Chapter 8

Recommended song: I don't love you (Urban Zakapa)

It had been going on for weeks, yet nothing had improved between him and Yunhyeong. On the investigation front, he had delegated most of his tasks to Chanwoo, who was eager to get the case solved, since his top priority was to end Yunhyeong's misery and to explain things to him. These two weeks were agonising for Hanbin; every day, he texted Yunhyeong telling him how sorry he was about what had happened and asked him to listen to his explanation, as Yunhyeong always made sure that Hanbin was at least three metres away from him. Hanbin was not one with a lot of tears, yet these days his eyes seemed to be constantly filled with water. He had attempted every thing to get Yunhyeong to talk to him, yet all were in vain. Hanbin was not blind; he was wary of Yunhyeong's misery, although Yunhyeong never showed any signs of emotion in front of him. Every time he saw Yunhyeong's eyes swollen and red, he blamed himself for making those bright eyes sad and taking away the soul of those beautiful eyes. There were also times when he could hear Yunhyeong's soft cries at night as he passed by Yunhyeong's room. Seeing Yunhyeong so fragile made him want to protect him more and lock him in a big warm embrace. Yet, given what he had done, he had lost his right to do so. He did not know how he could end Yunhyeong's misery, but he knew that he had to do it at all costs. To Hanbin, catching him alone and talk it out with him was probably the best and only option to set things right between them.

'Yunhyeongie, wait up! Please listen to me! I beg you,' shouted Hanbin at Yunhyeong, who was quickening his pace after realising that Hanbin was chasing after him.

Hanbin knew that it was now or never; he had to make sure that this time Yunhyeong stayed put and listened to his explanation.

'Song Yunhyeong, neomu saranghae!' shouted Hanbin again.

This might be reckless, but it was the most effective way to get Yunhyeong to stop and turn back as Yunhyeong always softened and got weak when Hanbin professed his love for him. As Hanbin had expected, Yunhyeong, who was dashing away from Hanbin to God-knows where, came to a halt and turned around hesitantly, with his eyes meeting Hanbin's. This was the first time the two had eye contact in weeks. Hanbin would be lying if he said that he did not miss looking into that pair of beautiful eyes that he could easily drown into-he missed them so badly. Taking Yunhyeong's change in demeanor as a signal to charge forward, Hanbin quickened his pace and went up to Yunhyeong, who was a few metres away, standing idly with eyes fixed on him. Hanbin had noticed a few changes in Yunhyeong-in the eyes of others, they were minute small alterations, yet, to Hanbin, they were drastic. It was apparent to Hanbin that Yunhyeong had lost a significant amount of weight as his originally slim frame now looked fragile and thinner than ever and his squidgy cheeks were nowhere to be found. It was more than obvious to Hanbin that he was the reason of Yunhyeong's misery. Seeing Yunhyeong, who looked vulnerable and about to crumble under the wrath of the spring wind, looking at him with puffy sad eyes made him want to hug him and tell him that everything would be alright more than ever. Without second thoughts, Hanbin walked up to Yunhyeong.

'Yunhyeongie, do you want to go somewhere where we could talk freely?' asked Hanbin, in the softest tone he had ever used to talk to anyone.

In response, Yunhyeong nodded and muttered a soft word of affirmation.

Hanbin made the first move, leading Yunhyeong to his studio, where he knew was definitely empty and away from prying eyes.

'Hanbin, can I hold your hand?' asked Yunhyeong, with his hand stretched towards Hanbin's.

Without hesitating, Hanbin held Yunhyeong's hand and interlaced their fingers, drawing Yunhyeong nearer to him.

'Anything for you, Yunhyeongie,' said Hanbin, looking at Yunhyeong, who was trying to suppress a smile, but a wistful one.

Of course, Hanbin missed Yunhyeong and had a lot to say to him, yet Hanbin did not want to make Yunhyeong uncomfortable, especially when he was in such a vulnerable state. Hanbin did not want to push Yunhyeong, who was clearly not ready for conversation, and decided to walk in silence with him. Usually, Hanbin got grouchy when his friends trod slowly, but with Yunhyeong, Hanbin would make sacrifices and would always slow down his pace to accommodate him. This time was no different; they walked together at a steady speed, hand in hand, with legs moving in sync, just like before.

As Hanbin flung the heavy door open, the two were welcomed by clutters of scrunched-up balls of paper, cables, and empty lunch boxes scattered across the floor.

'Umm...the studio's usually not that bad, mianhe,' said Hanbin, apologetically, as he saw Yunhyeong cringing at the sight and scrunching up his nose because of the weird smell coming from the rubbish bin that was overloaded.

'Hanbinnie, do you live off Chinese takeaways? That's not healthy, you know,' commented Yunhyeong, with his finger pointing at the empty lunch boxes lying on the floor.

'We get pizza sometimes,' replied Hanbin, with his hand running through his hair, in embarrassment.

'Hanbin, how are you gonna do without me? Who's going to take care of you after-' asked Yunhyeong, in a serious tone with hints of sadness.

'Yunhyeongie, what do you mean? You're not leaving me!' interrupted Hanbin.

'Hanbinnie, let's break up...it's for the best,' said Yunhyeong, with eyes brimmed with tears.

Yunhyeong could not hold his tears in anymore as he saw the corners of Hanbin's mouth drop as if his words had penetrated through Hanbin's heart and his soul out of his body. He always tried his best to not cry in front of Hanbin as Hanbin told him that seeing him cry always left him brokenhearted, yet, this time, no matter how hard he tried, tears just to would not stop falling. He could feel the ground slowly sliding away from his feet as Hanbin held onto his calf, kneeling, begging him to take back his words. He wanted to, but he knew that he could not. Yunhyeong was, undoubtedly, an obstinate person, as described by others. Once he had set his mind on something, nothing could deter him from attaining his goal.

Usually, Hanbin was the one who wore the trousers in this relationship as he wanted Yunhyeong to be free of worries and feel loved, yet, Yunhyeong had decided that this time roles had to be reversed and he had to take charge of the situation, as he believed that he knew what was the best for them, and for the team. Hanbin's subtle, yet painstaking, effort in protecting their relationship and him from the judging eyes of the public did not escape Yunhyeong's eyes; Yunhyeong was aware of it and was thankful for everything Hanbin had done to make him feel safe and keep him away from malice. Even after overhearing Hanbin and Jaewon's conversation the other day, Yunhyeong still could not bring himself to question Hanbin's love for him; everything was just too real. Although the two had dated for around two years, Yunhyeong could still see Hanbin's ears redden when his face neared Hanbin's. There were also times when Yunhyeong could feel Hanbin's quickened heartbeat as he casually laid his head on Hanbin's chest. There was no way this was all faked. Yunhyeong could doubt Hanbin's loyalty and faithfulness to him, however, his love had to be genuine. Some people might tell Yunhyeong that he was a pathetic fool, yet again, he was willing to forgive Hanbin and give him a second chance, if Hanbin chose him over Jaewon or any other girl he flirted with at the club. Despite how painful it was to accept the fact that Hanbin did not take their relationship that seriously, Yunhyeong was fine with being the second choice, or even, the last resort, as long as Hanbin still wanted him. His love was this cheap; it was probably only worth a 'I love you' or 'I'm sorry'. Nevertheless, this time, he had to let go of his love that was already ingrained within every part of him. He could not afford to be selfish anymore. Jinhwan was right, he had to think about others as well, and Hanbin in particular. Having Hanbin's heart was selfish, so as locking him in this relationship that could jeopardise his career as Korea's next Big Thing. If Mr Yang knew about their relationship, he would definitely threaten Hanbin and make him choose between love and music, which Yunhyeong knew was what Hanbin had worked for all these years. Yunhyeong had made up his mind on this; he would choose for Hanbin as this was the only thing he could do save Hanbin's career. Moreover, if their relationship was leaked out to the press, their career as a team would be over, meaning that all the hard work they had put in all these years would come to waste. Yunhyeong had always put s before himself. If he had to choose, he would without doubt sacrifice his own happiness for them to attain their aspirations. It was the least he could do for them. He should have thought this through before blurting out a sloppy confession after their performance in China. Perhaps love had blinded him and dulled all of his senses. If he did not act recklessly, the happiness of the people he claimed to treasure most would not be now put at stake. If he had known that June had been in love with him since trainee times, he would not have got together with Hanbin and, most importantly, June would not have suffered all this time. Thinking of June having to witness all the careless acts of affection between him and Hanbin made Yunhyeong feel sick and more hatred towards himself. It was entirely his fault and he had to fix it, although it meant that one more person had to get hurt.

'Hanbin ah, after all this, you can finally chase your dreams without me dragging you down,' thought Yunhyeong while looking into Hanbin's red teary eyes.

'Yunhyeongie, listen to me, I didn't cheat on you! Someone spiked our drinks! I didn't sleep with Jaewon on my own will. Please don't break up with me. I'll do everything to make it up to you! Please...,' pleaded Hanbin in a hoarse voice.

'Yunhyeongie, please talk to me...say something,' continued Hanbin.

Despite having known Hanbin for so many years, Yunhyeong had never seen Hanbin, who had a strong sense of pride and was set in his ways, kneel down before someone, shedding off all of his dignity. This made Yunhyeong more adamant about his decision-he had already done enough harm to Hanbin, turning him into someone who he probably looked down on.

'Hanbin ah, stand up. Stop kneeling, please,' said Yunhyeong, with sobs punctuating his speech.

'Yunhyeongie, please don't break up with me! I'll do anything, please,' repeated Hanbin, with tears streaked across his face.

'Hanbin, it's not your fault. I've long forgiven you for what you've done. It's me, not you. You're better off without me,' said Yunhyeong, with a forced straight face.

'What are you talking about? I love you and you love me. That's what matters. I can never live without you, please don't say that,' said Hanbin, confused.

'This time let me decide this for you. I want the best for you and for everyone. You might be happy with me now, but later on, you'll regret it. I'm not worth your happiness, your future, and many other things. I'm just a phase and you'll meet someone b-' answered Yunhyeong with a shaky voice.

'I told you not to say that. I love you and will always do. You're worth every thing and there's no way I'll meet someone better than you. You're the one and I know it. No one can be as understanding as you are and accept my flaws like you do. Please let me make it up to you. You don't deserve the I did to you,' interrupted Hanbin.

Yunhyeong could not dissent more from what Hanbin had just said to him. There was no way Yunhyeong was the best match for Hanbin. After talking to Jinhwan, Yunhyeong finally came to the realisation that him and Hanbin were total opposites of each other. Hanbin relished in quiet walks and hikes, whereas Yunhyeong liked festivals and would definitely prefer extreme water sports such as paragliding to tranquil jogs around the countryside; On their day-offs Yunhyeong always suggested that they go on a date, yet Hanbin would much rather spend time with him at home, cuddling. They were just as incompatible as ice and fire. Hanbin even mentioned once that him and Yunhyeong were the most incompatible amongst all of the members since they had very different habits and interests. In these two years of their relationship, it had always been Hanbin accommodating Yunhyeong's wants, with no complaints whatsoever, instead of Hanbin going for what he indulged in. It was more than evident to Yunhyeong that he was toxic to Hanbin and that it was time to let go of Hanbin. As long as Hanbin was happy, he would be happy.

'Hanbin, I'm serious. I'm not for you and never will be. You are just confused and deserve better than this,' reiterated Yunhyeong, in the hope that Hanbin would get the message.

'You're the one who's confused. Who has been telling you all this? You're the best f- Yunhyeongie, what's wrong? Are you okay?' shouted Hanbin, in fright, as he saw Yunhyeong staggering, with his hand wrapped around the temple of his head, as if he was about to faint.

Hanbin immediately rose to his feet and caught Yunhyeong, who was struggling to maintain balance, with his arms.

'Yunhyeongie, I'll call manager hyung to come and take us to the doctor, okay? Don't worry, I'm here,' said Hanbin, while laying Yunhyeong, who was on the verge of passing out, on the sofa.

'Hanbinnie, I'm fine. I just want to go home...and thankyou for everything...I'm sorry,' muttered Yunhyeong, while sitting up.

'Are you actually okay? You don't look fine at all. I think you need a check-up,' said Hanbin, while running hand through Yunhyeong's hair.

'I went to the doctor yesterday and he told me it was nothing serious, but a bug. Just give me a few minutes to recuperate then I can go home on my own,' answered Yunhyeong, still squinting his eyes to see things clearly.

'Yunhyeongie, let me take care of you this time, even if it might be the last time,' said Hanbin determinedly.

Hanbin pulled Yunhyeong up and laid him on back, giving him a piggyback.

'Hanbin, I'm sorry...so so sorry,' murmured Yunhyeong, before drifting to unconsciousness.

Yunhyeong's sudden change in demeanor made Hanbin grow suspicious of certain things that had not occurred to him as worthy of investigation before. Everyone who knew Yunhyeong would know that Yunhyeong was not one to overthink. It was just not in his nature. Someone must have planted these ideas into Yunhyeong's head. Hanbin did not know who was at fault, but whoever it was, who caused so much pain to Yunhyeong, would have to pay the price.