a/n: The last part of the chapter deals with Jinki telling Jonghyun about the night his daughter was killed. I wanted to give enough warning because it's a serious subject, losing a child like that. When you read, "Jonghyun ripped a piece of jerky off", that's the start of that part if you want to skip it.

            Jonghyun gently ran his hands over Jinki’s hair, careful not to jostle him too much as his head rested in his lap. His eyes were closed, his chest lifting just enough to indicate he was taking small breaths. “We should have made camp last night.”

            At the soft sound of Jonghyun’s voice, Jinki hummed, a little rumble in the back of his throat. “In retrospect, yes.”

            Speaking had proved a little easier for him, but any attempt at deep breaths to fill his lungs caused pain to descend over his expression. “You have to take better care of yourself. You need to tell me when we need to stop if you’re low on energy.”

            “I know.”

            “Because you scared me. Finding you like that.” Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears he felt forming to stop. When he took a deep breath and opened his eyes again, Jinki’s gaze was waiting for him. “I can’t lose you too.”

            “You won’t.” He gave a little smile. “I apologize for worrying you, Love. I’ll do better to communicate.”

            “Good.” He leaned down to gently press their lips together in an upside down kiss. He caressed Jinki’s jaw slowly, frowning at the bruising there and across the skin, he could see. His hands were really bruised. He hoped soon Jinki had enough to heal himself enough to be able to move at least. “Because you told me you wanted to work towards being life partners. You can’t get out of that by dying. Not now.”

            “Don’t think of those types of things. I feel better already.” His smile widened just a bit as he requested. “Kiss me again, Beautiful.” Once he did, Jinki softly said, “Feel me near you. The warmth of me. I’m here. I’m alive, and I’m not going to go anywhere.”

            “I know,” Jonghyun mumbled just a breath’s distance from his lips. “I know.”

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            Jinki slept most of that first day, only being awake when Jonghyun woke him up to eat something. He healed himself a bit that evening, just enough that moving his neck and hands didn’t hurt and he could breathe more easily. He smiled up at Jonghyun as the man focused on the small braids he was putting in his hair. “At this rate, I’ll be finding them for weeks.”

            Jonghyun grinned as he met Jinki’s gaze, “Then you’ll be constantly reminded of me.”

            “Why would I need to be reminded when I’ll be with you, Love?” He lifted his hand to be able to squeeze Jonghyun’s knee to the right of his head. “Besides, you’re always on my mind, Beautiful.”

            The strands of hair fell from Jonghyun’s fingers as he squinted. “Were you always this charming?”

            “Yes.”

            “I don’t recall.”

            “Mm yes, but you hated my guts so you were a bit immune.”

            “Who says I’m not just immune to your charm?”

            Jinki laughed quietly, little soft puffs of air leaving his nose. “You’re my lover, are you not?”

            “Shut up.”

            “Make me.”

            Jonghyun opened his mouth before closing it once again as he focused on his braid again. Jinki chuckled causing Jonghyun to glare for a moment, but he didn’t say a thing.

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            Sleeping seemed to do the trick because as the light fell through the opening in the hall to the rear of them, he lifted his palm up and golden light was bright and strong around his fingers. Jonghyun rushed over as Jinki tried to sit up, arms moving under his arms to help. Jinki’s teeth clenched a little as he settled. “It’s not enough to heal everything.”

            “But it’s enough that you can sit up.” Jonghyun pressed a kiss to his cheek as he sat next to him, offering him some water. “You look… better. There’s color in your cheeks.”

            “Isn’t there always with you being beautiful all the time around me?”

            “Oh shut up.” Jinki took a swig of the water and grinned brightly as his hand fell to his lap. As he put the cap back on he leaned his head against Jonghyun’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. He felt Jonghyun curl their fingers together, pressing their palms against one another, and a kiss was pressed to his hair. “Are you hungry for something more than fruit?”

            “I could eat something.”

            “Something on your mind?”

            Jinki hummed, accepting that somehow Jonghyun just... Knew. “You said you didn’t want to lose me too. It just… reminded me.”

            “Of what Babe?”

            “Everything I’ve lost… what I have to lose now.” Jinki smacked his mouth gently before lifting his head. He gazed at their intertwined hands as he continued. “I’ve never had someone afraid to lose me, not really. Everyone I’ve ever cared about has either left or has been killed. I should have taken better care of myself if only to not scare you like that. I know that fear and I should have understood that. I guess what I’m saying is I’m so sorry Jonghyun. I felt off, I felt tired, and I knew I was low on energy, but I pressed on because my mages needed me. I forgot that without energy I’m no help to them… Killing myself won’t help them.”

            Jonghyun’s lips were soft and warm as they pressed against his temple. “I love you.”

            He let out a shaky breath before laughing just a little as he lifted his gaze to find Jonghyun’s. “I love you too.”

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            Jonghyun had his hands on Jinki’s hips as he tried to stand for the first time since healing himself more deeply. His knees buckled at first, but he caught himself with the extra support. He laid his hands over Jonghyun’s softly. “Thanks, Love.”

            “Take it slowly. You healed a very big injury.”

            “Just a little light headed.” Jinki squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, relieved he could fill his lungs fully without any pain. He rose his arms above his head, stretching out his back. Jonghyun let his hips go, stepping back just a little to give him space, but close enough to give aid if needed. “Give me a few hours and I should be ready to continue on.”

            “Excuse me?”

            Jinki turned slowly, eyebrow raised. “What about that do you need clarification on, Jingles?”

            “The continuing on.” Jonghyun crossed his arms over his chest, brows furrowed. “You just almost died. You aren’t going further into this place.”

            “I still have to figure out what killed my mages, what happened to the rest of the group.” Jinki mirrored Jonghyun’s body language, anger bubbling in his chest. “I can figure it out without running myself to the ground.”

            “Like you already did?”

            “There was a trap! YOU SET IT OFF.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. The angry expression had melted from Jonghyun’s face almost instantly, replaced with one of guilt. Jinki took a step closer, swallowing thickly when Jonghyun stepped away. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

            “But I did set it off, didn’t I?” His voice was so soft and small it almost wasn’t heard over the crackling of the fire beside them. His gaze fell, breath shuddering as he said, “I almost killed you.”

            “Love-”

            Jonghyun wrapped his arms around himself, shaking his head as he turned around, “Rest. I… need to think.”

            Jinki stood with his arms limp to his sides, eyes wide and his heart breaking a little as he watched Jonghyun walk down the right hallway towards where they had first come into the cavern, away from him. He muttered quietly as he snatched an apple from the table against the wall. “Stupid Jinki just stupid.”

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            By the time Jonghyun returned, Jinki was sitting on the opposite side of the fire, eyes staring at the opening Jonghyun left from, waiting. His chin was on his arms, legs pulled up against his chest. When Jonghyun did eventually walk back in, he froze when he realized Jinki was up and waiting. “I thought you’d be asleep.”

            Jinki tapped his fingers on his arms after lifting his head from them, “You thought I could sleep not knowing where you were?”

            Jonghyun pressed his lips together before making his way toward the fire, sitting on the opposite side of it. Then he sagged, hands in his lap and shoulders slumped. When he looked up he lifted his right hand and it was then Jinki noticed the flowers clasped in his grip. “I know it doesn’t make up for almost killing you, but these are the ones used for your Magicka potions, right?”

            He pushed off the ground and took the few steps around to him. Carefully, he kneeled, ignoring the flowers to take his face softly into his hands and kissed him. Once parted he quietly said, “They are, they do, and I’m just glad you came back.”

            “You thought I wouldn’t?”

            “I was getting a bit worried, I’ll admit.”

            “Always.” He hesitated for a moment before capturing Jinki’s lips again. “If you really want to continue on, I’ll support it, if you promise me you’ll take it easy. I’ll be more careful when it comes to traps. I shouldn’t have rushed in there like that. That was stupid and risky of me.”

            “Basic spells, I promise.” Jinki smiled and kissed the corner of his lips, “Thank you… figuring this out- It’s important to me.”

            “I know. We’ll figure out what happened here.”

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            Jonghyun ripped a piece of jerky off, chewing it softly as he gazed over the fire at Jinki tossing in his sleeping roll. He had been restless for a while now, but the pain vivid on his face and the soft groans leaving his lips were a recent development. Jonghyun kept fighting off the urge to wake him up from whatever was plaguing his dreams. Was restless sleep better than not getting any type of sleep at all?

            When Jinki began to yell in his sleep, curling in on himself, Jonghyun rushed off the ground, furs falling from his shoulders in a heap. He fell to his knees beside him, stopping him by his hands on Jinki’s shoulders, “Babe! Jinki wake up, you’re just dreaming.”

            It took a few more attempts before he startled awake, sitting up quickly, eyes wide and gasping for breath. His eyes flicked over, fear and panic vivid in his gaze. He softened slightly as Jonghyun cupped his cheeks, caressing his thumb across his skin. With a gentle sigh, his gaze fell. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

            “I wasn’t sleeping, keeping watch. But,” He lifted Jinki’s head just a little as he shifted to make their eyes meet. “You were yelling in your sleep, Babe.”

            “What was I yelling?” It was Jonghyun’s turn to break contact, hands falling from Jinki’s cheeks. “Baby, what was I yelling?”

            “Jaehwa, Babe. You were yelling Jaehwa.”

            “Oh,” Jinki tugged his legs up to his chest, hugging them tightly as he pressed his forehead into them, hiding his face. His voice was muffled as he said, “I was dreaming of the night she died… when I found her.”

            “Oh Jinki, I’m so sorry.”

            Jinki shifted his head, looking to him with his cheek squished on his leg. “I’ve never told you about that night, have I?”

            “Just who did it.”

            “Mm.” Jinki’s lips quirked up and the small movement made Jonghyun’s heart start to break. “Would you like to know?”

            “I’ll listen to whatever you want to tell.”

            Jinki laid back down, but he lifted his arm, smiling, “C’mere.”

            They fit together easily, Jinki’s arm firmly around his waist, tugging him back as if there was space to cross. Jonghyun curled their fingers together as Jinki’s hand rested against his stomach, “Whenever you’re ready.”

            “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to relive that night, but you need to know. This, the dreams, happen a lot. Usually around this time of year. Her 7th birthday would have been coming up in a few days.” Jinki pressed his nose into Jonghyun’s hair, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “The general store owner used to be a transgender man named Minhyuk. He was kind to me in a way most of the town isn’t to mages. We fell into being lovers quickly and shortly after he told me he was pregnant. I had never thought about being a father. The state of the world wasn’t safe enough for me, let alone to bring an infant into the mix, but feeling the kicks as the pregnancy grew, I.. felt connected and I grew excited believing I was going to have this little being I helped create… a family of sorts.

            “I was almost late for the birth of her. As the pregnancy reached the final few months, Minhyuk spent a lot of time in the College. It was getting harder for him to work around the general store and he asked one of his childhood friends to look after it those final months.” Jinki’s body shuddered just barely and Jonghyun squeezed his eyes, trying to fight the urge to turn around. Jinki wished to be behind him for a reason. Maybe it was easier for him. “I was a new appointment Archmage, the youngest in quite awhile. I was very busy, trying to learn my responsibilities and what was expected of me. I had a lot to prove. My parents were well known at the college, I had a reputation to uphold. I wasn’t in the room when he went into labor.

            “I was returning from the front of the bridge meeting a new student. I stepped through the main gate and through the snow falling I saw Kibum running to me. Making a huge scene and causing everyone walking through the courtyard to look at me. He looked as if he was the panicking Father, to be honest. She was so beautiful, Jonghyun.” Jinki’s grip on his hand tightened and he pressed his forehead further into the back of him as his voice threatened to crack. “I got into that room and it was maybe a few pushes before she was here and my entire world just stopped. I had everything I would ever want in that little bundle I held.

            “Minhyuk and I were never meant to be, but we did our best to raise Jaehwa right. Every night after the last class, I’d go down and spend the night, helping feed and take care of her throughout. A few days a week I’d get her all to myself up at the college. She’d be wrapped on my chest as I worked on potions or taught a class. Kibum was very charmed with her. He was certain she’d grow up and kick her father’s in a duel.” Jonghyun could feel the wetness against his skin, the shaking of his body as he fought the urge to cry harder. “But then I was climbing up the back steps to the living residence that night and-”

            “Jinki, baby, you don’t have to tell me.” His own cheeks were damp, voice barely over a whisper.

            “I keep hearing the screaming, rushing in with fire to protect my family, and then...seeing Minhyuk holding our little girl, screaming, begging me to help, to change it, and I couldn’t do a thing. My entire world was crumbling and burning around me and all I could do was fall to my knees and take her from him, hold her close and wail. I-” Jinki’s hold on him lessened as he finally broke completely, sobbing, “I should have… protected her from him. It’s my fault. She was killed... because of me. The elf. ”

            Jonghyun whipped around as quickly as he could without slamming his head into Jinki’s nose. He took one look at the shell of the man he loved and clung to him, one hand in his hand the other around his waist. “The only person at fault is that vile man for hurting your little girl, for taking her away from you. It’s not your fault, Baby. It was never your fault.”

            In response, Jinki’s fingers twisted in the thin cloth of Jonghyun’s tunic, sobbing into his chest, allowing himself to break into shambles completely.

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