el 27 de febrero 2017, 05:21. sevilla, españa.






 

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THIS IS INCREASINGLY normal for kyungsoo now - waking up in the middle of the night after a dream like that. don't think it is unpleasant. it just seems to end too soon, leaving kyungsoo lying awake with a heavy, yet empty depression in his chest. from then on, he cannot sleep. 

 

these dreams have become more and more vivid as these two months have gone on. they almost seem real to him, maybe even lucid at times. he can't fully process all of them, only bits and pieces that he keeps going back to. those bits and pieces have one thing in common - the person who kyungsoo holds closest.

 

although he likes to see jongin there, smiling so brightly and holding kyungsoo, he doesn't like the idea of dreaming about him. not that it isn't normal, of course it would be. but it is the terrible feeling of emptiness after waking up and being left in the dark with nobody else to hold onto. that feeling of loneliness, being cold, and no one to hold you when you wake up from such a dream - not even the person that you had been thinking of. 

 

kyungsoo hasn't told jongin. he doesn't want to intrude and would rather keep that to himself than have jongin worry endlessly because kyungsoo is longing more and more by the day, and it hurts so much. he longs and longs for a touch, even the very slightest and featheriest of touches. he wants to graze the pads of his fingers over jongin's pretty face, their hands to lace together and never let go, their eyes to lock and search each other's faces with a sense of curiosity. more than anything, kyungsoo wishes to have him here by his side. 

 

it bothers him now, the distance between them. the time zones. the inability to show affection over text and call. it makes him more uneasy than he thought it would and most of the time he isn't sure if he is even worthy of being jongin's boyfriend. because knowing jongin, he strives (in a relationship) on physical contact and intimacy more. yet, kyungsoo doesn't even know how he is supposed to convey any of that through a text message or a video call. he wants to, but realistically, he cannot.

 

that is when he begins to wonder - does jongin really love him? 






 

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february 28th 2017, 2:38 pm. seoul.






 

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"have you ever thought about your life with kyungsoo?"

 

jongin gasps too quickly, causing him to almost choke on air. "what?"

 

"wait," baekhyun says, "you haven't talked about it with him yet? please tell me you're kidding."

 

jongin catches his breath, taking a swig of his bottled water. "no, i'm not. that isn't my thing, hyung." 

 

"i've always talked to my partners about two months in," baekhyun stuffs his hands in his coat pockets. "by that time, at least one of us is for the other and-"

 

"ew, okay, i get your point. but this is different, you know." 

 

baekhyun stops walking for a moment, jongin a couple of strides ahead. "how different?"

 

"we're LDR, hyung. at this point, we have to focus on our communication and boundaries before we can begin to even think of ual intimacy."

 

"hmm, but what about those that started ting right off the bat?"

 

"we started as best friends, not as s looking for someone to get off with," jongin rubs his temples. "we'll talk about it when we're ready. kyungsoo-hyung is still awkward about that stuff, i don't want to make him feel weird around me." 

 

baekhyun smirks. "i'm sure you're lovely in bed though, he probably won't argue." 

 

jongin pinches baekhyun's ear and drags him back to his apartment l