chapter 1

It was just another day in Monsta x apartment one member is cooking while the other is setting up the table, 2 fighting over a video game one showering and another asleep on the couch, everything seemed normal as it usually is. From the outside, it’s a perfect image of friendship and family. but inside that apartment lived a broken soul one that will never be accepted no matter what he did no matter how much he cried every night for only one person to look at him so he can feel alive. he knew deep down no one would ever care he could die in front of his teammates and no one would do anything to help him or run to his aide. He laid on his bed thinking what he ever did to have a life so horrible one full of hatred. it wasn’t just his teammates that hated him it also seemed the whole world did from his parents, grandparents and anyone he come across. This made him thing every night if he should kill himself if he should end all and never feel this pain again. But there another part of him that wants to live that want to show the world who he is to have someone adore him to feel loved even if that was impossible. he lived every day in pain to at least feel the love of someone else. And tonight wasn’t different from any other night he could hear the laughter of the others smell the freshly cooked food that always made his stomach growl. But he knew he can’t join the laughter and eat that food so he crawls into a ball under his blanket and tried to sleep of the aching pain.

“ wow Hyung you should really be a chef this food tastes great.” Kihyun blush from Jooheon comments only to get it distorted with another comment from Minhyuk telling he could make it better. Everyone laughed when they saw Kihyun face turning red knowing what’s about to come next. “ oh really Minhyuk why don’t you cook for us tomorrow huh.” Kihyun said furiously it was always Minhyuk who always had to ruin his good moods. “ I would’ve but you know someone as good looking with fabulous hands like mine aren’t allowed in the kitchen it’s against the law.” Everyone laughed with Minhyuk comment as they eat their food while Kihyun rolled his eyes and ignored Minhyuk not wanting to argue with the blonde.“Shownu Hyung what time does our practice start tomorrow.” Hyungwon asked hoping the answer won’t be early in the morning. “8 am the manager wants us to at least get the dance down before we film our music video next week.” The oldest said grabbing a cup to pour himself some water. “hopefully zombie can get his steps right this time, I don’t want to stay late again because of him” Jooheon said laying back in his chair after finishing his plate. “come on Joo you know he's trying his best give him a chance.” Wonho tried his best not to start an argument with anyone. But he knew his teammates better and one thing about Changkyun could start an argument. “are you defending him after what he did” Minhyuk asked with an annoyed tone. “ no I’m not. it has almost been a year since we debuted and we all are treating him like an outsider.” Wonho, didn’t dare look up knowing the looks of the others. “ did you forget that bastard was the reason #gun didn’t debut, Did you forget he cheated into debuting so don’t ing tell us to give him a chance we won’t ever let a cheater and a stealer ever be part of this team.” Hyungwon words made Wonho furious making him leave the table right after he told them they were childish. “ ugh thanks to him i lost my appetite” Minhyuk said getting up. The other all looked at Minhyuk plate in confusion seeing nothing but an empty plate. They would have laughed if it wasn’t for the situation there were in.

Changkyun woke up around 3 in the morning from cold sweats and a pain in his ankle. He quietly got of his bed not trying to wake the other 3 in the room he went to the bathroom to take a warm shower and took some painkillers to ease the pain in his ankle. Then went into the kitchen to find something to eat knowing he couldn’t go to practice on an empty stomach again. He looked around to find something other than crackers and cookies to eat but the refrigerator was empty and there wasn’t anything to cook. “ hey kid you hungry.” Changkyun jumped in shock accidentally closing the drawer on his hand. The lights came on and in front of him stood Wonho who looked worried when he saw the younger holding his hand. “ you okay” “ yeah” Changkyun answered quick afraid if he took long to answer he would get yelled at. “ oh okay, I’m about to get some nightly snack from the Conor store want to come with.” Wonho asked he didn’t know how to talk to younger feeling awkward it’s also made him feel bad that he never once had a normal conversation with changkyun. “ no it’s okay I’ll just go back to bed.” Changkyun said quickly hurrying past wonho and into his room. Wonho stood there taken back of how quick younger disappeared so he went into the younger room to convince him to go with him. when he went into the room he was surprised to find Changkyun under his blanket crawled into a small ball. It broke his heart he knew Changkyun haven’t eaten at all, Wonho was even convinced that the youngest only drinks water he never actually saw the Chamgkyun eat normal food other than having some snacks at night. He woke up a couple of nights to find a small figure sitting all alone in the dark eating cookies and milk. Wonho would stand there shocked when he catches Changkyun he was never sure what he should do but tonight something woked up inside him and told him Changkyun needed him. He stood on the steps of the buck bed and shacking the younger a little knowing he was still awake. “please Changkyun I don’t want to go alone I’m scared” Changkyun bite his lips under the blanket he didn’t really want to go with Wonho the older scares him but hearing him beg made Changkyun feel like his the bad person. “ okay Hyung but we need to stay quiet I don’t want to wake the other up.” Wonho smiled and left the room waiting changkyun to come out. The younger come out with swaths and a sweater which confused the older. “Changkyun it’s 20 degrees outside you need a jacket." changkyun looked down awkwardly not knowing how to tell Wonho who he didn’t know why in the first place was being nice to him that he doesn’t own any jacket. “ I’m okay Hyung really I won’t be that cold.” those words made Wonho realize Changkyun doesn’t actually have any jackets remembering how changkyun would always be the one out of the 7 without a jacket in the cold he never once thought about it until now. “ wait here okay.” Changkyun blinked a few times not sure what’s happening why Wonho told him to wait. “ here you go” Wonho said giving changkyun a jacket the younger looked with a shock before asking what it is for. “ it’s for you I won’t take you into the cold with only a sweater we can’t have you sick now can we.” Wonho said putting the jacket over changkyun shoulders. the younger didn’t know he had few tears in his eyes until Wonho asked what’s wrong he quickly smiled saying he got something in his eyes. “ alright then let’s go” Wonho put his arms around the younger pulling him close us they stepped out. Changkyun didn’t push away to him this was all just a dream he wish was true so he went along with it knowing he will wake up in the morning and all of it would be gone.

Wonho bought Changkyun 2 bowels of Roman 2 apple juice a store made chicken and kimchi. Changkyun sat there smiling waiting for Wonho wishing he won’t ever wake up and to be stuck at this moment forever. Changkyun eyes grew when he saw all the food the oldest placed in front of him. “ eat up kiddo.” Wonho said sitting in front of Changkyun drinking coffee. “Hyung this is a lot of food.” “no that's less food than I eat at lunch.” Wonho watches as Changkyun smile and starts eating it made him feel warm inside seeing the smile he never ever sees. After Changkyun finishes the food in couple minutes shocking Wonho but also making him laugh when he saw Changkyun big cheeks as he said finish. They walked back home Changkyun gave Wonho back his jacket and also gave the older a tight hug. Wonho was taken back he was not expecting a hug he wasn’t even expecting Changkyun to come with him or even smile. He hugs back the younger noticing how will the younger fit into his arms it was a hug Wonho didn’t want to pull away. After the hug, Changkyun walked into his room right before saying something that broke Wonho heart. “Hyung I wish I never wake up from his dream it was the best I wish one day we could be friends.”