He awoke surrounded by darkness. He had already forgotten how that had felt, though it used to be his usual way of waking up.

 

We don’t even recognize that we have something until we lose it.

 

He wanted to laugh at his own words, even though they were so very true. He’d let himself get used to the ever-present light too quickly. Perhaps it had all been a long, beautiful dream in which he was freed from SM by his brothers - letting go of him so easily wasn’t something SM would’ve done. He should’ve known it was all just a figment of his imagination, but he was too desperate to believe that it was real. He didn’t want the dream to end.

 

He didn’t want to believe that she didn’t exist, or rather, that she was just another torturer. He’d spent months hating her, not falling for the trap of his messed-up mind, but eventually, she managed to warm her way into his heart.

 

Could it have all really been a dream? Though his open eyes would see nothing but darkness, he closed them anyway, imagining her bright, hazelnut eyes, his shirt wrapped around her head as a shawl, her lips on his as she whispered sweet nothings against them, her warmth, her light.

 

No. It was too real, too deep. He might’ve been tortured out of his mind, but how could he have dreamed up a whole different world and spent a whole year in it? Things were too real, too complicated and too plausible for it to be just a dream.

 

Had he gone crazy, then? Wasn’t the definition of crazy believing in something that wasn’t real, living a life in some unreal world and turning one’s head from all facts, even though they were right in front of their nose?

 

Now he felt scared. What if he’d gone crazy while being tortured for God knows how long? What if he was never saved, instead deciding to flee the torture inside of his head, where he made up a very good and complicated story that he could believe in?

 

But why had the story ended, then? Why wasn’t he still in that dream-world of his, fleeing the darkness, but back in this forsaken room, the cold chains the only thing reminding him that he even had a body?

 

Even if it had all been a dream - and it hadn’t, because she was real and his heart knew it - he just wanted to slip back into it and lose himself forever. At least he wouldn’t stay cold and alone like he was now. At least he’d find understanding and love in the warm eyes that were looking at the him inside of his eyes.

 

He whimpered, shaking his head and deciding to hell with it all - he wasn’t crazy. He’d just been kidnapped by Kris and Luhan, and now SM again had him in their claws.

 

What did they want from him now? They’d taken almost everything - did they want to cut his stomach again and take what little was left of his essence?

 

He’d die, he knew. But he was so tired from the torture, so tired from running away from his fears that he decided to follow her advice - he’d stop in his tracks, turn and grab his fears for the neck, therefor fulfilling his destiny.

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed since he woke up - he never knew it in this place. Sometimes, if they were torturing him with water, he’d count the water drops to gain at least some sense of time, but the place he was in now was devoid of sound or light. All he knew was that he was chained in some kind of a dungeon, because he was lying on some kind of damp stone, and that he was barefoot and hungry.

 

How long did he have until the power completely left his body? He was weaker than the others, much more so, ever since he’d lost his essence. There was no point in wondering, since the eclipse had happened already; he’d seen its start just moments before Kris and Luhan grabbed him.

 

Now they’d never be able to reach their ship at the dark side of the Moon. They’d never be able to refill their energy or go home.

 

He was going to die.

 

The thought struck Baekhyun as unusual, but it wasn’t shocking; months in this place left him begging to die far too many times for it to be something unknown to him. But now it had a whole different meaning, because he was not the same man that had gotten out of this position a year ago.

 

Now he had something to lose - not an idea that thousands of guardians failed to achieve before him, but something palpable, something he’d regret not having touched more, loved more. He’d spent almost an entire year trying to prove she was a villain; he wondered if he would’ve felt better, had that year been used for better things.

 

If he’d loved her for a whole year, would he have regretted the ending less? Would he have wondered if he’d ever told her how much he loved her, because he couldn’t remember?

 

He’d fight this last fight of his with everything he had, he decided. He wouldn’t let go unless he had to. He wouldn’t die unless they killed him. He’d persist because his star would be waiting for him.

 

Then he heard footsteps somewhere in the distance and he balled his hands into fists. Would his resolve be tested so soon? What would they do this time - beat him up until he told them where his power was? Put out cigarettes on his skin? Or would they just cut to the point this time, bringing out the syringe again and this time not stopping until he was dead?

 

But then he heard the voice he’d recognize anywhere say, “Baekhyun? Are you there?” and he was sure he was crazy.

 

No, not dreaming - he was hallucinating, so that meant his mind was plagued. Was he so dependent on her that he had to imagine her voice in his mind even in such a situation? He did not understand why he was happy because he was hearing it - was he that desperate to get out of this situation that he’d embrace even madness?

 

“Baekhyun? If you can’t speak, can you light up the place where you are so that I can see you?” the voice tried again, seemingly moving farther away.

 

But what if it was real? What if Aya was really there? Perhaps the others made some kind of a diversion so SM was too busy fighting them while she found him? Could he just stay motionless, telling himself she was not real while she went away, unable to save him?

 

Did he have enough strength to light up the darkness, though? Last time he was in this position, he’d lost the ability almost instantly, or else he would’ve used up all his energy just to be able to see anything but the dark void of darkness.

 

He tried his hardest - this would drain his energy even more, but he didn’t care. She’d find him, and he wanted - he needed to be found.

 

With a gasp, he somehow managed to make a light appear at the tips of his fingers. Then he turned them towards the ceiling and let the power out.

 

It was just a small flicker - if she’d blinked, she would’ve missed it, but the sound of footsteps hurrying towards him and her surprised laughter suggested otherwise.

 

He couldn’t see her or feel the power running through her veins as the footsteps grew louder - that struck him as unusual. Had they done something to her, too?

 

“Aeri?” he managed to whisper, not realizing before how constricted his voice was. “Aeri, did they do something to you? Why can’t I feel you?”

 

She shushed him as he felt her hands on his face, touching him all over it as if to confirm he was real and alive. “I’ll tell you later, Baekhyun. I’m just so glad that I finally found you.”

 

Her hands were so warm - he remembered them always being cold, but a voice in his head kept telling him that it didn’t matter, she was here, she’d found him, he was finally safe. He shook the strange thoughts and focused on her, who was laughing as she cried over him. “What have they done to you, Baekhyun? Did they hurt you?” she whispered. Her voice was thick with tears.

 

Baekhyun shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him. “No, aeri, I’m fine. You came before they managed to do anything.”

 

“Oh! Thank goodness!” she whispered again, her voice now thick with relief. “I thought I’d lost you, Baekhyunnie. I thought I’d lost you.”

 

She’d never called him Baekhyunnie before. Perhaps she was as out of her mind as he was, as desperate to find him as he was to be found by her.

 

All thought disappeared when she kissed him roughly. It was as if some kind of electricity started running through his body and all he could think about was her her her her. He was still chained, so he couldn’t move his hands and pull her closer to him or do anything he wanted to, except for trying to crane his neck to reach more of her. He whimpered in protest.

 

As if reading his mind, she giggled and said, “Wait.” A moment later, he heard her take out a set of keys, presumably out of a pocket, and then she moved to free him of his constraints.

 

As soon as he was free, all coherent thought left his mind - he was on her in an instant, pinning her hands behind her as he lay on top of her, kissing her equally roughly as she had a moment ago. She was on fire, moving beneath him expertly as she fought for control in their kiss. He wouldn’t give it, but she wouldn’t give up.

 

“Aeri,” he moaned as he moved away from her and released her hands, both of them breathless. “We’ll continue this elsewhere. Let’s go now.”

 

“No,” she moaned back at him. “There’s no need to run anywhere, Baekhyunnie. We’ve already destroyed the whole SM headquarters - they’re questioning the captives upstairs right now. I told them I’d find you and not to follow me because this is exactly what I wanted to be doing when I found you.”

 

He hesitated. So it was over? They were finally free? But if that was true, then their mission was over and now they had to find a way to go back home-

 

“Let go,” she whispered as she kissed the spot below his ear, making him whimper. He hated and loved the control she had over him; she could make him fall apart in a second and then take her sweet time in bringing him back together.

 

But he’d let her, and he’d love every second of it. His veins suddenly started humming, as if remembering that it’d been so long, too long since she’d touched the back of his neck. He needed her poison, and he needed it as soon as possible.

 

So he listened to her, like always - he let go and started kissing her again, this time not-so-innocently. That seemed to be exactly what she wanted, because she responded with the same intensity, one he’d never felt radiating off her before. What else tricks was she hiding in her sleeves?

 

Her hands sneaking under the hem of his damp shirt made it hard to breathe. So this was where she wanted things to go? He could play that game as well. He finally touched her head, intending to bring it closer as his fingers tangled in her hair-

 

He froze. Her hair? But wasn’t she supposed to be wearing the hijab? Why was her hair bare?

 

“Your… hair?” he started uncertainly. “Why is your hair not wrapped up in a shawl, aeri?”

 

She was silent for a moment, as if she didn’t know what to say. Was there something wrong?

 

He was about to ask her, but he did not manage to voice his thoughts when she gave him an answer. “One of the SM guards grabbed it and it tore. I was in such a hurry to find you that I didn’t have time to wrap a makeshift one around my head. You can’t see me, so it’s fine.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed. There was something wrong, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. Maybe she was hiding something from him - did they have casualties, have they lost someone-

 

His star shushed him again, this time with a kiss. “Everything’s fine, Baekhyunnie, I promise. You can let go. Please. Just be with me now and we’ll figure the rest out later.”

 

He’d sell his soul if she asked him to. He’d do anything for her. He’d cut his heart out and smile as he gave it to her, if she wanted him to.

 

So when she begged him to be with her, he did. He banished all thoughts from his head and let his hands tangle in her hair again, now memorizing the feel of it under his fingers, because this was a rare occasion he wouldn’t get again.

 

He kissed his way down her neck as she whimpered, loving the way of her body moving underneath his. How long would she let him indulge in her before he had to pull away?

 

How much would he lose of himself before he had to control himself again?

 

When he reached her chest with his kisses, she was supposed to protest, to move away, to do something that would signalize it was enough, but instead, her body seemed to be urging him on. She didn’t seem to even see a problem in him continuing - she was too busy biting his neck while her hands skillfully ed his shirt and then grabbed his back, raking her nails on it. He couldn’t help himself - he just closed his eyes and moaned, a second away from ruining them both forever.

 

He was so close to losing grip on control, but he stopped anyway. More than anything, he respected her and her ways, which currently didn’t seem to be much different from the forbidden whispers of his carnal desires. Regardless of what had gotten into her, he knew they had to stop before they did something they’d both regret.

 

“Aeri,” he whispered while he leaned his forehead at the top of her chest, in the same position like the first time he let himself indulge in her. This was a sin beyond any other; a sin he’d gladly be punished for, but he didn’t want her to be punished, too. She was innocent and pure, too pure for a dark, tortured soul like himself. “Aeri, we have to stop.”

 

He couldn’t see her face in the dark, but her hands on his face were so warm - she was a fiery blaze that was threatening to turn him into ashes. Oh, how he wished she’d do just that.

 

“Baekhyunnie,” she whispered desperately, almost hollowly, and it broke his heart. “I’ve been waiting for this so long, Baekhyunnie. I don’t want to stop.”

 

He put his hands on top of hers, intertwining their fingers, trying to reassure her somehow, trying to break her resolve before she broke his and he was gone. “I know, but you’re not thinking straight right now. You’ve just been worried about me and you want to use all the time we have-”

 

She cut him off with a kiss. It was getting hard to breathe. Why was she so pushy? Had she really been so desperate to find him that she’d forgotten all about her principles, or was this about something else?

 

He tried a different approach when she started trailing kisses down his neck, again. “Not here, aeri,” he whispered. Now he was the one begging her to stop. Everything in him screamed not to, but there was still some sane part of him left that kept shaking its head at him and reminding him that it wouldn’t be just him who’d go to hell for this. “We can’t do it here. When we get out of here I promise I’ll make it up to you, but just listen to me now-”

 

A sob crept out of , and he froze for the millionth time since she arrived to torture him like this. He would’ve preferred getting cut and bruised over this; he felt like he was going to die from the opposite directions his head and body kept throwing at him.

 

His hand found its way to her face, but as his fingers brushed her cheek, they found that it was tear-stricken. She was crying, and it was because of him.

 

What had he deserved to be going through this? Was she there to save him or kill him?

 

“You can just say you don’t want to, you know,” she said and paused to sniff, starting to move away from him. “I know you’re not attracted to me, but I thought maybe that had changed. I see you’re still the guy who’d enjoyed hurting me at school.”

 

“No no no no,” he chanted as he caught her arms, pulling her back towards himself. He gulped; why was he taking on the role of the saint here? Half of his arguments were already erased from his head, with the fire of passion burning its way through. He had to fix this and soon, because he was close to snapping. “It’s nothing like that, aeri, and you know that. It takes all of my self-control - and then some more - to stay away from you right now, but I’m doing it because we’re worth more than this - you’re worth more than this.”

 

She shook her head as his hand wormed its way into her hair, trying to comfort her somehow. “I need you. I need you right now, Baekhyunnie. I don’t care where we are - I just need to do this here, now and with you.”

 

“Please,” she sobbed. The whole world stopped.

 

And then he finally snapped. God forgive him, God forgive them both, but he could not deny her when she was like this.

 

He would go to hell for her. He would thank her as she chained him and led him into the darkness. He would become the darkness if she wanted him to, even if the darkness was the one thing he loathed the most and ran away from.

 

Clothes started to come off, and he did not let himself think - all he could hear was her chanting More and Baekhyunnie as his shaking hands took off her shirt and her calm hands started ing his pants.

 

He was already lost, and if he died today, he would have no regrets except for not losing more of himself in the warmth of her.

 

They were nearly as she lay on top of him, urging him on and him complying with her every command. Her hands were lost in his hair, pulling it tightly and making him gasp when she burned a trace down one of his arms and led his hand to the back of her neck.

 

“Baekhyunnie,” she started against his lips. “I need to feel it, Baekhyunnie.”

 

Oh.

 

Suddenly, it all made sense. It was not him she’d wanted so desperately. It was not the lack of his love or closeness that had made her cry. It was not the fear of losing him that had made her get herself into such a sinful position, skin touching skin as they were a step away from something they could never return from.

 

It was just a desperate addiction that was urging her on and making her lose her mind. She didn’t want him at all - to her, it probably didn’t even matter who was underneath her as long as he could provide her with what she really needed.

 

He knew that feeling well. He’d felt it so many times, on so many occasions on Saturday afternoons as he waited for her in the music room. He’d cry and she’d think it was out of some kind of sorrow, when it was him begging for her touch instead.

 

It was a feeling he still got sometimes, though now it was just an extra addition to the madness that was the whole package of being completely in love with her. Now he was just a madman who wanted to have her, hoping she’d reward him by putting her fingers on his neck and letting the power surge into him. But before, he was as desperate as she was right now, panting as she restlessly moved on top of him and tried to get what she was chasing for.

 

“Please,” she said then, and he was lost again.

 

But how could she have gotten addicted, when he’d done it to her only once, after having received her full power - and blacking out from the bliss in the process? Was she more sensitive than he was?

 

He did not know, but his feelings stayed the same - he could not deny her, especially when he knew how she felt, especially when she’d never denied him before.

 

“I need your power, Baekhyunnie,” she whispered and he kissed the tears away from her eyes before they had the chance to fall.

 

“Give it to me. Please.”

 

And so he did. Just like she’d taught him, he put his fingers on her neck and released all the power he could feel inside of him. It was her power anyway - he was only returning it to its rightful owner.

 

But as she moaned and arched her back, chasing the sensation, the memories he connected to were not what he’d expected.

 

He gasped and pulled away, practically throwing the girl - the woman off himself.

 

He tried to get up, knowing she was in no condition to prevent him as she was motionless on the floor, her eyes closed, but he was immediately pushed down by a pair of some other hands.

 

As the chains around his wrists were locked tightly again, he wanted to throw up.

 

This was a trap.

 

It was all a trap.

 

But at least, the next time he fell asleep, he would find out some of their - some of her secrets. He wished he’d kept reading her for a bit longer, but he was so shocked that he couldn’t keep touching her anymore.

 

“Ma’am,” the guards tried to get her to regain consciousness. “Ma’am, are you okay?”

 

He couldn’t see her, but he knew she was grinning, having completed her mission. He’d failed. They’d managed to get what they wanted from him so easily, even though a part of him knew something was wrong since the very beginning. Had he been smarter - had he been less stupid and naive, they wouldn’t have been able to get it from him, never.

 

But they’d pulled such a cheap trick on him and he was so desperate to believe that it was real that he turned his head from sanity.

 

And now they had her power. They’d never wanted what little light was left in him - they’d taken everything they needed a long time ago.

 

For some reason, they needed Aya and Lamiya’s powers, and he’d willingly given it to them. To her.

 

To think that he was a second from…

 

With her…

 

His whole insides turned, but thankfully, there was nothing to throw up, or else he would’ve done just that.

 

Meanwhile, she laughed with the awful voice that sounded so much like hers that he wanted to break the chains and prevent it from ever imitating something so pure ever again.

 

She ran a finger down his chest, stopping at the top of his ed pants. Then she laughed again. “Thankfully, I didn’t have to take it that far to make you succumb.”

 

He hated himself - he hated every single cell in his whole body for having let this happen. For having let her down like this. For having been so stupid. For having wasted her gift in such a way.

 

For not having been worth of her, not for a single second.

 

“I’ll tell you something, Baekhyun,” she said in amusement as she began to walk away. “You are pretty, but you are very, very stupid.”

 

And then he was alone in the dark again, regretting every single decision he’d ever made, flushed and ashamed and so very sorry.

 

I’m sorry, aeri.

 

I thought it was you.

 

I never would’ve done that if I knew it wasn’t you.

 

But she looks so very much like you…

 

If it wasn’t dark, I would’ve been able to recognize that it wasn’t you.

 

Because I know the light behind your eyes.

 

Forgive me, aeri…

 

I love you.