Chapter 3 

Recommended song: Let her go (by The Passenger)

Overwhelmed with both frustration and fury, Hanbin decided to flee the scene and went out for a walk. He knew clearly that the way he acted just now was extremely juvenile and irresponsible, and had inflicted harm on the person he promised to protect and cherish with his life. But, after all, he was merely a boy, who was lost and inexperienced in love. It was clear to him that his heart belonged to Yunhyeong, who never failed to work miracles on him, make him get butterflies in his stomach, and reassure him whenever he had any doubts about his composing skills, leadership, or showmanship. The thought of Yunhyeong smiling at him innocently, asking him if he had eaten, when he returned home in the middle of the night, crossed his mind, as he looked up at the sun that was shining brightly, illuminating the world. Like the sun, Yunhyeong led the way for him and was always there for him regardless of what he had done. Yunhyeong forgave him every time- some might say that he was too lenient on Hanbin, but Yunhyeong would always retort by giving a simple answer: I love him. But, this time Hanbin was not sure if he would spare him his forgiveness and love him the same after knowing what he did yesterday night.

A lot of people had told Hanbin that he was fearless and would never let his emotions or thoughts take over his rationality. But now, fear was slowly engulfing his whole being. He feared Yunhyeong leaving him; he feared not having Yunhyeong by his side anymore; yet, what he feared most was Yunhyeong getting hurt. After witnessing Yunhyeong crying a river after getting eliminated in a survival show, he swore to God that he would never let Yunhyeong experience that much anguish again. The image of Yunhyeong's beautiful dark eyes welling up in his head made him even more furious with himself. He knew that this time hugging him by the side and his hair would not cease his tears. This time, someone was bound to get hurt. He hoped that he would be the one to bear the pain and Yunhyeong would be the one to let go, moving on unscarred.

Hanbin was lingering around the park aimlessly, deep in thought, reminiscing about the good times he and Yunhyeong shared. Every expression Yunhyeong made when he caressed, touched, and kissed him softly on the lips seemed to be carved into his memory- no matter how long ago it was they looked vivid and fresh like a new memory made. Reliving these memories was perhaps Hanbin's best way to continue this love story, but only in his mind, painting pictures of him and Yunhyeong being affectionate, as if they were mind tricks.

After walking for what seemed like forever, Hanbin's legs gave way and he plopped himself down on a bench. Having a deep sigh, he fished out his phone from his back pocket and saw that he had 50 missed calls from none other than Yunhyeong and several from his other members. He casually played one of Yunhyeong's voicemails, which shattered Hanbin's heart that was not even whole to begin with.

'Hanbinnie, where are you? I know you wanted some alone time, but can you let me know that you're alright. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I'm worried about you. Please don't just storm off without telling me next time. You know where to find me and I love you,' said Yunhyeong nasally.

It was obvious to Hanbin that Yunhyeong was trying to hide the fact that he cried because of his reckless actions again.

'Kim Hanbin, you're a jerk,' murmured  Hanbin, with hot tears escaping his eyes.

He knew that it was time to come clean, but he had to know the truth about yesterday night, about what he did with Jaewon, which ended up with them in the same bed and both of them having lovemarks scattered across the whole length of their bodies. His fingers hovered over the number pad on his phone and dialled a number.

'Jaewon, can we meet up at the studio today?' asked Hanbin, emotionlessly.

'I was about to call you too. I think I have some explaining to do,' replied Jaewon, casually.

'I'll come now,' stated Hanbin nonchalantly.