There are some things you could just never forget.

And yes, I have told that myself over and over again.. just because my keeps thinking about something I shouldn't be.
 

It has been years already since I fell for you -- Years when you agreed to meet under the moon on that same tower I once first bump into you, and that's even before I have known your name. It has been years but a part of me still wishes to know why you never came, what your reasons were, and why did you change your mind. I don't wanna use that cliche of words of, "Is it me? Is it you? Did I lack something?"

But here I am still repeatingly asking... "Is it me?" 

You never said "I’m leaving". You never said goodbye.

So never did a thought of you leaving comes, but you were gone before I knew it, and only God knows why.

For all these years, I have turned it over and over in my head – all the possibilities that could have been, yet none of them made any sense. The other part of me told myself that maybe it is because you have never had those feelings for me, maybe it was all me and it has never been you. Or that maybe I’m walking all alone in this path and you are just there coincidentally on your own way. However, everything that happened between us makes all of these with the least sense of all. So tell me, have you ever fell for me? Even just a little bit.

For all these years, I have tried forgetting her but my mind still keeps the image of her wide smile. I think it got emblazoned in me as I got to see it almost everyday after that fateful downpour. I see it everytime, such coincidences, or was it fate? Like when the tables are all full in the cafeteria and we got to eat lunch together, or at some point in time when I would see her waving at me as I sat on the bench, lowkey admiring her as she skillfully plays soccer at our PE class. 

That also goes with the sound of her laughter. She has this melodic voice that decorates it along with a little tilting of her head which I weirdly adore. It is both a sight and a sound that I am lucky to witness, especially during the times she would tease me about being weird, collecting this plushies that look like a white gingerbread man who has eaten a lot but it actually doesn't. Jibangie is cute, okay? 

There will be also times when I luckily pass by her in her other class in which I would see her talking loudly with her friends, Somi, Dahyun and I forgot the other one. Apparently, she and I have some difference in classes as she is still required to get some of it on the two years she skipped. There are times that I also got to pick up a rare front row ticket, on my way back home, to see her and her friends either throwing water on each other after they clean-up the room on their assigned weeks, or with Umji making paper planes and trying to make them touch the sky. She looks so bright when she laugh bring all the fun to its peak. There is something in it that is just so contagious that it makes me absentmindedly smile too -- letting me bring the sunshine home.

Yet now, I haven't seen her. And all I could ever do was think.. And talk to an invisible you.
 

But you see, after that day, on the next semester, I heard people talking about you. Everywhere I go, the cafeteria, on the halls, even on the gates, I could already hear people whispering your name. It is like my ears are finding sound vibrations of  your voice but all I could hear is just the rumor of you and that you are just not here anymore. All I got to know is that you moved school. My friend told me you moved over the summer break which is something she has overheard on the professor’s den.

Then I wonder why I never got to know. I still wonder why you didn't even said goodbye?

Is that meet up under the moon night supposed to be a goodbye, no matter what?

But I’m still here waiting. I know it’s been years but I’m still here, all stuck up in the thought of we are both on the same page -- that we do have feelings for each other.

Because there is a part of me that still believes on the Hwang Eunbi I have known. I know if it’s the real you, you would come. And if we really never had anything, you would tell me, in some way.

And it is just that for the reason that I know I love you. And sometimes I think… I just want to go back to those days.

Tunnun nun Tunnun nun---

“Ugh, what the hell is that annoying sound?” I groaned while fumbling my hands to the direction of the sound. I opened one eye and lazily turned off the alarm just beside my bed. I peek through the blanket covering my body and half of my face, then looked out the window.

The birds are greeting me merrily with their tune as they hop on the little branches of the tree. Probably, they are doing their excerise routine. The Sun is there almighty shining through the gaps in it, blinding me in the process. Outside is beautiful..The leaves are finally green to orange red now. Summer is hinting up she will be on it's peak soon, probably some days to go. And again, it is past the Spring Season already but still last night isn’t a good one. I still have those hangover - a hangover from you.

Last night, I dreamt of you again. It’s nearing fall now, and soon another year will pass again. I think I can say I have managed to survive three years since you left.

Oh shoot!

My eyes grew large when I saw the clock which has done its best to wake me up. The red glowing lines is practically screaming at me.

“Mom! I’m late!” I said in both a shout and a rap as I grabbed my clothes on my way to the bathroom.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can still hear my mom screaming at me to even at least bring a fruit to calm my ranting stomach but I cannot be late.

I can’t believe I’m late for the first day of the semester.

I sighed as I keep my legs working its way toward the school. I thought I had set my alarm clock for weekdays with school again but it turned out I fell asleep before I got to do it. And now I have to run, basically getting some sweaty effect when I got to the finish line - which is the gate of our school, of course.

Oh damn!

My scarf just flew and landed on the road back there. I sighed, thinking about how my scarf is not even cooperating, but I got surprised when my view has been blocked with the same color and fabric of my scarf when I haven’t even turned back to get it.

“Be careful.” A voice behind me said.

“Here.” I heard her again in a low voice. “You should run along now, time’s clicking.”

It’s weird but knowing me, I probably should have jumped a little and make an immediate move to perhaps defend myself. But It took me seconds to process things. Because I found myself thinking of the voice instead. It’s familiar, even though the voice feels deeper, and it does feel like it is said with utmost care. When I got to recover, I immediately removed my scarf which is blocking my view and quickly turned my head to look for the person. But sadly, I found myself in an intersection where four street intersects.

Such is life, isn't it?

I tried looking but God, I gotta run. There is just a few minutes left before the gate will be closed. I cannot be reprimanded by being late in the first day. That would be such a good start if I ever would be.

“Yerin!”

I heard someone shouted behind me, and I stopped then turned to see it.

 “Oh, morning Sejeong-ie!” I greeted her enthusiastically. “I’ve miss you over the break.” I said sweetly which makes her giggle.

She then immediately cling to my arm and urged me to walk.

“Yerin. I have a news for you that I think you would be delighted to hear.”
 

“Yeah?” I asked, as I smiled at another person waving at me on the room next to our class.

She just grinned knowingly while she practically glued herself at me, as I traveled the maze through my chosen seat in class.

“You could have said it sooner when you know I’ll like what you would say. It’ll be a lot easier for the both of us.” I told her in a jokingly snappy way and she laughed.

I followed her through my eyes when she pulled the seat in front of me closer. She then cozily put her arm on top of the backrest as she seats oppositely in the manner that her front touches the back part of the seat.

“I heard there is a good looking professor who just got in.”

I scoffed at her. “Really?” I then relaxed and pushed my body back until it hits the backrest of my seat. “You think I’ll be happy to hear just that? Any news about how strict that professor is? I think you should have researched more about that.” I told her as I wiggled my new found pen at her.

“Look I found this pen and it has a jiba-”

“Yerin, what I’m talking about is that it’s a gorgeous lady!”

I angle my head in that statement, “And?”

“And she’s your style. I heard her age is close to us too and she possess this aura which you have told me before about that past girl you used to know.” She inculcated in me after taking my pen out of my hand. "Well to add to that, the past girl you still have a syndrome of."

My eyebrows scrunched and she sighed for the first time in this morning. I just.. I just don't want to let the pain seep through, it's the first day of classes anyway. Can't I start this a little bit lighter?

“What I’m saying is, she might be that girl.” She said, her hands desperately trying to put a sense right through my brain.

I laughed at her and she suddenly look so done.

“Come on, she can’t be. She’s younger than us.” I reasoned out, trying to take back my pen.

Her eyes rolled and she conceded defeat. “Just don’t go running to me and asking me why I didn’t tell you sooner because I DID. Jung Yerin, I did.”

I just nodded at her in return. But honestly, I felt excited. A glitter of hope shone upon me but still.. if she would be, why just now?




 

“Yerin!~”

Someone called me again, but this time, it’s coming from the back of Sejeong. I waved at her as Sejeong looked back.

“Oh it’s you Jae Eun.” She nonchalantly recognized her presence.

JaeEun only nodded at her as she handed me my manga. “You can have this back. Thanks!”

“Sure! No biggie~” I told her as I put the book neatly on my bag. Such a precious yuri manga cannot be crumpled. 

I heard a seat being carelessly pulled on my direction. It is making an annoying sound but she seems like she doesn’t care about it at all. She just rolled her eyes at the girls looking at her while she smiled back at the boys.

Really? I thought as I imaginarily shake my head.

“Sometimes I wonder why you are so neat and organized and have this girly vibe but you move sometimes like a guy.” She spoke and I heard Sejeong sigh.

“Really! Like you put your things neatly but when you eat… It’s not of a good sight.” She stated.

“Yeah… it’s natural.” I told her. "You have to eat things in a manner that it looks like you are enjoying it."

Sejeong butted in, " Does that includes your eyes enlarging when you would bite?" And I just teasingly rolled her eyes at her.

“Then why don’t you put up some things like be stylishly girly. I think boys would flock into you if you did. Stupid, you’re lacking in feminine appeal when you have this visuals.” She continued and all I can do is nod and smile forcefully.

Don’t call me stupid, though. You won’t like it if they do “flock”. I thought secretly.

I heard someone giggle coming at our direction before feeling a hand on my left shoulder.

“Doesn’t that make Yennie here fun to be with?” she asked.

I look back and saw Ara grinning at her words.

“Morning Ara!” I greeted, sending a grin back at her.

Though, I saw her eyebrows raised and I smell something bad coming.

“She’s fun to be with, unlike the likes of her.” She stated, lowkey pointing at the girl entering our room.

She entered our room, her head lowered, while she kept her two hands holding the strap of her bag in front of her. She wore this pastel pink colored jacket over her uniform which makes her look extra soft. Two boys immediately noticed her and decided to just watch her go while a different boy greeted her, trying to be cool.

“Yewon-ssi! Good morning!” He flashed her a cool smile, showing up all his front teeth.

Yewon look at him shyly as she greeted back with a small smile matching with her small voice. “G-good morning…” and then she looked down again before she went straight to that unoccupied seat near the window.

“I really do not get what do boys see in that sort of a girl.” Ara sneered, still keeping her arm around my shoulder. “Come on, she’s not even that pretty. Just look at her face longer, you would know what I mean.” She crossed her arm bitterly in front of her chest while she send daggers through her eyes.

I look at JaeEun after as she seems like she wanted to add something too.  “It’s just all the aura she projects. Ugh.” She said in a disgusted tone.

I scrunch my eyebrows then worriedly look at the subject of their bitter statements. To be honest, I disagree on what they are saying.  They look like the mean girls on the movie, but a try-hard version. Well, are they even trying hard? It just seems like all the jealousy and their own insecurites are eating them up. Well the target of their daggers is sort of famous for being like that. I think, based on what I have remembered, she is like that already when she first arrive here. I was there when she get to step on our school the first time, as she goes out of that black car.

Kim Yewon… a shy and quiet girl on our class. I just met her last year when she transferred to our school. She is brilliant - a real genius. Like the girl I used to know, she jumped some number of year levels too and now she is the same year as me -- A freshman in this university. She is small but definitely cute. The way she moves are precise, as if she is sure of what to do, unless her shyness beats her out of it. She started attracting guys when after some days her visuals improved which probably came from losing some pounds. I heared some people say she got plastic surgery instead, though that is just what I heard. I stayed on the neutral side, it's hard to judge others by just what I know.

I honestly think she is already beautiful to begin with, and that's the time I saw her for the second time. Believe me, it was no good of a memory.

I sometimes wonder if she is really okay with this. Almost all the girls in our class are hating on her. They even treat her like a stranger, making her isolated even outside the class hours. I actually wanted to befriend her. She seems real and genuine -  a natural. It would be such a light life if you could be like her - being herself even though others doesn't like it.

I like her. Well, as a person. I don't know why but it feels like when I see her there is a tug on my heart. Probbaly because I see something in here that I relate to.. on my past life.

“Yewon pisses me off.” I heard some of my friends whispering loudly. The irony.  But that mere phrase took me back to the vista of years.

I think I stood at the same place as her before. When Eunbi went away, everything went downhill. The once colorful world became ashes and gray. It is as if the rain arrived, nourish everything. But when it left, it left me devastated. I thought it is just inside me, but no, people suddenly turned their backs on me, but not their eyes and their hurtful words. I became the target of critiism based on their own opinions, their own standardds. A flock of people started hating me, I don't even know why. But I have hints they gave me -the same daggers of words piercing on my back with the same kind of disgust and bitterness.

“She just plays innocent in front of guys.”

“She’s so stuck up just because she thinks she’s cute.”

"Eunbi disappeared because of her."

"She loks good but she is a curse. She gets your man with those fake eye-smiles."

“She’s awful. And she cries so ugly.”

I know I cannot say that I’m not affected at all. People might say they are just words but, you know words.. they cut deep.

I could still remember how it hurt when I heard the voice of my close friend before against all those splashes of water in the sink while I’m doing my stuff in the school bathroom. I heard someone asked about me, about the rumors and all. I thought she would tell them the truth. I did not want any of this attention at all. The accident, it was not my fault, it was a ll a set-up. However, she told her something