When Jinae finally sees Taehyung’s face the week after, she wishes she had checked his identity before actually opening the door. It’s almost a reflex for her to push it back in his face, but Taehyung is faster. He presses his palm against its wooden surface, his gaze pleading. 

‘What are you doing here?’ her voice is cold, distant. 

‘I can explain.’ he tells her as his chest heaves up and down, an indication that he has just run up the stairs to her flat. He shouldn’t be here, his campus is on the other side of town and from his dishevelled appearance and the bag slung carelessly over his shoulder, it can only mean that he has boarded the first train to her neighbourhood as soon as his conference was over. Jinae doesn’t know whether she should feel touched or irritated by his presence.

‘Explain what?’ 

‘Everything,’ he quickly brushes a hand through his brown locks, eyes glittering with a mixture of apprehension and nervousness of being misunderstood. There’s some sort of panic in there, as well as the feeling that if he manages to explain himself, if he can convince her that it hadn’t been out of mean will, then everything will be fine and they can go back to how they were before. 

But that’s not how it works. Jinae’s been too hurt for too long and she isn’t sure how much more she can hold on. 

But she nods and lets him in nevertheless, eyes still narrowed as she watches him take a seat on her couch as gingerly as he can, as though one silly mistake might get him thrown out again before he can utter any other apology. She asks him whether he’d like something to drink, but he quietly denies and waits until she settles on the other end of the couch before clearing his throat. He has her attention, for she is waiting for him to say something, anything that might dispel the awkward tension in the air. For once, Jinae is glad that all her housemates are away, for it would’ve been one heck of an awkward encounter for them to be bustling around casually when the atmosphere is clearly charged with electricity and open wounds.

‘So?’ she prompts when the silence drags on for what seems to be forever.

Taehyung clears his throat. Plays with his hair. He is nervous, she can tell by the clenched jaw, the tightness at the corner of his eyes. 

It takes another long moment. Jinae counts up to ten in her head before he finally opens his mouth and says: 

‘I’m sorry. I don’t have any other excuse. I realized it when Baekhyun told me, but you have to believe me. I didn’t mean to forget, I just had so many things going on at the same time--’ he breaks off for a minute, shaking his head at his own stupidity. Jinae’s cold gaze is enough to chill his blood from its warmth, ‘--Please Jinae. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.’

Her eyes linger on him for a moment. ‘I know.’ 

But she clamps shut into silence. It is deafening, it’s like they’ve been separated by moving tectonic plates with no means of closing this sudden distance. Jinae can feel the emotion clogging up the back of , but she doesn’t know what to say, what to do. Forgiving Taehyung would mean to erase every little thing he’s done and bypass all the small mistakes, and Jinae isn’t sure whether she can be brave enough to jump into his arms so willfully when she is still reeling from the blood loss of so many open wounds.

‘Are you still mad at me?’ Taehyung asks, voice breaking at the last two words. It’s almost like he’s choking back a sob. 

Jinae’s face doesn’t give anything away but her eyes are as cold and as hard as steel, ‘I can’t say I’m not.’ her voice can cut through skin, slicing the air with a sting, ‘But you need to talk to me. How am I supposed to know how you’re doing if you don’t tell me? How am I supposed to be there for you when I don’t even know what’s going on in your life?’

‘I’m sorry,’ he scrambles in his seat, moving closer towards her and grasping her hands into his. His eyes search her own, begging to be understood, to be forgiven for the mistakes that weren’t intentional. He can see the pain etched across her features. It feels like a slap in the face. His tone becomes more desperate, ‘I’m sorry, Jinae. I didn’t mean-- I didn’t want you to suffer so much.’ 

A crack appears in what seemed to have been her mask. A soft sobs echoes through the back of , before she suddenly wells up with all the unshed tears that she’s been restraining inside her chest for as long as she can remember. 

Jinae doesn’t really know what had been the final conclusion of that night, only that they made up and Taehyung had gone home with a soft smile and a promise that he’s going to change himself into a better man. She remembers feeling a slight anxious twist in her heartstrings when he’d uttered those words, unsure whether she can really trust him or not. But she’d decided on the latter before going to bed in the early hours of the morning, finally content that this whole issue has been resolved for now. 

Soon enough, Jinae’s fight with Taehyung is forgotten and pushed aside when he clearly demonstrates signs of commitment during the few weeks to come. He doesn’t hesitate to message her every morning with a small message telling her to have a good day, while he manages to take her calls every week whenever he has free time. On her side, Jinae tries to be more flexible in her expectations for she is aware of his busy schedule. 

On the other hand, Jinae is happy to note that she has acquired herself a friend albeit the fact that he lives on the other side of town and is actually her boyfriend’s roommate. Baekhyun had sent a text asking about things between her and Taehyung, and when one text turned into two, it blossomed into a never ending stream of messages between both parties. Jinae is glad for Baekhyun’s constant friendship, especially in times when Taehyung cannot be around for her. He’s someone she can confide into, one of the very few people that she feels comfortable with without having to try too hard. Baekhyun listens to her and hears her voice for the words she speaks, not for the expectations he has of her nor of the fake label he has pinned onto her being the moment she’d walked through the classroom doors. 

It’s not until the mid-semester break that Taehyung invites Jinae over to his campus. At first, she had been over the moon at such a proposition, only to realize that she’ll not only be seeing her boyfriend but also the young man who has turned out to be more than just a mere mutual acquaintance. She isn’t sure whether it’s because of Taehyung that she is excited, or because she is actually going to put a face to the name that has become like home to her. 

Cold winter wind is expected on that day and Jinae makes sure to bundle up before heading out, hands clasped around her bag and slowly turning whiter by the second as she sits on the train, her beige coat wrapped around her in a soft cocoon of comfort. She looks out at the passing fields of plantations and wonders briefly what it is to lead such a simple life dictated only by the rising sun and the growth of crops. Sometimes, she wishes to be that kind of person, for they don’t seem to be having any superficial worries, living in the present without a single ounce of restraint on their identity. 

‘Jinae!’ she hears Taehyung’s voice booming through the train station as soon as she steps onto the platform. Before she even has time to blink, she is suddenly enveloped in her boyfriend’s arms. She gets a whiff of his perfume, gets a sense of his warm structure folding around her in such a familiarity that it brings tears to her eyes. 

‘How was the trip?’ Taehyung asks when he finally draws back to look at her face. She gazes at the shadow of stubble adorning his jaw, the dark blue rings under his eyes like half moons, and her heart clenches. 

‘I’m fine,’ she draws on a smile and ruffles his hair in affection, ‘it wasn’t too long. How are you? You looked hella tired.’ 

‘I am,’ he grabs onto her hand, pulling her along with him towards the parking lot towards his shiny glittering mercedes. He had received the gift by his grandfather a few months earlier as a gift for his promoted scholarship and though Taehyung had been awestruck at such an expensive gift and had wanted to return it in favour of his grandfather’s domestic comfort, it hadn’t been arguable to refund it back to its initial owner. 

Nevertheless, he’d been more than happy to oblige to the older man’s wishes. 

She had told Baekhyun about her impromptu trip to their campus. To Baekhyun’s joy and excitement, he’d immediately asked her for the time and date, jumping up and down like a little kid when she mentioned that it would be sooner rather than later. There’s a nervous knot tightening in her stomach now that she thinks of meeting the man with no face but such an important, familiar name. It causes her to grow silent the more they approach Taehyung’s residence, which the latter is  blatantly oblivious to and is instead chatting away like crazy about his hectic schedule. 

‘Baekhyun’s asked me so much about you when I told him you were coming over.’ Taehyung says as he guides her up the staircase with her suitcase in tow. His smile is happy and contagious, so much so that there’s a slight pang of guilt in Jinae’s chest as she thinks of the unknown friendship that had blossomed between her and his roommate, one that she’d potentially made sure to conceal. 

What Taehyung doesn’t know won’t hurt him, she decides. And plus, there is nothing to hide. 

‘Baekhyun! I brought us a guest!’ Taehyung comes hollering through the doorway while Ji