Taemin's past

Things had definitely turned for the worse for Taemin. He felt that pang of loneliness without Jongin. His heart clenched when he thought about him, the only one other than his brother who ever really understood him. But now that Jongin was practically far away Taemin returned to his own secluded self. The painful reminders of his past that had never really stopped visiting him at night made him wish for the warmth and comfort of his best friend and his brother whom he barely saw anymore.

At times his brother wouldn’t return home at night and even though Taemin knew that he had to work to sustain them , he would feel scared , never really getting used to the dreadful nightmares that seemed to engulf him in the darkness, silent tears escaping his eyes, wishing that his brother would turn up any moment and pull him into a tight embrace. Sure the next morning he would wake up to see that his brother had already prepared his breakfast and left him a cheerful note.And on rare days , when he would actually see his brother waiting for him at the table, making a light conversation before they headed for school and work.Taemin seemed to like those days the most. He would feel much lighter even if it wasn’t long lasting. He missed those carefree days when his brother would give him piggy back rides , would buy him his favourite snacks and would take him to parks. But it was a long time back and the mere thought of it now, seemed to elicit pain from his heart that has been shattered too many times to be recalled.

No matter how much he longed for his brother’s presence, he didn’t wish to burden him anymore and he would watch his brother leave for work with eyes that reflected nothing but pain, nevertheless a small forced smile stretched across his lips as he slowly watched his brother disappear.

Nothing could have prepared him to deal with what he had to face next .

Taemin woke up with a jolt to the sudden banging on the door. It was almost 2 am and though he had just managed to get some much needed sleep, he thought it might have been his brother who had forgotten his keys. He didn’t want to make him wait futher in that cold weather.He hastened towards the front door and peeped through the hole but it wasn’t his brother.

Infact it was quite monstrous , he could immediately sense the panic gripping his throat and he couldn’t bring himself to breathe. He didn’t know who it was but he was trembling with fear now, the loud banging clouded his mind and he just squeezed shut his eyes tightly , hands covering his ears, wishing it was just a nightmare and it would be over soon. After what seemed like ages, the banging stopped and he finally managed to open his eyes but he dared not peep through the door hole.

He sat there feet drawn close to his chest and tried to take deep breathes. In four, out four.Something Jongin had always done to help him with his panic attacks.

It was close to 4 am when he finally let himself fall asleep in front of the door, head curled in his arms.

There was a slight shuffling noise behind the door and it seemed to wake him up and with the clicking of keys into the lock he felt his breath hitch and a surge of relief flooded him when he noticed his brother emerge into the room , his pale face glowing in the soft morning light. However , he wasn’t wearing his usual smile. Infact ,Taemin gasped in horror at the figure, blood stains fresh for the cuts and bruises, hair dishevelled ,limbs slightly shaky. Had it not been for the kind and genuine eyes, he would have feign he didn’t really recognise the figure. Terror had sunk deep into his mind and he felt his heart would escape his ribs any moment. He gathered all the strength he could manage to lift himself and clutched onto his brother really tight, not willing to let him go anywhere anymore.

“ We have to leave Taeminnie....we have to leave....I’ll keep you safe...don't worry ”...Taemin could hear between his sobs until his brother pulled him and he had to face it ... that look of dread on his brother’s face that scared him more than anything else.