Baekhyun was out of his mind. Nearly a day had passed, yet he had not managed to work out a single thing that had happened since the day when Aya had… done what he’d asked her to.

 

How long has it been since then? Two weeks? A month? He did not even remember, though his whole body was aching for a taste of that poison again. But he couldn’t get it - because she was asleep, because even if she weren’t, she wouldn’t have been able to do anything because the witch had actually given him her power…

 

Did she even know what that meant in his world? Did she have any idea how insulted he felt because she’d made him receive something he absolutely did not know, something he had no idea how to even use?

 

The only thing he knew for sure was that the person she touched with her sinful hands would receive a huge dose of endorphins while she searched through their memories undisturbed. That witch. What did she know about him? How many times had she violated his privacy and found out things that were not hers to know anything about?

 

He was so angry. No, he was beyond mad - he was enraged and the first thing he wanted to do when she woke up was suffocating her while screaming at her and demanding her apology.

 

That’s why he didn’t anyone - except for Lay - enter the room, he kept telling himself. Not because of what he’d done to her - what she’d done to herself, if he was objective about it - and because he was worried it’d actually hurt her.

 

But Lay kept spurting some nonsense about her consciousness being far away or something. It was annoying. He should’ve just told him she was freaking comatose instead; it would’ve made more sense than this whole drama and walking on eggs around him. Soo and Jongin thought he had no idea they were in front of the room, whispering about his mental state and mentioning things he hated being reminded of - if he had any of his own energy in him, he would’ve broken the door and incapacitated them both. But what could he do in his present state? Make them sleep?

 

What had she done to him? That was the one thing he wanted her to explain to him. Why did he feel this way? Why didn’t he want to cut his wrists anymore?

 

What was wrong with him?

 

The worst thing was, he couldn’t talk to Suho or Sehun about it. All he could do was sit and wait - which he hated so much - for the sleeping Cinderella or whatever to finally wake up.

 

She would wake up - he knew the witch would pull through, there was no doubt about it. She was probably just faking the whole sleeping-thing anyway, and perhaps Lay was in on it. Perhaps she’d somehow put him under her spell, too-

 

He remembered the feel of her lips on his, and he felt sick to his stomach because he missed it. The freaking bastard, wrecking him like this. She would pay, she could be sure of that. Nobody played with Byun Baekhyun like this.

 

He paced around the room for a couple of more minutes, thinking about the alley and wondering what was chasing him back in France, when he heard a sigh.

 

He narrowed his eyes, not believing it even for a second, because this was some kind of a trap - he was sure of it.

 

When she sighed again, this time more loudly, she took the bait reluctantly - was she going to put those fingers at the back of his neck as soon as he was close enough to the bed and why was he looking forward to it-

 

Then she screamed, and all thoughts disappeared from his head.

 

Back in France, when Suho had saved him from the darkness and touched him with his power, the first thing he’d remembered was her, for some reason he could not understand.

 

Now, he could not understand why the tears sliding down her cheeks as she trashed in the bed made his heart hurt - did he even have anything that could feel that way anymore? It felt suffocating, and he suddenly wanted out of there.

 

Back in Bosnia, when he’d come to her house in the middle of the night to take her to Edinburgh, where Suho said Sehun would be, he did not understand why she wouldn’t wake up, no matter how many times he tried to make her come to her senses and stop making him carry her.

 

Now, he could not understand why he kept begging her to stop while she sobbed, stuck in some nightmare he wanted to shake off her. Just like she’d done for him, making him remember the only good things that were left in his mind after half a year of hell.

 

Then they pulled him off her - Kyungsoo and Jongin had thought it was him that was hurting her - how dare they? He was a monster, a messed-up shell of a man, but he would never take his frustrations out on someone who was unconscious. A part of him believed he would not hurt her, period, but they definitely didn’t need to know about his treacherous thoughts.

 

He pushed Soo away with all his strength, because he could not see her face and that disturbed him - and then Jongin was on him. “Have you gone insane, Baekhyun? What the hell is wrong with you? First Aya, and now Soo? I know you’ve been through a lot, but can you think about anyone but yourself for a freaking secon-”

 

“Jongin,” Soo’s calm voice said. “It’s okay. Look at her.”

 

Kai let go of Baekhyun’s collar as they all looked at the weak, sleeping form on the bad. She’d lost so much weight and her face was ghostly pale - if Lay and Suho weren’t taking care of making her get enough proteins via infusions and healing her every day, she would’ve died a long time already. How could he have thought for a second she was faking this?

 

Baekhyun felt a new thing again - shame. How many things was she going to make him feel before all of this was over? It wouldn’t be long before he drowned. He needed it, and he needed it soon, so she had to wake up before he lost his mind.

 

What have you done, Lu? What have you done?

 

Well, at least they believed that he had nothing to do with what was going on with Aya. They let him sit next to her on the bed, holding her cold, sweaty palm in his hands as her head kept moving from left to right side, her face contorted in pain. He knew that expression all too well - it was the face of a person who desperately wanted to run away from something, but could not. What was she running from in her dreams? Was she as afraid of the dark as he was?

 

When Suho arrived, she was still crying. By the time Lay arrived, she was screaming her lungs out as she tried to defend herself from something with her hands, her knuckles white while she held them on her face.

 

But they couldn’t wake her up, no matter what they tried. Her moves somehow seemed familiar to Baekhyun, but he couldn’t put his finger on it - all he could do was sit there and watch her in a trance while people moved around him, sometimes whispering, sometimes shouting, but without offering any kind of help.

 

Lay put his hand on her forehead, closing his eyes. Baekhyun watched him intently, because he often didn’t say everything about people’s conditions and he needed to know what was wrong.

 

He gasped.

 

Then he moved towards her, starting to her shirt.

 

Baekhyun immediately rose. “Yixing,” he started warningly. Was he out of his mind, that ert? How could he be thinking of such things - how could he be trying such things while she was in pain-

 

Suho put an arm on his shoulder, trying to calm his racing mind. “He’s trying to help, Baekhyun. Let him do his thing, whatever it is. He’s not going to hurt her and you know that.”

 

Did he? Baekhyun wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Kris was his best friend, Luhan was seemingly harmless and they were supposed to be helping them, too, but they just made a mess out of everything while they fled to God knows where-

 

Lay’s hands revealed a stomach full of fresh wounds which looked exactly like…

 

Baekhyun recoiled as if he’d seen a ghost. “No,” he whispered as he bumped into Suho, who was standing behind him, “No no no no…”

 

It couldn’t be. But the wounds kept appearing as she sobbed, as she trashed in the bed, crying and putting her hands in front of her face, just like he’d done such a long time ago.

 

“No,” he said again, as if the word itself would somehow make this horrible scene disappear. Now he was there again, too - sobbing beside her as he took her hands in his and cradled her to his body, as gently as he wanted to be held while someone told him it would be okay, everything would be okay and the hurting would stop.

 

“Please, make it stop,” he said to no one in particular, just as formed the same silent words. “Please.”

 

He did not know how or why, but she was at the same hell that Baekhyun had gone through a million times, and things were only getting started - if she was going to go through the same thing, then she’d have to experience the cutting and the syringe and he could not watch that happen. He could not.

 

“Baekhyun,” his leader said gently. “Baekhyun, tell us what is going on so that we can help.”

 

Baekhyun turned around, hoping Junmyeon would see how desperate he was for this to stop. “She is being tortured, Junmyeon,” he said, not believing the words himself, not believing how much pain they inflicted on him. “Somehow, she is living through the torture I’d… the torture they’d…” he stopped, not able to finish.

 

“I think it has something to do with her power, but I don’t know what,” he finally finished, returning immediately to the sobbing girl that was now being cut just like he was such a long time ago. For him it never stopped - did he have to even see it again now? What kind of new torture technique was this? Was SM playing games with him?

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll heal her immediately,” Lay said as his hand settled on her forehead again - Baekhyun barely allowed it, but he kept reminding himself Lay was going to help her, not stab her or take her powers away, so he tried to relax.

 

A minute later, she started crying again.

 

Baekhyun looked over at his friend Yixing - he kept shaking his head as his eyes opened and he looked apologetically at him and Suho. “I- I’m sorry. I managed to heal a little bit, but I… I can’t reach my power. I’m sorry-”

 

He growled. So he was going to have to watch her go through this? He was going to have to watch her bleed as her stomach was cut and her essence taken away? But why was any of this happening in the first place? How could he make it stop?

 

He would’ve torn Yixing piece by piece had she not screamed and shied away, deeper into his arms as his arms tightened around her. “I want you out of here, all of you,” he whispered, but he knew they’d all heard everything, including the dangerous note lacing his voice. He did not have the strength to deal with more things at once - now he could only focus on her and on what was happening to her, what was happening to both of them right now.

 

“If you need any of us, just call out and we’ll be there,” Suho said as his hand settled on his shoulder once again. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Yixing said again, and Baekhyun’s face softened upon seeing the defeated look on his. He would’ve helped if he could, so there was no reason to be angry at him or blame him. They’d find a way through this somehow.

 

Baekhyun nodded at Lay, at what Suho was saying, at the worried Soo and Jongin lurking at the back of the room, and when they all retreated, he settled her into his arms and lay on the bed as he kissed her temples.

 

She bled on him as he wrapped her slowly appearing wounds in gaze and listened to her whispering the words he’d whispered himself so many times in his dreams. I will give you anything you want, just please stop doing this to me.

 

Why are you doing this? I can’t lead you to the others - I don’t know where they are. I don’t know.

 

She bled on him as he prepared to tend to the next wound that would appear, knowing exactly which place to look at. By the time the worst thing happened, he already knew what her power was and how long this would last.

 

Her back was full of scars matching his. Scars, not fresh wounds.

 

He knew now that, every time she touched the back of his neck, she had to go through all of this again. He did not know what triggered it or when, but it definitely didn’t happen immediately, since she’d left him and walked away many times as he pretended to be sleeping.

 

Physically, he wasn’t worried about her surviving it all, except for the worst thing - for when they’d cut his stomach open and took the syringe out. He shuddered as he saw the same happen to her, but what had happened to him did not happen to her, for this only seemed to be a ghostly side-effect of reliving a memory. Her essence was not taken away - it was safe at the center of her chest - he could feel it thrum because the same thing was running through his own veins, calling out to its rightful owner.

 

He cried with her as they were both in the dark, the ghosts of the cold chains seemingly real around his wrists. He only cut them to take the feeling away. Now he kissed hers, knowing how it felt and cursing her over and over again because he could not understand why she’d willingly do this to herself.

 

Why did she keep doing this? Because she wanted to take his pain away? He almost snorted. There had to be some realistic explanation, some interest. Perhaps she knew someday he’d find out so she waited, hoping to play the card of pity when the time came. Perhaps she couldn’t memorize everything she experienced, so she did it again and again in order to find out his secrets and expose them when the timing was right.

 

Nobody would’ve willingly done this just to be able to make him sleep peacefully.

 

But regardless of her motives, at that moment she was the only person in the world for him. Only she mattered, and he could not focus on anything else. He kissed her tears away over and over again and threaded his hands through her hair as he cradled her head to his equally wounded chest. The scars on her body were permanent, he knew. He just...

 

He couldn’t think. Wherever a wound appeared he would kiss before before tending to it. And when most of it was over, he lay down with her martyred form in his arms as he did something he didn’t think he ever would but kept breaking his promises lately.

 

Like on that day when he played the piano and she changed him forever, he started singing.

 

He sang to her in Korean; he words of one of his favorite songs in the whole world rolled off his tongue as if he was doing it every day.

 

Don’t hesitate anymore, please

 

He inhaled the scent of her as the tears rolled off his cheeks.

 

Take my heart away

 

He did not know how much time had passed - he did not care that they could hear him outside. All that mattered was that she was in pain and i was because of him, always because of him.

 

Yes, the sharper it is, the better

 

He always hurt those he loved. That was why he did not let himself love anymore.

 

Even the moonlight shut its eyes tonight

 

But a part of him was now protective of her - why was her spell working? Why did this remind him of what Sehun used to say about the way he felt about her…

 

If only it was a different guy and not me

 

But as he looked at her crying face now, she did not look anything like her. Her hands were softer than hers, her face was contorted in pain he inflicted on her - not the other way around, and even now, though her eyelids were closed, he could see the light behind her hazelnut eyes.

 

If only it was a line from comedy

 

There was light in her eyes. She was not her and he did not know why he was supposed to hate her anymore. He did not know why he’d ever hated her, why he’d ever shown her anything but unconditional gratitude for having given him peace, even if it couldn’t last.

 

I will burn all of the scars

 

Finally, finally, her form relaxed in his arms as he rocked her, still singing the lullaby to her.

 

Exchanged with your love

 

Now he was the one crying, thinking how he’d kept hurting over and over again the one person that had actually shown him kindness. He told Sehun she was probably someone from SM, because she looked exactly the same as the woman who’d laughed hysterically as she plunged the syringe in his stomach and took the part of him he valued the most away from him forever. The only thing that was different were the eyes, but it was just a trick and they had to keep pushing her until she showed her true face - then they’d torture her until she told them where SM was and then he’d end her like she deserved.

 

Baby, don’t cry tonight

 

She did not deserve a single thing that had happened to her - that he had caused.

 

After the darkness passes

 

Every time he hurt her, the humiliation, shame and pain in her eyes were not fake. He was making her feel or those things, and why?

 

Baby, don’t cry tonight

 

Why was he making her feel this, too? He did not know, but in a morbid way he felt thankful because he did not have to carry the burden on his own anymore.

 

None of this will have happened

 

Because now she was as scarred as he was.

 

It’s not you who will become short-lived

 

Because now, he did not have to hide anymore.

 

So baby don’t cry, cry

 

He closed his eyes, his frozen heart cracking, now starting to bleed. Now starting to feel. Finally, after such a long time, he could breathe again.

 

Because my love will protect you

 

She winced as her eyes slowly opened, unaccustomed to the light, unaware of their surroundings and tired from having been closed for so long, seeing such horror.

 

“Aeri,” he said gently as he wiped the sweat off her forehead, “Aeri, its okay. You’re back now. You’re fine.”

 

Her hazelnut eyes finally focused on him as he managed to dim the light - it was hard to touch his power, like what Lay said, but he’d do it for her. He’d do anything for her, especially when he was useless like this.

 

“Who… who are you?” her raspy voice said. He struggled to hear the words she was saying because he kept wondering whether she felt the same thing he did every time he woke up - as if he'd never be able to sing again, talk again, breathe again. She was so brave.

 

“Where am I?” she said then, and the blood in his veins froze. Was this a side-effect of her - their - power, or was it something connected to Luhan messing her up like this? Would her memory return?

 

He felt so many things at once as her innocent gaze washed over him. He felt scared, because he wanted to be able to be with her, yet at the same time, he wanted her to forget about the hell he’d put her through and give him a chance to start over. Perhaps he could heal them both somehow.

 

“You…” he started shyly, still holding her close and refusing to let go because it was evident she was hurting, though she was trying to make it seem as if everything was perfectly fine, “You don’t remember me?”

 

She shook her head, and the fear won - he’d lost her, what if it was permanent what if she was an entirely different person now what if he had done this what if what if-

 

“I do remember a certain hot guy,” she continued, oblivious to his thoughts.

 

“Oh?” Now he was definitely interested to see who this hot guy was. So even when she was amnesiac she couldn’t help remembering his handsome face-

 

“Yeah, he was tall and Chinese and could read minds…” she trailed off, giggling like an elementary-school kid who’d just had her first kiss. He was not going to think about the real first kiss he’d given her, or the feel of her hot body as it pressed against his as they-

 

“Are you sure about that?” he tried to seem cold and uninterested as his treacherous hand tangled in her hair. “Because I think he was short, and how do you even know he was Chinese and not Korean-”

 

He was cut off with a kiss, and by the time he’d realized what was happening and tried to respond she was already giggling, tracing his lips with her fingers.

 

“You thought I’d forget about you, silly?” she asked. She seemed so happy, even as her face was still tear-stricken and as she clutched his bloody shirt, her own ed and hanging off her arms. He was not supposed to see her like this, with her hair not wrapped in a shawl - she would be so insulted and ashamed when she realized it.

 

He cleared his throat, aching to be able to look at her, to confirm she was alive and well and not wanting to let go of her, but this was cheating, and he would never make her go through something she did not want to again. He would respect her privacy, even though he did not understand what the point was since he’d already seen all there was to see, and multiple times.

 

“I’ll bring you something to wrap your hair with,” he said shyly, not certain how to even act - why had she kissed him? Why was she happy after having gone through the torture again? Why was she not running away from him, who’d hurt her so many times already - even in the maze-

 

Then she kissed him again, and he forgot about all the questions, instead deciding to succumb to the amnesia himself.

 

A while later, he was lying with his eyes closed as she traced patterns on the backs of his scarred hands. He felt ashamed of the scars until she’d kissed each one of them and then he felt his heart skip a beat for the first time in his life.

 

He had so many questions, yet he could not seem to remember a particular one, or at least one that mattered now that she was awake and seemingly fine.

 

So he settled for what was most important to him at the moment. “Aeri, how badly does it hurt?” He wanted to look at her eyes, to know whether she was lying, but he would have to trust her for the first time.

 

Today was a day of so many firsts for him. He felt like a bubble about to burst, experiencing some kind of an unreal memory while he was dying alone in the dark. Was she just a projection of his tortured mind, there to lead him into the light as his own flickered and went out?

 

He would let her lead him anywhere.

 

Her hand went up his arm painfully slowly, and goosebumps arose at its path. She giggled again. “This is not the first time, Baekkie. Your memories were the easiest part to get through - it’s what I had to see before that’s still making me feel nauseous. I’ll need some time to process all of it, but thankfully, he did not give me any memories of torture. He did not want to hurt me - just take what he needed from me and get some time to run away.”

 

Baekhyun did not like the sound of her voice as she defended Luhan. “Aeri, he’d hurt you - you were out for weeks, how can you say he didn’t want to-”

 

She shushed him with a finger on his lips - a finger he bit on immediately, not able to help himself. “He showed me all of his memories, including everything he’d read in others. Since I was looking at what he was hearing, not experiencing, none of the memories were able to hurt me. He’d thought about that before he’d made me read him - I saw it in one of his memories, so I know it’s the truth. He could've made me hurt for a long, long time, perhaps even kill me, because he can manipulate minds, but Baekkie, he is not the bad guy here. And neither is Kris."

 

Kris. How could she claim that when she knew - when they all, everyone except Sehun - knew what he'd done to her best friend? When even Lay had difficulties with healing the black bruises on her neck and her concussions, leaving her nearly crazy from all of the flashbacks?

 

But he trusted her, so he nodded with his head. And then the second most important thing popped out of his mouth, regardless of how much he didn't want her to know about how he felt. "Aeri, I- I'm sorry-"

 

She just shushed him again. Did she know how hard it was for him, saying such things? Did she deliberately stop him before it all became too much for him?

 

He could not think about the way he felt about her. He just tightened their intertwined hands as her other one went into his hair, making an involuntary gasp come out of his mouth.

 

"I know everything," she whispered, "And I am sorry because of that. I should've never touched your memories, but I thought I could just take out a fresh one - I did not know that I'd have to reach the very beginning to be able to help you..."

 

She trailed off as he blindly reached for her head, making their foreheads touch. "What's done is done," he breathed, barely containing himself. "Now tell me. Why did you punish me with this addiction? If there was a trace of power left in you, I'd ask you to do it immediately because I can't stand it anymore."

 

Then he dangerously moved towards her ear. "But you had to give it all to me."

 

He bit her ear - for the first time, it was a gentle bite, not meant to hurt her. So many firsts today.

 

"And then you went and gave Lu even more. What am I supposed to do now, huh? Should I give you a taste of your own power, Aeri?"

 

She giggled as she shied away from his touch, from the hand that was now dangerously close to the back of her neck. He wanted to feel the power surge through his body again. He wanted to know her memories, too, and to suffer like he'd made her. But more than anything, he wanted her to be happy, so the hand would not move without her approval.

 

Never without her approval again.

 

But then she put her hand on his neck and arched backwards, and all he could think of as she gave him power and light and they both touched each other's necks and the power enveloped them both was-

 

More.