“Aren’t you an idiot, Lee Donghae.”

“Shut up, you.”

Donghae really made a bad decision by calling Heechul in midst of his afternoon break to tell everything about his worries.

“I mean,” He can hear Heechul cackling in the background, which annoys Donghae even more but he held everything in, not wanting making fuss in his workplace and risking him getting fired. “How can you be so sure about your feeling being not mutual?” Donghae frowns, what is he saying now? “You sure you’ve tried to ask him again?”

He mouthed no before he soon says, “I don’t want to make everything worse than this—”

“No, no, listen to me Lee Donghae,” Heechul’s voice grows away, sounds like he put his phone away for a second to answering his employees about work—he works as clothes designer and owns a boutique that famous among idols because of its design that follows the trend and suitable for youngster these days. “I’m close to Hyukjae, aren’t I?” Donghae knows that very much, since they are drinking buddies and he was the one that always picked Hyukjae home when the older man passed out back then. “One thing that I’m sure of is, you should ask him again.”

Donghae blinks. Huh? “Why?” By Hyukjae avoiding the topic and being conscious of everything Donghae did on him are enough proofs for him that the older silently rejecting him, why Heechul telling him to do it again? “How can you be so sure?”

Heechul sighs on the other line, sounds rather frustrated, “Well, it’s fine if you don’t want to,” Noises are heard from the background; seems like Heechul telling his employees to hurry up or something while the older man writes something on papers—it sounds like he’s signing something by how fast the sounds he the papers. “What I’m trying to say is you should do it again so you won’t regret anything.”

Too late, Hyung, I’ve already regret everything, but Donghae swallows it down to his throat, not wanting to remember of what he did yesterday. He had cried enough that nothing left on his lacrimal glands, not even a drop.

“What if he rejects again, then?”

“Then you can call me after that and I’ll comfort you.”

It was a week later after his call with Heechul when Hyukjae showing up in front of Donghae’s apartment, with scarf almost buried his head and thick oversized coat wraps him like a burrito, without any prior notice unlike he would always do when he’s coming to visit him.

The Lee Hyukjae that Donghae knew always messaged him first before coming to his apartment, no matter what.

“Hyukjae? What are you doing here?” Instead of being happy that he finally met Hyukjae physically after a hectic week on his workplace—they were only messaging each other these days since they were too busy to meet for dinner like usual—he’s flustered, actually, since he didn’t expect it at all. “Hyukjae—”

But Hyukjae already made his way by coming in—Donghae isn’t complaining, though—and make himself comfortable on the sofa in silence, still doesn’t say anything even when Donghae approached him but still confused by everything.

Donghae sighs, but complies by sitting next to Hyukjae, whose eyes still on him but lips tightly shut, seems like waiting for him to settle down before his lips made any movement.

It scares him, actually.

“So?” Donghae finally speaks up after mustering his courage, couldn’t bear the fact that Hyukjae has been staring at him for almost five minutes without blinking—and it’s uncomfortable but he even doesn’t know what he supposed to do in this kind of situation either. “Kind to explain?”

“Do you remember when the last time was I had relationship with someone?” Hyukjae suddenly asked, but his eyes still on Donghae which to be honest made him more uncomfortable as the time grows but he seems ignoring it. Of course, Donghae nodded, he was there to listened an earful of Hyukjae’s post-breakup sadness after all. Or course he knew. “Okay, next, why were you purposing me?”

Well.

Donghae lets out a small cough, slightly taken aback on the way Hyukjae asking without certain pattern he was trying to figuring out as soon as the latter open his mouth. This is definitely out of his prediction. “The reason’s kinda stupid, though, so maybe you don’t want to hear it—” Hyukjae’s stares began sharpened, suddenly brings goosebumps on his back. “Okay, sorry, I’ll explain.” His stares slowly soften. “You do remember how long we has been knew each other aren’t you.” Hyukjae nods. “Well, I was thinking… how nice it’ll be if we might as well spend the rest of our life together since we’ve been spending most of our life already.” The older man’s eyes soften, Donghae can see it, but he still hasn’t say anything. “To tell you the truth, it was on a whim.”

Hyukjae hums, but still isn’t show any other reactions.

Is it not convincing enough? “But what I’m sure of is I can do it if it’s you.” Donghae sighs. “The marriage, I mean. I can’t imagine myself married another man than you.”

“Is that a proposal?” was Hyukjae question, finally responding Donghae’s speeches.

“Well… that’s what I’ve been trying to say since the beginning?” Why he slowly feels irritated by Hyukjae’s slow comprehension here? “We still could spend the rest by being as friend, though, if you don’t want to.”

Hyukjae didn’t respond for a while.

It is actually understandable, actually, for Hyukjae to reject him right here, since Donghae would definitely reject himself if it was him. Being suddenly purposed out of blue and there’s no romantic upbringings or romantic setup or whatever itself in the process too isn’t sound like a pleasant surprise to begin with.

Or from a dense Donghae that Hyukjae always handle him like a monk—although often ended by Hyukjae getting frustrated and starts calling him idiot and jokingly beat him.

“Wanna kiss then?”

Donghae pulled his head back in surprise as he exclaims, “Huh??” still can’t grasp the situation, he soon exclaims again, “Suddenly??” Hyukjae simply nods. “Is your head okay??”

Hyukjae tilts his head in confusion, “Isn’t that what you want?”

“HEY! DO YOU THINK I ASK PEOPLE OUT JUST TO KISS SOMEONE??” Donghae finally snaps, getting frustrated by the way Hyukjae trying to twist something so that he could get out of this—actually simple—situation. If he doesn’t want to he can just reject me! Why is he— “Goddammit Hyukjae I’m not that low! I—”

Not caring Donghae’s snaps, he casually takes off his scarfs as his coat while cuts him off, “No, no, listen to me Lee Donghaek.” The younger man still looks frustrated, but he stops, reflexively listening to the older man well. He pulls his hair back, which ended up messing his hair but Hyukjae seems he doesn’t even care as he says, “What I’m trying to say here is I’m okay with it.”

“You… what?”

“Well, we can start with try dating first.” Hyukjae’s gum smile shows, which actually a relief to Donghae but confuse him even more. “Since I’ve heard your reason.” God, the smile that Donghae actually loved—but he never told Hyukjae—shows on his face. “Is that okay with you?”

Donghae rapidly nods, doesn’t want to let go of the chance that Hyukjae offers at the moment. Hyukjae wanting to try dating is enough for him for now, he doesn’t want to push his luck even further than he is now.

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up and being miserable more than he is now.

“Now, wanna try kissing?”

Donghae’s eyes dilate in surprise—for how many times he did today. “That soon?” Hyukjae easily nods. “S-sure?” He was about to approach Hyukjae but only to be pushed back by Hyukjae who already stands up, his legs between Donghae’s. “Uh, Hyukjae-ssi?”

“I’ve been curious about this position,” He freely straddle on Donghae’s lap as Hyukjae put his arms around the younger’s neck, only to surprise him more but the older only grins in response, “I’ve seen lots of girls doing this to their boyfriend so I’m curious about how it actually feels like.” He leans closer, “And it’s not like I can straddle girl’s lap, right?”

That’s… escalated too quick for Donghae, but what happened already happens so… “Well, it depends but mostly no, you can’t.” he reflexively wraps his arms around Hyukjae’s waist in response, isn’t as surprised as he is before. “I just wanna tell you that there’s no girl in this relationship like how people stereotype gay—or actually someone like us.” Hyukjae responds by a light nod. “We’re both guys, okay?”

“Okay,” Hyukjae leans even closer while Donghae wraps his arm tighter, only to make both of them laughs in return. “Okay, this feels a bit weird, to be honest.” He lightly chuckles, which strangely feels refreshing to Donghae since it’s the first time that Hyukjae looks adorable in his eyes. “But I can’t say that I dislike it—” He takes a chance by giving Hyukjae a peck on his cheeks, “Hey!”

“Is it still feels weird?” Donghae smiles ear to ear, though. Hyukjae responds by shake his head while giggling no in return. “Now, let me ask you,” his smile soften as he asks again, “Why do you want to try it?”

“Well,” Hyukjae hums, “Spending the rest of my life with you doesn’t sounds bad at all?” he freed one of his hand to ruffle Donghae’s hair gently. “You’re too stupid to live by yourself anyway.”

“Hey!” Donghae acts annoyed but only to broke a chuckle on a few seconds later. “I’m not that stupid!”

“Yes, you are.” Hyukjae soon chuckles, influenced by Donghae who became all smiley. “So?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Sure.”

“Can you close your eyes then?”

So Hyukjae did.

Donghae hesitates, suddenly realizes that these kinds of thing would never crossed in his mind although he does realize that the love he has for Hyukjae isn’t about love as brothers or friends for a long time ago. Is he really made a right choice here? Or is he only follows his lust here?

Or Hyukjae is?

“Aren’t you going to kiss me?” Hyukjae’s question snaps Donghae to reality, only to realize that he has been thinking for a long time that the older man opens his eyes again, looks more confused than Donghae thought he would be. “Or did you change your mind now?”

“No, I…” Donghae sighs. What was he thinking? He should have been happy that it turned this way; Hyukjae accepts him although he didn’t say it directly, but still it shows that their feelings at least mutual enough for them to start trying dating. “Sorry, can you close your eyes again?”

So Hyukjae closes his eyes again, although he looks confused with the pause Donghae did earlier, only soon a bit eased by Donghae gently leans his lips on his, slow and sweet.

The kiss was brief, by Donghae pulls back a few seconds later, heart thumped like crazy as thin blush seeps on his ears, feels hot all of sudden.

God, Hyukjae’s lips are softer than Donghae thought.

Hyukjae chuckles, though, as embarrassed as he is, by redness seeps on his cheeks. “Oh, wow.” He soon laughs in embarrassment, looks like he didn’t exactly know how to react. “Wow.”

Donghae’s eyes soften, however, although he only responds by small smile. Wow, indeed.

The older male sheepishly smiles as he trails his fingertips on Donghae’s cheeks before says, “I still couldn’t feel it on my lips; can you do it again?”

Donghae willingly complies by pulling Hyukjae for a kiss again.