*this is the part two of "crush". Still my own true story.*

What are we?

Is the question that forms inside my head whenever you cling on me.

Whenever you say sweet things that you never say to anyone.

Whenever you care for me to the point that you get angry when I skip a meal.

Whenever you clasp our hands in public that send volts of electricity throughout my whole body.

Whenever you say “I love you”

But I know it's not the kind of love that I really wanted.

So, what are we?

This is the question still left unsaid and unanswered.

****

July 17, Wednesday

“Sooo… are you guys dating?” Irene unnie asked.

This is the question we usually receive.

Answered with usual response from her.

“Why do you guys always ask this? For the nth time, Lisa and I are not dating,” she answers as she cling on my arm like a koala.

Of course we're not.

And I don't think we will ever be.

July 18, Thursday

“Don't you consider confessing your feelings to her?” asked Rosé, one of my closest friends who knows I'm gay.

“Nope.I don't even know if she's gay, so why would I?”

“But you don't even know if she's straight.”

I got silent by her backfire.

Damn this intelligent chipmunk.

“And what did she tell you when you asked her if what is she?” she said as she munch her sandwich.

I sighed, “she said that she doesn't know.”

“See? She's not homophobic plus she did not directly say that she's straight. So help her figure out what she really is,” she wiggled her brows up and down.

“And how am I gonna do that? It's not that easy you know?”

“As you said in one of your books, just make the straight line curve,” she laughed at her answer.

I rolled my eyes, “it's really not that easy, chaengie.”

“Come on, you're being anxious again. And I think you have pretty high chance. I mean, she only gets clingy towards you.”

Her statement made me smile, but it didn't last for long and faded right away.

That's the point. She does things to me that she doesn't to others. It'll get my hopes up, but then again, reality hits me.

The what if’s would hunt me.

What if I confess and get rejected?

What if our friendship will be ruined because of it?

What if…

What if she doesn't like me..?

July 19, Friday

I watch the rain pour outside as I hear our literature teacher discuss.

Jennie is in front of me, wearing my hoodie jacket which is bigger than her.

My hands are getting cold.

I leaned forward and smelled my favorite scent.

Hers.

“Why do you always smell good?” I whispered to her.

I s my hands above her hands which are inside the pocket and held them to make myself warm.

“Shh. Listen to our teacher,” she sush me and held mine too.

“Yah. Stop flirting in front of me. This is why you guys get issued everyday. Our classmates think you're dating,” said jisoo unnie who secretly munch crackers.

I just laughed at her.

It's true.

Whenever we get close or sweet to each other, we get judging looks by almost everyone in this room.

I don't care tho. It doesn't bother me, but maybe she is. So I restrain myself when I get too clingy.

***

“Are you uncomfortable when I get too clingy?” I asked her while walking our way home.

“Nope,” she answered.

“Aren't you bothered when they talk and look at us in a judging way?”

“Nope, are you?”

I shook my head.

“It actually entertains me to see them like that. I see them as our fans,” she laughed out loud.

“Should we do some fan service tomorrow?” I jokingly said.

“I love that idea,” she said while showing me her most precious gummy smile.

July 20, Saturday

She has tons of problems in life and tends to overthink a lot.

She looks so strong on the outside but she gets fragile when she talks to me about her family.

From: jen

I can't sleep

To: jen
Why?

From: jen
Idk.

To: jen
You're over thinking again, aren't you?

From: jen
Well, I can't help it. Specially when I'm alone at night.

To: jen
Tell me what's running inside your head

From: jen
This may sound stupid but I don't know if my life has its sense of purpose

From: jen
I mean, I don't know where it's heading. My life has no sense of direction.

To: jen
Then I'll guide you.

To: jen
Just please let me

From: jen
How can you guide me? I don't even know who I am.

She's really struggling about herself.

I just want her to know that I'm here.

That she has me.

That I love her and I'll help her no matter what.

To: jen
You know what?