The flowers smell odd. 

That’s what Jinae thinks as she puts them to her nose, inhaling shakily before leaning down to set them onto the gravestone. Brushing off some of the dirt that is tainting the concrete, she leans back on her heels and for a moment, a silence engulfs her being, wraps her in a small bubble of condolence. 

Tears brimm at the corner of her eyes once they sweep over the engraved letters that make up a name that breaks her heart in two. A year ago, she’d been angry at Taehyung for ditching her and using long distance as his excuse to evade her calls. 

And now, there’s nothing but regret left. 

She’s suddenly jolted out of her misery when her phone starts ringing.

Her pale fingers reach for her bag and fishes for the device, pressing the green call button, ‘Hello?’ 

‘Hey.’ 

It’s Baekhyun. A faint smile etches its way across her lips at the sound of his voice. With all the things that have happened this past month, it is more than comforting to hear a familiar sound for once. 

She settles herself more comfortably on the grass, not really caring whether her pants are getting stained with dirt, ‘What’s up?’ 

‘I’m guessing you’re still there?’ 

She nods before realizing he can’t see her, ‘Yeah.’ 

‘Want to rant?’ 

Her lips twitch at the familiarity of the memory. This is how it has all started after all, ever since they started talking through the phone. As far as she knows, Baekhyun has been the pillar of support that she needed every time whether it had been to cry or to laugh or to share her happiness with. After Taehyung’s surgery had failed, he’d held her in his arms and hadn’t said anything, only let her cry in the silence and comfort, only gave her the security of his presence as she told him about how unfair this all was, about how the world was playing tricks on her, that Taehyung wasn’t supposed to depart so soon because they’d planned so many other things to do.

She’d blubbered on and on, unsure how much time had passed before he’d reluctantly dragged her back to his flat. She’d stayed over for the night and had been surprised at how gentle Baekhyun had been with her. He’d cook her breakfast and managed to sort out all the things that had to be sorted out due to the suddenness of the situation, and Jinae had gladly let him take the lead. They had attended his funeral together and met his parents. Taehyung’s mother had bawled into her shoulder, thanked her for spending the last moments with her baby boy, while her father had instructed her to contact their family whenever she needed it. After all, Jinae had been introduced and had been quite close to the other family members ever since they’d started dating in high school.

Twelve months have passed ever since and though time has given Jinae the space and the ability to heal from her boyfriend’s sudden departure, there are still many things that remind her of him wherever she goes; whether it’s from a familiar song they used to sing together or the flavour of a food that he had cooked once upon a time claiming that his food wasn’t all that bad. It still brings tears to her eyes to think about it, but without Baekhyun, Jinae admits it would’ve probably been worse.

The said young man calls every night, practically taking over most of her time whenever she’s alone and meddling with her own thoughts. At first she had been annoyed, not wanting to talk to him because he reminds her too much of the deceased man. But Baekhyun’s insistent nature finally drove through her ice cold walls and soon enough she’d find this natural to call him after her classes, whether it’s while cooking or just chatting amiably before going to bed. The more she gets to know him, the more she can see the resemblance between him and Taehyung. The way they talk, the intonations in their voices, even the stupid jokes they both crack are somewhat reminiscent of each other, and while Jinae’s heart is slowly opening up to another man, the guilt is just as prominent and causing her to watch her behaviour, reel in her emotions. 

‘I don’t know. I guess I was expecting to feel better sooner rather than later.’ Jinae tries not to let her emotions show through, but her voice cracks anyway, ‘That was stupid of me.’

‘It’s only been year,’ Baekhyun soothes gently, ‘it’s okay to hurt.’

She wipes at a few stray tears escaping the corner of her lips, ‘I know.’ She mumbles as she feels her lips tremble from the self-restraint, ‘I know it’s okay. Taehyung wouldn’t be too happy about it, though. He’d probably tell me to stop moping.’

‘I bet he would.’ Baekhyun laughs, ‘and he’d probably tell you that you look ugly when you cry.’

‘Yeah, I don’t think he’d like it very much.’

When the young man speaks again, she hears his voice through the phone as well as behind her. Jinae turns in surprise.

‘Then, stop crying.’

Baekhyun’s gaze is soft and warm when they land on her own red-rimmed orbs. He holds his phone pressed against his ear and his expression is one of sympathy and concern.

Ending the call, he puts the phone back in his pocket before extending his hand out to her.

‘Come on.’ He murmurs softly, ‘let’s go home.’

Jinae doesn’t hesitate to let her fingers entwine with his own before he pulls her up next to him. He feels strong and solid and there, and somehow her heart flutters despite her attempts to restrain herself. She can’t help but notice that he keeps a firm hold of her hand in his as they walk back to Jinae’s flat. 

‘Why did you come?’ She finally asks as hey weave their way through the gravestones. She hasn’t expected him to come all the way to her part of the city just to see Taehyung, and it’s not like they’ve been close enough for Baekhyun to be deemed as a friend. But it’s true that the last weeks during Taehyung’s last fight with his own body, Baekhyun had been more than persistent in being of help. The genuinity had been there and Jinae really likes that about him: his sincerity. 

One more thing that he shares with Taehyung. 

“I was on the way back from my mom’s place,’ Baekhyun shrugs as if to tell her that it’s no problem, although Jinae isn’t sure whether he’s just ying to make her feel better, ‘So I decided to stop by. Good thing I did.’ 

He pointedly looks at her, to which she flushes in embarassment, ‘I would’ve been fine alone.’ 

‘Yeah right,’ he jokingly flicks at her forehead and Jinae can’t help the heat that creeps up at the back of her neck at the undeniable flutters that start to vibrate through her heartstrings, causing her to look away in attempts of controlling her emotions.

The girl persists that Baekhyun stays for the night when they reach her flat, and he agrees on the condition that they order takeout that he gets to pay. She grudgingly agrees and a thirty minutes later, they’re sitting in the living room watching a stupid korean sitcom while slurping up their bowls of fried noodles. 

‘Taehyung used to hate fried noodles,’ Jinae says to him as they sit in companionable silence, ‘He used to beg me not to eat those in front of me.’ 

‘Why?’ Baekhyun laughs, lips the remnants of the sauce from his lips. Jinae can’t help but stare, only to avert her eyes before he notices.

‘I think he didn’t like the taste. He had a bad memory of fried noodles, something about it falling on his face when he tripped.’ she shrugs, ‘There were a lot of things Taehyung didn’t like to eat, now that I think about it.’ 

Baekhyun is about to tease back that not everyone can be as perfect as her when his brown orbs suddenly fall on one of the shelves. He frowns, and Jinae follows his gaze to what is now a space void of memories. 

The only picture she’s kept of Taehyung is the one by her bedside. All the other pictures they had together hurt too much to look at. 

‘You removed them.’ Those three words slice a bit of her heart in two. She gulps. Yes, indeed she has. 

And he’s noticed it too. 

She feels the young man shifting beside her, his gze open, curious, wallowing with a thousand questions that he doesn’t voice out and instead keeps to himself. But she can still see them, see everything he wants to say but leaves unsaid for fear of going over a boundary, crossing a line he isn’t supposed to cross. 

When he speaks again, his voice is soft, almost shaky: ‘Why?’ 

Jinae lowers her bowl, the noodles now forgotten in her lap, ‘Why can’t I?” 

She realizes a little too late that her voice might have come out too harshly for his liking, for she notices how the said man winces slightly at her tone. She softens, wanting to hit herself for being so cruel to someone that’s been nothing but supportive of her all these months that she’s had to depend on him. 

Except that she doesn’t want to depend on him. 
She doesn’t want to be that person. For god’s sake, he’s Taehyung’s roommate and what’s more, he reminds her so much of the said man that it’s hard to know whether her source of her attraction is due to Baekhyun himself or due to the fact that he makes her think of Taehyung the more time they spend together. 

‘I didn’t mean to pry, just--’ he clears his throat, ‘You’ve never done that before.’ 

Baekhyun has tried his best. 

He has tried so hard to keep his promise to his roommate ever since the day that the horrible news had been announced. He hadn’t wanted to believe it, hadn’t wanted to come to terms with the fact that in a way, Taehyung had been right. He’d been right all along about his kidney failure and yet, even as he had stood next to his grave, he hadn’t wanted to shake hands with the realization that death had taken the young man away and had left him with a broken hearted girl and a responsibility upon his shoulders. 

It isn’t that he hates the idea of taking care of JInae and making sure that it’s alright. He’d been doing it ever since they met anyway, it doesn’t really affect him or change his lifestyle. On the contrary, he really genuinely enjoys Jinae’s company, wishes that every moment takes longer than it should, wishes that time would freeze long enough for him to savour every second of it. But he’d really hoped to meet her under different circumstances. 

With his promise to Taehyung and with his responsibility and sense of duty towards his girlfriend, Baekhyun has become more of a big brother than a friend (cough) potential dating partner (cough). 

He doesn’t even allow himself to think of such a thing, for fear that it would just ruin the relationship he’s built with the latter. 

Every night, Baekhyun tosses and turns in his bed, staring forlornly up at the ceiling in hopes that somehow, by crazy chance, he can rewrite their history and start all over again. 

Because how can he love a girl that another man has loved as deeply? And how can he love a girl who’s been entrusted in his care, when that love may destroy their relationship? 

And the guilt. He can’t bear the guilt. Just looking at her makes him remember of the last words Taehyung had said to him, the soft smile that had etched across his lips when he’d asked him to keep Jinae safe. 

And of course, Baekhyun will. That’s the least he could do. 

So when he notices that the pictures of the said couple are missing on the bookshelf that now seems a little too big and a little too void for his liking, his brain can’t help but muster up a flock of questions that open up a series of possibilities that Baekhyun has to restrain and reel back in, in hopes of keeping his thoughts sane and to himself. 

‘I thought it was about time.’ Jinae murmurs in response to his startled surprise, ‘They hurt too much to look at.’ 

She plays around with noodles, looking for anything to do to distract her from the suddenly awkward atmosphere. Baekhyun’s throat runs dry as his brain skips to the concluding fact: She’s still very much haunted from the memory of her said past boyfriend, and though Baekhyun wants to scream in frustration because it just hurts too much to be in the same room as her, let alone see her face everyday and hold himself back from the flood of emotions that swarm through him every time he thinks of her. And yet, he can’t find it in himself to be mad, for he emphasizes and sympathizes. He understands how it feels somehow, knows that she’s having a hard time coping even though it has been a year. 

But a year isn’t that long, now that he thinks about it. 

So he does the only thing he can. He winds an arm around her shoulder before bringing her closser, tucking her tense body under his arm, under his warmth. 

Grabbing her bowl from her lap, he puts it on the coffee table while the girl finds refuge in the space between his neck and shoulder. He can feel her breaths hitting onto his skin, goosebumps forming at the sensation, and dismisses it. 

‘Sorry,’ she manages to mumble as sobs slowly crawl up the back of , scratching at her voice box. 

Baekhyun shakes his head, ‘You don’t have to be sorry for hurting, Jinae.’ He brings her even closer and pillows his head on top of hers. His hand starts along the back of her head in comfort, and Jinae unknowingly burrows even closer if possible. 

‘No, you deserve it.’ she mumbles, her voice merely above a whisper, ‘I don’t know how you do it.’ 

‘I don’t know how I do it either,’ he jokingly teases, and the girl nudges his arm playfully. A grin forms on his face. 

‘Do you regret it?’ 

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow, kissing at the center when he looks down at her, at the light falling across the planes of her face. He can’t help but think how fragile she looks, how innocent she appears. It makes him want to put her in a box and hold her as close as he possibly can, to keep her away from all the bad things that can hurt her.

‘Regret what?’ his voice comes out muffled against the side of her head. 

‘Regret picking up the phone.’

A pause ensues. ‘You mean, when I called you back that first time?’ 

Jinae nods. 

He feels like laughing because it is absolutely the most ridiculous question she has ever asked him. ‘What?’ he leans away before shaking his head at her, noticing how confusion sweeps across her features at his reaction, ‘Are you serious? Why would I regret it?’ 

‘You wouldn’t be here, then.’ Jinae responds, ‘Maybe your life would’ve been much easier. You wouldn’t even know about your roommate’s kidney, just that one day he moved out for an unknown reason.’ Her brown orbs suddenly flutter up to his and they locks gazes. Baekhyun’s throat runs dry at the intensity swimming in those swirls of maroon that seem to pin him down with the truth, the reality of the situation.

‘You’re right,’ Baekhyun murmurs, tone soft and eyes gentle, ‘Things might’ve been different. But I don’t regret it. Not one bit.’

Her head lifts up so suddenly that it startles him, causing him to draw back as their eyes found each other. It’s hard to figure out what is going on in that head of hers, but Baekhyun is sure that his own emotions are shining right through his chest, as transparent and as apparent as he makes them out to be. He traces her features, outlines the shape of her nose and traces her lips, fingers tingling at the desire to feel their softness. 

Gulping, he looks away. ‘Do you regret it?’ he throws back the question at her, not really keen to find out the answer to that question.

‘Of course not.’ Jinae replies instantly, ‘you were practically being my mom after--’ she swallows, continues after a brief pause, ‘after Taehyung passed.’ 

Bae