Rather than having everything

Never losing anything is more important

I realized that because of you

If there’s something constant about life, ironically, it’s that people change. Even if they didn’t expect to or think they ever would, it’ll happen eventually.

That incident had been the catalyst for many things. She had withdrawn from her classes and chose to study abroad for the last two years. After graduating, she moved back to Seoul and began interning at a publishing house where she eventually became a full-time editor.

It had been five years since that day. Five years since she had seen Baekhyun.

She had finished work later than usual today and chose to walk instead of taking her car home. She had been overthinking quite a bit lately. Maybe it was due to the fact that her supervisor had volunteered her colleague and her to give a presentation at the University in his stead. The same place she had run from those years ago. It stirred up unwanted memories.

The stars offered little solace and the cigarette that hung from her lips left too bitter a taste in . She felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

Yeol~

Good luck tomorrow :D

Besides Luhan, she had kept in contact with Chanyeol and Krystal over the years. Chanyeol had become a music producer. He invited her to drink and listen to his songs at his studio often. Krystal had been gone for the past few months on a trip with her company, photographing overseas.

Her phone buzzed again with Chanyeol’s good night text. She inhaled deeply. She had dated Chanyeol for a few months after she had returned.

Three Years Ago

“Thanks for picking me up at the airport Chanyeol.” Luhan had eloped with Sehun and the two were in Japan honeymooning ‘under the cherry blossoms as beautiful as our love’ as Luhan had put it. Krystal was on her own study abroad trip. Chanyeol was the only one she had contact with who had offered to come and get her instead of her having to pay for a cab.

“Of course. Anything you need. I got you.” He winked at her playfully.

They drove in silence for a while.

“Do you want to grab a bite?” Chanyeol asked.

“Sure. I haven’t eaten for a few hours.”

Their conversation was light. Her days were filled with this sense of loneliness, but Chanyeol helped keep that feeling at bay.

Chanyeol had been sweet to her since their university days. As she was busy figuring out her life, Chanyeol had been there to be a friend, a supporter, and eventually a lover. He had tried to arrange the pieces of her that had been scattered.

They had been drinking in his home studio one night. He was stressed trying to finish up a piece he was sending in for an audition to be an in-house producer and had invited her over to listen to the piece. Their cheeks were tinged red after they finished the fifth bottle of soju.

Chanyeol rested his cheek on his desk. His eyes shone up at her.

“Have you ever thought about the possibility of us?” He mumbled.

He sighed as he lifted his head. He grabbed her hands, holding them to his chest.

“Would it be alright if maybe I can occupy a space in your heart?”

It would be a lie to say it was due to the soju, but at that moment, she felt fleeting happiness. A simple, comfortable joy. And so she leaned forward to kiss him.

But the relationship had been unfair to Chanyeol. No matter how hard she tried, in her heart, he was just a dear friend. A feeling of emptiness still lingered inside that not even sweet Chanyeol could fill.

They had parted amicably, still remaining close friends.

“I’m so sorry Chanyeol. I just don’t think I’m being very fair to you or your feelings.” She signed, frustrated at herself.

“I’ll always be here when you need me. It’s enough for me to see you happy. So don’t worry about it, okay?” He said with a smile, but she could see the sadness gathering in his eyes.

She returned his message and continued her walk home. The night promised to be long.

*

Baekhyun had not seen her in five years. He had tried to contact her endlessly, but he was always sent to voicemail. He had chosen to resign from his job and moved back to Busan. He had not wanted to give up his dreams, but he figured it might help him somewhat atone for his sins. He had been working at his father’s company these past few years. He had been made senior president earlier this year. His father was getting ready to retire soon and had been making moves to make him his successor as CEO. His mother and father had reconciled after Baekhyun moved back. Things were looking good at home, but his mind and heart were still a troubled mess.

There had always been a vacancy in his heart that he hadn’t even recognized existed. Until she came and placed herself into that very gap, making him feel whole, and before he realized it, she had become his everything.

There was no way he could ever hope to regain her trust let alone her love again. They had existed together in that short time and for that he was grateful. Because of his foolishness, they had lost whatever they had gained and the wounds in his heart had become scattered once again.

“Don’t forget you have that presentation tomorrow, President Byun.” His secretary reminded him before leaving for the day.

He had been invited to join a panel of speakers at the university. It was surprising when he received the call. But he had left on good terms, so the Dean didn’t hold resentment towards him.

Five Years Ago

“Baekhyun.” He looked up from his desk to a sight he did not want to see early in the day or at all for that matter.

“What do you need, Seulgi? I’m too busy for your games right now.” He resumed the work he was doing before she came.

“Oh, I don’t know. I just thought maybe you’d like to be aware of the news that’s spreading around campus regarding a certain student you’re very familiar with.” She smirked.

“Just tell me straight. What news?” He asked.

“I didn’t think she’d be the type to move so fast, you know. But the quiet ones are usually the deadly ones. Just one date and she let you her. How embarrassing.”

“What the did you just say?” He came out from behind the desk, standing directly in front of Seulgi.

“Do you know how easy it is to spread a rumor here? Simply mentioning something within earshot of someone else will cause it to run like a wildfire, especially if it’s extra juicy.” She laughed.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing much, really. Just mentioned how that little was just a way for you to pass time while we were taking a break. The students really know how to add extra details to make the gossip more interesting.”

Baekhyun was in disbelief. Why would someone do this, to a student nonetheless?

“Seulgi…Why would you do this?” He struggled to find anything else to say or ask. He just couldn’t understand the horrible inner workings of her obsessive mind.

“This is how it should be. You don’t get to just leave me. You don’t get to call it quits. I say when we’re through. You’re mine Baekhyun.” She grabbed his tie, pulling hard enough to bring him down a few inches. Her other hand pulled at his hair.

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