[CONTENTID1]Chanyeol's Room and Crooker[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]"I said a stupid thing. I didn't mean for it to come out how it did, and I made it worse by not saying sorry right away. You're just ... I never really know where I stand with you."[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]

"Baekhyun, what's your strategy for avoiding girls you've slept with on campus?"

"I don't avoid them, Yeseul–"

"Yes you do. Now tell me how you do it."

They were sat in one of the smaller libraries on campus that didn't get as much foot traffic, having gotten a table earlier this morning and spread out their study materials across the surface. Exams started next week, and in order to force themselves to get some actual revision done, they'd gone where there were no televisions, blocked distracting websites on their laptops, turned off their phones, and gone to the quietest, least-known library on campus.

But Yeseul had narrowly avoided a run-in with Daeho right outside the building, when he was on his way out of it and she and Baekhyun were on their way in, and now she couldn't concentrate. Though she'd only been on campus twice since coming back from Seoul, she'd seen Daeho both times, which was only disconcerting because the university wasn't even officially open yet. Sometimes it was from a distance, but she'd endured a very awkward conversation with him outside the English Department that she desperately did not want a repeat of.

"I know where they go, usually, and I don't go to those places."

Yeseul stared at him, lips pursed. Baekhyun had been awfully eager to join her at the library; he'd been avoiding the apartment just as much as she was. In her own view, Yeseul had a much better reason for it, because the person she was avoiding actually spent a decent amount of time there. But the person Baekhyun was avoiding was only ever there when Yeseul had invited her over. He had also been frequenting Twosome Place instead of Starbucks, which couldn't be a coincidence.

"Is that what you're doing with Serin, then?"

Baekhyun's head shot up from his work, eyes wide. "Is that the reason you asked me?"

"No, that's for something else. I just realised you've been avoiding Serin."

"She didn't tell you what happened, did she?"

"Of course she did, she's my best friend," Yeseul said, rolling her eyes. She put her forearms on the table over her book, leaning towards him. "What concerns me is that you haven't said anything yet. It's been 2018 for nearly a week and you haven't brought it up once."

Baekhyun squirmed under her gaze, chewing nervously on his thumbnail and his knee bouncing beneath the table. "When did she tell you?"

"Why does that matter?"

"When did she tell you, Yeseul?"

Yeseul sighed. "She called me from the subway."

"So, right after?"

"Yes, Baek. Right after."

"And you didn't tell me you knew?"

She eyed him, leaning back in her chair with her arms folded over her chest. She didn't think it mattered that Serin had told her right way, because they were best ing friends, and that was the sort of thing you did. Then again, Yeseul hadn't told Serin that she'd slept with Daeho or kissed Chanyeol, but she knew she could be a hypocrite, so she decided not to focus on that.

Right now was about Baekhyun, and why he hadn't told her.

"I was waiting for you to say something," she said, watching him carefully. "Well? Are you going to say anything?"

There was a pause. A long one, during which Yeseul could have finished annotating the rest of the chapter she was on and gone for a cigarette. But instead she sat patiently, waiting for Baekhyun to explain his side of the story. "Did I do something wrong, Yeseul?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

"I've never had a girl run out on me like that before," he said, oddly quiet. Like he wasn't very distressed about it, just confused and a little hurt. Yeseul tugged a strand of hair that had fallen loose from her bun, twirling it around her finger. "I was being a gentleman and everything! So maybe I was a bit drunk, but she must have realised that. And she wasn't sober either, so I don't see why it was a reason to just leave like she did."

"I don't think it was because you were drunk," Yeseul said.

"Then why did she look at me like I was mad! She kissed me, Yeseul, I was only doing what any guy would do by kissing her back!"

"You took her back to a motel, Baekhyun."

"Hey, I don't think I read the situation wrong. I've done this a few times, I think I know what I'm doing. But as soon as I tried to take off her–"

"I don't need to hear that," Yeseul said, grimacing. She'd gotten enough of an account from a drunk and panicked Serin that night, and didn't need it from Baekhyun as well. "Look, I wouldn't let it bother you too much, okay? She probably just realised that she wasn't doing something she wanted to be doing, and she removed herself from the situation."

Baekhyun frowned. "Then why did she kiss me?"

"Just because a girl kisses you doesn't mean she wants to have with you."

"Do you ..." Baekhyun began, conflicted. His eyes flicked up to Yeseul's briefly before darting away again. "Do you think she's really upset with me? I don't want that."

"No, I don't think she is," Yeseul said. Yesterday at Wednesday lunch, Serin had confessed that her crush on Baekhyun had possibly gotten stronger, even if she thought she'd made a fool of herself at New Years. But Serin had no idea how to proceed, and she'd been avoiding Baekhyun just as much as he was avoiding her. And it seemed to Yeseul that Baekhyun didn't know what he was doing either.

The whole thing sounded awfully confusing and awkward to Yeseul, who hated both of those things and wanted nothing to do with them, but was stuck listening anyway because she wanted to be a good friend.

Baekhyun sat back in his chair, relieved. "That's good. She's a nice girl, I was worried I'd done something to hurt her."

"You're doing just fine, Baek," Yeseul assured him. "Just don't go and try to sleep with her again when you're both too drunk to walk straight, okay? Both of you will regret it."

He gave her a mock salute. "Thanks for the advice."

"Don't mention it."

There was brief pause, then: "You're sure she's all right?"

"Maybe a little embarrassed," Yeseul said, looking up from her work. She hadn't been able to focus all afternoon, so the conversation was a relief, in a way. "Nothing to lose sleep over."

Baekhyun nodded, but still wasn't satisfied. "But do you–"

"Do you like her?"

"What? Of course not."

"Baekhyun."

He sighed, tossing his pen onto the table. "I don't know."

It was the most she'd ever gotten out of Baekhyun regarding an emotional connection to any of the girls he'd been with. Yeseul wasn't sure what to make of it, or if she should tell Serin. She was hardly an expert on romantic matters.

"Even if I did, I wouldn't know what to do," Baekhyun said. "It's not like asking someone to go home with you. You've got to do it right or it'll all be ruined. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah," she said. "Romance is , isn't it?"

"Definitely," he agreed.

While Baekhyun somehow managed to get back to work, Yeseul's mind had gone even further off track. Thinking about New Years had gotten her thinking about Chanyeol, something she'd been trying not to do and desperately failing at for the past week.

It wasn't that she regretted kissing him. Yeseul would kiss Chanyeol again in a heartbeat, over and over and over again, until her lips were sore and she'd touched every bit of him she could get her hands on. She wanted him, and it was terrible, because she was afraid of what would happen after. This wasn't like with Daeho or Kiseong or anyone else, Yeseul couldn't just stop being close to Chanyeol, or avoid him forever, or try to go back to how it was before. She wasn't even sure she could do any of those things after just a kiss, and she didn't want to, which made it so much worse.

There was a space for him now, one she had put a fight against. But it was there all the same, making her wonder if his job was going all right or considering texting him to see if he needed anything from the chemist when she stopped there on her way home. There were things she'd begun to associate with Chanyeol; simple things that probably didn't make much of a different either way but still somehow managed to remind her that it was different now.

Which was why she couldn't bear to hurt him. She would kiss him again if she could, but he didn't deserve the rest of it. The stuff that always seemed to come later, after the rush died down. Yeseul already knew she and Chanyeol were very different when it came to romance, and that this would have consequences. She wanted to avoid them before they had a chance to form.

Yeseul knew she wasn't handling it well. Just looking at Chanyeol was difficult, especially now that she caught him staring more than usual, and she wanted to explain to him that she'd done the right thing, even if it didn't seem that way. But telling him she'd only get bored sounded horrible, and Yeseul didn't want to make things worse. He'd probably try to argue, even if only for the sake of arguing, and she'd have to tell him how it always ended the same way and she didn't want that for him.

The same thoughts swirled in her head, reminders and reassurances that it was in everyone's best interests if the kiss faded into distant memory. Because even if she wanted more of him, it was still just a kiss to her. And Yeseul knew – and should've known on New Years – that it was never just a kiss for Chanyeol. He wouldn't return it otherwise, and thinking about that made her head and her heart hurt.

So she tried not to, but it didn't work.

When Yeseul and Baekhyun arrived back at the apartment, Chanyeol wasn't in the kitchen. Instead, he was sprawled across the sofa with his journal, pen skating across the page. Yeseul could see smudges and bits scratched out, along with a doodle of a roast chicken. But then Baekhyun cried out about being famished after all the studying they'd done, and Chanyeol (who'd been deep in thought and hadn't noticed them) snapped his journal shut and sat up straight.

"I haven't made anything," he said, looking at Yeseul.

Baekhyun didn't notice how Chanyeol's eyes lingered on her, or how she was meeting his gaze with an apologetic look of her own. He strolled over to the fridge, dumping his backpack on the table as he went, and threw open the door. "What did we have yesterday? Yeol, you've got me so used to eating high class every night. I'd probably turn down takeout for that chicken you made the other day."

"Then I've done my job right," Chanyeol said, standing up and sliding the journal into his back pocket in one smooth movement. He strolled over to stand behind Baekhyun, but seemed to be aware of Yeseul moving to the green sofa and hauling a cushion into her lap at the same time. "I froze some of the soup that–"

"Soup!" Baekhyun exclaimed. "I can't survive on soup!"

"There's spaghetti bolognese in the blue container at the back," Yeseul said.

Both boys spun around to stare at her. It was not often that Yeseul contributed to conversations like this. A second later, Baekhyun turned back around and fished the container out, claiming the whole thing for himself, and put it into the microwave.

Chanyeol had come over to Yeseul and sat on the arm of the sofa opposite, hands clasped between his knees. She didn't want to stare at his mouth, but when it moved to form words it was very difficult to look away. "Did you manage to get any work done at the library?"

"A bit."

"Are you going back tomorrow?"

"Why?"

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Because a few weeks ago you said I could go running with you, and so far we've gone once since then."

"Oh," Yeseul said. "I was going to go in the morning, if you want to come along."

"Okay," Chanyeol nodded, grinning. "Can we do a longer route this time?"

Yeseul frowned at him. "No. Not until you start running properly. I don't want you to get hurt."

The surprise in his expression was quickly taken over by mischief. "Looking out for me, Seullie?"

"Yes," she answered, because even if she couldn't kiss him again, she wanted to try and be a better friend to him. The kind of friend he deserved. "If you injured yourself, how would you work? It's not like you've got the most forgiving of employers, there must be a lot of competition for the job you've got. Not to mention Baekhyun would probably go back to surviving on snacks and beer alone and nobody wants that."

"Yah!" Baekhyun said, as he came over with his spaghetti and flopped down in the middle of the sofa. "But she does have a point, Yeol."

Chanyeol waited a long while before responding. "Fine," he conceded. "But I still want to go a different way. I need to pick up Sehun's birthday present."

"His birthday party is in two days, Chanyeol," Yeseul said. Sehun's actual birthday was on a Monday, but it was also the first day of exams and nobody wanted to have a party then, so they'd settled for Saturday night instead. T