He’s sat on his when he makes an obvious revelation.

His backside is cold, and its starting to feel numb from the sharp chill of the ice he’d slipped on. However, the soft smile, and the warmth of the hand being extended to him currently is worth the chill that’s beginning to bite at him.

He’s not surprised to find Yunho in this universe, nor is he surprised that it’s Yunho who he first comes across – he’s far too accustomed it now. It should have been obvious all along to him, and he’s forced to smile at his own obliviousness as he takes Yunho’s hand – if only to stop himself from crying.

It’s Yunho, it’s always Yunho. Across all of these weird universes, futures, and the past. It was, and forever would be Yunho. He was the person he’d poured his entire soul into, the person he’d allowed himself to be vulnerable, and open up in front of over everyone else, the first person he’d truly fallen in love with to the point it had hurt. The very person who had taught him so much - including skateboarding of all things.

Regardless of the situation, time, or even world, it seemed he was always with Yunho. In every single one except his own…

Was that really the message he was supposed to understand? That he was supposed to be with Yunho?

“Hey, you seem like you’re having a bit of trouble there.” Yunho laughs, his breath spiralling into the air in a plume of steam. “Do you...” He continues, glancing away shyly. “I mean, I could teach you? If you wanted me to that is…”

Jaejoong wants to laugh, and after a moment he does, quickly lifting a gloved hand to his mouth, and smothering the sound behind his hand. Yunho laughs along with him, but it’s more awkward, slightly self conscious; almost as though he was suddenly embarrassed for making the offer. But Jaejoong clears the look away, lifting his head back to smile at him softly.

“Yeah.” He accepts, squeezing Yunho’s hand within his. “I’d like that – if you have the time.” Yunho's smile is back in an instant, full blaze, in a way Jaejoong had never had the pleasure of seeing before. He looks so young suddenly, and it suddenly occurs to Jaejoong that he is. His face still just a tad chubby with youth, body still lanky and awkward from being caught in the period of teenage growth. His heart is pounding suddenly, mind racing from the idea that they might both still be teenagers in this universe, both caught up within the window of freedom, youth, hormones, and first love.

He hadn’t been Yunho’s first. He didn’t even think he’d Yunho’s second. Yunho had long ago had his first kiss, his first time. Everything had already gone by the time Jaejoong had stepped into his life. Of course, there was no room to bitter over it. He too had already given away his firsts to someone else by the time he’d met Yunho. But that didn’t he hadn’t thought about what it might have been like to have been with an awkward, slightly unsure, and certainly more clueless version of Yunho. The thought of him being so hesitate, so determined to get it right, the picture of him asking if it had been ok, if he’d done it right. Just thinking about it made him smile.

“Of course I have time!” Yunho tells him eagerly, skating back to give Jaejoong room to move. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” He adds, although Jaejoong can pick out the lie trickling across his face.

Something tells him he would have helped him no matter what he’d been doing. He’d been with Yunho too long to know the signs.

“That’s good then. I think it’s a bit obvious that I don’t know what I’m doing.” Jaejoong says, gesturing down to where his skates are sliding awkwardly over the ice as he struggles to keep his balance.

“You’re in luck then!” Yunho says, expression bright as he jerks a thumb to himself. “I’ve got over 10 years experience.”

Jaejoong laughs again, letting a fond smile fall across his face, head tilting to the side, loose strands of hair falling across his forehead as he does.

“I’m in your hands then - please look after me.”

Yunho does, leading him about the ice rink like a child taking their first steps. He’s careful, gentle, and considerate of both him, and the other people skating around them. Hands are on him the whole time, holding onto him securely in case he slipped, and ready to catch him at a moment’s notice. He slowly begins to get it, under Yunho’s blanket of patience. Little by little he becomes more sure-footed, and less reliant on the safety net that is Yunho.

“You’re doing it, you’re doing it!” Yunho cheers, apparently ecstatic for him, now confident enough to suddenly let go of him.

He'd given him no warning. Hands that had been there one moment are now gone the next after his brief congratulations. Jaejoong finds he’s having to support himself abruptly, arms hurriedly lifting to balance either side of himself. One foot moves in front of the other, pushing through the ice in one fluid , before the other follows. He’s grinning before he can help it, happiness automatically showing on his face as he basks in a small bubble of pride. Feeling confident, he turns, wanting to make his way back to Yunho who’s stood behind him watching on in a glow of delight.

However, balance, or rather any kind of co-ordination, had always been his enemy. He was practically known for his clumsiness after all. So, it shouldn’t have been all that much of a surprise to him when he missteps, or trips, whatever it had been. Cold greets him either way, his taking the majority of the fall, and he can feel the bite of it seeping through to his gloves. But it doesn’t hurt, he instead feels accomplished somehow. Especially when Yunho skates back over to him, smile so wide that his teeth are on full display – and oh, they’re crooked, an image that has his lips parting slightly in surprised as Yunho leans down, his hand reaching for him once more.

“I think we need to work a bit more on that balance before we move on to any flashy spins.” Yunho admits, his tone slightly teasing, but still full of pride.

“Y-yeah.” Jaejoong agrees, feeling a burst of nerves in his stomach suddenly, and wave of shyness consumes him enough to make him dip his head to avoid the bright light that is Yunho.

“Hey.” Yunho says gently, kneeling down in front of him. “Don’t worry! Everyone has their tumbles. I mean I still fall all the time – even the pro-skaters do! Don’t let it get to you, let’s just try again.”

Jaejoong laughs, whether it’s at Yunho’s obliviousness, or of the irony of this whole situation, he’s not sure. But he takes Yunho’s hand again, and allows himself to be pulled back up, feet still sliding back and forth a little as he gets his footing.

“That’s it.” Yunho’s says, holding one of Jaejoong’s hands in his, and begins to guide them around the rink.

It doesn’t escape Jaejoong that this is beginning to feel very date like. He wonders if this was planned, if it had been Yunho’s intention, or maybe even his, that they would meet like this, that one of them already knew how bad he was at skating. It feels a little like one of the many dates they’d had during his TVXQ days. Full of sneaky side glances, discreet smiles, and moments that only they knew about.

“This really does kind of feel like a date.” He blurts before he can stop himself, realising that Yunho’s hand holding his is doing a far better job of keeping his hand warm than the gloves wrapped around his fingers.

His words obviously cause a fluster within Yunho, and the near graceful skating they’d been doing before comes to a stop, with Yunho being the one who brings them to a gentle halt. There’s a slight colour to Yunho’s cheeks, a soft smattering of dusty pink that looks oh so adorable to Jaejoong. His eyes are averted from him, his free hand moving to nervously scratch at his cheek.

“Cute...” Jaejoong thinks to himself, a smile creeping its way across his lips as he watches Yunho gather himself.

“Well, actually...” Yunho begins to say, shifting his feet back and forth across the ice uselessly. “If you wanted it to be... Well, I wouldn’t mind... If it was, that is.”

Heart now full to bursting, and the biggest grin possible now stretching across his face, with no hand to cover it, Jaejoong leans closer. He peers up at Yunho, close into his personal face, and the slightest hint of teasing expression.

“Are you asking me on a date?” He asks impishly, sliding just a little closer, right up until the point he can clearly see the eyelashes framing Yunho’s now shock rounded eyes.

A surprised squawk sounds from Yunho’s mouth in response, and Jaejoong worries for a second that he might choke over his words. Thankfully he doesn’t though, and instead slides back a step in order to create some distance between them, eyes dropping down again more. The whole thing makes another memory of the past surface to the forefront of Jaejoong’s mind, and he can clearly picture a flustered Yunho from the very early days of their relationship; panicked, and paranoid over every public moment their shared.

The teasing smile on his face softens slowly, curving into more of a gentle glow, and he draws back, feeling a little silly with himself for ache of sadness that follows his brief remembrance.

“Yeah.” A resolute voice replies suddenly, drawing Jaejoong from his tender thoughts. “I am.”

This time it’s Jaejoong who’s shocked, his head swings back to find Yunho’s eyes on him, so full of determination that it takes him by surprise.

Back when they’d first started dating, Jaejoong had found himself always making the first move. He’d be the one to seek Yunho out, the one who’s first smacked a kiss to his lips in the heat of the moment, and the one who’d first suggested them sleeping together. Yunho had always appeared hesitant, unsure, and as though he was holding back whenever it came to any of the more emotional aspect of their relationship.

He’d understood, or at least, he’d tried to. Yunho was their leader, and he’d felt the responsibility that had come with that title. There was always worry behind every action, a fear that ran deep within Yunho that, one day, at any moment, they might get caught. So, Jaejoong had had to learn to live with that. With Yunho always dancing on the edge of their relationship.

Which is why his mind snags for a moment, leaving him standing there rather uselessly with his mouth hung open. There’s a strangled croak that leaves his mouth while he tries to form a response. But he gives up when he sees the disappointed look of regret that blossoms across Yunho’s face, and he realises that actions might speak louder than words at that moment.

So, he kisses him instead.

Even in ice skating boots he’s still shorter than Yunho. Which means he has to reach up with both hands and place them either side of Yunho’s head to tug him down; making it awkward to say the least. Yunho’s naturally taken by surprise, and there’s a startled, albeit muffled, yelp that leaves his mouth just before Jaejoong brings their lips together.

It’s not his first time at a kissing rodeo of course. He’s had more than a few years worth of experience in that particular department, and so from his side the kiss is reasonably well coordinated. However, it slips his mind that this particular Yunho is still young, and inexperienced in the art of kissing. So, when Jaejoong opens his mouth, carried away within the throws of passion, and giddiness of being able to kiss him once more, he finds nothing but tightly pressed lips waiting for him, and the view of Yunho’s eyes screwed up so tight that he looks a tad afraid.

Talk about a mood killer.

Sighing, he pulls back, unable to help himself from smiling when Yunho hesitantly opens his eyes to look at him.

“Wow.” Yunho breathes, nervously reaching to push a hand through his hair. “That was-”

“We’re really going to have to work on your kissing technique.” Jaejoong tells him, his voice stern, and slightly deadpan as he stares Yunho dead in the eyes.

“Oh...” Yunho replies, now looking very much dejected as he stares down at the ice.

Chuckling, Jaejoong reaches for his hand, sliding a little closer to him, and bending down to catch his eyes.

“But, if it’s still ok, I’d like to have that date now.”

The smile on Yunho’s face is worth a lifetime of tight-lipped kisses.

-X-

It’s pitch-black when he opens his eyes, Yoochun's snuffling somewhere beside him, and the clock on the wall tells him that it’s far to early to be awake. He is, however, wide awake, and so he figures that he might as well get up and make a start on the day.

He makes an early start on breakfast, taking his time to chop, slice, and peel the ingredients he needs until everything prepared; and from there, he even makes a point of tidying up the rest of the mess the kitchen he’d managed to amass.

By the time he’s done, Yunho’s getting up for his morning run, donned in dark sweatpants, a baggy sweatshirt, and cap pulled tightly down to hide his face. Something about him dressed up like that already prepped for his morning run sends a zing of anticipation shooting down his spine. He nearly makes the suggestion to go back to bed together, but the reminder of Yoochun still being in there stops him short.

It does however spark an idea, one that has him smiling coyly as Yunho walks over.

“Uh-oh. I don’t like that look.” Yunho chuckles, making himself comfy as he leans against the counter. “Should I be worried?”

“No, not really.” Jaejoong replies, keeping his voice casual, and turns towards to Yunho after switching off the stove. “But, there was something I wanted to ask.”

“And there it is – the sentence that scares me most!” Yunho says, pulling himself back up, chuckling and holding his hands up in mock surrender when he catches Jaejoong’s mean frown. “Ok, what’s up?”

“Don’t shout at me.” Jaejoong says quickly, a pre-warning to the dragon he’s about to unleash. “But I was wondering if you’d come out with me today.”

A frown, slightly punched in confusion, forms across Yunho’s brows. Jaejoong already knows what he’s going to say, and he knows that Yunho’s annoyed that he didn’t remember their tight schedule for today; or so he thinks anyway. There was a lot of perks to knowing someone as long as Jaejoong had Yunho.

“Today? Jaejoong, we have a schedule today. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten?” Yunho asks crisply, folding his arms across his chest, and falling into that stance he took when he was in full leader mode.

“No, I know.” Jaejoong tells him placatingly, holding a hand up to stop Yunho before he can begin one of his disapproving tirades. “It’s just that I’m really starting to get cabin fever being hold up here all the time.” He lies, leaning back against the counter, sighing. “I just need to get out for a while, get from fresh air, relax.”

“Seriously.” Yunho huffs, uncrossing his arms, and levelling his gaze on Jaejoong. “Jae… That’s really not a good enough reason you know. We can’t just leave when we’ve got a schedule planned.”

Jaejoong crosses his arm, a mischievous smile (that he knows is going to make Yunho’s stomach turn with nervousness) playing on his lips.

“Well maybe you can’t.” Jaejoong mocks, lifting his chin in challenge, physically daring Yunho to prove him wrong. “But I’m going – whether you come with me, or not.”

He's likely going to think he’s gone off the deep end; and not for the first time. That flabbergasted expression on his face tells Jaejoong as much. It wasn’t often he'd got the chance to leave Yunho speechless – what with how well the other knew him. He’d always seemed to be one step ahead of him, guessing with ease just exactly what he was up to, and intercepting when he thought Jaejoong was going too far. However, it had always been a treat when he did get the chance to stun him.

Right on cue, as though a brick had been dropped, Yunho’s face falls, and then twists into something displeased. His hand moves to his face, massaging his temple in slow circles; apparently frustrated. No doubt having reached his daily limit of Jaejoong’s whims already.

“Don’t be stupid.” He snips, turning his eyes to Jaejoong once more to level him with a pointed expression that holds no room for nonsense. “If SM catch wind of it, they’ll string you up faster than you’ll be able to piece together one of your clever excuses.”

He’s not wrong. Jaejoong knows the trouble it will cause. But he’s already done it a handful of times now, and he’d never felt the direct aftermath of it – so he’s hardly scared of that threat at this point.

“Besides,” Yunho goes onto say, folding his arm back across his chest. “Why are you so insistent on going out anyway? We might have some free time this weekend. Avex are proving to be a hell of a lot more generous when it comes to handing out rest periods. So surely it doesn’t have to be today.”

Jaejoong smiles bitterly to himself, ducking his head to hide the expression from Yunho’s imploring eyes. He can’t expect him to understand, nor can he hope to explain it to him. Whatever was going off with him was far beyond anything he could hope to have Yunho wrap his mind around. He didn’t fancy waking up in an insane asylum again.

“No.” Jaejoong replies firmly, looking back to Yunho wistfully. “It has to be today.”

He’s unsure on what it had been. His tone, the soft, almost sad, expression on his face, or the sagged, slightly defeated, way he was holding himself. But Yunho gives under the weight of it, sighing regretfully, likely already knowing that no amount of pushing was going to move him.

“Wait here.” Yunho tells him, expression firm. “I’ll get my jacket.”

“Wha-”

Yunho turns back to him, rolling his eyes over his shoulder.

“Well I can’t let you go alone, can I?” Yunho tells him, the most displeased of frowns carving its way across his face.

Jaejoong lets a smile creep across his lips, please at the knowledge that he’d won.

“Don’t get me wrong though.” Yunho adds casually, having caught Jaejoong’s budding victory smile. “You can explain to our manager why you thought it appropriate to ditch – and when you do, you can count me out of the equation.”

Shrugging, Jaejoong turns away to fish out the plainest of face masks, and oversized hoodie that he owns. It won’t really be his problem after all, he thinks to himself as he pulls the hoodie over his head, indulging Yunho in the task of allowing him to hook the loops of his face mask over his ears. By the time their manager caught up to them, he’d more than likely be long gone, and waking up in a new future.

He’s starting to appreciate little backstreet cafes all the more, and it makes him yearn for his own little café back home in his own timeline. While he already knew that he loved the place, having placed a little part of himself into the design and final construction. Sitting in this café, so unlike his own, makes him realise just how much he misses it. He’s already got an A4 sized list of new blends and flavours that he wants to add to the menu, and that itch to get back and try them out is buzzing just under his skin.

It’s an itch that’s hard to scratch though, given the circumstances, and so he settles for watching Yunho blow a plume of steam from his own coffee cup across from him instead. His other half looks especially dashing, what with his scarf pulled up just over his chin, and cap down low enough to cover as much of his face as he can. Jaejoong had had to talk him out of donning a pair of shades before they’d left. It would have only served to draw attention to them, and anyway, who an earth wore shades on an overcast day (unless they were up to no good)?

“So, are you going to tell me what this is all about? Or am I supposed to keep guessing?” Yunho asks him, breaking the silence he’d been maintaining since they’d first stepped into the café.

Jaejoong leans back in his chair, lifting his mug to his lips. There wasn’t a particular reason for wanting to skip schedules. He’s just exhausted his options with living the same day over and over again, and had become something beyond the spectrum of bored. Not to mention he was feeling desperate for change. Of course, it wasn’t like he could tell Yunho that.

Or could he? He eyes the large glass window of the café, taking another sip of his coffee pensively. He supposes he could – in a roundabout way anyway.

“I was thinking.” He finally says, placing down the mug in his hands to the table.

“Uh-oh.” Yunho cuts in, heaving a sigh, and mirroring Jaejoong's position by leaning back in his chair too. “Should I be worried?”

Hiding a laugh behind his hand, Jaejoong rolls his eyes at him, reaching across the table in front of them to lightly slap his hand against Yunho's arm. It garners him a playful look in return, one that has Jaejoong meeting it with a challenging smirk. It quickly falls away though, as his mind settles back to his earlier thoughts, and he ends up distractedly running his finger around the rim of his coffee mug.

“Well, it was more of a question really – a hypothetical one.” Jaejoong explains, briefly flicking his gaze to Yunho before dropping it down to the dark pool of coffee. “What would you do if you found yourself repeating a specific day in your past over and over again? But not just that, the day in particular was also one that lead to an awful decision being made, and no matter how much you try to avoid it, and change things for the better, the outcome always leads to a far worse future.”

He lifts his head finally, waiting as silence stretches between them. Yunho’s face is thoughtful, but Jaejoong can pick out the confusion colouring the tight furrow of his brow. It’s obvious he’s intrigued to know the thoughts behind Jaejoong’s abrupt, and rather deep, question. Although, he seems in the mood to humour him, and with a low hum buzzing from the back of his throat, he fixes Jaejoong with an inquisitive expression.

“What is it exactly that’s special about the day - is it anything in particular?” Yunho asks, folding his hands under his chin.

Jaejoong shakes his head.

“Not really, it’s a regular day. It’s just you can’t change the outcome of what comes after.”

“And that “outcome” is always bad? No matter what?”

“Yes.”

“Life threateningly bad?”

“Sometimes… Not always… It depends on the actions taken. But in the original future no, no one dies.”

Yunho leans back again, humming again in thought, and letting his eyes drift up to the ceiling. He seems to be taking it seriously, despite the randomness of the question. It makes Jaejoong’s chest clutch with a warm burst of affection. He can’t but feel cherished when Yunho humours him like this, and takes a quick sip of his drink to distract himself from smiling like an idiot at the realisation. He does after all want Yunho to keep taking him seriously.

“Perhaps it’s not about changing the outcome of the day.” Yunho suddenly says, making Jaejoong glance back to him.

“What do you mean?” Jaejoong asks, lowing the mug from his lips again, now confused himself.

“Well, sometimes bad things happen, despite how much we struggle to avoid them. It probably sounds cruel, and a tad dismissive – but it’s true. Life is full of ups and down, trials and tribulations. We can choose to grow from them, and push forward, becoming stronger and wiser. Or, we can dwell on them, and become trapped in the past, bitter, unhappy, and more often than not, blinded to the world around us.”

Jaejoong thinks on his words, finding himself unusually quiet as he stews. He understands what Yunho’s trying to say. But…

“Could you really let it be though? Just let it happen, even though you know it’s going to lead to an unhappy future?” He can’t help but ask, frowning when he hears how desperate he sounds.

Yunho laughs, seemingly at Jaejoong’s reaction, and leans forward again, his eyes bright.

“Yes, life is full of both good and bad events. Just look as us! We’ve had bad times before, right? Sometimes you have to live through those bad events to get to the good ones. If we had changed those events too much, then we might not have been together now, right?” Yunho points out, and Jaejoong knows exactly what events he’s talking about, and glances away from him mournfully.

He doesn’t want to think about that – especially not now. The image of Yunho taking a sip from that bottle, of him being rushed to the hospital, of him lying there in that bed, of sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair waiting for what felt like an eternity for news of how he was, and then eventually being allowed to see him only to find him looking so small and pale against the bedsheets; so closely touched by the cold fingers of death. His hands ball into fists, and he grits his teeth to stop himself from saying something scathing. Even after this long, he still could find it within him to understand why Yunho hadn’t pressed charges.

But…

Yunho was right, it was that event that had finally pushed them into confessing, and Jaejoong can remember himself still so young, so tired from days spent at Yunho’s bedside, lacking in both sleep and basic selfcare due to worry. His heart pushed to the limit with worry, anger, and panic that he’d found himself rambling from the lack of brain to mouth filter – which was thin on an average day. Somewhere along the line confessions had fallen from their lips, both of them worse for wear, admitting things they likely normally wouldn’t have.

Despite himself, he smiles. Such a tragic memory had given birth to such happiness.

“See.” Yunho says gently, having seen the small smile, and warm glow that was slowly starting to encompass Jaejoong’s face. “It’s better to improve on the present instead of giving chase, and trying to fix, the past. After all, it’s the present that paves the way to the future.”

Stunned, Jaejoong sits for a moment, staring at Yunho with a wide-eyed look of wonder. Was this what he was supposed to realise? That changing the past wasn’t what he should be aiming for, but bettering the present instead?

Even it was, that still didn’t tell him how to get back to his own timeline though. He was still stuck in the past until he figured out the right combination of events to move on from this cursed day.

“But even then.” Jaejoong continues, his voice light with uncertainty. “That still doesn’t solve how to break the repeating cycle of the same day.” He murmurs, caging both hands around the warmth of the coffee mug.

Again, Yunho brings Jaejoong’s attention back to him, a light bubble of laughter falling from his lips. Jaejoong frowns at him for it admonishingly, raising an eyebrow when Yunho only offers him a fond look.

“Well that’s the thing about the past Jae.” He says knowingly. “It’s already been lived through once, hasn’t it? The events are fixed. So, with that in mind, what do you think needs to happen?”

The glass breaks, an idea born, one that he’d never once thought to consider. Was it really that simple?

“I think it’s more about acceptance than anything else.” Yunho adds, closing his eyes to enjoy another sip of his drink.

He’s right, Jaejoong realises, casting his eyes back down to the dark pool of remaining coffee within his mug. Admitting that, however, left him with one glaring question. Was acceptance something that he was ready to face?

“I hope today was worth the grilling we’re going to get from SM as soon as they set up that meeting.” Yunho says as he opens the door to the dorm.

Jaejoong doesn’t reply as he follows him in quietly, still stuck within his own mind as a ponders over their earlier conversation in the coffee shop. He chews his lip, pretending to look apprehensive in the face of Yunho’s warning, so as not to give himself away to the fact that he hadn’t really been paying much attention to what he’s been saying. If it wasn’t the thousandth time he’d heard the threat of grilling meetings with SM’s management, then he might have been a little more concerned. But by now he’d lived though far too many to really feel the full weight of the threat; he had been to court due to them after all.

So, he wasn’t all that worried, and the time hopping mumbo jumbo meant that he wouldn’t have to deal with their high and mighty bull in person anyway. Wow, had he really just discovered a plus to this weird pseudo super power?

“I think it was worth it.” He decides, more to himself than Yunho, glancing over when he hears the other snort as his answer.

“Tell that to SM when they decide to put us on watch.” Yunho replies dryly, phone already in his hand, more than likely checking for scathing texts from their Korean management team.

Jaejoong rolls his eyes at the thought, already knowing that they likely weren’t above the idea.

They’d just come back from a meeting with their Japanese management, the very meeting where the potential online meeting with SM had first surfaced from. Their morning disappearance obviously had not gone down well, and they’d been dragged directly to the company as soon as they’d stepped foot across the threshold of the dorm. Not the mention the fact that the text Yunho had sent earlier in the day to tell them that they’d both gone out had been met with a flurry of phone calls and panicked texts, which had all gone ignored; and had hardly helped their situation. They’d then both turned off their phones off after that, not wanting to deal with the onslaught of calls both from their management, and members.

Junsu, Yoochun, and Changmin had apparently made the decision that they’d both gone mad, if the lucrative stares they’d been on the receiving end were anything to go by. But what had surprised Jaejoong, and slightly insulted him, was the fact they they’d made the rather offhand statement that it was something that they had expected from Jaejoong, but not Yunho – a rather brash declaration to make indeed, and one that has had them graced with Jaejoong’s best miffed expressions. He’d seen to it that he’d justly threatened to withhold his cooking services if they said anything more, which had sent them scattering pretty quick; Changing being the first. There was no way Changing was going to risk not having a full plate of home cooked goodness sat in front of him.

“I’m sure it won’t come to that.” Jaejoong says gently, walking to Yunho’s side to place a hand to his arm, slowly sliding his fingers down until they tangle within his fingers. “They don’t have the time to babysit us 24/7.”

Something flickers across Yunho’s face, his eyes watching Jaejoong closely, as though he were waiting for an opportunity to do something. The whiplash change in appearance causes Jaejoong to mentally pull back for a moment, trying to unravel the meaning behind his expression.

Had he said something wrong? He doesn’t think so... Yunho was normally quick to make a verbal comment to him when he did. So…

It’s then he connects the dots, his eyes blowing wide. Yunho was giving him that look.

Oh.

His hands reach for Yunho’s collar, body surging forward, and pulling Yunho along with him. He already knows what he’s got to do, and if that really was the answer, then he at least wanted this last future with Yunho.

The door to his bedroom hits the wall with a solid bang, Jaejoong soon following as he pressed up against it, Yunho’s larger frame keeping him in place against it as he makes short work of placating him with bruising kisses. A short noise pulls from the back of his throat, something between a sigh and a moan as he arcs his head back. Whatever it is, it causes Yunho to grab at him, placing a hand to the back of his neck and tilting his head to the side ever so slightly.

Jaejoong’s hands are on Yunho’s clothes, pulling, and pushing them away, all fingers and thumbs, and very eager to press against warm flesh. He wishes he could just rip through his damn clothes entirely; just like in those trashy romance movies his sisters had forced him to sit through during his teenage years when they’d had the choice of what movie to watch. However, he knows the moment he did, Yunho would cease all y activity, and more than likely shout at him for ruining yet another shirt.

Though, he pleased to find that he’s not the only one who’s eager for more, a shiver of delight rushing down his spine when Yunho leans down to lift him up and wrap Jaejoong’s legs around his waist. He rolls his hips against Yunho’s groin in retaliation, revelling in smug pride with a matching grin to match, when Yunho hisses a soft curse against his skin. It’s always a plus to realise that he’s still got it – even with all the time that’s passed between them.

He slots his lips back to Yunho’s again, giving as good as he’s getting while Yunho walks them backwards across the room towards one of the beds shoved up against the wall. It’s all so quick, rushed kisses, and fumbled movements as they fall back against the mattress, poor Yunho taking most of the impact as he lets Jaejoong plant a knee either side of his hips. Jaejoong’s not complaining though. Such a position allows him to take full advantage of the high ground, his fingers hooking into the folds of Yunho’s jeans, and making short work of the zipper; all while keeping Yunho’s normally sensible mouth busy with his own.  It’s not particularly difficult, and Jaejoong had become rather practiced over the years, having done this routine so many times before, each so quickly and urgently as they fought not to be caught. Which is why he’s not at all surprised when he finds himself so suddenly with a handful of Yunho’s erect .

Fingers nimbly work their way around the warm flesh, handling it with firm familiarity. He knows it about as well as he knows his own, meaning he own exactly how to have Yunho falling to pieces within minutes – to the point where he’s moderately pleased with how easily it all comes rushing back to him. Even more so when he begins to see the sight of pre- blooming at the head of Yunho’s .

“Someone’s eager…” Jaejoong smirks, leaning down to nip at the sensitive spot beneath Yunho’s ear, drawing back to fix Yunho with heady, half mast, eyes.

“Y-yeah, you would be too if you were on the receiving end of a 5-star .” Yunho murmurs, hissing when Jaejoong jerks his wrist suddenly, his eyes squeezing shut, and hips jolting upwards.

“Hm, 5-star eh?” Jaejoong teases, grinning broadly when Yunho’s shoots him a warning look through narrowed eyes.

“Hurry up already.” Yunho grits, letting out a guttural moan. “Do you want to get caught?” He then asks, shooting a nervous look towards the door.

“Why are you so worried? The members already know that we’re togeth-”

“I’m not talking about them.” Yunho cuts in, his eyes far beyond that steady warning look he’d been wearing before – they’re serious now, if not a little disappointed. “You know who I mean.” He says, now a little apologetic as he reaches up to brush away a stray strand of hair from Jaejoong’s face.

“Management.” Jaejoong summarises to himself, dropping his gaze from Yunho, his hand falling a little slack around Yunho’s .

He remembers the stress that came with each of their private moments, whether it was short stolen kisses, or quick romps within the sheets. There had always been that element of danger that had had them hurried and cutting things premature. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been able to take his time with Yunho, drag it out, and thoroughly enjoy a moment. They’d instead rushed it all, running toward the finish line, and chasing their release, before cobbling together their clothes, and moving on. There was always the worry of being walked in on, and not just by the higher ups, but for their members sakes too.

While they were ok with knowing that they were dating, and more than likely ually involved, both Jaejoong, and Yunho had still not wanted to have them walking in on them, and potentially making things awkward. The group had always had to come first after all. Something Jaejoong had both knew, and fully respected in the past.

Moments, and words like Yunho had just spoken, would always bring that rushing back. It makes Jaejoong frown, now wanting nothing more than to just ignore about it all for as long as he could.

“Can we not just forget about that for a while?” He asks, dropping his expression into a saddened look, one that he hopes will pull the right cords with Yunho.

“Jae-” Yunho sighs, more than likely about to launch off into another lecture.

“Just for tonight…” Jaejoong pushes, leaning down to drop his head to Yunho’s shoulder. “Just one night.”

He’s not sure what he’s expecting Yunho to say to that. Part of him hopes that he’ll go along with it, and when he spies that look of resignation on his face, combined with a sigh of surrender, he can’t stop the smile that lights his face.

“Why do I always give into you?” Yunho asks, dropping his head back against the pillows behind him.

“Because you love me?” Jaejoong answers automatically, surprisingly himself for a moment with the fleeting feeling of déjà vu that creeps up over him.

“Hm, is that it?” Yunho hums to himself, reaching up to run his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair again. “Why did I fall in love with you?” He then asks, smiling when Jaejoong stares at him with wide eyes, watching his lips falling open to form a perfect ‘O’ shape in shock.

“No matter how much time has passed. I thought that you would always be here…”

“But you have chosen a different road.”

“Did I?” Jaejoong thinks to himself, eyes dropping down to his hand pressed against the bare skin of Yunho’s chest.

“Jae?” Yunho calls gently, carefully brushing his knuckle across his cheek, concern lacing his words.

Jaejoong clutches his hand within his own, keeping it pressed against his cheek, and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to walk a different path to Yunho – as much as he knows that that’s where he’s heading. He can’t salvage this echo of the past now. It had long gone past the point of the argument already, and unless Jaejoong marched out into the living room right now and started off the fireworks himself, it was never going to happen this time round. Which meant that this was perhaps the one last opportunity to live the future in any way he wanted to.

He opens his eyes, smiling down at Yunho tenderly, and delights in the look of awe he finds there.

“I’m going to stay with you.” He tells him resolutely. “No matter what.”

The awed look on Yunho’s face lasts a moment longer, before faltering, and in its place rolls an amused expression of befuddlement. He tips his head back against the pillows again, body quaking with that squeaky laugh that was so uniquely his.

“Of course!” Yunho finally says, still winding down his chuckles. “Where else would you go?” He asks brightly, a thumb across Jaejoong’s cheek affectionately.

Jaejoong pouts at him, feeling a touch disheartened that his heartfelt declaration hadn’t had quite had the impact he’d been hoping for; though he’d strongly deny that it was anything but a pout.

“Hm, maybe I’ll go and find someone who’s more appreciative of my heart then!” Jaejoong frowns, making sure to pin Yunho’s hands down by his head, leaning over him in what he hopes is a dominating pose.

His words trigger Yunho’s jealously, something that had always been bubbling under the surface when Jaejoong made flippant comments on broadcasts, or unknowingly captured the attention of a brave MC, or special guest who gotten far too close for comfort. It didn’t take much to have it raising its head, and Jaejoong could already see the tell-tale signs of the green eyed, possessive, monster from the tightness of Yunho’s jaw.

“You wouldn’t…” Yunho dares, frowning up at him, his hands balling into fists.

“Wouldn’t I~?” Jaejoong asks back playfully, leaning down a little closer to bump his nose against Yunho’s.

“Nope!” Yunho cries suddenly, pushing back with his full strength, and sending Jaejoong onto his back, with Yunho falling a top of him, crushing him into the mattress, despite Jaejoong’s yelp of surprise.

“Yunho!” Jaejoong wines from beneath him. “Ah! You’re heavy…” He sighs, pushing at his head.

“You’re staying right here with me, right?” Yunho asks him, his voice slightly muffled against Jaejoong’s skin.

A heaviness settles in Jaejoong’s chest, much like a lead weight, cold, and dense. It makes him ball a hand into the back of Yunho’s dress shirt still hanging open off his frame. He nods stiffly, dropping his head into the crook of his neck.

“It’s like you said.” He replies. “Where else would I go?”

“At least one more time you’ll be my first choice.”

-X-

“Don’t wake him yet.”

“But I’m hungry...”

“Then grab something on the way.”

“But Jaejoong’s cooking is better!”

Rolling over onto his stomach, Jaejoong stares at the ceiling, wondering just what he’d done last night to feel so painfully grim, and just what kind of future he’d spun himself this time round.

Judging from the voices at least, it seemed that Yunho, and Changmin, were at least still around. Of course, that didn’t mean that he was holding his breath for a happy ending; he’d fallen prey to that trick too many times already.

Still groggy from sleep, he lifts a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes again as he squints against the bright rays of daylight that are starting to sting his eyes like the burning laser beams of death that was the light of the sun. The last time he’d felt this bad was back during his 21^st birthday after a night long drinking session which had ended sometime after 5 o'clock in the morning, and a following 8am lecture from the highest level of management in SM. He’d have liked to have referred to it as good times. But then he remembers the following photoshoot they’d had to attend, and the way he hadn’t quite been able to focus his vision without the world tilting on its axis. Not to mention the headache that had lasted for three days, and the snide comments from Yunho regarding his insensitive party animal ways each time he’d had to down a glass a water and three painkillers in an effort to not walk around like a diagnosed alcoholic trying to live their best life.

So, not so good times?

“Jaejoong!” A loud voice yells, the sound of doors slamming wide open following.

He grips his head, wincing as it throbs at the noise, and narrows his eyes towards the source of his discomfort.

He’s mildly surprised to see Changing standing there, a thoroughly unimpressed look donning his annoyingly attractive face – and God, why Changmin always look like he’s just walked straight out of a photoshoot?

“What do you-”

“Are you planning on staying in bed all day?” Changing asks, arching an eyebrow at him. “I thought you handled your alcohol better than this? Are you getting old?” He then asks, a sly smile sliding into place.

Ah, so that’s what he’d been doing last night. He groans, the thought of drinking making his stomach turn. He knows he won’t actually be sick though. Despite his love of partying, drinking, and general all-nighters spent in various clubs, he’d never once succumb to upchucking. It was... A blessing really. One that his friends, and members alike, had been painfully jealous over.

He just wished the same could he said about him feeling the effects of morning after hangovers.

A laugh comes from in front of him, loud, and annoyingly obnoxious. Ah, yes, the very person who didn’t suffer from said hangovers was still present. He shoots a dark look in Changmin's direction, though he thinks the effect might be slightly dampened thanks to the baby pink sleeping mask that chooses that moment in particular to slide down his face to conceal his eyes.

“Pff-!” Is the rather mangled noise that comes from Changmin as he attempts, very poorly, to hide his amusement. “Here I was thinking that it wasn’t possible for you to look more a state then you did last night!”

Jaejoong yanks the eye mask from his face, attempting again to shoot another dark look Changmin’s way irritably. Damn, his head really hurt, and Changmin’s snarky comments were not helping.

“What state?” He snips, gaze sliding to the doorway as Yunho, who looking particularly wonderful as always, walks through with a steaming mug in hand.

“Oh? You don’t remember?” Changmin replies coyly, setting himself on the end of the bed, a Cheshire Cat smile slotting into place as he gears up. “That’s not like you~” He adds playfully.

“It wasn’t that bad.” Yunho cuts in, offering Jaejoong the mug with a sympathetic smile. “Don’t Changmin – otherwise I’ll revoke Jaejoong’s breakfast service from you for good.”

“What?!” Changmin whines loudly. “Yunho! That’s not fair! You really were bad last night Jaejoong!” He protests, turning back to Jaejoong, and thumping his hand down on the bed. “You were so drunk that you forgot that Yunho was your boyfriend and asked him if he was single! Then when he said he wasn’t you started crying!”

Jaejoong’s face warms considerably, and he chokes on his tea as processes what Changmin had just said, continuing to hack up as Yunho begins to tap his back.

“I-I what?” He manages to croak out between coughs.

“It’s true!” Changmin insists. “You wouldn’t stop whining about it, and were getting really loud, so we had to take you home. But you continued being a handful, and I had to come home with you guys to help Yunho out. Only someone fell asleep in the taxi on the way back, so we had to lug your up to Yunho’s, and your, apartment. Course, I insisted on staying over after that on the grounds that I was going to get an apology breakfast for my trouble.” He explains, crossing his arms tiresomely. “I had to hold open a fair few doors while Yunho carried you up, you know!”

“How awful for you…” Jaejoong murmurs sarcastically, swilling down the last few dregs of his tea, before giving Yunho a appreciative smile.

“Hey! I still want breakfast!” Changmin continues to whine, tapping the bedsheets again in an attempt to grab Jaejoong’s attention.

“Yeah, yeah…” Jaejoong agrees, waving a hand at him, a sign for him to leave and let him at least get himself somewhat clothed.

It seemed that someone (Yunho), had taken the liberty of at least removing the clothes he’d been out and about in last night; something he’s pleased about considering his past record of spilling drinks, often down himself by accident, when drunk. So, if Changmin’s to be believed, then those clothes are at best speckled with stray spillages.

Changmin, thankfully, gets the message though, and with a short announcement that he’ll be waiting in the living room, he disappears out of the bedroom altogether, leaving Jaejoong, and Yunho alone.

Jaejoong frowns suddenly, narrowing his eyes as he stares straight ahead at the wall.

“Did I really forget that we’re dating?” He asks, voice tense.

Beside him Yunho laughs, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t too offended.”

Begrudgingly, he forces himself from the warmth of bed, and ends up putting on a spread for both Changmin, and Yunho. He himself forgoes breakfast, his stomach vehemently protesting against the idea of food. A decision that perks Yunho’s concern, and has Changmin reaching across the table for seconds – with an excuse that he should get Jaejoong’s portion. Jaejoong let him, rolling his eyes as he begins to gather up the beginnings of the dirty dishes, already filling up the sink with hot water when he feels a hand slide across his lower back.

“You sure you’re goanna be ok today?” Yunho asks him, his fingers still massaging his lower back in gentle movements.

“I’ll be fine.” Jaejoong laughs, tilting his head to look at him. “Besides, there’s not much you can do right? A schedule is a schedule.”

“Ah, yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Yunho agrees. “But SM is a little more lenient these days, so-”

Jaejoong turns back to the sink, a bitter smile on his face as Yunho’s voice blurs into the background. He’d figured something like this might have happened when he’d awoken to Yunho, Changmin’s voices; plus, they’d yet to mention Junsu, and Yoochun. Something similar had happened before, in one of the other timelines he’d managed to screw up. But that one had been full of sadness from the off, with an agitated Changmin, and brooding Yunho. Here however, the future seemed far brighter than before.

“Hey, we’d better get going! Managers coming for us in 10.” Changmin calls, forcing Jaejoong to snap back to reality, his eyes staring down at his hands still submerged in the warm water he’d been washing up the plates in before.

“Got it!” Yunho calls, kissing the top of Jaejoong’s head, and moving to fetch his jacket. “Come on Jaeji.”

“Right...” Jaejoong replies softly, reaching to drain the water from the sink slowly, frowning as the water spirals away.

They’d always been a small part of himself that had wondered into the realms of “what if” when it came to the split, and while he’d never admit it aloud (especially to Yoochun, and Junsu), he’d often found himself entertaining the small voice at the back of his mind that had posed the question of “what would have happened if you’d have stayed at SM?” with quiet curiosity. His brain had speculated that all would have continued as it had for Yunho, and Changmin, and the modest part of himself told him that him being there wouldn’t have changed anything. But then the selfish part of him had reared its head in outrage, and Jaejoong had given into the fact that it would have changed everything for him rather than them.

Such as now, as he walks into a press conference crowed between the tall figures of Yunho, and Changmin with a sickening feeling of nerves vibrating through him. Cameras flash left and right as they walk out onto the stage, photographers asking for them to turn left, right, then back to the front.

Both Yunho, and Changmin handle it with ease, turning gracefully, faces moulded into comfortable smiles, and each with a hand folded into a fist as they raise them in the classic “Hwaiting!” pose. He tries to mirror their enthusiasm, but he can already tell that his smile is sitting awkwardly on his face, all teeth, and too much strain in his cheeks. He curses himself belatedly, embarrassed as he pulls his face back into a more neutral look, titling his head to flick his fringe from his face to hide the sudden change in facial expression.

It feels weird to be there, stood between them, in front of the press - the very media who had hounded them for months after the split. It’s becomes especially difficult as the trio are gestured to take their seats finally, and Jaejoong realises that he no longer has anywhere else to look. The media before them all look so eager, settling down, and pulling recorders to captures their answers, and Jaejoong’s stomach rolls as he wonders just how he’s going to get through this with such little information to go on from this timeline.

Does he still go by the name Hero Jaejoong? Was he still the lead singer? What was the concept, the track title even? He has no idea on how to even begin to answer those questions, and a bubble of nausea burns inside him as their conference co-ordinator settles everyone in with the final greetings.

He takes his chance while he can, and leans in towards Yunho beside him, leeching a small amount of comfort from his other half while he can reasonably get away with it. The move doesn’t go unnoticed though, and it’s not long before he feels lips brushing against his ear, a shiver tingling down his skin.

“You alright?” Yunho asks, and Jaejoong can see Yunho’s gaze on him from the corner of his eyes.

“Y-yeah.” He replies meekly, keeping his head down, only to flinch a moment later when he feels the touch of a hand underneath the table take his, and gently rub soothing circles against his skin.

“You sure? You seem oddly nervous this time round.” Yunho chuckles, trying to be discreet.

“No, I’m good.” Jaejoong tells him, then pauses as his mind attempts mental gymnastics in an effort to put something reasonable in place to not make a complete and utter fool of himself in front of the paparazzi, and most importantly s. “Actually, just so we’re clear.” He starts, turning properly towards him this time. “Are you introducing the album?”

Yunho furrows his eyebrows, looking a mix of concerned and confused.

“I thought we’d already been over this?” He says in confusion. “You’re doing that.”

Jaejoong fumbles, smiling a little awkwardly at him. So much for playing dumb. It seemed like he was going to have be a little more deliberate.

“Would you mind doing it instead?” He asks sweetly, pushing his best hopeful smile to his face.

“Wha- Why?” Yunho stammers, blinking owlishly at him. “Why are you so nerv-” Yunho goes to say, and then stops as Jaejoong keeps on looking at him with that pushing smile. “Ah, ok sure. I’ll do it.” He finally gives, turning away, only to jerk his head back to him a moment later. “But you’re doing the comeback aspirations section!”

Jaejoong grins broadly, nodding his head, and reaches out to fiddle with a paper cup in front of him. He can do that. It’s essentially just a string of pretty words in which they talk about wanting to make a positive comeback which all their fans will enjoy, and that they’ve worked really hard on the new album to challenge themselves in ways they haven’t before in the hopes of showing a new side to themselves. Then cut. Nothing more needed to be said.

Anyone could do that. He just hopes he doesn’t get roped into giving a song demonstration…

“Ok, we’re going to be taking questions now.” Their conference MC saying cheerfully, all bright smiles as he turns to them. “Please introduce yourselves first!”

Yunho immediately melts into smile beside him, dropping his head forward into a polite bow before picking up his microphone in front of him.

“Hello, I’m TVXQ’s leader, Uknow Yunho.” Yunho says brightly, smiling when the cameras begin to flash erratically, all eager to get the best shot.

Knowing he’s next, Jaejoong hesitantly picks up his own mic, and smiles weakly towards the sea of flashing lights.

“Hello, I’m Jaejoong.” He hears himself say quietly, deciding to simply go with his own name rather than the additional name SM had graced him with; after all he’d dropped it many times before the split, what harm would it do now?

“Hello, I’m TVXQ's Choikang Changmin.” Changmin follows, bowing his head, and Jaejoong belatedly kicks himself for not having bowed himself.

Almost as a sort of punishment, Jaejoong keeps his head down as much as he knows he get away with, lifting it only when Yunho begins to speak about the new album, trying to soak up as much as he can – which admittedly isn’t much. But he clings to the keywords that Yunho’s says, the title songs a pop song with electric synthase feel, with the other tracks on the album having various colours. The MC teasingly asks for Yunho to give a demonstration, but Yunho quickly declines, smiling perfectly, and cheekily quipping that they’ll have to wait until the tracks released. It’s all very cute, and has Jaejoong thinking back to their various showcases from before, not just the ones when TVXQ had been a 5 piece group, but also the JYJ fan meetings and press conferences. He bites his lip, a melancholy feeling of longing filling him up inside. He suddenly misses that, the feeling of joking around, and having fun with new music, the excitement of watching fans react to their new material, and staying up well into the earlier hours just to see the raw reaction from people around them.

It’s not something he’s felt for a long time. These days he’s focused on his own solo career, and working with only a small team around him. He’d lost the feeling of having members beside it seemed, instead leaving himself lonely. It wasn’t so much that he hated working alone, in fact there were genuinely nice aspects to it. The feeling of knowing that if he messed anything up, then it was only though fault of his own, and being able to only have to rely on his own creative input was nice too. There was no squabbling over which track was the title track, and which songs were even going to make it onto the album.

But there was no comradery anymore. No one to turn to and share that pure moment of success after ever triumphant comeback. There was staff, sure, and they all were eager to share in the fruits of his labour, quickly grouping around him and keen to offer their congratulations.

It wasn’t the same though. Nothing could ever be the same as having those who had been right up there beside you singing, dancing, and generally putting their all into the performance along side you. Nothing could be the same as suffering alongside each other with the same strict diet, the same late hours, and lack of sleep leading up that fateful, and sometimes dreaded, comeback date. There was truly nothing like it, especially when that unbelievable win was announced, and you were stood beside each other with matching expressions of shock, falling into each other for tight hugs, and gobsmacked examinations of “us?” when your name was called out.

Yes, Jaejoong does miss it, which is why he revels in the feeling that blooms in his chest when the three of exchange smiles between them at Yunho’s cheeky suggestion, and Jaejoong even reaches out his hand, slapping it lightly against Yunho’s arm, and shocking himself at the warmth he feels from the mischievous smile curving across Yunho’s face. Ah, there it was, he thinks to himself, a shy happiness taking flight within him.

He misses it, he misses it, he really misses it…

-X-

A light breeze kisses across his skin, cooling blanket warmed skin, and rousing him from what had felt like a deep sleep. He feels refreshed, as though he’s been stretched paper thin before, and was now properly rested. Which was weird, considering that he’d been on break for a while, a simple scattering of meetings was all that was littering his schedule at the moment, thankfully nothing like the heavy agenda that usually accompanied a busy comeback.

Nothing to do but relax, he thinks to himself, taking in a deep breath, stretching out his arms, and groaning as his body settles again against soft pillows. Laughter, soft, and ever so slightly nasally rings, and confused, Yunho opens his eyes to find the source; a slight glint of panic spiking when he realises that he doesn’t recognise it as Changmin’s.

Hadn’t he crashed at Changmin’s last night? Had a rogue fan broken in?

Wearily he glances about the room, frowning when he doesn’t recognise Changmin’s living room – the place where he’d thought he’d cheekily made his sleeping quarters last night. Worse still, he feels his whole-body lurch, heart springing to his throat when he finds the source of the giggling from before.

“Oh? Are you finally awake?”

Yunho chokes on air suddenly, unable to force words from his mouth as he sits bolt upright to stare in mute shock, and forcing himself to take a breath. There, to his disbelief, at the end of the bed, dressed tight black jeans, a simple t-shirt, and an oversized hoodie jacket, was the once (maybe still) love of his life, Kim Jaejoong.

Something clenches painfully in his chest at the sight of him, a cold feeling that spread up to his throat and throbs, making his eyes feel close to watering. He’s not the same as he’d last seen splashed across glossy magazines in passing, or shining within the glow of the odd online video he’d caught. No, he seems younger, face just a tad fuller, and eyes brighter under the dim lights hanging above – glowing with a similar grace to how he remembers him from the past.

Was he… Dreaming?

It wouldn’t be the first time he’d found himself having nightly wanders back to the past. However, that being said, they had never felt this feel, nor had he ever felt so in control before. Wasn’t there a word for it? Lunitic dreaming? Lumid dreaming? No, that didn’t seem right…

“Hey, are you still half asleep?” Jaejoong asks him, pulling Yunho’s gaze back to him leaning forward, a cheeky smile on his face as he steps closer to him, stopping at the right-hand side of the bed.

Slowly, Yunho reaches out from him, unable to stop himself, and feeling curious; eager to confirm that Jaejoong is real for him. Jaejoong doesn’t stop him, and Yunho’s fingers end up curled around his wrist, tugging him closer. He feels solid under his touch, and he gasps as he brings him closer to him, pulling him until Jaejoong comes to kneel on the bed beside him.

“Come on already!” Jaejoong whines, righting himself until he’s learning back on his calves. “Don’t you remember what today is? We promised to- ah!”

He doesn’t. But if this really is a dream, he wonders whether it’s linked to a memory already lived. Perhaps they’re on a schedule, or maybe there’s a meeting. Either way, right now, he doesn’t really want to go anywhere – not does he want Jaejoong to go anywhere either.

It had been a long time since his dreams had starred Jaejoong, long enough that the sight of him now brings back a rush of feelings he’d thought he’d long ago let fade. Having him there in front of him, so close that he can reach out and touch him, is far different than seeing him on the bright screen of his mobile phone late at night when he was all alone. Or catching a glimpse of his face splashed across an advertisement for whatever business venture he was steaming ahead with next.

It would be a lie to say that he didn’t keep up with Jaejoong. Of course he did. The time they’d spent together, no matter how bitter towards the end, was too precious for him to simply throw away. So yes, he searched Jaejoong’s name up often, listened to his music, and even made sneaky purchases of his albums before tucking them away in the safety of a locked drawer. They’d become like precious treasures, ones for his eyes only, and for him to know about only; well maybe Changmin too, seeing as the other couldn’t keep his nose out of anything.  

Jaejoong sighs in his hold, frowning slightly, and making Yunho feel the need to reach up and brush it away with affectionate touches.

“You are planning on getting up, right?” Jaejoong asks pointedly. “I had a lot planned, so... So I don’t want it to go to waste.”

Chuckling, Yunho turns to press a light kiss against his arm, and nods (still a little dazed). It seems he’d confirmed it for himself. Even after all this time, he just can’t hold onto any anger that he’d wanted to feel towards Jaejoong. Changmin was right after all – damn know it all.

“Yes dear.” He replies jokingly, unable to keep a smile from touching his face.

“Arse!” Jaejoong quips, and pulls away from him suddenly, making his way back to the door, before pausing and turning to look at him over his shoulder. “You’d better get up!” He warns, pouting for a moment before his face drops to something more reserved, and a touch soft. “I made breakfast... So, yeah...”

Yunho feels his heart swell with longing, and he smiles like a fool at him, all pearly whites and eyes forming half moons as they crinkle with joy.

“Thank you!” He calls brightly, heart soaring when Jaejoong tenses up, and dips his head a little lower, before turning away to scurry from the bedroom.

Yunho himself drops back against the bed, finding himself grinning like a fool. He’d forgotten just how cute Jaejoong was, with his not so subtle gestures, and stubbiness to provide for their odd, makeshift, family.

Speaking of which.... He should probably get up before Jaejoong came back to nag him again. He knew full well that he would too, having been the victim to Jaejoong’s early morning nagging plenty of times in the past. Not even the boyfriend card had spared him. Sighing at the thought, he pulls himself up, and rolls himself out of bed, plodding towards the kitchen with a heavy footed clunkiness that was never present during stage performances, but instead tucked away under a heavy layer of professionalism.

It’s a pleasant sight to find the rest of the group huddled around their old kitchen table, each of them busy with a plate of something that smells incredible. Changmin spares him a quick glance between bites of his food, raising an eyebrow in suspicion when Yunho smiles brightly at him. However, he goes back to eating a moment later, pausing once more only to nearly send his chopsticks piecing through the skin of Junsu’s thieving hand.

“Oh, Yunho’s up.” Yoochun comments blearily, his voice sounding heavy with sleep, and gravelled as he pushes the words out.

Either he hadn’t had his first coffee of the day, or Jaejoong had literally freshly plucked him from his bed. Yunho can remember with vivid fondness the mornings that had been spent around the table, with Yoochun nearly falling asleep face first in his breakfast bowl or dish.

“Yup.” Changmin agrees, lifting his chopsticks to point in Yunho’s general direction. “And he’s not ready to go.”

“Uh-oh.” Junsu says forebodingly, shaking his head in a disappointed mother kind of manner. “Someone’s going to be in trouble when Jaejoong gets out of the shower.”

Yunho can only frown at them for a moment, hovering by the table in thought. He distinctly remembers Jaejoong having said that he’d made breakfast, and that he needed to get up. Having put those two together, he could only assume that Jaejoong had meant for him to come and eat. Was that not it? Was this dream about to take a weird turn?

“What are you talking about?” Yunho asks, taking a seat at the table, and reaching for a plate from the centre. “Jaejo- Jae told me he’d made breakfast, and that I needed to get up. So that’s what I’m doing.” He explains, stumbling over Jaejoong’s name as he reminds himself that right here, in this moment, in this dream, he’s allowed to call Jaejoong in a more affectionate manner.

“Oh dear.” Changmin sighs, surprisingly pausing his onslaught on his second plate, his face pinched with an expression of impending doom.

“Don’t tell me you forgot!” Junsu whines, fixing Yunho with a flabbergasted look.

“Jaejoong’s going to be super disappointed if you have.” Yoochun sighs, half-heartedly reaching for a mug to his left, and nearly missing until Changmin quickly shoves it into his grasp. “You’re supposed to be going out together today.”

“Yeah! Jaejoong planned the whole thing! How could you forget?” Junsu pipes up again. “That’s why he made us all breakfast early – cause you two might not be back until later on.”

“Oh...” Yunho replies, his mouth hanging open as he tries to come up with something a little more substantial.

Changmin laughs when he catches the look though, amused to say the least, and rips a chunk of meat from his chopsticks before surveying Yunho with a look of admiration.

“Ah, you’re really amazing sometimes.” He states, sighing with an unimpressed air. “How could you forget your own birthday.”

Birthdays had never been something they’d had the luxury to properly celebrate. More often than not there had been schedules already in place on said days, and so they’d ended up into the spotlight with the apparent obvious suggestion that they celebrate it with fans. Which was fine. Yunho had never been opposed to the idea of spending such a special day with people who loved him. But it meant that by the time they were back behind closed doors, which was usually close to the dead of night, they were more inclined to spend what time they had left sleeping. Tired from the earlier events, and never actually getting to celebrate among themselves. It was… Disappointing.

Which is why, now that remembers, he’d been so happy to actually have a day that was free of the usual grandeur of birthday surprises. This wasn’t just a dream after all. At least, it wasn’t a normal dream. It was one based on a memory from long ago just like he’d suspected. One that centred around his birthday during the time they’d been staying in Japan. It was one filled with happiness, one that he’d cherished for a long time, and still very much did.

He vaguely remembers the day before his birthday old those years ago, with Jaejoong lying across his chest, lazily drawing slow circles into his skin, and gently suggesting the idea of spending a day together for once. Yunho hadn’t been opposed to the idea. But he’d maybe just been a little wary. He’d warned Jaejoong not to do anything too grand, nothing that would draw unwanted attention to them, nothing that would have the paparazzi standing in the shadows whispering, and writing up dating scandal articles to the press.

He smiles despite himself, looking to his side now to find the very event planner of the day toddling along beside him with a smile a mile-wide half hidden within the folds of a scarf wrapped around his neck. Their members had fortunately not spilled the beans about him “forgetting” the agenda for the day, and Yunho had made it out with nothing but a giddy smile, and eager fingers pushing him out of the door.

It thankfully wasn’t particularly cold, but it was enough to argue wearing winter clothing, and certainly enough to not make it seem odd for them to be dressed up in hats and scarves. Jaejoong looks especially cute in his beanie pulled over dark hair, just the tips of his wispy locks peeking out from underneath. He wants to kiss him, right there and then looking like that. But dream or not, he’d never been a fan of the idea of people catching them, and this dream still seemed to be playing by the rules of the waking realm. Which meant even if he did, Jaejoong would likely not react well. Which, he obviously doesn’t want to happen. He’d rather enjoy this day and do justice to the original memory.

“Here, here!” Jaejoong suddenly calls, reaching to pull on his arm insistently. “This is the place I was telling you about before! Apparently they do the best ice cream this side of Japan!”

Yunho glances to the shop front and smiles in recognition – it was indeed the place he remembered. Jaejoong pulls him over, just like he had back then, face full of excitement, and eyes glancing back at him looking for his approval. He’d been a little unsure the first time, too busy checking out the area for stray fans who might notice them. Listening out with rapt attention for that all too familiar snap of a camera, to the point that he’d been horribly distracted while ordering his ice cream, which had resulted in him ordering something that had been so far from his usual taste that he’d ended up giving most of it to a rather disappointed Jaejoong in the end.

Which is why he keeps his head forward this time round, listening as Jaejoong scopes the flavours, and orders a crazy concoction of his top favourites in three hearty scoops. Caramel banana crunch, mighty mint, and a simple scoop of strawberry to top it off. Yunho goes for something a little more put together, strawberry, vanilla, and mint. Jaejoong playfully calls him boring, and then threatens to pinch a bit off him in a contradictory move, but Yunho only smiles at him offering him the cone only to see if he really would follow through. However, his smile drops a moment later, falling to a startled look of uncertainty as he blinks against a quick flash of light from his left. Paired with the flash comes the telling snapping sound of a camera, a noise which pulls a feeling of dread down into his stomach.

Ah, here she came, right on time.

“Oh no...” Jaejoong says miserably from beside him. “We got caught.”

This had happened the first-time round too. A stray fan who had been passing by when she’d recognised them goofing about in the ice cream parlour. Obviously excited to see them out and about, she’d snapped a couple of photos of them on her phone, clearly having wanted proof for later – as most fans did.

But they weren’t on schedule then, as they aren’t now, so Yunho had approached her, gentle with his words as he’d politely asked her to delete them. She’d looked horrified for a moment, fumbling over her words as she’d apologised, and Yunho could only smile, finding it a little endearing; she’d meant no harm after all. After he’d seen them deleted, he’d asked that she try and keep their meeting a secret, offering some excuse. Something vague, and likely along the lines of that they shouldn’t actually have been out, or that they’d snuck off to grab ice cream for the group. He couldn’t remember the exact excuse he’d given, but she’d seemed to get the general idea all the same.

He takes those same slow steps now, walking over to her with a smile lining his lips, so as not to scare her off. She catches sight of him, and her eyes widen in surprise, slowly moving her hands down to hide her phone within the folds of her coat. But Yunho beats her to it, pushes his smile a little wider, and lowering his voice so as only she can hear him.

“Would you mind deleting those pictures?” He asks gently, pushing a hand through his hair in an awkward movement. “It’s just… Well we’re not supposed to be out at the moment.” He then laughs. “We’ll be in trouble with our manager if it gets out that we snuck off and are cheating our diet.”

To cement his words, he turns to Jaejoong over his shoulder, offering a guilty look – which Jaejoong returns nervously.

The girl catches the look, and begrudgingly pulls her phone from her coat, bringing up the images she’d taken to painstakingly delete each one under Yunho’s gentle gaze. He thanks her gratefully, offering the warmest of smiles that he can (though he’s unsure if it makes up for the loss of the photo’s), and watches as she leaves, feeling Jaejoong come to stand next to him; holding out his ice cream that he’d been holding onto for him.

“It’s melting.” Jaejoong says, sounding a little put off from them being interrupted, and Yunho can tell that he’s being cautious, unsure of how Yunho felt about them being caught.

He’ll probably fall quiet now if Yunho doesn’t say something quick; and Yunho still doesn’t want to spoil this day.

“Shall we go?” He says, voice quiet, but full of affection as he takes his ice cream cone from Jaejoong’s waiting outstretched hand.

He must say the right thing, because the smile that blooms across Jaejoong’s face is blinding.

His fingers itch to reach out and take the hand beside him. He’s already so close, but he still wants just that little bit more. Jaejoong’s talking to him about a new anime he’d checked out the other night while Yunho had been busy with a meeting at the company, but all Yunho can focus on is the cute curve of his mouth, and how much he wants to kiss it. He’s listening, genuinely wanting to listen to him – what with not having had a decent conversation with Jaejoong in years. Jaejoong could rattle on about the length of his toenails, and he’d still listen with the upmost concentration; just to hear the sound of his voice.

It’s then he realises, really realises, that he hadn’t been able to talk to Jaejoong in years. His heart aches, a swell of cold sadness rising up inside of him, swamping him in a tidal wave of misery that stings at his chest. He wants to, he really wants to. He’s pretty sure he’d go to some rather extreme lengths just to sit beside Jaejoong again, the Jaejoong that was back in the waking world, the one that seemed so very far from him, and just talk.

There’s so much he’s missed after all. So much that’s happened. So much that’s changed. He wonders if he even knows the key things about him anymore – the things that made Jaejoong, well, Jaejoong.

Does he still cook like he used to? Does he still collect an absurd amount of ‘Hello Kitty’ merchandise? Does he still crack first over cheesy dad jokes? Does he still stretch his head back in an almost feline like motions when he wakes up in the morning? Does he occasionally hide his smile behind a hand when he’s embarrassed, or make that unique laugh that was so distinctly his laugh?

Is he still in love with Yunho, like Yunho feels he is with him?

He’d wondered, not for the first time, if he was perhaps just in love with the memory of Jaejoong. The Jaejoong that had seemed to spend each and every waking moment beside him. He’d mulled over every inch of their relationship, the ups, and the downs, flicking back and forth to find where it had all fallen apart. At first, he’d wanted to blame Jaejoong for walking away, slapping a large sticker of fault in Jaejoong’s corner, and washing his hands of responsibility. But the longer he’d dwelled, the more he’d looked, the further in the realms of guilt he’d fallen.

It had become obvious to him that neither of them could hold the full weight of responsibility, and Yunho suddenly didn’t want to lumber Jaejoong with all of it. The petty, not to mention public spats, had had to stop, and so he’d fallen quiet, holding his silence like the stone guardian he’d chosen to become. Silence was the best form of protection he’d realised. Not matter how loud Jaejoong yelled over the noise of the media, no matter what he posted online, or what he said during the JYJ concerts that they held, Yunho kept his mouth tightly shut.

It had been his hope that Jaejoong would tire of flaunting their dirty laundry, that maybe he’d fall silent too, and eventually the public interest would die along with it. But he’d forgotten just who he was dealing with, and occasionally, every now and then, he’d catch wind of something Jaejoong had said, or done, in reference to their past together, and he’d be remaindered yet again of what had been lost.

He laughs at the thought, smiling wryly to himself.

“What’s been lost… Huh…”

“Hey.”

Yunho tilts his head, glancing just a tad down to where Jaejoong’s frowning at him, his mouth pulled into an unimpressed thin line, his cheeks every so slightly puffed into what’s quickly morphing into a pout.

“Are you listening?” Jaejoong asks him, tone clipped, and ready to reprimand him with that sharp tongue of his.

Yunho blinks for a moment, lifting his head as a naughty idea springs to mind. The coast is clear, and a target comes within sight. Quickly, he reaches for the others hand, pulling him forward into him, and turning back to run into a narrow alleyway behind them. Jaejoong yelps, of course, surprised by the sudden movement, and then makes a grunted noise of pain when he finds his back meeting the solid cold of the brick wall of the alley way behind him. He looks up, lips parting as though he’s about to say something; something more than likely along the lines of wanting to know just what the hell Yunho was doing. But Yunho’s mouth laps up whatever complaint was about to spill from his lips, instead putting them to better work in kissing him.

Much like chocolate sitting in the warmth of a palm, Jaejoong melts against him, anger diffusing like a lit match to water. Through practise, his head automatically tilts to that perfect angle where Yunho can best kiss him, and his arms lift to find their usual spot around his neck, back arching up, and curving into Yunho’s body until they’re flush up against each other; drawing him closer in a more intimate position.

It’s just as exciting as he remembers. Kissing Jaejoong had always had that inciting trill to it, one that had always made him feel like he was up to no good - but in the best way possible. One that always had him coming back for more. One more kiss, one more touch, one more time.

But… Time had been precious back then, they’d been walking on constant eggshells, always looking over their shoulders, and keeping their voices to quiet whispers. He’d had no choice, being the leader of one of the most in demand groups at the time. He hadn’t been able to afford for them to be exposed, and while he know it had broken Jaejoong’s heart to have him push him away, it had been a necessary evil. Because if he hadn’t then there wouldn’t have been another moment between them. At least, not in the same way.

But he’d felt like he was living for those moments, that bashful smile on Jaejoong’s lips as he looked up at him from hooded eyes. Just like he’s doing now.

“What was that for?” Jaejoong whispers, unable to stop himself from smiling up at him, thoroughly placated by Yunho’s impulsive display of affection.

“I’m not sure…” Yunho says, reaching up to cup Jaejoong’s chin between finger, and thumb, gently caressing his skin. “I just… I wanted to kiss you I suppose. I always want to kiss you.”

It wasn’t a lie. He’s always wanted to, but he’d had to keep his hands, lips, and body to himself. But now it was more than that. More so then just wanting to be physical. Now he just wants to see him, to really see him. Not just in glossy magazines, and flashes of his image splashed across online articles and social media. He wants to see him in person, talk to him, just be beside him like they are now.

He sighs heavily, glancing up out of the alleyway and onto the busy streets.

“I just… I wish I had done it more.” Yunho hears himself say, the dense feeling of regret heavy on his tongue as he makes the admission to a stunned Jaejoong.

Jaejoong takes his hands within his own, brows furrowed in what looked like confused as he stared at Yunho’s fingers in a quiet moment.

“I don’t really get what you mean by that…” He says slowly. “But you should already know that I have no issues with you kissing me whenever you want to.” He laughs, lifting a hand to hide his smile – an endearing habit that tugs at his heart strings with aching familiarity.

“Yeah.” Yunho admits. “I guess you don’t.”

He then blinks, head feeling fuzzy out of nowhere, furrowing his eyebrows at the unexpected feeling. Wha-

“Yunho? Hey, Yunho…”

“What?” He asks out loud, looking back at Jaejoong, who blinks back at him in question – apparently having said nothing.

“I didn’t say anything…” Jaejoong replies innocently, confirming what Yunho had already assumed.

“You di-”

“Yunho! Hey, wake up already!”

A feeling tugs at him, hard, and his surroundings begin to wash into pastel, colour draining away. He steps forward, hands finding their way to Jaejoong’s face, and cupping it tight enough to have Jaejoong wincing as he places his own hands over Yunho’s.

“No! Not yet!” Yunho shouts, and stares at Jaejoong desperately, taking a shuddered breath. “I still have so much I want to tell you!”

“You sleep like a damn troll! Get up – Yunho!”

The frightened look on Jaejoong’s face suddenly melts away, and a reserved smile takes shape instead, soft around the edges, and a touch understanding. He removes a hand from Yunho’s and brings it up to Yunho’s face, a sincere expression following.

“Then you should tell me – I won’t know if you don’t say anything.” Jaejoong says, leaning up to kiss his cheek as he begins to crumble right before Yunho’s eyes.

Yunho can only stare, even as Jaejoong pulls back, and his eyes widen with shock; and maybe a slight bolt of realisation.

“I will.” He promises adamantly. “This time in person.”

Jaejoong laughs at that, nearly gone completely now, but he offers one last cheeky look, a smirk forming across his lips.

“I’ll be waiting then.” He challenges, and then bursts into a shower of white sparks. “It’s a promise.”

“Wake up!”

Bolting upright, eyes flared wide open, he finds the displeased face of Changmin hovering above him, the buzzing shape of his phone held between his hands. Yunho can only stare at him, slowly processing his surroundings.

“Oh, finally!” Changmin complains, sounding just a touch annoyed, his brows pinching into a frown.

Yunho says nothing in response though, numb to Changmin’s displeasure, and feeling tears clinging at the corners of his eyes. He breaths out, throat feeling strained with emotion as he does. For a moment, he allows himself stay like that, staring up at the ceiling as he wills the dampness welling within his eyes to dissipate. He doesn’t want Changmin catching on and asking questions. Questions he likely won’t be able to give answers that meet level of detail Changmin will require.

“Was I dreaming?” He asks himself, dropping an arm over his eyes, the images of whatever had just happened still painting themselves across his vision.

“More than likely.” Changmin snorts in reply, dropping the offending phone he’d been holding to Yunho’s chest without warning. “You’ve been out for a while - are you ok?” He then goes to ask, not pushing when Yunho nods from behind his arm. “Ah, by the way, Heechul’s been trying to get in touch with you.” He explains, pointing offhandedly at the phone, before moving over to the kitchen counter to grab a glass from the top shelve with little effort.

“You didn’t speak to him?” Yunho questions, finally sitting up, and rubbing at his bleary eyes.

“I don’t want to speak to him.” Changmin replies, sounding as grumpy as he looks at the idea of speaking with Heechul. “He’d keep me on the line all day complaining about this and that.”

“He’s not that bad.” Yunho chuckles as he unlocks his phone.

“You speak to him then.” Changmin shoots back, turning to lean against the counter, the glass he’d reached for previously now full to the brim with what looked like orange juice. “He’s probably only calling to complain about you not having been to see him recently – how much do you want to bet?”

“Nothing.” Yunho replies, trying to trace back to the last time he’d had the time to see Heechul outside of concerts, and company get togethers.

Was he really calling to complain about that? You could never be sure with that unpredictable man.

Pressing the call button, he waits, listening to the ringing from the other end. His mind wanders as he does, back to the dream, remembering the sad look of acceptance on Jaejoong’s face before he’d faded away. He wonders at the timing of it, reminding himself that he hadn’t dreamed about Jaejoong in a long time.

“unho-”

He startles at the voice from the other end of the phone, pulling it back from his ear for a moment, a garbled noise falling from his lips in surprise, and flushing when Changmin frowns at him from the counter.

“Oh, Heechul. Did you call earlier?” Yunho asks, sitting back against the sofa awkwardly, waving his hand dismissively as Changmin starts laughing at him.

“I did indeed – several times.” Heechul croons, giggling for a moment. “I’ve been asked to deliver a message of sorts…” He then says cheekily, voice pitching into something suggestive. “I think you’re going to like it.”

“A message?” Yunho asks, frowning as he thinks back to Heechul’s usual mischief.

“Yes, let’s just say you’re going to receive a phone call very soon…”

-X-

57, 58, 59...

Feet swing down onto soft carpet, and Jaejoong steels himself for a moment in thought. He can’t remember exactly how this day had played out the first-time round. But he’s got a rough idea of the generally line of events, and half an idea still on the script he needs to be reading off. It’s just a matter now of pulling back his attitude from over 10 years previous, and settling into the skin of an angry diva who had flown off the handle at every poor choice their management made, and mastering the art of shooting withering looks Yunho’s way with every excuse made.

It’s... Difficult. Because despite what people may think he had actually grown out of such behaviour, learning and bettering himself from the tough life experiences his younger self had paved way to. He’d mellowed, becoming more lenient, and less likely to rear up at everything thing that didn’t go his way, working harder, and striving to make the thread of his tattered dreams meet.

Yeah, he’d grown himself some damn maturity.

But being mature sadly wasn’t what he’d been back then. He’d been prone to bouts of child like behaviour, whether it was the more painful side of throwing tantrums his four-year self would have been proud of, or the endearing habits of becoming fascinated with soy sauce gag merch. That being said, it’s that past version of himself who he needs to channel, and re-live life as, one last time. He needs to be the person Yunho had first fallen in love with, and more than likely ended up hating.

The thought of that has him worrying his lip like a high schooler crushing nervously over their first love, and he quickly pushes back against the wave of dramatic emotions that are rising up fast to match, threatening to well his eyes with tears. He gently slaps his cheeks, closing his eyes, and counting to 5 before he takes one last look at Yoochun still sleeping in his bed, and heaves himself up from his own mattress, and out the bedroom door.

Yunho is predictably already gone, off for his run as always, so Jaejoong busies himself with making breakfast; musing idly over if it would make a drastic change to the future if he didn’t cook the exact same thing as he had the first time. Something tells him that it won’t. He very much doubts the toss up between breakfast options was going to decide the fate of the group. Eggs over fish was unlikely a deal breaker. However, he does cook a little extra, mainly out of guilt of what was to come, and then regrets it when he sees the fridge so low on stock. Ah, he should have started the day as he meant to go on – barren.

By the time he’s done, Yunho’s breezing through the door, sweaty, and much in need of a towel, but wonderful all the same. Jaejoong pushes a smile to his face, greeting him as he always had, and playfully pushing him away when he tries to hug him with his, beautifully toned, and rather damp, body.

“Smells good as always” Yunho compliments, reaching to steal a pinch of rice from one of the bowls already set out.

“Wish I could say the same about you!” Jaejoong teases, frowning a second later as he catches Yunho’s thieving hands a moment later. “Hey! It’s not ready yet.” He calls out in scolding, pouting at him for good measure.

“Hm?” Yunho himself, walking back to him and pressing a chaste kiss to his temple. “You won’t allow me a taster?” He then asks cheekily, flashing him a wolf-like grin, clearly hoping to get off the hook.

These days, Jaejoong might have allowed it (providing he wasn’t pre-album stressed), he would have laughed, and let it go. But he’s playing his ten years previous self, so he reaches for the spoon he’d been using to check the soup he’s cooking, and swats it in Yunho’s direction

“Ah, go for a shower already!” He whines, turning back to his soup to give it a good stir, and heaping in another spoonful of chilli - just like he knew he’d used to do.

If in doubt, bring that extra scoop of spice out. Junsu was going to hate this.

“Alright, I’m going!” Yunho laughs, making his way to the bathroom. “Should I wake the kids up?” He then asks, pausing near Changmin’s shared room with their manager – who thank goodness wasn’t staying over right now.

“Hm, you can wake Junsu, and Changmin.” He calls back, already setting about clearing the kitchen up – heaven knows the kids weren’t going to do it; something he’s sure to bring up later when they were arguing he’s sure. “Better leave Yoochun to me.” He advises thinking back to his groggy friend, who usually only pretended to be rising from his bed, when in actual fact he’d be falling back to sleep again the second he was left alone once more.

“Alright, I’ll leave him to you then.” Yunho laughs knowingly, pushing open the door to Changmin’s room with a flourish. “Hey! Changmin! Rise, and shine-”

Jaejoong shakes his head as Yunho’s voice trails away from him, and turns back to the soup, watching the bubbles bloom, and pop, within the pot.

“Yeah, leave it to me.” He thinks sourly, face tightening into a characteristic frown as he plonks the lid back over the pot to simmer a while longer.

“Ah, that smells good!” A sleepy voice calls out to him, and Jaejoong looks up to see Changmin meandering his way towards him, a hand rubbing at his eyes. “What have got this morning?” He asks.

“Why don’t you come see?” Jaejoong says, turning down the heat on the cooker, and moving to grab a stack of bowls.

Of course, Changmin thoroughly inspects Jaejoong’s work, lifting lids, and sniffing each dish with a grin. He’s clearly pleased, which tugs a reserved smile to Jaejoong’s lips, his heart pulling with the smile as he drearily realises that this is likely the last time he’ll be able to see that smile produced by his cooking. He shakes his head at the thought, wiping his hands against a hand towel.

“It’s better than him spiralling off into depression.” Jaejoong reminds himself as he thinks back to the future where Junsu, Yoochun, Yunho, and himself had left SM, leaving a solo Changmin to carry on alone.

“Are Junsu, and Yoochun up yet?” Changmin asks, now lounging against the worktop as he watches Jaejoong move about the kitchen with an impassive aura.

“No.” Jaejoong sighs irritably, turning to nod towards the table. “So, could you set things out for me?”

Surprisingly Changmin goes without complaint, more than likely doing so because of the bounty Jaejoong had laid on for breakfast. He knows for sure that normally he would have frowned, and put on a pouty look for his efforts. Although, he does notice the scowl on his face when Junsu comes wandering from his room, nearly tripping over his own feet as he stumbles towards the table and drops himself down into the first free chair he sees.

“Good morning Junsu.” Jaejoong smiles, chuckling when he receives a garbled noise in return.

“Ah, you’re in my seat!” Changmin whines, nudging Junsu's side with a sharp jab of his finger. “Move, move!”

Jaejoong rolls his eyes at them, leaving them to it as he goes to wake Yoochun. He’d rather not get between the two squabbling youngest this early in the morning. Besides, he’d just heard the shower turn off, which meant Yunho would be out soon. He supposes he should let the dad of group handle the kids just this once. Because heaven knows it’s going to take a while for him to coerce Yoochun into leaving the warmth of his bed.

He keeps quiet during the concept talk for the photoshoot, and instead focuses on doing his damnedest not to roll his eyes at every over the top description. It’s difficult, due to the fact that he could literally word for word give this talk himself. But he already knows if he does that Yunho will smack his bicep and give him a talking to in private later; and he’s too scared to deviate from his original goal at this point to dare try it. Not to mention everyone will likely think he’s ascended into the fifth dimension, become one with the universe, and been bestowed with omnipotence.

There again, it’s not like he even knows if doing any of this right now is going to make a remote bit of difference. He could end up going through with his plan, and still end up right back where he was this morning, living though this downright cursed day all over again. But at this point he’s willing to try anything in order to escape this never-ending scenario.

“Ok, Yunho! We’ll be shooting your solo shots first.” The set coordinator calls out, just as Jaejoong’s having the riveting mental contemplation of exactly how long it would take to fly back to Korea in order to visit their old dorm there, and he ends up watching idly as Yunho’s quickly led away with a flurry of stylists at his heels.

Jaejoong decides the loiter for a while after that, under the watchful eye of their manager. It’s not exactly a secret as to why he’s being given the toddler treatment. No, he knows why already, having done this day to death, and having the tendrils of memories gone by to remind him of the fact that he was thought of as the most unpredictable member of the group. Hence the nanny like treatment.

In the past it would have irked him. Enough to the point that he might have rolled it into an argument with Yunho later on, a thought that he stores away for later. For now, he settles on fixing his face into a tight frown, and tries he stews in past experiences where this kind of attitude had occurred before. Though he’s hardly for very long with those thoughts, as Yunho soon makes a reappearance in a mix of warm, freshly colour coordinated, garments, and a charming smile to match. He desperately tries to ignore the jump his heart feels like it makes, and dampens down his own pleased smile that’s threatening to push its way to his face. He pretty sure Yunho sees the beginnings of it anyway though – if the bright smile he returns his way is anything to go by.

“Jaejoong!” One of the stylists call, interrupting the moment he’s having across the room with Yunho, and he turns with a sulky expression to find himself being waved over to change into his own outfit.

Resigning himself to the act of having to change out his comfy casualwear, he moves away from his corner, heart dropping mid-step, a tight feeling of dread coiling around his stomach. He knows what’s awaiting him in the makeshift changing rooms if he goes now. Right on time, a ready for shoot Yoochun is lying in wait, with a question acting as a loaded gun ready to fire. Only, he’s the one with the answer that’s going to decide if they pull the trigger.

There’s no avoiding it. Not unless he’s willing to unhinge the future again. Although, he reckons at this point he’s still got time to warp it into the future he desires to live through if he wishes. But it’s just not meant to be, and there would always be an overhanging trail of tragedy lingering behind him. Whether it was someone’s death, or an empty space left behind by someone who was no longer a part of their lives.

He decides against it, forcing himself to put one foot in front of the other as he strides over to the changing room, taking his bundle of clothes from the stylist waiting for him with the brightest of smiles; something he apprehensively returns with as much zeal as he can muster.

Right on cue, Yoochun descends on him, all fingers, thumbs, and awkward shuffling with his clothes as he tries to get to the point. Jaejoong forces himself to wait it out, repeating the words Yoochun speaks seconds before he actually say them in his head. It doesn’t make him feel any better about what’s being said, but it stops him from literally speaking over him just so as they can get to the point quicker. He’s more than had his fill of this particular conversation.

“I was thinking that now might be a good time to sit down with the others and talk about it. I mean I was talking with Junsu the other day, and he seems to think-”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Jaejoong finally cuts in tiredly, not wanting to hear anymore about it as he yanks his clothes on, smoothing down his shirt carefully; they were TVXQ after all, and everything had to be pristine. “We can broach it when we get back.” He adds stiffly, noting the apprehensive expression that had taken a grip of Yoochun’s features at his dismissive manner.

“Right…” Yoochun agrees, a long-suffering breath leaving him in a rush; one that gives Jaejoong the feeling that he’s had a weight lifted from his shoulders.

Jaejoong only wishes he could admit the same as he watches him with guarded eyes. A flutter of a memory returns to him slowly, and he can perfectly place the hazy vision of Yoochun running a hand through his hair anxiously, a sight that perfectly mirrors what he’s seeing right now – he can perfectly overlay them, just like two carbon copies of the same movement. His lips twist into a frown, and he ends up looking down at the floor, fingers pausing at the last button that he has yet to do up. Did that mean that things were heading down the right path?

“It’s not going to be easy.” Yoochun suddenly tells him, his voice a low warning against Jaejoong’s ear. “Are you sure you’re ok with this?”

“Yeah…” Jaejoong tells him, a flawless coined lie that sees him proud of the fact that he’d managed to impressively keep most of his self-doubt separated from his voice. “It’s now or never.” He adds, though mostly to himself, and finishes threading the last button through.

As though his new mission, he hovers at Yunho’s side for as long as he’s able for the remainder of the shoot, leaving him only to handle his own solo shots; and nailing the sombre, guilty lover, concept with ease. If anyone notices his jaded expression beyond those immortalised photographs, they don’t mention it – aside from Yunho, who can’t seem to keep that look of concern lover like expression from his face for more than 5 minutes. It’s a simple fix to wash it away though, and Jaejoong manages it with a placating smile, pressing his face against his back in a moment of weakness, and wishing he could be the lover that Yunho needs. Was it so foolish to believe that in another life they could have worked so perfectly? Especially when he’s already seemed to have been given the gift of small glimpses into what he believed was just that?

He doesn’t want to step across the threshold when he returns back. Knowing that once he did, he would, for once, be walking into territory he had only trod through a grand total of once. It doesn’t help that the doorway had seemingly become sentient, and now held a decidedly ominous aura to it, just the like the setup before entering the final boss fight in a video game. The feeling spread to him too. That awful stewing feeling in the bottom of his stomach is a bubbling once more, fingers jittering as he holds the door open for Changmin to step in behind him, and oh, there’s no going back now…

Dread gnaws at him, and he walks forward, making it seem like it was his intention to go straight to his room. However he’s stopped in his tracks, as planned, by what feels to him to be the deafening sound of Yoochun clearing his throat behind him.  

“Can we talk?” Yoochun asks the room, his voice seriousness, but still carrying that anxious urgency that sends Jaejoong’s skin crawling with nerves, jittering under his skin as he screws his eyes shut.

Soft concern burns in Yunho’s expression, and Jaejoong spots it immediately as he tuns back towards the rest of the group, face falling as he catches Changmin’s expression drop to a suspicious frown. He wonders if Yoochun, Junsu, and himself look guilty of something, especially when their youngest flits his gaze between the three of them for a second time.

“Yeah, sure.” Yunho answers unceremoniously, glancing between them all, his gaze momentarily settling on Jaejoong for just a little longer than the rest, and Jaejoong has to swallow down a lump of emotion that’s beginning to grow within his throat. “Group meeting then?”

They move together, just like how they’d started, and Jaejoong takes a seat in the sofa opposite Yunho, his heart slamming against his ribcage as they settle down. He can tell Yunho’s a little perturbed, especially given the fact that Jaejoong normally slotted himself down beside him each time they came together like this, tucked in on his right-hand side like they were about to give a group interview. But this time the splits a little different, and he feels sick to his stomach when he realises that they’re sitting in a formation that would eventually mirror that of the split. Jaejoong on the left-hand side of the sofa, Yoochun to his right, Junsu huddled on the spare armchair to Jaejoong’s left, and Yunho, and Changmin opposite them on the other sofa.

Why did this now feel like a war meeting? Even if Jaejoong himself knew it pretty much was that, they didn’t need to mirror it quite this well. Not that it really mattered. Most of this conversation/slanging match would later see them duelling wits while stood up on their feet.

“So, what’s on your mind?” Yunho asks once they’re all sat down, and a rather painstaking silence passes between them; one in which Jaejoong had regrettably exchanged a rather knowing look with Junsu; one he finds himself ducking out of as soon as eye contact is initiated.

“Ah, well, it’s more… What’s on our mind, right Jaejoong? Junsu?” Yoochun prompts, the sharp point of his elbow nudging into Jaejoong’s side rudely when Jaejoong keeps his silence tucked behind his teeth, the knuckle of his index finger caught between his lips pensively.

He remembers it. The shame of having to bring this up the first time. He hadn’t wanted to then, and he doesn’t want to now. So, he keeps his voice for a while longer, frowning when Junsu pipes up with a quick “yes” tumbling from his mouth. He briefly wonders if he’d crumbled due to the sharp look of disapproval sitting on Yunho’s face as he swings them both a look of betrayal. Jaejoong can immediately sense where this is heading, with or without his future foresight. Here can the betrayal game.

“So, you’ve been having private conversations?” Yunho asks them, voice low with discontent, and brows dipping into a furrowed expression. “Is this about leaving again? You’ve been talking about it amongst yourselves?”

The questions are deliberately accusing, and so is his tone. It’s obviously there to get a rise, and Jaejoong soon realises that that’s exactly what he’s got to do. Rise up and take the bait; just as his younger self would have seen him do over ten years ago.

With all the fury of a 6-year-old child, Jaejoong pushes himself up, eyes narrowed, and fingers curled into tight fists beside him as he turns on Yunho.

“So what if we have?” Jaejoong shoots back, his tone barbed, and venom lacing into his words as he makes himself out to have seemed upset from the clear accusation. “I wasn’t aware that we had to include you in on every conversation that goes off between us.” He challenges, lifting his chin in affront.

Almost as though rehearsed, Yunho jerks his head up, a frown falling across his face as he takes in Jaejoong’s tone; seemingly surprised by Jaejoong’s outburst for a moment. That, however, falls away a moment later, and he sighs in frustration, shaking his head.

“That’s not what I’m saying Jaejoong.” Yunho retorts; and oh, he’s using Jaejoong’s full name now. “Although, it would have been nice for you to have shared with the group when it’s something concerning the group.”

“Well you would have flown off the handle either way! Just like you did before!” Jaejoong shouts back, folding his arms across his chest, and glaring for all he’s worth. “Just like you’re doing now.”

“Can you blame me?” Yunho asks, eyebrows now raised as he swings his arm out to the side in a sweeping gesture. “What with all this scheming you’re up to behind our backs?”

“Scheming?!” Jaejoong seethes, now genuinely beginning to feel upset as he absorbs Yunho’s accusations, the words going straight to his heart, and anger straight to his head, hitting each one of his petty nerves on the way up. “You’re accusing us of scheming now? Oh, that’s rich! Coming from you who’s always sitting in SM’s pocket like a puppet on strings!” He snaps back, ignoring the hesitant attempts from beside him that Yoochun’s making to incept their slanging match.

“Don’t try and turn this on me Jaejoong!” Yunho yells, the volume of his voice cranking up to angry, cheeks flooding with a scarlet rage as he jumps to his feet to match Jaejoong. “I’m not the one conspiring with the members behind everyone’s back! Who knows what poison you’ve been feeding them-!”

“Yunho!” Yoochun cries, now a gasp with horror, and obviously trying to bring down the tone, and get them back on track to the core reason that he’d called for this impromptu meeting in the first place.

Jaejoong’s already flown off the handle on his behalf after all. Yet, if he hadn’t have done, Jaejoong knows full well that Yoochun would have. However, clearly that urge to fight has dampened since Jaejoong’s abrupt outburst, now leaving poor Yoochun scrambling to try and play the mediator and bring about peace instead.

“That’s really not what’s been happening.” Yoochun says firmly, frowning between both Jaejoong, and Yunho. “If anything, it was me who approached Jaejoong.” He admits, glancing nervously Jaejoong’s way as he makes the statement – clearly worried about how Yunho would react.

He’s right to be it seems too. Yunho’s eyes immediately flash with surprise, widening as he looks between the two of them, coming to rest on Jaejoong for confirmation; something Jaejoong gives him in the form of a stiff nod, but still avoids his eyes.

“You went- What? Why? Why didn’t you come to me about this first?!” Yunho asks, now annoyed again as he starts to work himself back up again.

Yoochun flails for a moment, apparently stuck between choosing his words, and it shows. He gestures to nothing in particular for a moment, mouth opening, but no voice leaving him. Only a half-formed croak that dies a moment later as he hangs between words.

“You don’t trust me?” Yunho pushes, a mean attempt to force reason from the other.

“What? No! That’s not it!” Yoochun denies quickly, mouth pursing into a frown, looking quietly agitated.

“Then you didn’t want me to know? You wanted to keep it secret?” Yunho barrels on, sounding more and more victimised with his tone.

“No! Oh my go- It’s not like that!” Yoochun presses. “I just-”

“That’s what it looks like to me!” Yunho shouts, looking angrier, and angrier the more time trickles on. “How can you not expect me to be angry about this?! You’ve been having private discussions about the group without letting us all in on it. Acting like it’s some dirty secret that you’ve only just thought to talk to us about – almost like the guilts just catching up with you. So excuse me for being angry-”

“Well excuse me for being angry when I know for a fact that our almighty leader is unfairly taking the biggest chunk of our collective earnings home with him each time we perform!” Yoochun snaps back, leaving the rest of them, Jaejoong included, reeling.

Silence descends while they all take stock, absorbing Yoochun’s words, and slowly processing them like some ancient tower block computer from the pre 1990’s – the ones that ran on dial up, and mimicked sounds from the abyss each time they were forced to connect to the outside world. Jaejoong feels very much like one as he blinks in surprise at the cutting blow Yoochun had just coughed out, eyes him from the corner of his eyes with a stunned expression.

“I-I what?” Yunho stutters, drawing back from the full-blown verbal fight he’d just been engaging in to collect himself.

“Don’t act like you don’t know.” Junsu now cuts in, having been silent thus far, folding his arms across his chest defensively. “Both you, and Jaejoong, take the biggest cuts out of us all.”

Jaejoong slides down a little in his seat, feeling small suddenly under the looks that slide his way momentarily. Yeah, that had been a thing. Money really hadn’t been the deciding factor in them leaving – but it certainly hadn’t helped. Between Junsu finding out that the pay gap between them had been a tad excessive, and everything else in between, things had begun to snowball; directly downhill, and into a barbed wire fence - and Jaejoong isn’t about to forget the snide comments that had broken out because of it. For that reason alone, he shrinks down a little more, wilting like a dying plant under Yunho’s whiplash look that flashes his way.

.

“Did you-” Yunho begins to ask Jaejoong, but Junsu cuts in, voice cold.

“He didn’t tell us anything – at least nothing to do with your pay.” Junsu sniffs, tilting his head dangerously. “Although you just confirmed my suspicions with that reaction.”

Yunho’s brows dip, and Jaejoong suddenly feels as though all of the air within the room had been away, leaving him stewing within unease, not daring to breath.

“So, you told them how much you’re earning?” Yunho asks, still directing all of his energy Jaejoong’s way, pressing, and pressing on him like an open wound. “That you’re getting more?”

“Oh, come on!” Changmin bursts out of now where, rolling his eyes as he looks between the rest of them. “It’s not that hard to figure out. He’s the main singer, most of the damn lines in songs go his way, he’s bound to be given more than the rest of us!”

Jaejoong wishes looks could silence, wishes Changmin would stop talking suddenly, but he knows this had come up the first time things had exploded, and he can only keep quiet as eyes pass over him. He can feel the accusations burning into his skin as he fumbles for word to claw himself out of this hole that he hadn’t even dug himself.

“That’s not…” Jaejoong begins, pulling his words back as they threaten to leave his mouth in a tumble of word vomit. “It’s not like I ask for them to use my voice so much.” He tries, a bubble of contained guilt bursting free within his chest. “Haven’t I always said it should be more balanced?”

“No!” Junsu argues abruptly, making Jaejoong’s head snap up to stare at him in shock. “Wait, no, that’s not what I’m saying!” He retracts. “I’m not blaming you… I just… It’s not fair! The rest of us… We are work so hard, and it’s frustrating! I waited so long to debut! I worked so hard for them and was so patient! But this is how I’m being repaid? It’s just…”

“We are being repaid!” Yunho shouts, eyes wide, and a frazzled expression on his face. “Don’t you see everything we’ve achieved so far! We’ve never been so popular; each comeback has only gained us more and more. Why do you want to throw that all away?! All that hard work, the effort we put into it, those first few years we suffered in Japan alone, and isolated. I refuse to let that go, and you should too!”

“We’re not asking to throw it away!” Jaejoong bellows, already seeing where this was going, and seizing the chance to push Yunho’s buttons again – not without feeling horrible for doing so; he’s not blind to the effort that Yunho’s going to to try and talk them down, he never had been. “God, you never listen!” He stresses, running a hand through his hair restlessly.

“You’re right!” Yunho concedes, shaking his head dismissively. “I don’t listen. Because this is madness!”

“Madness?!” Jaejoong asks imploringly. “Madness is what we’re doing right now, willingly grinding ourselves into dust at the mercy of a company that doesn’t even care to let us rest when we’re injured, or eat when we’re hungry. It’s stupid Yunho, and so are you for acting blind to it for the sake of your petty pride as our so-called leader!”

Yunho grits his teeth suddenly, and Jaejoong glares right back at him, a trickle of trepidation riding inside of him as Yoochun cuts between them cautiously.

“Come on guys...” Yoochun asks gently, holding his hands up placatingly. “We’re really get off course here.”

“Ah, leave them Yoochun.” Changmin sighs, trying to look disinterested – but Jaejoong can easily spot the disappointment in his tone, and nervous manner in which he’s wringing his hands together, despite his best efforts at trying to conceal it. “Better to let them shout it out.” He adds, now going for that bored attitude as he lies back against the sofa cushions. “They’ll kiss, and make up later anyway…”

“Oh no, not this time!” Yunho promises darkly, his venomous expression turning to Jaejoong with full force. “You’re going too far this time.” He quips, taking a breath, and turning to walk away.

Jaejoong knows this routine all too well. Yunho’s going to head out now, leaving before he can say, or do something he’ll later regret. But Jaejoong also knows if he leaves now, with things like this, he’ll come back later full of remorse (having thought about things quietly to himself). He can’t allow for that, he didn’t the first time, and he can’t this time.

“Oh? So you’re leaving - just like that?” He asks, tone haughtily, self-righteous in a way that makes him inwardly cringe at his own confident gall. “Some leader you are!” He accuses, knowing just what to say, and just where to hurt – Yunho and his leader complex. “Not even going to stay, and work things out – how typical!”

It garners him the reaction he’d been envisioning, and Yunho rounds on him, narrowed eyes glittering with rage. His words had done the trick, pushed the button, and driven Yunho past the point of settling this without things coming to blows. A part of him feels a twang of nerves, but he pushes them down, folding his arms across his chest, and lifting his chin in challenge; a flicker of curiosity burning as he awaits Yunho’s next move.

“Oh boy…” Yoochun whispers somewhere off to his side. “Now you’ve gone and done it.”

Jaejoong agrees with the statement wholeheartedly.

“Why do you always have to go and push things?” Yunho asks him quietly. “Can’t you just keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut for once, and let it go?”

“Why? Just so we can keep going over and over this? Why don’t you want to sort this out?” Jaejoong presses.

“There’s nothing to sort Jaejoong!” Yunho thunders, arm lashing out to the side as he gestures to all of them in one fail swoop. “What would you have us do? Go up against the whole company? You really think we can do that? Against a company with as much influence as SM? Is that what you want?”

“Why not?!” Jaejoong yells back petulantly, feeling slightly childish as he echoes the words of his past self. “What are you so afraid of?”

“Afraid? That’s what you think this is about?” Yunho asks him ludicrously, eye brows raised. “You’re really as stupid to think that’s the root of the problem here? My God, are you even listening to yourself?”

“Well what is it then?” Jaejoong snaps, twisting his face into a look of hurt as he absorbs Yunho’s insults.

“They’re not just going to let us walk out peacefully, idiot! We’ll be dragged through the courts, made a laughing stock in the papers, and at the end of it more than likely held within our contracts – if you even still remember what they are that is! You don’t bite the hand that feeds you Jaejoong!”

“Feeds us!” Jaejoong laughs, throwing his head back. “You think that’s what they’re doing for us right now? Feeding us?! Is that what you call it when they shove more and more on our already bursting schedule to the point that we don’t even know what day it is anymore?” He laughs louder, shaking his head at Yunho smugly. “They’re running us into the ground Yunho! Look at your members! Do we look well fed?! Do we look happy?!”

Yunho does look at them, his head turning to stare at the faces of the three members still sat, now rather uncomfortably, on the sofas. His face drops a little, just for a moment, before he turns to look back at Jaejoong, and that defiant look is back, his fingers curled into fists.

“If you want to leave Jaejoong, if that’s the road you really want to walk down, then it’s not one that I can follow you down.” Yunho tells him, eyes dropping to the floor in what Jaejoong can only think of as defeat. “I won’t- I can’t do that for you.”

Jaejoong a breath in, unable to stop the welling in his eyes. His chest is burning with feeling, cold spikes shooting through his veins in shock of a memory that surges forth. He’d never thought it would hurt so much to hear those words a second time.

“Y-you-” He babbles, gritting his teeth to stop himself crying. “Why can’t you see what they’re doing?!” He cries desperately.

“Stop it already!” Yunho shouts at him, lifting his head to stare him down. “I’ve told you already, haven’t I?! If you want to go Jaejoong, then go! But I won’t follow, so perhaps you should think on that for a while. I’m not going to discuss this with you any further!”

“You’re not listening!” Jaejoong hisses at him as Yunho turns to the door again, apparently done with him for real this time.

“I don’t want to hear it – I don’t need to. Moreover, until you’ve come to your senses, I don’t want anything to do with you.” Yunho tells him, opening the door, and hovering for a moment. “Don’t wait up.”

With that said, he’s gone, slamming the door behind him loud enough to have the wall rattling behind him. Jaejoong drops the floor, feeling defeated, tired, and finally done. He stares at the hardwood floor, letting his eyes relax into a state of unseeing as he lets his heart begin to calm from the thunderous beating that it had been fighting to maintain during their shouting match. He’d gotten way too caught up within the emotion of that fight. Flown far too close, to point where he’d honestly injected himself into the moment as though this was his current, his present, life. But…

“It’s over…” He laments within the safety of his own mind, shuddering as he finally realises just how cold the room feels, now he’s not being kept warm by his own passionate words.

“Jaejoong…” Yoochun calls softly to him, moving to kneel beside him, a hand, feather light, resting on his shoulder. “He didn’t mean it Jae.”

Jaejoong shakes his head meekly, a soft flutter of hair from his bangs falling across his forehead. He’s know too well.

“No, he did.” Jaejoong says, shoulders sagging slightly as he takes a shuddered breath, forcing back the wave of fresh emotions that surge over him at a realisation. “He meant it – and I deserved it.”

A snort sounds from off beside them, and Jaejoong lifts his head to see Changmin still settled in place on the sofa, a peeved expression resting on his face.

“I’ll say.” Changmin finally comments, folding his arms across his chest, looking to picture of irritated as he continued to express his frustration – a mere drop in the ocean of what Jaejoong knows is to come. “Kicking up a fuss like that, and saying those things, when you know it’s only going to make things worse! It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you right now – I wouldn’t either.”

“Changmin!” Junsu chides, scowling at their youngest with a harsh expression for a moment, and rolling his eyes. “Not helping!”

“I’m not trying to…” Changmin mutters, and rises to his feet, huffing to himself. “I’m going to bed.” He tells them, shoving his hands in his pockets, and making long strides towards his room without another word.

They watch him go, Jaejoong swallowing nervously, and wincing when he hears the door slam; a signal that they likely wouldn’t be seeing Changmin for the remainder of the day. Already he can see the fractures beginning to splinter within the group, they’re fast forming, and he heart sinks at the realisation.

“You don’t get to be sad about this.” He tells himself mentally, dropping his head back to the floor. “You at least won’t have to be here again when things really start to get ugly.”

Which is true. But he at least still remembers when it had gotten to that stage, and the torment that it had wrought in its wake. He heaves a sob, chest aching as he forces himself to draw in much needed air.

“Jae… Come on Jae,” Yoochun begins softly, his voice mirroring the tone that Jaejoong had used to hear from his mother when he’d been a child crying over a broken toy. “Let’s go to bed already. Things will be better when you wake up.” He promises, and both he, and Yoochun pull Jaejoong up between them, slowly guiding him to take steps towards Yoochun’s and his shared bedroom.

They won’t. From now on, nothing is going to get better, it’s only slowly going to get worse for this timeline as it starts to disintegrate.

But… That was ok – it really was.

He’d made an agreement with himself that he was at least going to accept that, and as he pauses at threshold of his room, glancing about the apartment once last time. He wonders if it would really be so hard to do just that.

After all, he may not be in contact with all of s in the future. They were far spread now, and no longer living contently under the same roof. But they were still alive, and as far as he knew, still in good health. He couldn’t be exactly sure that they were all truly happy. Yet, for them at least, there was still, however slim or small, a chance that one day, before they all kissed the sky goodnight one final time, that they come back together. Even if it wasn’t within the folds of music or standing together under the bright lights of the stage. But rather, even if it was just within the quiet privacy of one of their homes over a night long drink together, reminiscing over old memories, and times spent together under the roof he’s stood under right now. No matter how that meeting could be, he hopes that one day it will actually see fruition…

He wonders if the others secretly hope for the same as he lies within the darkness of his room, leeching warmth from Yoochun pressed against his back, and Junsu lying awkwardly over his legs.

He hopes that they do, wherever they are right now.

-X-

He doesn’t wake to anything.

No alarm, no light streaming in from the windows, nor a name on his lips itching to be cried out. There’s only silence, golden silence that leaves him confused and feeling oddly cold. Cold enough to keep him rolled up in the duvet draped around him.

It’s not the cold that keeps him rooted though. He still has the memories of the last time he’d been awake plaguing his mind and refusing to go back to the locked compartment of his mind that kept troubling thoughts from haunting him like a bad dream. Now fully released, it was going to take months to semi compartmentalise them again into a state where he was able to go two minutes without wanting to have a mid-life crisis over them. There was a reason he owned so many cars, and not all of them could be blamed over fans chasing him down in top end spec vehicles. Technically speaking, he could after all, only drive one at a time.

He groans at the thought, and rolls over, screwing his eyes shut again; automatically assuming that he’s fallen into yet future where his decisions had sparked off enough set of horrible circumstances for him to discover. It always seemed to have ended up having gone horribly wrong after all anyway. So, if that logic still applied, then he didn’t need to leave the warmth of the bed to go and discover it for himself in person. The thought alone was enough, thank you very much destiny, fate, or whoever the hell was pulling the strings between this Korean tragedy. There’s no way he wants to play his part right now.

But…

It was all over now, right? He’d played the game the way it was meant to have been played, lived life the way he had the first go around, and let the group fall apart all over again.

Ah, he wanted to cry just thinking about it.

Rolling over onto his back, he stares up unseeingly at the ceiling, lifting an arm up, and covering his eyes until all he can see is the darkness behind the lids of his eyes. It seemed a better prospect to just stay in bed a while longer…

-X-

The second time doesn’t feel all that much different to the first.

He finds himself lying in what appears to be the same bed as before, the curtains still blocking out any kind of sunlight that might dare to enter. Curiosity peaked this time; he manages to actually find the will to pull himself upright to stare about the room; which seemed achingly familiar to his own now he looked a little closer. Still, that didn’t prove anything, and crushes that bold little bubble of hope that dares to surface. The first time this mess had started the place he’d woken up in had seemed like a carbon copy of his own home too. Only, when he’d wandered out, he’d found that assessment to be grossly untrue, and had been faced with a half- (unsurprisingly in shape) Yunho moments later.

However, he’s still curious, and desperately in need of a caffeinated drink, so he makes the decision to actually get up this time round; taking his duvet with him to fight off the cold of the aircon that was apparently on and blasting artic winds through the apartment. Wow, he really needed to learn to kill that habit. That or just learn how to set the damn timer on the digital display!

Outside the bedroom, he pauses mid mental tirade, looking about the place, and allowing that previous bubble of hope rise up when he finds nothing out of ordinary. Was he… Was he really home?

He spies a coffee cup sitting innocently on the table where he’d left it, right next to a pile of vividly familiar photographs, the very same as the one he’d been sifting through from before he’d fallen asleep and ended up fighting off a horde of undead creatures, only for Yunho to then di-

Yunho…

His mind swings to a set of CD’s suddenly, and before he can stop himself, he’s dropping the duvet from around himself, and diving towards his prized collection of CD’s. Deft fingers search through the titles, yanking cases from the cabinet, and dropping them to the floor in a cluttered heap in his quest to find two cases in particular. He pauses suddenly at the familiar coloured cases, carefully pulling the twin set free from their place, and bringing them close to himself. They’re right where he left them, and a smile pulls at his lips as he stares down at them, fingers tracing the covers gently as he does; a feeling of relief filling him up.

Everything was as it should be; he realises – almost a little forlorn. But, it was still better than what it could have been; a thought that keeps his smile in place as he slides the cases back into their spot. Though a bitter feeling still rears its ugly head as he goes to take a seat on the sofa, leaning his head back to stare up at his high ceiling and avoid the photographs staring up at him from the coffee table.

They’d worked so well together before… So, why couldn’t they be together now?

Almost as though answering his own question, the memory of his conversation with Yunho from one of the many pasts coming screaming back to him.

“It’s better to improve on the present instead of chasing and trying to fix the past. After all, it’s the present that truly leads to future.”

That’s what Yunho had told him, that time when they’d been sat together in the coffee shop. He’d been a little shocked at the time by Yunho’s insight, never having thought about it that way before. But now it makes sense to him. He’d never been able to move on before, and so he’d never stopped to think about the steps he was taking to patch things up. However, he wasn’t a child anymore, nor was he a wide-eyed teenager, fresh in front of the seedy underground lifestyle of the music industry. He was an adult, one with the power to make his own decisions, and choices; and right now, he’s got the perfect decision in mind to make.

Hurriedly he springs from the sofa, and back to his bedroom, snatching up phone from the bedside table, and plugging in his passcode into the lockscreen. He’s greeted by the adorable image of a recent snap he’d taken of his cats, and it only fuels him on with a giddy sense of apprehension. There’s only one person he can call right now who might help him in his quest to make this happen. One person ballsy enough to go against the grain. Nervously he finds them within his contacts list, and taps the call button, taking a deep breath, and bringing the phone to his ear.

“Ah, it’s early! What do you want?”

Jaejoong rolls his eyes having expected the sass – typical.

“Heechul. I need a favour.” He says, getting straight to the point, nervously reaching up to twiddle with he ends of his hair.

“Ho-ho! What kind of favour?” Heechul replies, sounding far too pleased with himself.

Jaejoong smiles shyly to himself, biting his lip to try and stop himself from smiling around his words.

“I need a mobile number from you…”

-X-

“Hey, it’s me… It’s… Been a while…”

-X-

“Even after all this time, across every version of us, in every world possible I’m still in love with you…”

End Chapter Notes:

So, I read somewhere that it was Yunho who taught Jaejoong how to skateboard? So that’s why that got included earlier on in the fic! ^_^ DISCLAIMER: I obviously don’t know how true that is, or even if there is any truth behind it what so ever. So, don’t take that as fact. I just thought it was pretty cute. I mean imagine those two dorks doing that. Yunho fretting about Jae falling, and Jae just being his dorky (and clumsy) self, and falling, and then afterwards them just laughing about it. Urg my heart <3

Full disclaimer though! I obviously don’t know how the original fight between the members went down. I honestly don’t think anyone does except for them (and that’s fine!). So, this was just an imagining of what I partially think may have happened, based on rumours that I’ve seen, and tiny little tippets of some of what the boys have spoken about, and even then, I take it all with a huge pinch of salt! So yes, I don’t claim to know anything!

Also, it wasn’t mentioned within the chapter, but for those who might have been wondering… The part where Jaejoong changes the future to where he’s still at SM (with Yunho, and Changmin), Junsu and Yoochun have gone onto try and create Cjes without Jaejoong, but Junsu mainly sticks to appearing in musicals, and Yoochun is sadly barely heard from except for dropping new solo songs without any promotion. They and Jaejoong don’t speak, and unfortunately left things on bad terms – hence why there’s no interaction between them. I would think by this point Jaejoong would understand what had happened, and likely wouldn’t want to reach out to them through fear of causing more heartache (semi akin to what happened during the timeline where Yoochun died).

ANYWAY! My baby is finally finished, wowowowow, it’s been a wild ride. Thank you to every who had read, commented, and just sat through this monster. Honestly, I’m super grateful! I thought no one would even read this originally, so it was a surprise to find that people have been. I actually wanted to include this in the yunjae fic exchange that I saw a while back... But I don’t know how that all works, and I’m just too socially awkward to join >_< But feel free to share this story around if you like, cause there can never be enough YunJae fics out there right?

I also want to write some more yunjae goodness anyway… So, if you guys want to see more of that hit me up! Let me know if you’d like to see any of the au’s that I wrote about in this fic come to life (spoiler: I kind of might have already drafted an idea for the WeddingPlanner!Jae one…)

LINKS: 
Here - for my main blog (millitae)
Here - for my YunJae side blog (yunjaee)
Either's fine! I frequent both often.