Chapter 3

Wonho and Shownu both watch Changkyun trying to sneak out of the room as if they can’t see him. “ we can see you Changkyun” Wonho said giggling when he saw the youngest freeze Changkyun turned around eyes not leaving the ground once. “ sorry to be bother I won’t ever have another panic attack I promise.”  The 2 oldest looked at each other sadly not knowing what to say. “No Changkyun you did nothing wrong so don’t apologize we are just glad you're okay,” Shownu said standing up and walking up to the youngest. Wonho also stood up and raised Changkyun head up so he could look at them. “ Changkyun we know this isn’t your first panic attack and I’m scared it won’t be your last so, for now, we want you to stay in this room and rest” Wonho pick his words carefully not wanting to scare of Changkyun. But Changkyun being stubborn shook his head and told them that he needs to help Jooheon with the rap, The 2 knew they it won’t be easy to convince the youngest to stay so they let him go and told him to come to them if he needs anything. Changkyun left the room feeling embarrassed he felt like now that Shownu and Wonho knew about his panic attack they would Pity him for it. 

“ We have to tell the others maybe they would go easy on him I’m afraid if he gets another panic attack and we won’t be there to help what will happen.” “ we can’t Shownu I have a feeling if we do tell the other they would use it against him and even make his panic attacks worse, and something tells me Changkyun don’t want anyone to know about it.” Shownu looked down feeling ashamed making someone so young go through such hardships. “ I don’t why i feel like I’m the worst person on the planet.” Shownu said with a low voice as he lowered his head. “your not alone man last night I took Changkyun out to eat and man his the cutest 20-year old I ever saw in my life when he had his cheeks stuffed, but he said something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. he thinks it was all just a dream that we hang out last night and still does.”  Wonho walked back to his chair and played with the keyboard as he tried to hold back tears. “ what if he didn’t really pay the company to let him debut.” Shownu asked throwing himself on the chair next to Wonho. “ I don’t think he did he looks why to innocence for something like that.” “ seems like we have to ask for ourselves we never got his part of the story we just believed the rumors” with that the 2 oldest went back to writing their lyrics but each couldn’t get the youngest out of there head.

After the vocal practice, the boys headed home all tired from the long day and the only thing in their minds are food and sleep. When they got home Changkyun ran to his bed while the other jumped on the couch or went to grab something to eat. “ you guys want to order food?” Shownu asked closing the fridge after founding nothing to eat. “ would we I was getting tired of Kihyun cooking.” Minhyuk said smiling while he looked at Kihyun who was taking in deep breaths. “ I’m not going to waste my time and breath on you Minhyuk so say whatever you want.” “ what you guys want” “PIZZA” Jooheon shouted from where he was sitting. “ anyone else wants something different.” Everyone shook their heads no and Shownu went on ordering 2 boxes of cheese pizza and 1 box of chicken pizza and 2 bottles of coke,  After Shownu order the food everyone just laid around waiting they were all too tired to talk so they used their phones or watched whatever was on the tv. The pizza didn’t take long to arrive and everyone gather around when it came. Wonho got up to get Changkyun who was under his blanket as he usually is when they are in the dorm, The oldest let out a deep breath before entering the room. 

Changkyun hides under his blanket as if there were monsters underneath his bed that’s about to get him. He heard the door being open and closed his eyes Pretending he’s sleeping. “Changkyun” he hard Wonho say but he didn’t answer. “ I know your not asleep kid, we ordered pizza so come down and eat with us.” Changkyun eyes widen when he heard the older asking him to join them. “ I’m not hungry Hyung” the younger replied. “ I’m not taking no for an answer I’m going to wait here until you decide to come down and eat with us.” Changkyun thought about and didn’t want everyone to hate him more if he kept the older in the room and be blamed for it.” He took off the blanket and went down the steps. “see was that hard” “ it was” the youngest said under his breath hoping Wonho didn't hear it. the oldest just smiled taking Changkyun arm who became uncomfortable from the sadden touched.
 
Entering the living room where everyone was at eating and laughing made Changkyun sick to his stomach, Everyone stopped eating when they saw him standing next to Wonho they give the younger a disgust look before Hyungwon ask him what he wanted. “what the heck Hyungwon he’s here to eat dinner.” “ it's okay Hyung I'm not hungry I'll go back to bed” Changkyun said his voice not above a whisper if the room wasn’t so quiet No one would have heard him. “ nonsense Changkyun your going to eat so sit down” Shownu said placing a plate of pizza and a cup of soda next to himself.  Wonho took Changkyun hand giving the younger a small smile before they both took a seat, Changkyun sat between the 2 oldest he didn't know why they were being so nice to him but it gave the younger hope maybe things will change. The other 4 look at the 2 oldest with confusion right before glaring at Changkyun. Wonho could see Changkyun hands  start shaking when the 4 start glaring at him, he was  ready to scream at the other and tell them to leave Changkyun alone but he also didn’t want a fight to start,  So he put the plate of pizza on the younger lab then placed his hand his hand on the youngest back right before telling the younger to eat, he felt Changkyun tense with the touch and quickly removed his hand. 

Changkyun took small bites not once looking up from the food, he could see one by one the other leave saying they lost their aplite. if it wasn't for Shownu and Wonho sitting next to him saying ignore them he would have broken down. “ so Changkyun how's the pizza” Shownu asked trying to kill the awkwardness that took over the room when the others left. “ it's good” Wonho couldn't help but look at the younger with sadness when he smile even tho it only lasted few seconds Wonho could see pain through it.

Changkyun had one more slice of pizza before thanking the 2 oldest and going off to bed Shownu wanted to stop him and tell the younger to join them for a movie but Wonho stopped him before he can ask. “ let him rest he's already feeling uncomfortable with us.” “ we gotta change that i don't want him to feel awkward we are supposed to look after him plus his the maknae yet we are treating him like a criminal,” Shownu said looking down at the pizza box. “ I know Shownu but for the meantime, we have to take things slow” with that both boys put away the leftover pizza and went to bed. 

Changkyun lied in his bed while the image of the other leaving the living room when he joined them played in his mind over and over bring him to tears and making it hard for him to breathe. He wanted to run away and get far from everything and find a place where he could feel at peace, but he also knew that place didn’t exist everywhere he run to was always full of darkness. He lied on his bed replaying his whole living remembering the abuse, abandonment, and hate he got all of his life. Remembering the day his parents said they didn’t want him, 5-year-old Changkyun stood in front of his parents while they sold him to a truck driver who they meet online, he remembers his parents holding his 2 older brother hands and smiling at them. While Changkyun was taken away with a stranger her never meant seeing his parents push his brothers on the swing and laugh forgetting they ever had a 3rd child made Changkyun realize at a young age his parents never loved him. They never once took him to the park and when they finally did it was the day he was sold. He sat on the truck holding back tears he didn’t want to cry he didn’t want to waste his tears on people who never loved him but he couldn’t help to let some tears fall. When the man looked back and saw Changkyun tear he smiled and his lips Changkyun quickly hide behind the seat not liking the look the man was giving him.
 Shaking his head trying not to remember his horrible past he told himself he would forget it but being with the others always brought the memories and pain back.