My relationship with Jungkook was never made to public. It was only the members, the staff, and the company who knew about us. Each one of them were very supportive, they do nice things and stuff, I guess it was because their world was totally different than mine so they make sure that I was comfortable being around them. At first it was very awkward though. I remembered the day where Jungkook took me to BigHit office for the first time, my hands were literally shaking. I was so sure that the CEO would not approve us, but it turned out the other way around. The same went with the band members. Namjoon was the one who congrats us first while others took their time processing the truth Jungkook just spilled out. When they finally did, everyone offered their hands. Even Jin, Hoseok, and Jimin asked Jungkook’s permission to hug me. Only Taehyung who was quietly nodding his head, smiling.

Shortly after we decided to date, my daily routine were starting to change. I was working in a five-stars hotel at downtown Seoul and my routines were always between the hotel and my apartment. Being mostly alone in my free time, I found myself hanging out with Jungkook and the members a lot. Before I met him, I never knew how idols life were exactly like but once I got the hang of it, I didn’t want to be a nuisance, clingy girlfriend who wanted to spend most time with him. Thankfully, Jungkook understood that and he only asked me to come to their place once everything was finished. When they didn’t have a comeback, we spent time at least half of the week but when they had the comeback, once a week was the best record. I didn’t mind at all though. Until the company offered me a privilage to come in or between their schedules. I was surprised, but happy at the same time. Although I would need to pretend as one of their staffs when on public so I could get close to Jungkook without raising suspicions. Some times I’d drop by at the shooting location with food for everyone. The other times I’d be the one who brought their performing-attire so I could get inside the changing room. It was when the camera was off I’d talk closely to Jungkook. But when the camera was on again, I had to pretend to do my fake job. Anyone never told me, but I was always keeping a distance when we were on public like that, even if I already pretended to be the company’s staff.

Distance. It was the thing that I would always keep because the last thing I wanted was ruining Jungkook’s career. We haven’t talk about our future yet but I knew for sure that whatever it would be, Jungkook’s happiness was always my number one priority. I loved him too much to selfishly own him.

I was a lot older than Jungkook with 5 years gap and I kept reminding myself that everything would probably a dream, since Jungkook is still young. He had many more things and dreams he wanted to achieve and I would never let myself stand in his way no matter how much I love him. Jungkook never like that kind of thought of mine. He told me that even when the future was uncertain, he wanted to keep the both of us together as long as we live. The future was scary, I myself oftenly feel uncomfortable talking about it since I didn’t want to lose Jungkook either. But then again, who was I to him?

For now, spending time with him, being beside him, support him, was the least I could do to erase all the bad thoughts about the future.

“Once again I’m really sorry for the trouble. We have informed the Chief Security of this building but seemed like there was a miscommunication so they failed to let you in without the ID Pass,” the female staff kept apologizing to me for a very little thing and I felt guilty.

“It’s nobody’s fault. Please don’t mind it,” I reassuringly told her.

I came to Chile much later than the band since I had things to settle at the hotel before I took my leave and everyone was busy preparing the tour I didn’t bother to remind them about my ID Pass. Jungkook was also busy and I didn’t want him to lose focus so I decided to just go the venue without any pass and hoping one of the security would let me in but I guess mentioning my name was not enough. I had to wait outside for almost an hour before the female staff came to me. I felt bad for the trouble I caused though.

“Please take this pass so you could see them performing next to the stage, the show was about to start” she hung the pass around my neck.

“Alright thank you,” I said to her then making my way to the front of the stage.

***

The concert started very well, as always. You could feel the energy floats like the air, you’d breathe it in, you couldn’t survive without it. That was how powerful this band was. BTS who seemed like they never ran out of energy, BTS who would always do their best, for Army. I looked around the giant venue from where I stood. Everyone was full of excitement, they chant along the song, scream the lyrics out, Army bombs were proudly lifted. Goosebumps. I was an Army, a regular one. Listening to the music and watching the videos of the band on daily basis, but never really met them in person since work was keeping me busy. Until I accidentally met Jungkook.

I turned around to see him. I wasn’t sure he knew I was there, but that didn’t matter. This was enough. Looking at him, at the way he sings, at the way he dances, at the way he tried to communicate with the fans from the stage, made me feel happy, and proud. I would tell you more about how we meet, how we got close and how we fell in love later. For now, I would just enjoying the view. They have prepared so much for the tours and I couldn’t help but worry too. They must be tired but they never really show it, especially in front of the fans. I’m Jungkook’s girlfriend but I never really lose that feelings that only fans could feel. Being both, I tried to position myself wisely so I could do my best to support the other members too.

They were performing Fire when I noticed something was off about Jungkook. Was he doing alright? I asked myself.

I’ve been to numerous shows and I’ve seen Jungkook got tired many times but this time was different.

What is it? I keep asking to myself trying to understand his facial expressions, and looked more closely to his body movement. From this side of the stage, for me it was clear enough that he was not doing well. He looked pale and really breathless. I tried to be positive, to think that it was just me but I couldn’t shake that worry feeling off.

I felt like I needed to go to the back of the stage to check the situation when I saw him wobble during Jimin’s part. I gasped and all I wanted was to ran up to the stage but I couldn’t do it. I hold myself back for a few more seconds then I ran.