”

“But the work hours almost ended?”

“Yeah, almost as if in thirty minutes?”

Donghae pouts as he makes himself comfortable sitting on the armrest of Siwon’s couch, slightly leaning on the edge as he nags, “C’mon, it’s not like we have anything to do now. Hear this little friend of yours a little bit.”

Siwon groans, but he still patient enough to handle whiny Donghae at this rate. “Listen, it’s not like I don’t care about your love life, but,” He sighs again, turns his chair to Donghae who still tightly stares at him. “In fact, what you’re looking for is an assurance, not an advice.” Donghae tilts his head in confusion. “Well, you know that you want to marry him, right?”

Yes, yes, and yes of course he wants to. “…of course I do.”

“But what are you afraid of is how Hyukjae is going to respond you, don’t you?” Donghae was about to cuts Siwon off but the latter’s eyes immediately throw him a stare, explicitly asks if there’s something wrong from what he just said, which the younger man immediately backs down. “And what you’re afraid the most is he rejects you, aren’t you?”

Really, Donghae would never not amazed how Siwon always observant about everyone around them. “Well, that too, but now I’m more worried about the risks, actually.” He knew all of the risks; the marriage, how it may affect Hyukjae’s career especially, how others would react to them, everything—these kinds of thought actually distressing him more than he thought, but he just can’t help it. “If he did accept it, what’s gonna happen with his life? I can think about mine later, but what about Hyukjae?”

Siwon sighs, silently eyeing Donghae from the top to the bottom, staring rather incredulous before he asks, “… so you haven’t think to that extent when you purposed him months ago?”

“Well… no.” He soon lets out an empty laugh while he reflexively shrugs. “I must be so blinded at that time.” Since all he thought at that time is I have to make sure to be together with Hyukjae for the rest of my life without thinking any consequences, the risks, everything.

Which makes him being in the situation as he is right now; agonizing every step he should take in order to be careful in his relationship with Hyukjae.

“More than blinded, you’re just an idiot to be honest.”

“Oh, wow, thank you for slapping the facts on my face, Sir.”

“But really,” Ignoring Donghae’s sarcasm by propping his chin by his hand while his elbow supports on the table, Siwon’s stare still incredulous but at least he looks care about Donghae’s problem now. “You really need to talk it out with him, you know.”

“But how?”

“I think you need to approach him about it slowly since Hyukjae isn’t a type that likes a big change to begin with.” Siwon sighs, finally stands up to approaching Donghae who looked a little lost now while adds, “Do ask his opinion when there’s any event that is related to what you look for; marriage, career, etcetera.”

Ah, that might work too. The enlightenment shows in Donghae’s face, looks like he finally found what he looks for but soon he frowns, “Won’t that looks obvious, though?”

Pondering, Siwon slowly nods, which says well that’s true but soon he says, “If you do it subtly, let’s hope he won’t notice it then.” His hands reached Donghae’s cheeks, lightly shakes the younger man’s head, trying to cheer him up. “Don’t overthink this too much, Dude. Just let it happen naturally.”

“I’ll… try then.” Donghae finally smiles genuinely, the sparks in his eyes returns while his hands reach Siwon’s, trying to shake his hands away. “Thanks, really.”

The older man responds by patting his head, and for the first time, Donghae doesn’t hate it at all.

It’s soothing, actually.

And maybe he really should try to talk it out with Hyukjae when the time allows him to rather than trying to solve this by himself.

Or he will be the one who break first.