I ran as fast as I could to the backstage despite the chaotic situations there. Some staff noticed that something was wrong with Jungkook too. Just like me, they were also anxiously waiting for the band to be back from the stage. The paramedic was already in stand-by. Only seconds after, Hoseok was the first one entering the room, I was about to make my way to them to find Jungkook but a staff stopped me.

“I’m so sorry but the camera is on. They’re shooting a documentary,”

Then I snapped back to reality. A reality where no matter who I was, it was no good to be near him, my Jungkook.

I felt a tear well-up in my eyes. The staff seemed to pity me. Putting on a brave face, I asked her, “I wouldn’t come too near. I just need to make sure that he’d be alright. Please?”

She was uncertain but in the end she let me.

I walked fast, try to catch up with the small crowd who was helping Jungkook. They brought him not too far from the backstage but the space of the room was wider. I stood just behind the cameraman who was filming him and I felt like I want to disappear. Seeing Jungkook in that kind of state choked me. It was not my first time, but now it was really different. Both of his eyes shut tight. He was too  breathless and pale, with sweats all over his face and body. The paramedic gave him medical treatments he needed, from putting icepack on the back of his neck to cool him down until helping him breath by using some tools and equipments. And me, his girlfriend, could only watch him from afar. in useless.

I do wish I could just be there, right next to him, to do anything I could to help him feel better. I want to jut simply hold his hand. I want him to know that I was there, for him.

Someone bumped my shoulder a little. Yoongi. He stood next to me watching over Jungkook too. I was not sure but I thought he just cried?

“He’d be alright,” That was all he said before walking away.

None of us were speaking except Namjoon. He kept asking Jungkook once in while whether he’s alright or saying things like “don’t overwork yourself”. Everybody was busy preparing for the next songs while keep watching over Jungkook who was slowly recovering. His breath was now steadier, and slowly he was trying to look around him. That was when his eyes found mine. I stood still, looking at those teary eyes closely. We were both say nothing but I knew that he was glad to see me.

“Change his shirt with this one,” Jin handed me a black shirt.

“But.. the camera?”

“Don’t mind it, they will know what to do with the footage later on,” he smiled, assuring me.

I took the shirt from his hand then a staff cued me to make my way.

Pretending I was in rush, I walked to Jungkook, looked at him for I believe it was one single second, took his shirt off then help him putting on the new one I just gave. Fakingly make sure the shirt was not folded on the shoulders, I patted them shoulders, whispering “Please be alright,” to Jungkook, hoping he’d heard me. He did not say anything since it was a crucial moment where the camera could catch any of his expression, so he just nod. It was a very small nod I was sure it was only me who realize it.

And just like that, Jungkook continued to perform.

What surprised me was he didn’t seem to be tired, like the awful scene before it was just a nightmare, it was like never happened. They continued to sang Wings, all cheery and they had a lot fun on stage. I didn’t come back to the front and was watching them from their backs. I paid my attention only to Jungkook and praying that he’d be just fine and not passing out again, ever. I was so nervous I tried hard not to biting on my nails. Instead, I had a tight grip on the shirt he wore earlier which I still hold together on my chest.

I was waiting on the hallway, outside the room where they gathered for an-after stage, a short talk where they discussed what was lacking in their performance and how to improve it for the next concert. I was pretty sure Army never think the same about it. Since Army always find them perfect no matter what but there they were, always feel lacking and had to improve to give better performance. They were just that hard-worker. I myself couldn’t do or say anything if it’s already about giving the best for the fans though all I wanted was always the same as what Army wanted, for BTS not to overwork themselves.

“They’re filming too,so if I may suggest, you could just wait in Jungkook’s room. I’d tell him where you at,” Eunji, the same female staff who was with me almost the whole time since this afternoon, tell me slowly.

Concert was indeed a big deal for the group. They would never stop discuss about it until the whole tour was over. Even if it was over, they were always reflect to it to make sure they would never make the same mistakes and do better. It was 1 a.m and they haven’t got a rest since the concert was finished. Every single one of them was tired, I worried for them too but it was Jungkook whom I worry the most. After the stage was over he was once again taken by the medical staff, this time they brought him to a proper place where they could treat him in the best way possible so he could recover better. I was there the whole time, making sure I was there anytime he wanted to see me. There was no camera around, no one was filming so I was glad. I was still holding myself back though, until Jungkook wanted me to hold his hand when they treated his breathing. Jungkook rarely express his feelings by words, he’d rather prove it by actions and it was what he would always do to me too. I could count those times by my fingers when he said something like “I love you” but I wouldn’t be able to remember how many times he did sweet and caring things for me. One of those sweet things was holding hands. It was always nice to have his tight yet soft grip on my palm, I could say I live for it.

“So, should I walk you to his room?” Eunji’s offered another assistance.

I nodded and followed her. I was kind of surprised because turned out his room was next to mine. I didn’t know it since I checked in two days later after them. I guess the staffs arranged it for us and I couldn’t be more thankful.

I bowed a goodbye to Eunji after she gave me the key of Jungkook’s room. It was also the same rooms as mine, a large room where it has separated work area. Unlike mine where I put books on the working table, Jungkook already had his PC-game equipment set up complete with the speakers. I walked around the room, seeing the stuff  he put on the tables, inside the wardrobe. Then I saw it on the couch. A pink-bunny plush I got him that day when I won him over a PC game. I smiled and took it.

“It’s the cutest bunny,”

I turned around and he was already there behind me, smiling.

I didn’t smile back. Instead, I ran and hug him.