we're normal I swear

Santa: Min Yoongi, wake your up and explain to me why you're trying to pirate my child.

daddy yoongles: the kid's adorable

Santa: Of course he is! That's why I adopted him in the first place

daddy yoongles: yeah well, he's my child now

Santa: you can't do that!

daddy yoongles: I already did

Santa: hE IS mY sOn

daddy yoongles: not anymore

Santa: Dammit, Yoongi! You haven't even met him yet!

daddy yoongles: hardy-har-har

daddy yoongles:

daddy yoongles: see this? Jimin, Taehyung, and I had a sleepover

daddy yoongles: without you

Santa: doesn't give you the right to steal him from me

daddy yoongles: I think it does

honey bun: hyung, I knew you fell asleep on me :(

adorable savage: sorry, Kook! I was really sleepy. I didn't even get to send you a goodnight text :(

honey bun: It's okay, but you have to make it up to me

adorable savage: anything for you ^-^

honey bun: I'll hold you to it then 

Santa: Hi, yes, can you two be cute somewhere else? I'm busy fighting for custody of my children. Thanks

 honey bun: hi, yes, we're your children. Why are you telling us to leave if you want us to stay?

Santa: Sorry, I meant I'm fighting for Taehyung. You can leave 

honey bun: I already tried, but Namjoon hyung won't let me

Dasher: That is correct.

daddy yoongles: You don't even need to fight for Tae. You already have Jungkook

Santa: I will throw him away if it means I don't lose Taehyung

barely breathing: it appears the tea is extra hot today

honey bun: choke on Namjoon's

Santa: been there, done that, boom! We had you

Jimeanie: and this, Tae baby, is why we don't talk to the neighbors

adorable savage: even if they have a cute son?

daddy yoongles especially if they have a cute son

Jimeanie: that's how they reel you in

daddy yoongles: ^ listen to your papa

adorable savage: okay!

Santa: Why can't we be as cute as the Min family?

honey bun: cause I have Santa Clause and one of his reindeer for parents

Dasher: Ugh, I forgot about our ridiculous names.

Santa has changed their name to 'Oxyjin'

Oxyjin has changed 'Dasher''s name to 'Joon Bug'

honey bun: correction: your horrible puns are the cause of our dysfunctional family

Oxyjin: Oh really? Maybe you'll like this one

Oxyjin has changed 'honey bun''s name to 'Mistake'

Oxyjin: Mistake and Jeongguk are practically the same word :)))

Mistake: Haha, very funny. If only your jokes had the same comedic effect

Oxyjin: you little punk

Jimeanie: On a completely different note, here's another picture that shows how much happier my household is than Jin hyung's 

Jimeanie:

Jimeanie: breakfast made by my loving boyfriend for our lovely family

adorable savage: Wahh!!! They're so cute! Thank you, Yoonie hyung! (❁'▽'❁)*✲ﾟ*

daddy yoongles: you're welcome, kid

Oxyjin: Whatever. This isn't some competition between housewives, so your cuteness doesn't even faze me

Jimeanie: so you don't mind that that fourth plate is for your husband?

barely breathing: *sipping tea*

Oxyjin: KIM NAMJOON! I THOUGHT YOU LEFT EARLY CAUSE YOU HAVE AN EARLY CLASS?

Joon Bug: I DO BUT HYUNG INVITED ME OVER FOR BREAKFAST

Oxyjin: I COULD'VE MADE YOU BREAKFAST

Joon Bug: I know, sweetheart, and I am so thankful that you always make time to cook for me.

Oxyjin: I feel a 'but' coming along, which is exactly what you're not getting tonight

Joon Bug: Fair enough. I knew you were going to say that anyway.

Oxyjin: Spit it out then.

Joon Bug: Yoongi hyung makes the best pancakes.

Oxyjin: K.

Jimeanie: It was nice knowing you, Namjoon hyung

Joon Bug: What?

daddy yoongles: you might be missed

Joon Bug: I'm so confused. What's going on?

Mistake: what a shame. You were one of my favorites, too

Joon Bug: Anyone wanna explain?

barely breathing: I know you're religious, so

barely breathing: 

adorable savage: At least I met you this

Joon Bug: Why is everyone acting like I'm dying?

barely breathing: A moment of silence for our brother Namjoon, who was hit with that "K."

Mistake: ...

Jimeanie: ...

adorable savage: ...

daddy yoongles: ...

Joon Bug: That's what this is about? It's just a letter.

Jimeanie: You poor, poor man (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Jimeanie: Also, can you pass the syrup, please?

Joon Bug: Yeah, of course.

Jimeanie: thanks!

daddy yoongles: , it's already past 9 

Joon Bug: Oh , we have class! We can probably still make it if we run.

daddy yoongles: too lazy, I'll drive

Joon Bug: Alright then. Let's go!

Jimeanie: Bye~

adorable savage: Chim

Jimeanie: yeah?

adorable savage: Yoongi hyung is our ride, too

Jimeanie: ...

Jimeanie: BABE WAIT FOR US

daddy yoongles: What? I can't hear you over the sound of my engine starting

Jimeanie: I'll ing kill you if you leave without us

daddy yoongles: try me, sweetheart

barely breathing: Updates please! I need my daily dose of drama

adorable savage: Say no more

adorable savage: ASJKJKJ HYUNG REALLY DROVE AWAY AND JIMIN IS CHASING HIM 

barely breathing: HAHAHAHAAFSG THAT

adorable savage: NOW HYUNG IS REVERSING AT FULL SPEED WHAT THE ACTUAL FCVKK

Mistake: didn't know we had Mater in our friend group

Oxyjin: I'd praise your for your joke, but you for insulting mine

Mistake: fair enough

adorable savage: YA'LL IM SCREAMING

adorable savage: HE JUST STOPPED IN FRONT OF ME, ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW, SAID "GET IN, LOSER" AND NOW WE'RE DRIVING AWAY FROM JIMIN

barely breathing: THIS IS THE RELATIONSHIP I WANT

~~~

Oxyjin: what happened?? it's been quiet for a while

adorable savage: can't breathe

adorable savage: send help

Mistake: hyung? what happened?!

adorable savage: jibooty

Mistake: Jimin, you better not have hurt him. he's the only boy i've ever really liked and i'll be damned if i let you kill him now

Jimeanie: calm yourself, child

Jimeanie: I'm only sitting on him

Mistake: YOU ARE GOING TO KILL HIM

Jimeanie: ing rude

Jimeanie: not my fault those ers made me chase them for half a mile 

adorable savage: one of those ers is an innocent child you cold corn dog

Jimeanie: I must not be sitting hard enough if you can still type you burnt piece of toast

daddy yoongles: tae struggling to breathe and you jumping on the chair is very distracting so stfu and let me drive in peace

barely breathing: the contrast between the Min family before and now

Oxyjin: I knew those twinks weren't perfect. my family still reigns supreme

Jimeanie: ...

adorable savage: ...

barely breathing: ??

daddy yoongles: who wants ice cream?

adorable savage: ME

Jimeanie: what a baby

Jimeanie: I want two scoops

daddy yoongles: anything for my two favorite people :)

Oxyjin: oh no i know what you're trying to do and it wont work

adorable savage: can I get vanilla and strawberry please?

daddy yoongles: of course ^-^

Mistake: damn Yoongi hyung is really out to dethrone you

daddy yoongles: who says I haven't already done it?

Oxyjin:  where?

daddy yoongles: 

barely breathing: Jin rn: 

Oxyjin: your cuteness may be great, but a is still standing

daddy yoongles: oh and your bf is eating neapolitan

Oxyjin: dammit Joon

Joon Bug: I couldn't resist :(

barely breathing: Min family= 2, Kim family= 0

~~~

"Why are you smiling so much?"

"Oh nothing. Just texting Jungkook," Taehyung replies, not even bothering to look up from his screen.

A string of "ooh's" come out of Jimin before he's playfully wiggling his eyebrows at him.

"How's that coming along?" Namjoon decides to join the conversation and glances back at the two from the passenger side when he asks. Yoongi was too busy jamming to a song on the radio and enjoying his iced coffee to keep up a conversation, and his ice cream was long gone. What better way to pass the time than by tuning in to the youngsters' love lives.

"Actually," Taehyung begins, the boy becoming increasingly shy, "We have a date tonight."

The car comes to an abrupt stop, all four boys lurching forward. It would've gotten pretty ugly if they hadn't been on an empty street or hadn't had their seat belts on.

"Yoongi, what the hell?!" 

Said man only slowly turns around in his seat and looks at the two with a blank expression.

"No one's taking anyone on a date until I deem the coconut child worthy of my baby."

~~~

adorable savage: STORY TIME: MY DAD IS OBSESSED WITH ME?!?!

Jimeanie: STORY TIME: I'M DATING A ING PSYCHO

Joon Bug: STORY TIME: CRAZY UBER DRIVER TRIED TO KILL ME

Mistake: wtf happened in the span of two minutes?

daddy yoongles: STORY TIME: I WAS ATTACKED BY MY BF AND HIS FRIENDS

barely breathing: Min family= 2, Kim family=0, Hobi= confused