When Tao had opened his eyes for the first time, he had not been quite the same as the other guardians. His experience was, in fact, quite different from theirs.

 

His feet could not run as fast as his brothers’, nor could his voice sing as beautifully or his lungs take as deep a breath.

 

He did not understand what time was back then, or what controlling it would mean. What possibilities it would bring, and what sacrifices it would force him to make.

 

He did not wonder whether he would be afraid to do what the right thing to do was.

 

He did not have to make choices that could have catastrophic consequences he may not be able to live with.

 

Tao had prepared himself - quite literally, by being told all the details by his older self - to see Kris again, whom he had not seen for what seemed like a very long time, though he’d been playing with his daughter in front of his eyes mere minutes ago.

 

But that was what his life was: not really understanding the concept of what a long time ago meant.

 

Tao had prepared himself to make a jump straight into a very compromising and dangerous situation where they’d be surrounded by enemies. He was a very good martial artist, and he could slow down time when needed to avoid all kinds of attacks, so he was not afraid of fighting the bad guys.

 

But Yifan wasn’t a bad guy.

 

Seeing him kicking an unresponsive Lamiya who looked as if she was a weightless doll on the ground wasn’t something he could’ve been prepared for.

 

Seeing the feral look in his eyes while he growled, kicking her over and over again even though her eyes were closed and he’d already won the fight was a shocking sight to see.

 

Tao had tried to change the future once: it was back when he was the only person who went on a routine mission with his brother Kris. But instead of doing what they’d done so many times before, routinely and swiftly, Yifan had broken the rules.

 

He had gotten involved, neglecting his duties. He had found hundreds of explanations for why Jessica was not an SM agent, but just a product of the planet’s will to protect its life, like they were.

 

Jessica and him had gotten into a fight, when he’d told her he couldn’t stay for longer than fifteen years, though ten was the most all of them could hold on for without any kind of bad consequences.

 

Tao had always thought Jessica was a little bit strange, but in the ten years he’d spent with the two of them, he’d gotten used to it, or at least he thought so. But Jessica’s outburst on that night was too strange, too displaced to be written off as a coincidence or her distinctive characteristic.

 

She’d told him they would stay on her planet because she didn’t want him to be a guardian anymore.

 

It was the first time Tao wondered whether Jessica really loved Yifan or not, but he feared Yifan’s heart breaking too much to ever give it a deeper thought. He just wanted the two of them to reconcile and stay happy.

 

But when Yifan refused, Jessica had stabbed him straight into the chest with a dagger she’d held in her sleeve, and Tao could do nothing to save him.

 

So he turned back time and told himself what would happen, to save Kris at any cost.

 

And then he woke up in a world where the two of them parted after fifteen years with Kris promising he would come back very soon, since they could travel at a speed close to the speed of light.

 

He remembered deciding that telling Kris about Jessica’s true intentions would not do him any good, and that he hoped Kris would remember her in a good way when they came back after getting fresh energy and he found out that she’d died a long time ago.

 

He’d thought that maybe changing the future wasn’t such a bad idea after all, since that move did not have any side effects at all, or so he’d thought for thousands of years.

 

And then he saw Aya. And Baekhyun said that she looked exactly like the woman who’d tortured him and taken his powers from him.

 

He’d wondered if it was Jessica for a long, long time.

 

A part of him knew it was. A part of him knew that, had he accepted his friend’s death on that day, he could’ve ended Jessica and avoided all this trouble.

 

Baekhyun had to thank him for having to go through such torture and multiple times. Aya had to thank him for having to go through public bullying for a long time, too. And Kris had to thank him and only him for not having had his wish fulfilled.

 

When they returned to that planet, Sehun and Suho were with them, but he’d turned towards Tao with emptiness in his eyes and whispered something in Chinese, knowing the others would not be able to understand.

 

He’d told him he hoped he’d died with her.

 

And Tao could’ve let that happen, but he was too selfish to live without the only person in the world who understood him.

 

When Tao had opened his eyes for the first time, he was alone.

 

He could not control his time-warping abilities, instead having to see the world stopping, then moving backwards, then moving forward, sometimes in slow-motion, sometimes so fast he could not even comprehend his surroundings.

 

He could not get up from the place he was lying on, which was the top of a very steep and sharp rock, cutting through his skin and making it bleed.

 

He probably wouldn’t have managed to gain control or even get up from that place had it not been for the angel flying towards him through the sky.

 

After all, so many guardians had left their bones at the same place before him. Why was he different?

 

And then he smiled at him and raised him up from the position that left him numb from all the pain, and then he lifted them up into the air.

 

And time began moving normally for the first time.

 

“Yifan,” he started uncertainly, feeling as if he was the one standing in place while time had moved forward for his brother, making him morph into something that did not resemble the man he’d known in the past.

 

But he didn’t have time to explain anything to Kris, because Sehun charged as soon as he realized what Kris was doing and punched him straight into the face.

 

Lamiya was not moving.

 

Tao did not worry; she would survive. He couldn’t worry about her now, not when he had to make things right instead of ruining everything again.

 

He would not live without Kris. He would not let him die, even if it meant having to turn back time a million times.

 

For now, he just balled his hands into fists while Sehun managed to get Kris away from Lamiya, pushing him onto the ground and getting in a few punches.

 

Tao would save his brother - he would save both of them. He did not know if he could do everything his older self had instructed in exactly the same way, but he would do his best not to leave loose ends that could potentially cause another disaster.

 

And he would not make the mistake of leaving Jessica alive this time. She’d pay for having hurt Kris, for having hurt all his brothers like this.

 

“Tao, get me some water!” Tao heard Sehun shout, but he couldn’t focus on the man who was kneeling in front of his mate’s battered body, trying to bring her back to consciousness - she would survive, but what would happen to the light in the now-nearly-black eyes that were staring him down warningly, he still didn’t know.

 

“Yifan,” Tao started again, but he wanted to avoid telling him about the future because he’d start asking questions and he’d know something was wrong, and then Tao’s plan would be ruined. “Yifan, we can help you. Just stop fighting us.”

 

Kris sneered. “You know I can’t do that,” he said hollowly, his voice dark but full of some strained emotion Tao thought represented internal confliction. He thought he knew what it felt like. “The only way you can help me is if you let me win this battle.”

 

Tao shut his eyes tightly. How could he tell Kris that Jessica was not who he thought she was? That she wasn’t a hostage of SM, but their leader instead?

 

He suddenly felt thousands of years younger, again conflicted and not knowing how to choose the more painful option for his brother. Was there a way to save them all without causing a heartbreak for the one person he wanted to save instead?

 

Yes, he knew exactly what internal conflict felt like.

 

Kris sighed heavily, like he’d done a million times when him and Tao sat in silence, his head resting on Tao’s shoulder while he fought thoughts and problems he did not want to burden his baby brother with. “Just this once, Tao. Just do as I say once.”

 

He did not know what to say next. He wanted to humor Kris, but that would mean letting Sehun get killed, and he couldn’t do that.

 

He was a taut string, unable to breathe or move or do anything, unable to let himself go to either of the sides that held the key to Sehun’s salvation but also potential disaster and risking not only Kris’ life, but their whole victory against SM.

 

Then Sehun got up, probably having been reassured that Lamiya was alive and that she would pull through, though his face did not look pleased as he turned around very, very slowly. Definitely not pleased.

 

“Stand down,” Kris growled at Sehun, his eyes not moving from Tao’s, “Or I will not hesitate to hurt you.”

 

Sehun laughed out loud. “You couldn’t hurt me even if you tried.”

 

And then the two of them were on each other again, and Tao could not watch anymore like he’d done all this time. Like he’d done for far too long.

 

In a minute, Jessica would show up, flying through the sky and landing onto the rooftop.

 

In two minutes, Sehun would attack her, and then he would die.

 

But that wasn’t what would happen this way around.

 

Back then, Tao did not know that somewhere behind Jessica were their friends who were chasing her after she’d managed to get away from the laboratory, having almost completely drained Baekhyun’s powers.

 

His older self had told Sehun not to pay any attention to the evil menace that would show up: he needed to make Kris understand the situation instead of losing his calm and ending up killed.

 

Kris was not the bad guy here, but looking at the way the two were looking at each other while they rolled on the ground, hands on each others’ necks as they tried to see who could last longer without taking a breath, Tao was not sure Sehun even remembered the older Tao’s advice.

 

But at least they were both too preoccupied with their fight to see the newest addition to the rooftop, and that would give Tao enough time to stall and save his brothers. How would he do this without shattering Kris’ illusion about Jessica?

 

The two of them were still rolling on the ground, gasping as they tried to strangle each other, oblivious to the dark form approaching them from the sky.

 

Tao balled his hands into fists and stood between the two men and Jessica, who was gracefully landing onto the rooftop with a wicked smile on her face.

 

He did not see Taemin anywhere. Had he been severely injured or was he simply a coward who ran away? Tao did not let himself wonder about that person for longer than a second, because his older self had told him to watch out for her, and that was exactly what he was going to do - he would focus on Jessica and Jessica only.

 

Tao had seen many, many places of the past and the future. He had been to a time when the universe was nothing but a peaceful, empty space where life would not take form for millions of years to come, and he had been to a time where the universe was a place of chaos and noise, too many life forms inhabiting it and trying to coexist.

 

His skin had gotten greenish from all the trips he’d made through such long time periods.

 

His legs gave out every once in a while and he could not get up for days, his body trying to adjust to the timeshifts and needing time to recuperate.

 

What if someday it didn’t?

 

“What if I can never walk again?” he had asked, still a kid in an overgrown body that did not even feel like his own while Yifan massaged his legs - he could barely feel the burning sensation. “Or what if I lose some other part of myself? Is it even worth all this trouble, Fan?”

 

He’d expected for his brother to be protective of him and forbid him from ever using his powers again, which would be the perfect excuse for not having to face this fear that was eating him up from the inside. But that was the one thing he connected to the most when it came to his favorite brother: Yifan didn’t say the things he wanted him to. Yifan said the things Tao needed to hear instead.

 

Still, he was too young to anticipate his brother’s wisdom. Kris stopped massaging his legs and raised his head so that he was looking at Tao. “Of course it is,” he said calmly. “Even if I fall a thousand times, I still won’t stop trying to fly. Because that’s who I am.

 

If you stop traveling through time, Tao, you will be just a prisoner of your own body, and that would be far worse than failing. Would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you didn’t save a life when you could’ve?

 

Even if it’s just one life? We both know the answer to that question, baby brother.”

 

After all this time, he knew Kris was right: he could’ve sacrificed Sehun’s life for world peace and if he was stronger and less emotional, perhaps he would’ve managed to make that sacrifice. But now he would risk it all for that chance, as slight as it might’ve been, but if it could save his brother’s life, he would hold onto it.

 

He also kind of held a personal grudge against Jessica.

 

“Baby panda,” she hummed, obviously full of energy and self-confident. “Haven’t seen you in a long while. Tell me one thing, do I look more beautiful in the future?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” he answered, only barely refraining himself from going over there and stabbing the deceiver immediately, like she deserved. “You looked quite dead to me, Jessica.”

 

The playfulness disappeared from her eyes, but she kept on laughing. “Then we gotta do something about it, what do you say?”

 

And then he couldn’t breathe anymore while she flexed her hands, still laughing. He looked down at himself just to see some dark energy enveloping him whole while he heard her sob, “Fan-Fan! Tao had gone crazy and is trying to kill me!”

 

No. He would not let her shift their focus onto her; he had to do everything in his power to make them focus on themselves instead. It was the only way they would stay alive - the only way the future could be altered.

 

Tao tried to shake off the energy coiling around him and slashing into his skin as if he was made of butter, but he couldn’t and he knew that it was because Jessica’s energy was pure evil.

 

A long time ago, Kris had called it beautiful. Tao did not blame him; he was madly in love and could not see reason. Even now, Tao knew that he wasn’t fighting Sehun because he hated him. It was because this witch had made him do it, spurting some nonsense that sounded like something very reasonable and objective to his ears.

 

Even as his brother approached him with hatred in his eyes, while Sehun whimpered somewhere behind them, Tao could not condemn him.

 

“He attacked me when I arrived to the rooftop, Fan-Fan,” Jessica continued in a very distressed voice. “I managed to run away in that whole mess and I followed the trail of your energy.”

 

Then she sobbed, and Tao wanted to puke. How could they have ever even thought she was sincere? She was a typical SM agent they were warned about a million times before, but they were so blinded by love - Kris’ love for Jessica and Tao’s love for his brother - to even try to see how well all the pieces fit into the picture of an SM spy profile.

 

Tao felt very stupid for having thought Jessica would just cease to exist during the thousands of years that had passed until their return. She was an SM agent, someone who did not age, just like them, but Tao did not want to break Kris’ heart so he just ignored the details, wanting to believe things would resolve themselves on their own. And now they were stranded on this planet and they would potentially die if they didn’t find a way out soon.

 

Now he’d still have to do things the way he was supposed to the first time. The one thing he’d wanted to avoid had happened anyway, just like his older self had predicted: you can’t change the future, you can only cause bad side-effects.

 

Did that mean that Kris would get stabbed through the heart in the end? And that Sehun would die, too?

 

Would he stay alone, cursed to try to change the outcome of their actions and never being able to?

 

“Yifan,” he said while he struggled not to whimper from the pain of the evil energy squeezing his frame more and more every second.

 

Tao had prepared himself for this situation. He had thought about how he would act and what he would do to change the sequence of events that was about to happen. He had wondered how he would get through to his brother, whose eyes were closed as he only listened to a snake’s rattling, dancing to the sound without realizing what it truly was, instead thinking it was the most beautiful instrument in the world.

 

But now his mind came up blank, not knowing what words would be able to reach him, tell him he was still the person he could trust, still the man who remembered how he’d saved him from certain death and many times.

 

Could he return the favor at least once? Could he save him today, instead of just making things worse, like he usually did?

 

Even though he felt insecure and small, as if Yifan was a stranger and not his closest brother, Tao saw softness in his brother’s eyes, and if he had any doubts, now they were all cleared up because he’d known his brother wasn’t possessed, just manipulated by Jessica and SM.

 

Kris was waiting for him to speak, and Tao wanted him to believe his every word, even though it was Jessica claiming the exact opposite. Who would he choose, his brother? Would she win this round like she did every single one they’d ever played?

 

“I saw the future, gege,” he spoke in Chinese. He knew Jessica could understand them, so he tried to choose his words wisely, moreover because every word he said could mean a catastrophe for the future. “I saw you happy, with a little daughter.”

 

“We’re going to have a daughter!” Jessica said excitedly in Chinese, now clapping her hands as she began to play with the energy swirling around Tao and making him feel as if someone was peeling the skin off his arms now. “Go on, baby panda. I knew you were lying about the dying thing!”

 

Kris’ posture did not change the slightest bit; he was waiting for him to finish the revelation, as patient as always. Tao looked his brother straight in the eyes. “The woman you were married to…. It was not this woman, gege.”

 

Jessica now began laughing sarcastically, shouting, “You see? He’s gone crazy, my love! We need to kill him before he attacks me again!”

 

With those words, she began moving the energy towards his neck again, as if she was going to start strangling him, but she was stopped by Kris’ stern voice. “No.”

 

Tao did not dare hope that he’d managed to win him over so easily. Kris trusted Jessica more than anyone: he trusted her more than he trusted Tao, which was saying something. “Let him go, I want to hear him out-”

 

A ball of wind hit Tao in the back and he hit into Kris subsequently, making the energy of darkness disappear and them both stumble.

 

He looked up and at Kris. His brother’s eyes did not have a trace of softness and caring inside of them - now they were cold and glassy, completely believing Jessica again and possibly forever.

 

He’d been so close, perhaps. Now he would never know.

 

Kris caught him by the shoulders forcefully and pushed him sideways as he moved onto his newest target, Sehun.

 

Meanwhile, Jessica approached Tao and kneeled next to his slumped form while he tried to think of some way that would save both Kris’ and Sehun’s lives.

 

“You tried, baby panda,” she whispered playfully, “but we always knew who’d win at this game. He always loved me more than you… or anyone else.”

 

She winked at him and left, probably to help Kris kill Sehun, and something inside of him broke.

 

To hell with following the rules. He would not think about the consequences anymore. He would just rip the bastard apart until she could no longer deceive and hurt people.

 

He got up in an instant, and though he knew he may lose a part of his body forever, he started using his time-shifting skills.

 

Before Jessica could even understand what was happening, he was up and in front of her, having slowed time down to be able to approach her before she had a chance to attack. He then punched her straight in the face, as ungentlemanly it felt to be doing such a thing, and before she had a chance to stumble he enveloped her head with both of his hands and kneed her in the gut.

 

He would not risk it anymore. He’d only been using his abilities for a fraction of a second, but his legs already felt weak and his head was throbbing. He did not have much time.

 

But then again, did he ever?

 

“Tao!” he heard his voice shout as he let go of time, making it start flowing normally again, as Jessica gasped and fell onto the ground. She still wasn’t trying to use her dark magic on him, which meant he might’ve done more damage than he gave himself credit for, which was good.

 

“Baby, he- he-” Jessica tried to gasp while she clutched her stomach tightly to her hands, slowly looking up in shock while Tao contemplated whether to just incapacitate or end her right then and there.

 

But then a hand was on his shoulder, and he almost started crying.

 

“Do you think we’ll ever find them?” Tao questioned as he sat at the edge of the cliff, his legs hanging off the edge freely, swaying on the wind. He did not take his eyes off the sunset on their planet to look at his brother - the sunset happened very rarely, only twice in a year so it was a sight to see.

 

Especially since the next time it happened, they’d be long gone, traveling through the cold, dark space in their small ship, looking for ghosts they couldn’t even confirm existed.

 

He did not want to go, and Kris knew that. He did not want to fight holy wars; he just wanted to cherish the fact that he’d learned how to walk or breathe properly because up until recently, it was a very big and a very real bother.

 

“If anyone will, it’s us,” Kris answered his rhetorical question. “It’s a nice place here, but it’s our duty to protect it, brother. We have to make this sacrifice in order for others to be able to enjoy the beauty of life.”

 

“But it’ll be cold and dark out there,” Tao whined, knowing it was a lost battle but still trying to find a way for this mission to be cancelled or at least postponed somehow.

 

Kris put a hand on Tao’s shoulder, and his worries and discomfort slowly started to edge away. “Yes, it’ll be cold and dark out there, little brother,” he said softly.

 

Then he laughed, and since it was such a rare occasion, Tao turned his eyes away from the sunset just to be able to see a much more beautiful sunrise on Yifan’s face.

 

“But it’ll be so that someone else can live in a warm world full of light. Never forget that, Tao. If we can help make someone else’s world this beautiful, I’ll take this fight every day.”

 

Tao knew Kris was right.

 

He would, too.

 

Tao did not want to turn around, so he stood there like a statue, watching Jessica’s face turn distressed again as she tried to shake away the shock and fear Tao had made her feel. He’d been going too soft on her for too long.

 

“You stop this right now,” Kris growled from behind him. “Touch her again, and you are not my brother anymore.”

 

Tao closed his eyes, but not too fast to miss the satisfied expression on Jessica’s face. This was her plan: dividing and conquering. First she’d tear them all apart and then make them kill each other while she feasted on their powers.

 

He still didn’t know what he’d say.

 

Kris’ hand moved from his shoulder when Sehun attacked him again with a shout and the two continued their fight. Jessica had gotten up meanwhile, and now she was brushing off any imperfections from her clothes as if she was at a fashion show, not fighting for her life instead.

 

“You’re becoming a nuisance, baby panda,” she spat, making Tao’s feral side start clawing at the surface once again. “And you know how much I hate nuisances.”

 

He’d seen her fight too many times to not know what she was going to do next, so he slowed time before the dark energy was completely out of her fingertips, dodging stray strands of it as he kicked her legs to make her fall. Before she’d even started falling, though, he put her hands behind her and crossed them, in order to stop the dark energy from hurting anyone when it started flowing out of her fingers for real.

 

He heard a growl before he’d even let go of his grip on time, and his stomach sank.

 

“You can’t win this fight, Taozi,” his soft voice said, as if he was scolding a child, not fighting against his best friend.

 

He was right. Tao couldn’t win against his teacher, who’d taught him everything he knew about martial arts, time control and living in general. His eyes were closed as he tried to find Tao, who was still suspended in time, to pull him back into the present.

 

When he was young, he often got lost in these time shifts, screaming for everyone to recognize him, acknowledge him, but nobody paid him any attention because he was moving too fast for them to be able to notice him.

 

But Kris always noticed. And Kris always put a hand on his shoulder to bring him back to the real world.

 

This time, Tao kept his shoulders out of Kris’ reach as he tried to catch him and Tao dodged, while they did some kind of a strange dance with Kris moving incredibly fast, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and Tao moving very slowly in order to match his movements but not try to win or lose the battle.

 

“I know I can’t win, gege, but I have to if I want to save you,” Tao said slowly in order for Yifan to be able to hear. They’d done this training so many times, yet he’d never thought that someday it might determine the outcome of their battle and perhaps the whole war between SM and the guardians.

 

“Papaya will kill Jessica if I don’t do what she says, and you know this,” Kris growled in exasperation, almost catching Tao by surprise and taking a hold of his wrist, but Tao managed to get away in the last second and they continued to dance around each other, suspended in time.

 

“Her name is - will be Sehanna,” Tao breathed, unable to hold out any longer. If he could not tell him about Jessica’s true identity, at least he could tell him this. “Sehun swore to protect her with his life. And I will, too, gege. I will protect you all.”

 

Kris stopped.

 

Tao stopped.

 

Yet there was not enough time. It did not want to lag anymore; instead it started moving forward with a tremendous speed, and Tao gasped as his legs gave out.

 

He could not feel the impact of his legs with the ground. In fact, he could not feel his legs at all as Kris caught him, a panicked expression on his face. Was he afraid?

 

He hadn’t thought Kris could be afraid of anything.

 

Kris shouted as he shook him, but time was moving too fast for Tao to be able to understand the words. He saw Sehun running towards him, and he knew this was it.

 

“Gege,” he whispered as he looked into Kris’ eyes. Thankfully, they were no longer black; the brown was shining at him, believing him, knowing him. “I’m sorry I can’t do what you said. I’m sorry.”

 

Kris said something as he shook his head in exasperation. He was probably annoyed with Tao’s apologies, but he had more to make. “I met her, and she was beautiful. Gege, I’m…” He tried to take a deep breath and failed. “I’m sorry you’ll never get to meet her.”

 

Then he pushed Kris and threw himself forward and straight between Sehun, who was patting his back and trying to keep him up because his legs had stopped working, and Jessica, who was trying to stab Sehun in the back while he wasn’t watching with that same dagger he’d watched her stab Kris with such a long time ago.

 

Who could’ve known that in the end it would end in his chest instead?

 

He smiled to himself as the blade cut through tissue, knowing his older self was as right as always: changing the future always had bad side-effects.

 

He wondered what mess he would leave them to clean up this time. He was sorry, sorry for so many things.

 

But as he closed his eyes and his chest started throbbing, while the life slowly started to trickle out of his body, he did not feel sorry about this decision he’d made.

 

They’d live, all of them, he knew now.

 

Even though he wouldn’t. Even though Sehanna wouldn’t, either.

 

But he had to sacrifice something, and it couldn’t be either of his brothers.

 

“Taozi,” he heard Kris’ desperate voice shouting, but it sounded as if it was at the end of some long tunnel. He felt cold, but he did not feel alone.

 

“Please don’t go, Taozi.”

 

Time stopped. He did not feel the numbness of his legs or the throbbing of his chest anymore. All that was left was noise, infinitely strong as he slowly let go.

 

Taozi, I believe you.

 

Tao was scared. He was again the shivering boy watching the seasons change within moments as the cliff’s sharp rocks dug into his back and he couldn’t move from his lying position.

 

No, brother. No. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to die, Tao! Why did you have to go be selfless and interfere? What happens now?

 

Would an angel come to fly him home again? He thought he saw something, and though he didn’t want to, he knew it was time to go.

 

He’d had more than enough time in his lifetime.

 

Go in peace, Huang Zi Tao, he heard the angel’s voice from far, far away. I hope someday I’ll see you in heaven.

 

The string broke. It did not choose one or the other side, deciding to snap rather than having to choose.

 

He let go.